Friday

Since this is post number 3 in 20 minutes, you've likely surmised that I'm off today. In fact, a four day week end stretches before me. WOO HOO.

I'm in my spot. In the past few months this spot nestled away in our bedroom has become much more beautiful due to the replacement of our 25-plus-year-old covered loveseat with a de-luxe chocolate brown leather reclining loveseat and some new artwork. The lamp came from my dad's room, as did the blue down lap blanket. (sigh) You can see in the photo that my coffee is in place as is the art tote used to store my current quiet time materials, journal, Bible and colored pens.

Our 19 year old, Emily, came in and said it felt like summer in here. (the little noise machine has the sound of ocean waves and seagulls as I enjoy my morning ritual...covers the distractions of the house) Another time she said it felt like a spa - all in browns and bluish greens. The triple window to my left is a gift that cannot be put into words - watching the birds, the squirrels, and now the budding trees.

I won't bore you with the details of the amazing deal on the loveseat at HOBO and the artwork at TJMaxx. But I know that my Father honors the priority I give Him - both in how He fills me during this time each day and now in how He has provided such beauty and luxury in such a personal way.

Thank you Lord for the gift of this hiding place - a place for YOU and I to spend time together each early morning. It is a sheltered cove in my busy world.

Facebook

One interesting comment (of many) that our New Testament professor had was that satan's plan is to get us to look more and more at ourselves and less and less at Christ and at the lost world. He used the example of facebook. It was set up as a social networking device, and in that capacity it has amazing potential for good in the kingdom. So satan is working on messing it up - by making us use it for self analysis more than for communication, relationship building or outreach.

Since he said that I've noticed the dozens of self tests...ie what fruit do you most resemble?

Interesting perspective, isn't it? Our enemy is so perverse...and knows us so well.

Bible Notes

When in Iowa for my dad's burial, I borrowed my aunt June's Bible to look up Genesis 3 - I don't actually remember why I was looking up that passage. She has a Life Application Study Bible. Near that passage the study notes read:

Satan's Plan

Doubt: Makes you question God's word and His goodness.

Discouragement: Makes you look at your problems rather than at God.

Diversion: Makes the wrong things seem attractive so that you will want them more than the right things.

Defeat: Makes you feel like a failure so that you don't even try.

Delay: Makes you put off doing something so that it never gets done.

Wow. I can really see how satan has used these tactics in my life. It's so clear. Doesn't it just make you wanna fight back and tell him he's NOT going to deceive you any more?!

Back in the swing...

This morning, post airport, was just plain difficult. The first time alone, letting it all sink in. I *know* he was 83! I *know* he is in heaven! So...why is this so hard?

Forced myself to grocery shop with Emily. Oh - yes - she's back from Spain! As of Friday night. Talk about an emotional homecoming...

I sat alone and read sympathy cards...that was very good. I read the actual cards - so lovely! And the notes about what Gilbert had meant to people. Amazing!

Started to tidy up. Framed a few favorite photos. Then, amazingly, I made 6 phone calls to pension, health insurance...tough calls where I had to tell the news and do the financial stuff...

By then I was on a roll. Cleaned up the kitchen and made dinner. I still remember how! :)

I'm better. I've been emailing regarding work issues... I can almost imagine going back tomorrow!

Thank you for the prayers. Can't quite say I'm celebrating with him, but hey...I'm on the way.

Good night! -g

Back to our previously scheduled programming...

Sitting in my spot in the livingroom. Journal, Bible, coffee...but having a hard time concentrating. I'm a bit numb.

Three weeks ago this past Sunday my dad went into the hospital.
One week ago this past Sunday he died.
That next week was spent planning a funeral, cleaning out his room, cleaning out my house from two weeks of me being gone to the hospital and in anticipation of relatives arriving...
Saturday was the funeral.
Sunday we spent 7 hours in a rented van taking his body to his burial plot in Iowa.
Yesterday was the burial and the 7 hour return trip.
The last relative was just dropped at the airport.

I guess it's ok that I'm numb.

I'm wearing my dad's green cardigan, paging through his latest Bible. Grief has come in waves, but mostly I think I've been too busy to really mourn. It will likely come at odd times when I think to ask him something, or I drive by the nursing home.

He was so dependent, and his body failing, but in God's mercy He allowed my father to have his full mind right until the end. My brother took home the notes on dad's desk from the latest sermon he was preparing.

It's just odd to think that all that knowledge, and all that experience is just gone... and I know...he heavily invested his life in people, so it's not "gone," ...but still. He's gone.

My prayer warrior is gone. He prayed for our family continually.

And my biggest cheerleader is gone. I walked on water in the eyes of my daddy. He knew my faults but looked right past and through them. They were instantly forgotten. It was the closest thing to God's love that I've ever felt.

I think this is going to take a while. But that's ok. I was blessed beyond all reason with the dad that I had, and the legacy that he has left me is rich and full. I have stacks of hand written sermons, and dozens of audio tapes through which to remember him.

I moved my parents to Milwaukee 8.5 years ago. It's been an amazing journey. I'm a different person coming out on this end of it. And that's a very good thing. I definitely have a lot more wrinkles, and a lot more compassion.

I'm no longer a daughter. Hmmmm.

Funeral

Gilbert's Funeral plan:

Saturday, April 25, 2009 2 pm
at Redeemer Evangelical Free Church
7735 W. Howard Avenue, Milwaukee

Visitation at the church from 12 noon to 2 pm.

Heaven

Gib flew to heaven on Sunday, April 19th at 3:19 am. God woke me minutes before so that I could be a part of the send off. He went so very peacefully. Thank you all for your prayers.

Sweetness

Our 13 year old son, Jacob Gilbert, decided that he did not want to come to Grandpa's deathbed. I was so fine with that. I assured him that Grandpa knew how much he loved him, and loved him back. I told him he had a special bond that he would carry his whole life: his middle name.

Once Frank and I got to the hospital, the night we transferred Gib to comfort care, Frank's cell rang. It was Jake. He had changed his mind. And so Frank went back to get him.

Once here, Jake did not really know what to do or say. None of us do, actually. My acoustic guitar is here, so I suggested that Jake play it softly. Jacob is mega talented on the electric guitar, like not just mom-brag talented, but really rocks the house. However, I encouraged him to play nice and soft and soothing for his grandpa.

He started in, and then he lit up. "Mom," he said, "I know just what to play!"
"What?" I asked.
"Stairway to Heaven."

Whew. How appropriate is that?

So Gib got a little Led Zeppelin thrown in for good measure…

Lingering

If I had been able to script a deathbed experience, I would have wanted to read Scripture, tell my dad I love him, pass on others' greetings, sing hymns to him accompanied by my guitar, and hold his hand.

God gave us all of that yesterday.

A friend was here with me when I sang to him, and I looked at her with sheer wonder in my eyes as it became so apparent that he was singing along. There was no sound, but his mouth moved, and at times his arms and hands. When I stopped, he stopped. When I started, he started. It was powerful.

*We* sang It is Well with My Soul, Amazing Grace, and What a Friend We Have in Jesus.

I have my laptop here, including thousands of songs on I-tunes. I could find comfort in a lot of the contemporary praise songs right now, but it's all about Gib, so I searched for the word "hymn" and hit play. I'm not sure where all those songs came from, but we had hours of GREAT homegoing music. Softly and Tenderly Jesus is Calling, We're Marching to Zion, The Wonderful Grace of Jesus, and on and on and on. I was buoyed up, and content. He held my hand, and slipped into a totally restful state.

I read parts from Revelation - the parts about our awesome God and about heaven. I read John 14. I prayed with him, I cried with him (he didn't know...didn't want to make him sad) I talked to him...and a lot of the time we just listened to the hymns.

Then I broke my rule and played the whole Messiah. [I love it so much that I make myself save it for Thanksgiving through New Years] I told him that personally I thought it would be cool to exit during the Hallelujah Chorus, but he wasn't ready. Likely he did not want to ruin it for me for future listening. He's so thoughtful.

Another friend brought me dinner, and we laughed as we imagined me being here for weeks and months instead of hours. Gib is SUCH a fighter. I told the nurse this is my fourth time at his death bed. I'm not kidding. And this time I know it's THE time, but you know...I still can't quite grasp that.

At 9 pm, with my husband firmly planted at Gib's side, and a friend supervising the two of them (smile) I ran home for a much needed shower. I really thought he might fly Home while I was gone, and I told him that I was leaving for an hour. But he waited.

At 10:30 I just had to sleep. I'm so exhausted that I knew I needed real sleep and not recliner kinda sleep, so I kissed his hot forehead and went to my cot. I knew I could not monitor his breathing, but that I would know if he were in distress. I was just 5 feet away.

At 5 am I awoke to his steady breathing. So steady, in fact, that it sent me into new sobs. It's like he's just taking a good long nap. I have not seen pain and suffering for well over 24 hours. When he was leaving pain and suffering, I could deal with that. But now...now he is just so peaceful and it seems so sad that life is seeping from him. But I must remember the congestive heart failure, the gaping open 12 inch incision, the infected blood, the infected fistula through which he receives his life giving dialysis. There were SO many fights to fight, and now, instead of fighting, he is resting.

My brother, who is a surgeon and had the hardest time of any of us agreeing to comfort care (doctors are used to never giving up...) just wrote to me:
Dear Grace, Dad's peace is an answer to our prayers. You are witnessing what happens when someone is completely in God's hands. Love, Sam.

My favorite nurse just came on duty. That in itself gives me comfort. I am going to leave him in her expert care and make a dash to Starbucks. I've got some work ahead of me - ushering a dear saint to heaven.

Psalm 116:15 Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of His godly ones.

Gilbert and Jacob Gilbert

Decisions

What a day.

We're finally out of the ICU...but into comfort care. As Power of Attorney, I had to make the hard calls today. A lot of discussions with doctors and with siblings. A lot of tears. Actually, I think the tears are just beginning.

I have watched my dad suffer so much over the last five years. And yet I've seen him enjoy life. He loves to laugh, loves to study the Word, loves to watch sports, loves a great grilled burger and a glass of red wine. He knew how to savor the good things and enjoy the moment.

But today the choices did not include too many good things. He is going into sepsis. The infections are ahead of the antibiotics. There were more antibiotics to try, but less and less chance of achieving a decent level of life. At what point do we say enough is enough with medical intervention? It's a really tough call. Believe me, I've come to know it too well. Even at 83 with congestive heart failure, kidney dialysis, diabetes, a gaping 12 inch open incision, and no cognitive responses, it's still heart rending. The what if.

Time to sleep. He's restless. I hope we can stay ahead of the pain.

I did what he asked me to do: say enough is enough at the right time. God set up a number of signs for me. I believe it was the right time.

Pray for us.

Death and Dying

Here I sit in the ICU. Day nine with my dear father, Gib. Nine days ago he had emergency bowel surgery to remove an obstruction and untwist a kink. They removed about 5 inches of bowel.
The first few days were disoriented and a bit combative. That is SO not him, but I have been at death's door with him before, and knew what to expect.
The next few days were calm, and my presence soothed him. Those are the hardest days, because when I left I felt so badly...that I was not there to calm his angst.
Then I started to notice him slip...mentally. The words came slow. I could see he was struggling to form them...I could see the frustration.
And the last couple days I've been trying to convince the nurses that something is amiss...he is just not here mentally...getting worse rather than better.

Today I got a call at work...the first...that he had spiked a fever, and needed a CT on his abdomen to look for a suspected abscess. I rushed to the hospital. He has been mostly resting comfortably and unable to know that I am here. Further questioning showed the gravity of the situation...an abscess would be fatal, as he cannot tolerate surgery. I've emailed the world, said my good byes, prayed with him, read him Psalms... During his CT I ran home and changed and got my books, planning to stay overnight.

The CT just came back. No abscess. And so we don't know what is causing the infection. And so...we wait.

I'm still going to stay overnight. I'm hoping to study. But I'm realizing how exhausting this is.

I'm okay with his living, I'm okay with his dieing, but this hovering in the unknown...that's tough stuff.

On to studying...I hope...Good night!

The Sacred Romance

Following are quotes from the book The Sacred Romance by Brent Curtis & John Eldredge. I'm journaling on my laptop, so I had already typed them out there... thought I'd share a few here.

“Thirsty hearts are those whose longings have been wakened by the touch of God within them.” AW Tozer.

"Starting very early, life has taught all of us to ignore and distrust the deepest yearnings of our heart. Life, for the most part, teaches us to suppress our longing and live only in the external world where efficiency and performance are everything….We divorce ourselves from our heart and begin to live a double life."
p.5

“Our original shimmering self gets buried so deep we hardly live out of it at all…rather, we learn to live out of all the other selves which we are constantly putting on and taking off like coats and hats against the world’s weather.” – Frederick Buechner in Telling Secrets as quoted on page 5.

"Here, busyness substitutes for meaning, efficiency substitutes for creativity, and functional relationships substitute for love. In the outer life we live from ‘ought’ (I ought to do this) rather than from ‘desire’ (I want to do this) and management substitutes for mystery." p.6

"Given the right plan, everything in life can be managed, except your heart." p.6

This and that

Once again there's only time for a "bullet point" post...just a glimpse at what is filling each day.

* My father has been in ICU for almost a week following bowel surgery. He is 83, in congestive heart failure, receives kidney dialysis 3 days a week and is a FIGHTER. While I know he is ready for heaven, he SO wants to stretch out his days here on earth. I've been at the hospital A LOT.

* Work has been very busy. My job is to find new work for the architects, so in an economy like this where there's never enough work, I must keep at it. Thankfully I love what I do.

* Emily has been in Africa and Portugal the past two weeks. I'll have to post a camel photo. Simply amazing.

* Joey was home for the Easter week end. Yes, I beat him in Scrabble. :) He and I are about even and we love to play. He's such a joy of a kid. We connect well.

* Easter Sunday was a blessing at church. I sang, our quintet sang, Shane had a great sermon, they showed an inspiring video of clips of the Jesus movie...it was an inspiring hour. Puts my trials in perspective.

* Today I've been mega journaling. I'm reading The Sacred Romance by Brent Curtis and John Eldredge. Between it and the Beth Moore John study, I'm very introspective and in the mood to write. I long for hours upon hours to do just that.

* My final exam is a week from Thursday. Overwhelming, but plugging away... Need to keep reading and stop being so introspective! :)

* Today was a catch up day. Two boxes for Goodwill, laundry done, lots of reading and writing, puttering... but now I'm off to the hospital, along with Jake.

* Anna is on a spring break band trip. Cleveland, Washington DC, and New York City. Our kids really get around. Frank's traveling for work. Me and Jake are the only ones not leaving Wisconsin.

* That's life in a nutshell. Even in the midst of the chaos that a hospitalization causes, I take the time for a good cup of coffee, my journal and the Word each morning - no matter what. I know "this too will pass." And some day Gib will head to heaven, and I'll never regret the hours sitting at his bedside.

* Happy Monday, everyone. He is risen indeed!

The birds aren't that hungry after all...

We do have a lot of birds in our yard. And I'm likely the only one in the neighborhood who bakes their seed...but goodness...those feeders seem to need refilling a lot.

Well...last night...about midnight, I caught a trespassor. I was too sleepy and dumbfounded to get my camera this time. I stood right at the window and was a foot away from a huge doe who was sucking the seed right out of my feeder with her long tongue. Last time I saw her I was so amazed that I kept my distance and got a photo. This time I was just kinda mad. I tapped on the window, she looked at me and went back to chowing down. I opened the window and clapped, and then she took off in a flash - jumped the fence and was literally just *poof* gone.

Of course after she left I was wishing that I had taken a photo from so very close. Last time I took this one.

So, in the last week I've spied a very large raccoon eating up the spilled seeds, and a now a doe eating and spilling for that coon.

I need to find a discount bird seed distributor. Seems I'm feeding half the forest!

Red at the bedroom window feeder...

Really, you need to appreciate that photo. You have no idea how many times I crawled (yes, literally) to my purse to get my camera only to have him fly away. Red is rather camera shy.

The little round heads in the foreground are a small horizontal grouping of sculpted birds that I have perched on the window sill.

I do love these feathered friends.

April

Hello!
Do I have any readers left? I'm sure you've logged in only to find...no update. So sorry. On the bright side, life has been so full that there's not time to write about it. :)
Let's see...

**I'm now 46. It doesn't feel much different.

**It's still winter here...I think we're expecting an ice storm tomorrow. (GOOD GRIEF)

**Work and school are keeping me busy most minutes. And the little things like cooking and cleaning and trying to say hello to the kids now and then. :)

**I'm at the laptop to write a paper. The homework this week is, "Why did the author of Hebrews quote Psalm 95 so many times? What concept do you think the author is trying to make clear in this reference? What nuance/perspective does Psalm 95 add?" (If you'd like to send me your answers, feel free!)

**My oldest brother is here for the week end. He and I went to my favorite coffee shop, by Lake Michigan, and had coffee and split a Java Milkshake. They grind coffee beans into vanilla ice cream. UNBELIEVABLE. I might be awake for a long time tonight though...

**Red and Ruby, my cardinal couple, are sighted daily from the bedroom window. I'll upload a photo I snuck of Red. Tonight I actually saw Red put a seed into Ruby's beak, and it looked like he gave her a kiss. I am *so* into these cardinals...a sign of aging, no?

**I just did my "neti pot" for the second time today. If you have no idea what that is, Google it. It is a drug free way of sinus cleansing and it works SO WELL. Yucky cold lingering on...

**Tonight I took some time to make some cards. Very simple, using ribbon and stickers and a calligraphy marker, but really felt good to do something a tiny bit creative.

**Bought some new KEEN sandals today. If you have no idea what those are, Google that too. In my estimation they are the world's most comfortable shoe.

**There. You're all up to date. Well, at least on the items on the TOP of my head.

I will try to be more consistent again. So sorry. I've missed you. -g

Emily en route to Ireland

Emily posted this photo on Facebook with the following caption:

haha! mom, the london airport knows how to take care of passengers like you :)

King of Spring

As I nestled in with coffee, journal and Bible before work, I enjoyed the antics of many birds as they discovered the newly filled feeders. I heard the cardinal, and then spotted him in our maple tree, sitting there regally like the king of spring. This photo is shot through the bedroom window, VERY QUICKLY as he tends to be skittish, and turned out so well, even showing the various stages of buds in the maple tree. (Right click and make the photo screen sized if you can!)

The photo below was taken from my loveseat vantage point. Even on a grey day the view is breathtaking. It's amazing that I ever manage to emerge and go to work...

Chairo Charis

Yes, I am still alive and kicking.

Life is full, and once in a while I get a bit quiet as I want to process quietly and keep the blog positive. :) My journal is overflowing! (that's where I process the yuck!) Plus, once in a while, I get tired of the computer...you know?

But this morning, as I was squeezing in a bit of reading before work, I came across an explanation of the general format of Paul's letters in the New Testament. And they generally start with a greeting - chairo in the Greek means 'greeting' - and that word is closely related to charis which is the Greek word for Grace. Thus, it is reasoned, "Grace and Peace to you" is often the greeting that Paul used.

In the Strong's lexicon, chairo (strongs number 5463 for those of you who care) is defined as:
1 to rejoice, be glad. 2 to rejoice exceedingly. 3 to be well, thrive. 4 in salutations, hail!. 5 at the beginning of letters: to give one greeting, salute.

I like that. Perhaps I need to rename the blog - Chairo Charis! (I have no idea if there is a Greek equivalent to 'from' as in Greetings from Grace)

On a COMPLETELY different note, I had to take my car in yesterday - to get them to turn off a service light. My company spoils me with an Acura RDX, and I thank God for it OFTEN as it has the most amazing stereo system. On my miles and miles of work miles I listen to so many good CD teaching lectures, and great praise music. [in fact, I wonder how people stay positive without that continual infusion of positive material - but that's yet another subject.] I was escorted to the waiting room, and decided to look at the new 2009's. The Acura TL, which was a close second in my choice of vehicle, has a new model in 2009. I sat in it and loved some of the upgrades. And I smiled as I looked at the stereo. It had a bunch of little logos surrounding it, (surround sound, DVD -audio, etc.) but there's a new one - "gracenotes." HA. Small "G" and everything. It's the little things in life that really tickle me.

Okay...back to work. Took a 15 minute break, but since I came in late I'll just work through.

And so - have a great Wednesday!

One of those.

I'm loving this book. Our Saturday study is working through it at the pace of 5 days per week.

Today, snugged under my quilt on my love seat, with the window open a crack just to hear the birds, and the sunlight streaming in the windows, I am working on Day 37 and 38. (I'm a bit behind and I have the luxury of a few hours with Him.)

Beth references what has become my life verse: John 10:10 "I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly." I am one of those people who want to squeeze everything out of every moment. I want it all. Read what Beth writes:

Do you realize that Christ wants you to have a great life? Don't confuse great with no challenges, hardships, or even suffering. In fact, the greatest parts of my life experience have been overcoming the overwhelming in the power of the Holy Spirit. [ emphasis mine] When we lay down these lives of ours, God wants us to be able to say we lived them fully. We didn't miss a thing He had for us. We had a blast with God. Just like John.

Jesus offered a lot of life; John took Him up on it. Jesus shed a lot of light; John chose to walk in it. Jesus revealed a lot of glory; John chose to behold it. Jesus delivered a lot of truth; John believed it. Jesus shed a lot of blood; John felt covered by it. Jesus lavished a lot of love; John received it. Jesus is full of everything we could ever need or desire. Thankfully, many receive, but others receive more abundantly. John was one of those.

Amen, amen, amen and amen. I want to be one of those. I'm not going to apologize for it ever again - I want the abundance. I long to get so close with Jesus that I can refer to myself as the disciple Jesus loved. Yup, I want to be one of those.

I've come to recognize that my God given exuberance can be taxing on some human relationships. God has had to teach me that not everyone lives at my pace and my energy level. But you know what is super cool? I'm never too much for God. I just love that. I can push the envelope with Him, and He is right there urging me on.

I am one of those.

The Secluded Place

Mark 6:30-32 (NASB95)30 The apostles gathered together with Jesus; and they reported to Him all that they had done and taught.
31 And He said to them, “Come away by yourselves to a secluded place and rest a while.” (For there were many people coming and going, and they did not even have time to eat.)
32 They went away in the boat to a secluded place by themselves.

I am seated in my secluded place: the love seat at the foot of our bed. I spent a bit of time here with Him earlier, but wanted to make a hot breakfast for the kids, knowing that He and I could tarry late morning. And here we are.

This is my sanity. He is my counselor.

What struck me in the passage above is the balance. They had been so busy with people that they didn't have time to eat. (that never seems to be my problem...) Jesus did not reprimand that - He simply called for them to compensate for it. They were spending themselves on the kingdom...and Jesus knew they needed time alone with Him to refuel.

We do too. Every single one of us. How is your balance today? Are you spending your energy fulfilling His call on your life? Are you taking time in a secluded place for your heart time with Him?

Just checking.

The Garden of Grace

This week before class I went to the bookstore at Elmbrook Church, and this book caught my eye and ended up mine. I will admit: I like the title.

What a little gem. Evidently it is the third in a series, so I'll need to look for the others. Simply about quiet times with God, she tells of the rich sweet irreplaceable times available daily with our Savior. Delightful light read with plenty to ponder. Jill Briscoe has a lovely way of writing.

A few quotes that I underlined so far:

When I began, the little red book in my hand was just a little red book. But when I'd finished, the course of my life was set. The secret was mine. The words had become "God's Gold" to me. All that now remained was a lifetime of sitting on the Steps with Him and learning the art of true devotion. p. 12

These were all on one page: page 30:

Jesus didn't do ministry from a distance. He didn't send an angel to redeem the race. He came - IMMANUEL - God with us.

"Our God contracted in a span - incomprehensibly made man." -Charles Wesley.

"God was reconciling the world to Himself in Christ." 2 Cor 5:19

"I just had to come," He said. And He came. Our ministry has to be the same. A ministry of presence.

Sunday

I'm relaxed for the first time in about a month. The two youngest and I watched Roman Holiday tonight, and I finally sat through a movie from start to finish. I even cut out quilt squares while we watched, though I have not sewn a stitch. Perhaps tomorrow. It's a simple table runner made out of decorator fabrics. When our Interior Designer at work gets new samples I get the old ones. I have enough for at least 100 table runners...so far.

Tomorrow I am home YET AGAIN, and it is such a treat. I used to always have four day week ends, until about a year and a half ago, and wow...this has made me miss them! But I will be satisfied with one thrown in every month or so.

The winter decor is all in the basement, although not stored away yet. The birdhouses appeared, and everything is dusted and rearranged and vacuumed - it felt so good to be nesting. No matter how much I love my job, I'd still rather be home. Rearranging decor and some furniture is an absolute delight to me - to make a room new. I keep wandering into the family room because I moved a few things and hung some photos - it is delightful. There is truly no place like home.

Nothing much to report. Just wanted to get the new spring blog look done, and say hello. I am enjoying Sabbath rest...

Good night!

Spring

There. A new look for spring. And as I look out the window...it's snowing again. But no more snow on my blog...we're thinking spring.

The zinnia is from my garden last summer. I just LOVE how zinnias' petals start small and grow outward instead of unfurling. There is something so amazing about that to me. They stretch to the sun.

Think Spring!

Maranatha

Finished First Corinthians, which I see to be primarily a plea for unity among believers. Of course I found many sweet nuggets, and added a lot of index cards to my pile to ponder.

1 Corinthians 16:22 contains the word Maranatha, the only time this English version of this Greek word appears in the Bible. In the footnotes to my Bible (which carries no commentary, just useful translation helps) it says "O our Lord come!" What a great response to pretty much any troubling situation. We need the Lord to return in victory, or we need the Lord to show Himself in that particular moment in that particular situation. I love it! Let's all cry MARANATHA!

While seated there pondering Maranatha, this is what tumbled off my pen:

Maranatha is the answer
for every single question
Maranatha is the outcome I desire.
Maranatha - come Lord Jesus
whether to deliver
or to carry me across this current fire.

Maranatha please come quickly
Maranatha is my plea
I know You're here beside me
Make Your presence known to me.

Maranatha Lord my Savior
Deliver me from life or death
Whether coming as Earth's conqueror
or to guide me through this test.

Maranatha is the answer
to every fear I feel
Maranatha my dear Savior
to Your knowing Love I kneel.

Week End!

Hallelujah...it's the week end. And I'm taking a long one - four days...almost. The almost is because I do have to do some work from home today, but I'm HOME. woo hoo!

Last night's class was so amazing, once again, and so I do plan to write up a couple reflections on a couple of different issues. One thing I love is that our professor, a PhD from Marquette University and a Pastor at Elmbrook Church, is SO in tuned to what is important. What is important to him is that this study of God's Word is life changing. His prayers at the beginning and end of each class are so humble and he continually stresses that drawing closer to God is the goal of the class - we are to be changed. It's not about "academics," although the class is academic and intense. I am just so pleasantly surprised by this tone, for the Bible says that knowledge puffs up. I just want to know God better. The yearning is growing.

I am so drawn to the Word right now - it IS changing my whole perspective - a true longing to dig deeper. And the small stuff of life is indeed less important most days.

We got our midterms back - I did well, although there's still room for improvement. Because I am me I want an A, but that may not be possible without quitting my job or my family, neither of which are feasible or preferred. : ) I'm teetering somewhere in the A- range at the moment, which is fabulous and he stated plainly that he is stingy with A's. He expects only a couple in our class of 50. Today's homework is to read 1 and 2 Corinthians (I STILL haven't read them) and somehow I'm not so enthused...so hopefully I'll get an attitude adjustment. I'm all excited about the shorter epistles...but...I will make myself go in order. :)

So, my coffee is brewed, my hot cream is frothed (those tiny hand held $2 gadgets are amazing) and the couch is calling. So is the house - which needs to welcome SPRING in decor and in cleaning. A long walk on this 50 degree day is in order, and I think it's time for a spring trip to Goodwill as well - to get rid of, not to add to, my stuff. There's something about spring that calls for clean surfaces and less clutter. WHEW. Hope my energy holds out. I will cook dinner for my family for the first time in a week too - unless you count Shake n Bake pork chops made at 10 pm for reheating... And the grocery - the cupboards are bare. Yes, I've been on overload - but now a four day week end at HOME. Woo hoo.

Enjoy your Friday. I'll be posting this week end, and hopefully changing the look of my blog. Time to welcome SPRING.

Taking Care

Hello from Algona Iowa! The AmericInn has wireless, so we're in business.

This blog is all about God's amazing care. I sometimes fear writing like this because I so do not want to sound super spiritual. But I am growing in Him, and it is quite something to watch from my perspective.

Yesterday I did not want to leave for Iowa until after church. Truly. Everything in me knew I needed to be there to just soak in the Word, give and receive a few hugs, and sing to my Lord (just as a part of the congregation.) Interesting to think on. A lot of people in my slippers would have thought they needed a morning home. I needed my church family. That's a part of me now - recognizing the necessity of the body of Christ.

My brother Sam is snowed in in Birmingham Alabama. Amazing since it so rarely snows there. And so since he could not fly to Milwaukee, I drove the seven hours alone again. By Sunday, that was sort of an appealing thought. On Friday I would have, and did, say NO WAY to the drive, but by Sunday I was okay with it. In fact, I have learned to relish these long drives alone.

On the way home from church I picked up two Starbucks lattes. One for the drive and one for Monday morning. We four had a nice lunch at a quick Chinese place, and I quickly packed. My assignment for class is to read Romans and 1 and 2 Corinthians, so the first 2 hours of my drive were spent listening to the book of Romans on CD. I replayed parts here and there, and do prefer reading with a pencil in my hand, but this was a great overview.

Stopped in Wisconsin Dells at the Coach outlet. Pearl, my car, pretty much veers there all on her own since I stop there whenever we pass through. A gas station is located nearby, and there is a nice (really nice) restroom in the outlet mall, and well...I do like those Coach purses and accessories. Creature comforts. I have a couple basic favorite purses now, so usually I shop for bargain (which is a very relative term in a Coach outlet) accessories. Anyhow, I enjoyed 30 minutes of walking and browsing. Grace refreshment.

Next I put on Joyce Meyers. Joyce preached at me for about 4 hours over four different CD's. The first two were on "Walking in Love," and the second two on "God Uses Cracked Pots." What an absolute delight. I'm not sure that I agree on every detail of theology with Joyce, but she herself admits to not being theological. Her calling is to teach the gospel in a practical way. And she does. I have the feeling she and I might be best friends. Or, we might drive each other right up a tree...we're both rather strong and opinionated, but we both adore Jesus and are simply attempting to allow Him to use our strength in a positive way. She inspires me because she is so real and honest about herself and her own weaknesses. I can relate.

[aside: When I grow up I want to be a combination of Kay Arthur, Beth Moore and Joyce Meyer. More than anything I would love to do what they do: travel and teach women the Word. And write. And study. Whew. Sign me up.

And do you know the amazing thing? Each of these three women have amazing testimonies of pain in their past. Kay of promiscuity and a failed and painful marriage, Beth and Joyce of childhood trauma and abuse. And how God is using them now! Gives me hope. The pain of my past and my present will be redeemed - it is molding me into a person He can use.]

Back to the trip... stopped again in Austin, Minnesota at WalMart. Bought index cards and a very fine tipped scrapbooking pen. Found the most delightful small photo albums, too. Also bought the Joyce Meyer Study Bible. She uses the Amplified Version, and I'm thinking this might be a great addition to my reading. The key words are amplified...about 4 or 5 synonyms are there in the text...the different options of what the Greek or Hebrew might mean. Anyhow, I saw it in hardcover at a discount and thought I'd give it a try. And Grape Propel, my beverage of choice. Have I ever blogged that before? I LOVE Grape Propel.

Another two hours and I was at my aunt's home. It was full to overflowing with their five combined sons, along with their wives and children. The viewing was over and they were eating and reminiscing. LOTS of hugs. LOTS. All are appreciative of my traveling there twice in two weeks, and of my singing. Family. Sigh. I rarely think of all this family I have out here in Iowa - cousins and the such. Blessed.

My uncle's second to last day was a good one. When his youngest son, Mark, had remarked that Herb was doing well, Herb's remark had been, (in his huge bass voice) "I am...I'm one day closer to Jesus." And when Mark said goodbye and he'd see him soon, Herb's last words to his youngest son were: "If not this week end, then on the other side." WOO HOO. THAT'S how to die in Christ. On Thursday, the day before he died, he was in deep pain, and heavily medicated. All they could hear was a murmer of "Thank you Jesus," and Herb singing hymns and reciting Scripture. He was not conscious at all that day, but they could hear whispers of his groanings.

Oh Lord may I die so bravely and in Your arms. Whew.

I snuck away from the reunion fairly quickly, anxious to get to the hotel. I upgraded my room to one with a whirlpool, figuring this small indulgence ($25) had been well earned this week. I set out all my books, and quickly filled the tub. What an absolute delight. Pictures show the waterfall like cascade of water from the faucet. The whole hotel is brand new - has that drywall and paint smell. The whirlpool is right in the bedroom, with a great overhead heat fan for white noise, and a dimmer light. I had brought a tiny scented candle. I sunk in, turned on the jets and finally just relaxed. God is so very good to me.

However...I wanted to read the Word, explore my new Bible and write out verse cards for Juniece, so my bath was just 30 minutes or so. Not so good at fully relaxing it seems.

Over the last months I have sent June many cards, and into them I put an index card with a handwritten Bible verse on it. (this is something I do all the time, and have zillions of verse cards of my own too...although I often give them away...) When I was in her home a couple weeks ago I saw them, only them, on her fridge. She and I had had one Bible discussion on prayer, and I had written more verse cards for her then. She was so appreciative, and gave me such sincere encouragement: She said to me, "You make it [the Word] come alive." Pure joy fills me at that thought.

And so the photos show her little album, into which I am putting verses of comfort and hope. The cover simply says "hope." The intent is that she can keep it with her in the painful days ahead and find comfort in His Word. Her best friend, her sister, died in November. Her second son of three died in January. And now her husband of 33 years (second marriage - both previously widowed) is in heaven. June has a lot of grieving ahead of her this spring.




And here I am. Unfortunately I awoke at 5:45 (sigh) but that allowed me some guitar time (very quietly!) and a long soak in that heavenly tub. As I sat in the whirling hot water this morning, sipping a hot (reheated) Starbucks latte by candlelight, I was overcome with the blessings that God has poured out in this difficult time.

I am weary, my head has a bit of post cold heaviness (hopefully not the start of another) and the day will once again be emotionally draining. But in the middle of this intense couple of weeks I've had 15 hours of pure rest and refreshment.

Joyce and 1 & 2 Corinthians will accompany me home this afternoon, so the seven hours ahead will be blessed.

He is sustaining me. I appreciate your prayers. God gives us all the strength we need to do exactly what He has planned for us. He cares for us so tenderly. Amen.

Rough Week

It's been a rough week.

Huge project due last Monday, but I wanted Monday off to study, so I worked on Sunday afternoon.
My husband went out of town for work for the week.

Monday was good - cookie baking and studying. Relaxed yet productive day.

Tuesday we had a management meeting at work - the three owners and me - and the decision was made to downsize. I had to help decide which 7 employees were going to be let go out of our firm of 30. Agony.
I didn't sleep well.

Wednesday I got all the termination papers ready. Since I was at work, I interacted with everyone all day, knowing that on Friday 7 would be gone. It was simply overwhelmingly sad. Began some projects due on Monday the 2nd.
I didn't sleep well.

Thursday I stayed home to study again. My exam covered an unbelievable amount of material - which makes sense at the graduate level. The material is so fabulous, and I know that God had my exam scheduled for the same week as the lay off so that I would be immersed in His Word.
The exam went well. I was so incredibly worked up though. The emotional heaviness mixed with the pressure of studying was very intense.
I didn't sleep well.

Friday was horrid. A group of three. Tears. Disbelief. One person, one-on-one. More tears. (theirs, not mine - I was determined to stay professionally apart) And then another in the afternoon. (He had been out all morning) An all staff meeting to settle everyone's nerves. Stunned disbelief. Our office is like a family.
The pressure began to mount for the two projects due Monday, but my mind was mush. Then the phone rang at work - my dad - his brother, my dear uncle Herb, had died. More tears. My dad's.

I drove home in silence. No one was home. 45 minutes later I was still on the couch, still in my coat, petting the dog and crying in the dark. The whole week of pressure poured out.

My husband got home about 7:30. We went for pizza, debriefed a bit, and I went to bed. I still didn't sleep well.

Today, amazingly, I awoke refreshed. Bible Study this morning, followed by worship music - practicing to lead worship with my guitar next week. Then to work. Worked 5hours in order to get Monday's projects done - so I can head back to Iowa for the funeral.

My brother is flying in from Alabama, and we'll drive together tomorrow, just the two of us. My brother from Minneapolis will meet us there, where he and I will sing at the funeral. My aunt has lost her son, her sister and her husband in the period of 3 months. Unbelievable.

And so...the blog is a bit quiet. I'll be back. But for now I am processing.

God is on His Throne. He is in control. I rest in Him.

We interrupt this study of Gnoticism...

One can only study for so many hours straight. I've enjoyed my day home, puttering around the house a bit, yet mostly curled up with some good books and a mid-term study guide graciously provided by our professor. It is one page delineating what we should know, and it is quite capable of bringing on heart palpitations. [baby steps, Grace, memorize one thing at a time...]

Around 2 I decided to make tonight's casserole, taking a break from memorizing terms about the first century Roman empire. Once those dishes were done I thought that since I seem to so rarely be home a whole day maybe I should spoil the kids with some home made cookies. (this tender motherly thought just barely covers the blatent procastination involved, eh?) Recently I had seen a recipe here at a blog I've enjoyed entitled "A Work of Heart."

I made those cookies, using the exact recipe except: I had minced pecans so I used those rather than chopped; I ran out of oatmeal, so finished the 2.5 cups with about half steel cut oats (thereby doubling the cost of each cookie); and I had leftover Christmas M&M's, so I subbed those for the chocolate chips. When the recipe called for a two inch ice cream scoop, I will admit, I doubted. In fact I took the first batch out of the oven half way through and squashed them, but that was not necessary...I'm now a believer.

These are some of the best cookies I have ever had. Really. And it is great to make four cookies in one scoop - a lot less puttering.

For the photo below I put a regular sandwich cookie on the rack for comparison sake. Yes, these cookies are large. One just fits in a ziploc sandwich bag - perfect lunch treat. (or, perfect lunch)



Jake's first reaction when he walked in the kitchen?

"WHOA!"
That's all I needed - my mother's heart is full.
Now, back to Gnosticism...

Blessed

Well, just when I was going to find a photo of a crocus or something, we've got a big snowstorm, and the photo on my blog is just what I see out my kithen window. So...the photo stays.

I'm holed up studying. Until next Thursday. Well...I might take a few breathers for important stuff like sleep, church and work. But that's about it.

And just now, as I was reading about "John's Contribution according to Carson and Moo," (the gospel of John and what it contributes as compared to the three other gospels, according to two theologians who wrote the text book) it just swept over me how blessed I am.

I'm very much under pressure (self pressure) to study A LOT between now and my midterm...don't get me wrong. This is intense. But I LOVE the subject matter. It is hard to explain how I love HAVING to study Scripture and about Scripture. I had considered getting an MBA, since Business Administration is indeed what I do, but there would be no passion in that. I am passionate about God's Word. And I am simply a bit overwhelmed with the privilege of digging in this deep.

Later today I will take a study break and write what our professor shared about John 15 this past Thursday night. It's amazing. Check back HERE and I will link the post when it's done.

Still battling a cold. Ventured to the grocery, and now I'm "in" until church tomorrow. I'm guessing we have 5 inches of snow so far, and it's still a blowin' and snowin'. It's a good day to brew a pot of decaf, snuggle up in a quilt and read theology textbooks. I know, I'm a Bible Geek. (Kathi named me that I think...) But honestly, I am so thankful that this is how I spend my hours. It is such a blessing.

Still Kickin'

I'm too tired to write.
But
I am alive.

Two trips in two week ends - about did me in. Michigan was all work. Iowa was part work and part farewell to a dear old uncle. Emotionally draining but wonderful.

A bad cold is lingering. My head is under water.

Class tonight was inspiring. Our midterm is next week...yipes.

Work is crazy busy. Intensely writing proposals all day...my eyes have computer strain. (is that a real disease yet?) Perhaps that is why I'm not inspired to write here...wrote all day and took notes all evening.

Not complaining...just telling...that...I'm pooped.

So...goodnight!

PS On all those driving miles I've been listening to Joyce Meyer CD's and she is AWESOME and speaking right to me. Whew.

Iowa bound

After I sing at a wedding vow renewal in the early afternoon, I am off to Iowa. The trip is spur of the moment due to my dear uncle's failing health. This week end is the only one in the foreseeable future that could work...so off I go. Thankfully I was able to schedule a work appointment with a potential client in Dubuque, so Monday's trip home won't require vacation or unpaid hours. And after Dubuque I will stop in Madison to see our oldest and take the poor starving boy out for dinner.

I'm singing in the nursing home tomorrow afternoon at their church service. Interesting ways in which I am asked to minister - from still blooming love to easing last days.

I'm looking forward to getting caught up on my podcasts on the 14 hours in the car. And I'll be listening to Luke and John - the gospels. I'm way behind on my reading. Skimming scripture is a very tough assignment for me.

Happy Valentine's Day. My hope is that each of you knows you are loved.

Happy Valentine's Day

The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved - loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.

-- Victor Hugo

Learning

As you might know, I am taking a 4 credit Introduction to New Testament class this spring semester. It's the first 4 credits of 40 plus needed for my Masters Degree.

We are assigned a boatload of homework which we type up and email to the professor.

Since some of my homework assignments are so incredibly rich, I thought some of you might like to read some of them...and yet it's a bit too "heavy" to add them all here - that's not the point of this blog.

So... I have a new blog - just for homework assignments. When they make sense on their own I'll copy and paste my homework questions and answers to www.gracestudies.blogspot.com

The first one is The Passion.

So, feel free to read and grow right alongside me.

My quiet time reflections and photos and life stuff will still be here on gracenotes.

Good night!

I want to...

Emily Update

Although my upcoming adventures are fun to anticipate, they are not quite as exciting as our Emily's plans. This email was so breathless I just had to share part of it.

Hola! I had such an amazing weekend in Granada! We toured the Alhambra (one of the 7 wonders of the world, an Arabic palace..SO cool!) Then on Saturday we took the bus up to the Sierra Nevada mountains! It was so beautiful, and it was snowing, which was fun...it reminded me of home

I’m pretty sure that over Semana Santa (spring break) I’m going to MOROCCO! There is a trip through a travel agency for students (that my school recommends), and it sounds so awesome. We take a ferry over to Africa, spend a day on the coast (beach), then go to the jungle for a day (monkeys!) , then a day in the mountains, and then we’re going camping in the Sahara desert at a campsite that is only reachable by camel! So I get to ride a camel and then watch the sunrise over the Sahara desert!

Isn't that just simply amazing?

Colorado! Florida!

Pocket of Joy ONE! Today a coworker and I made our plane reservations to head to Colorado Springs at the end of May. There's a conference that he is presenting at, and I am the queen of networking so I get to go along. Woo hoo. And we're staying at The Broadmoor which is a FIVE star hotel. Double Woo Hoo.

Our industry is a bit depressed right now (architecture) so my job is VERY busy and relatively stressful. (I'm the one who LOOKS for work...) So what FUN to look forward to a perk like this. We're even going to stay an extra day to explore around the mountains.

Pocket of Joy TWO! My husband is going to Tampa Bay to work during my birthday week, and he's going to buy my ticket as my birthday gift. I'll stay in the hotel and bum around on my own all day, and we'll eat and play in the evenings. (though he usually works late when out of town.) Then we'll stay until Sunday and enjoy an extra lazy pool day on Saturday. What this translates to, as I'm sure you moms have already figured out, is 7 (count them:7) days with no cooking, cleaning, juggling... and most of the hours of those days ALL ALONE with an ocean. WOO HOO. I might need to pay the extra bag charge just for books.

So this evening I am QUITE excited about two trips in the next three months.

It makes the 5 degree temperature just slightly more bearable.

Concrete Thoughts

Just ventured downstairs to take a peek - the men are on lunch break. They've dug a trench at the base of the south wall - step one in seepage repair.
In case you think we have an AWFULLY narrow basement, that wall on the right is the foundation of the two sided free standing fireplace above...



This is what used to be in our basement...


Our 1900 sf ranch home is long and narrow, and the 1900 sf basement is divided in half lengthwise. Thankfully the unfinished side is the side with seepage. The finished side is dry... Guess I should be counting my blessings!

Mental [Health] Monday

Generally I am able to take off on Mondays, and I call them Mental Health Monday MHM. There is something in me that needs to be home ALONE and get sane. I'm nicer on the week end if I can look forward to MHM.

The kids were home from college for 5 Mondays. I can live with that.
Then when Joey (finally) went back to school, Anna had the following Monday off school due to finals week.

So...today...whew. Finally. Except for one small detail...

The basement contractors arrived to solve our seepage issue. Solving the issue involves jack hammers, and large hunks of concrete continuously carried up the stairs to the awaiting dump truck.

This is SO not MHM.

I did go and get a haircut, bought new product (no, the drugstore variety is NOT the same as salon product. If you saw me in the last week, I was LIVING proof!) So, Monday will hold that accomplishment. The laundry is humming. I grocery shopped on Saturday, so cooking is on the agenda this afternoon. This morning I had slotted to study. Which is kinda tough with jack hammers.

It will [eventually] be nice to have the water draining properly through the drain tiles. It is an exceptionally boring way to spend thousands of dollars, though.

We refinanced our house - signed the papers on Saturday - thus reducing our mortgage by 3 years to 15 years, and our interest rate to 4.8something. We both braced ourselves to hear the new (post economic collapse) appraised value, but HALLELUJAH, the appraised value is 20,000 more than we paid just 1.5 years ago. WOO HOO. Location, location, location. The mortgage officer told us ours was the only property she had seen hold its value. So many people paid inflated amounts over the last 5 years...

Back to today...I could go to Barnes & Noble, but I'm afraid Boomer would experience heart failure if I left him alone to deal with these four strange men and that sound.

And so...it's Mental Monday. No *health* involved. Time for a pot of tea, some ear plugs AND the noise machine.(the sound of rain that I put on to mask family noises when I'm sleeping early or late.) And it's 25 degrees which means a walk outdoors with my beloved pup is in order.

Happy Monday everyone. Enjoy some silence on my behalf.

Dreadmill

32 minutes on the dreadmill treadmill this morning. Began "Roman Holiday," another movie starring Audrey Hepburn. The credits say "Introducing Audrey Hepburn," so perhaps this is her first?

Totally adorable. I loved the little fit she had in bed in the beginning. I can SO relate. (not to the "being royalty" part - just the "hissy fit" part) Don't you just have days where you want to do what you WANT to do without adhering to what everyone expects you to do?

Well...I can relate. Maybe I'll go pound on my bed and then sneak out a window.

Class number 3

Wow. That's the summary of tonight's class. Wow.

I can't really summarize 2.5 hours of lecture, but I am SO GLAD the guy next to me has a voice recorder and records it all. Then, amazingly, the recorder (about the size of an ipod nano) has a USB and I can plug it into my laptop and download it after class. So lucky me, I can listen again.

One thing that really struck me was that " The Law was given through Moses; grace and truth were realized in Jesus Christ." (John 1:17) Our prof was so into this thought he was almost glowing, or close to tears, or something. He pointed out that these twins - grace and truth - are what differentiate us as followers of Christ. So many people err on the side of grace and forget the truth of God's word. But so many err on the side of truth and do not give grace to people. Jesus perfectly embodied both, and both are so necessary in order to draw others to God. He challenged us to see what our bent is, and then to consciously work on incorporating more of the other twin. Jesus is the only one who could work them in perfect harmony, but we can get closer and closer to balance as we draw closer to Him.

This was such a succinct description of what I see all around me. I have friends who tend to hammer things home, and show so little flexibility for the humanity of people. And I have friends who tiptoe all over the place because the truth might offend someone. And then of course there's me. Ironically, Grace's dominant twin is truth, not grace. But as I age this is indeed softening. Perhaps more as I've been taught (the hard way) how weak and susceptible I am. Realizing my own susceptibility allows me to extend so much more grace. And then I can err on the side of fearing that I may offend someone with Truth...sigh... I have a long long way to go to get to any sort of balance.

Well, if I can ever figure out how to express it, I'd LOVE to share the discussion about the Pharisees and the Sadduccees and how we as Christians are still like them in so many ways... but that's for another day.

Whew. I love this class.

He did not have a chance to print out our homework assignment...so...it will be emailed. I am SO disappointed...I'm not kidding...I can't wait to dive back in, and I fear He might not get it emailed out til Monday. Sigh.

For now I will go play one more word in Scrabble on the dreaded Facebook, and then it's time to hit the hay. Thankfully I can sleep in a bit tomorrow. (fabulous flexible job)

G'night!

Facebook

As you know, I'm kind of bored a lot of the time, so I thought I'd open a Facebook page...

WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?!?

Well, actually, HERE is what I was thinking: Emily has a facebook page, and she is uploading photos of Spain to it, and ...I wanted to see those photos...

So I thought I'd just add a teensy bit of information.

Like my high school, college, a photo of me.

WELL. That's when people from my past started crawling out of the wood work. I am now in contact with a friend from 10 years ago who moved to Colorado, and a couple friends from my high school youth group...one in South Dakota and one in Florida. The whole church has found me, and a few people from our old church.

Then a blogger hoped to see some photos of my family...so I added that album...

Now I found out there is SCRABBLE on facebook. Oh dear. I'm going to have to quit my job.

Or quit sleeping.

Sigh. What a world this is!

By the way, for those of you on the blog AND facebook, please don't post about the blog on there. It's not public, and I don't really want it to be. Thanks.

Beddy Bye

Just a quick HELLO before I'm off to bed.

I had half the day off work today, but somehow it slipped away. Thankfully I've had a very productive few days, and I'm feeling *sort of* sane.

The bedroom is in order. That's a large part of the definition of SANE for me. The desk movement led to the shelf movement which led to the...you get the drift. And pretty soon I had a big pile of displaced STUFF to deal with. Plus my [heavenly]walk in closet looked like a bomb had hit. (I've discovered it's a GREAT spot to hide stuff I don't feel like dealing with...that is until it's no longer "walk in.") Spent an hour on that last night. Today I put away laundry and piles of "basement" and "kitchen," (I put things in piles so I'm not running back and forth dozens of times...but...sometimes the piles grow roots...)Anyhow, the bedroom is sane. A place for everything and everything in its place. My hub is out of town for the week, so that helps...I can sort and pile and work into the night...

Laundry is done AND put away. That's accomplishment.

There's food for the next two evenings already made, and three lunches for each child in the fridge. Woo hoo.

The sink is empty.

My bathroom is clean, as is the kitchen floor, thanks to Anna who was off school today. (and needed money...)

My homework is about 75 percent done. I have to email it by midnight Wednesday. It's 7 pages so far. Two of the questions required 600 word answers. Yipes. Thankfully I am old and wise and started right in on this two week huge assignment. (the prof was on vacation this past week, so we had no class but got MEGA assignments) I'm loving it but whoa...it's a lot of work. I just love the reading though. I'm feeling stretched.

Stopped by the nursing home on my way home from work. That easily falls through the cracks as well, (sigh)so I'm glad I fit it in.

So... life is relatively calm. I'm headed to bed for 7 hours and then I'll be up and at it.

I am thanking God OFTEN for energy and health. Oh...almost forgot to brag that I did 34 minutes on the treadmill today too. Why 34? That's how much time was left in Audry Hepburn's "Sabrina." What a sweet sweet movie, and a lovely way to make exercise time pass quickly. Next up: "Roman Holiday." A tiny 13 inch tv on a bookshelf makes ALL the difference!

Well, g'night! I hope your week is productive as well!

Gifts

At church today a number of ladies thanked me again for my blog, and said they read it often. What fun. I love to write, and this truly has become a challenge for me. And I LOVE challenges.

One dear sister brought me two gifts today. Such a delightful surprise. She and I had discussed her mixed media art before, but I had never seen it. Artful Blogger, the magazine, is full of photos of mixed media art, and what always impresses me is the TIME involved. Being a quilter, and a putzer in other media, I know that creative expression is time consuming. But handmade gifts can't be beat, can they? They are filled with love. The gift of someone's time.

She handed me the first fluff of tissue and said that she knew I was a lover of birds. (indeed!) And inside was this very unique bluebird. Just LOOK at the detail! That nose is hand stitched, and that face is hand painted. The body is fabric...with a feather boa no less. Unbelievable!

The other gift is a papier mache cupcake! Scrabble tiles spell out "WORDS." On the hat is my name on one side , and favorite words, hope and joy, on the other. The details are astonishing.

Two other words are spelled out with baby bracelet beads: lexophile and logophile. Lover of words. Sigh.

Such happy little additions to the decor, and one of a kind unique tokens of affection. She saw the cupcake idea in a magazine, and she spent her time with ME in mind. Isn't that just amazing?

There's not ONE calorie in that cupcake, either. Thank you, Jacqueline!

wordle

There's a website entitled Wordle where you can put in a text, and it creates art from it, with the most used words being the larger ones. You can play with it here.

I copied and pasted Psalm 103, my favorite Psalm, from the new American Standard Version, and this is what I got.


Kinda cool, eh?

Comments...once again

I've removed the little white envelope from each post. You could have used that to forward a blog post to someone's email. Problem is I was getting comments sent via that link...easily confusing.

So...to leave a comment...just click on the blue word *COMMENTS* and type away!

Thanks!

Good Fortune

My fortune cookie held the following today:

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.

Be Proactive

Blogging on my lunch hour at work. This morning I've been reviewing my 2008 datebook to make sure I transferred everything necessary. I tend to take a lot of notes in my Fr@nklin C0vey planner, and upgraded for 2009 from two-pages-per-week to one-page-per-day. Keeping track of information is a major part of my work day. I'm in the process of putting together an excel spreadsheet of information - leads, projects, contractors, in-office projects, in-office managers and their projects...blah blah blah. So far the spreadsheet has 11 tabs - and using it for the last 2 months has been SUCH a relief. When someone walks into my office to tell me the latest I open the right part and type it in. I'm tired of the paper trail and the constant search for where I wrote what. And yet I learn by taking notes - that is how I retain information.

I am very organized, by the way. And a perfectionist. So very organized is still not...perfectly organized.

ANYHOW, in last year's date book there is a "Be Proactive" section that I just tore out, and I think I'll play with. It's a couple pages dedicated to helping you identify what is important to you, and then break it down into steps which move you closer to your goal. It's succinct. It's journal -ly. I like it. (It's also blank...never really noticed it before. There's one in this year's datebook as well.) (But perfectionists don't just jump into THIS year's record when they can doodle on last year's...)

The last page is about renewal. "Balance your renewal in the four areas of your life: Physical, Social/Emotional, Mental and Spiritual." Each of the four areas has suggestions for renewal.

I'll post more on this later, but I'm quite pleased to assess that I have attained some balance. I do do the things that are important to me. And I'm learning to say no to what I *could* do but feel no passion about. (IE Just said no to a school committee to organize a golf outing. Could. Do I want to have those meetings on my schedule? Nope.) I was just asked to be on a professional board, and I did not blurt out SURE. I asked, instead, for the complete job description including estimated time commitment each week. I'm learning...slowly. You can't train a people-pleasing extrovert very quickly you know.

I'll write more on this as I putter with it. There's always room for improvement. But at age 45 it's sort of nice to take a moment to evaluate, and to actually see growth. And some semblance of balance. That's a gift I've given myself, and I'm so glad.

Humbled

Do you ever feel used? Or like no one really cares about you, but rather only what you can do for them?

Part of my homework is to read through the Gospel of Mark. So I've been struggling through it. It's a struggle because I am used to chewing on a verse at a time, or maybe a passage, but not on chapters upon chapters. This is very good for me - to see the context - to see it as a whole.

Anyhow, I was just *stung* by some verses in Mark 10. Jesus has chosen 12 disciples, and they have seen Him do amazing things, and He has taught them of God and of God's kingdom. They have the opportunity of the ages - they are walking with the Messiah. Three of them seem especially close to Jesus - James, John and Peter. They get the backstage passes to events like the healing of Jairus' daughter, (Mark 5:37) and the transfiguration. (Mark 9:2) They are the closest of the close. His inner circle.

So here in Chapter 10 Jesus shares with the twelve, as they walk towards Jerusalem, that He is about to be delivered, condemned, handed over, mocked, spit upon, scourged and killed. He must have been agonizing with each step. He was obeying to the point of death, and knowingly walking into the hands of the executioners.

In verse 35, James and John, two of the closest to Him, ask Jesus for a favor. This is DIRECTLY after He has shared His dread. He asks them what they want. And they ask to sit on each side of Him in heaven.

This hit me hard. It stings. Jesus has taught them painstakingly, showed them miracles, given them the power to throw out demons and heal, and now He has shared the sorrow of His heart. And what are they concerned about? Their positions. What's in it for me?!?

And of course, whenever we see stupidity modeled by humans in the Word, we can see how we ourselves might have done the same thing. It's so humbling, isn't it?

Sigh.

Spain Update #1

Received our first email from Emily this morning, and she sounds awfully happy! I hope we get her back some day! I only x'd out her senora's name, and her last paragraph which was full of personal info. Anyhow, here's her update. Since I included you all in the worry part, I thought I should let you know she sounds great.

Hey! I had my first class today! And now I have a break for two hours before my next class..so i'm in "la biblioteca" (library) catching up on email and facebook and uploading my pictures. I'll attach a couple "fotos" for you too :). I am LOVING spain so far! I've met some really cool girls, and we've done a lot of exploring in Sevilla already. One day we toured the Cathedral and the Palace of Alcazar. They were both so beautiful, and I took lots of pictures! This weekend (Friday and Saturday night) I went out to some bars and clubs with friends. It's so weird being old enough to do that! But it was really fun. I had Sangria, which was muy deliciosa, and I talked to a lot of Spanish people. I'm really excited because I met four Christian girls and we had a little Bible study yesterday, since it was Sunday and we couldn't really go to church. It was a beautiful day (60's and sunny) so we met down by the river and just sat in the sun and relaxed and talked most of the afternoon. Then we went to the Plaza for some "helado" (ice cream) which was really good! The Spanish lifestyle is so different here than in the US, and I love it! Everything is so relaxed and everyone is so nice. We eat on a kind of weird schedule too...a tiny breakfast of toast or fruit and coffee at like 9, then we don't eat again until "el almuerzo" at like 2:30 or 3:00, and then "la cena" (dinner) is at 8:30 or 9 pm. It's REALLY important to be home on time for meals because they value meal times with the family so much. Sevilla is known to be an outdoor city, which is really cool, and a lot of families meet at the parks, plazas, or the river for lunch. Around 2:30 or 3:00 the streets and plazas get really busy because the dads come from work to meet the moms and kids for lunch. And the Spanish children are so beautiful! They wear such nice clothes too...little briches and tights and sweaters and peacoats. I love people watching here :) After lunch everyone takes a "siesta" (nap) and all of the stores close for an hour or two. I love siesta because I have time to relax, unwind, read, journal, or whatever. Today I have class until 3:30 so my senora packed me a little "pocadillo" (bag lunch). And by the way, my senora is CRAZY, but really funny. Her name is xx, she's probably about 60, kind of a bigger woman, and really loud and outspoken. And doesn't speak a word of English, which has actually been good because it forces me to speak Spanish and I feel like I'm already learning more.

The Desk

There's still a pile of things to sort as I rearrange the entire bedroom, but here's the desk area so far.

On the wall is an old printer's drawer, filled with rubber stamps. On top is the word "Inspire." Behind the chair is a calligraphy of Proverbs 31.

This is my little corner of the world, filled with creative tools and items which evoke happy memories. I'm loving it.

Comments

A dear friend told me today how much she loves reading my blog. Another asked for the address again cuz she lost it during computer issues. It's quite amazing to think that journaling here instead of on paper can encourage someone else. Do you know that when I am doing things now I'm actually wondering how I can write about it? That is weird, isn't it?

Do you know what feeds bloggers? Comments. Really. And so here I am blatantly asking for you to say HELLO now and then, and tell me what you've enjoyed. I know that I am not alone in this, for I read it all over the blog world. "Will blog for comments."

I'd LOVE to hear from you. I've changed the comment process to make it easier. And you don't need your own google account...just use ANONYMOUS and then sign your first name, or your initials, so I know who you are!

Thank you in advance. (That phrase makes me smirk because my college Writing for Business prof prohibited its use in business letters...)

Seeya.

Just Do It

In cleaning out papers yesterday, part of moving into the desk, I found my personality profile. I am an ESFJ.

Guardians of birthdays, holidays and celebrations, ESFJs are generous entertainers. They enjoy and joyfully observe traditions and are liberal in giving, especially where custom prescribes.

All else being equal, ESFJs enjoy being in charge. They see problems clearly and delegate easily, work hard and play with zest. ... ESFJs are easily wounded. And when wounded, their emotions will not be contained. They by nature "wear their hearts on their sleeves, " often exuding warmth and bonhomie, but not infrequently boiling over with the vexation of their souls.

I truly hate to think that I can be so easily classified, but that is SPOT ON. Those words describe me to a T. Love me or leave me.

I am a delegator to the nth degree. But I am also a perfectionist, and THAT is an interesting combination. Take the kitchen cabinets, for example. (stay with me...)

We have old cabinets. I live with 5 slobs people, and so these old cabinets get gooey. I'm afraid to wash them down too much cuz they are...old. I delegate much of the cleaning, and my girls get paid beaucoup bucks to finish my list of chores each week. It works out well both ways - they actually ask for the lists to earn money. They clean quite well, except that everyone seems afraid of the cabinets. Neither girl gets that far on the list. And the goo-iness makes me nutty. The job looks too big. We have a LOT of wood in this house and somehow if I do one area the perfectionist in me thinks I need to continue to completion.

Thus the title. Just do it. Every once in a while I become a white tornado. There is nothing pleasant about it. I just attack, and if you are in my way you will get bleached, cleaned, scrubbed and polished. Best just steer clear. The five I live with know the warning signs. Take cover.

Well, I've been in a cleaning funk. A bit blue. Introspective. I needed a nudge. There is a mess in every direction - one of those kind of moods. So I took yesterday OFF...puttering in my new desk, doing homework, snoozing, reading, watching a movie...that sort of day. It was lingering well into the evening when...

Jake started throwing up. In trying to get to the kitchen sink he managed to throw up ON and IN the cabinets. ewwwwwww. My husband is a really good first responder, so he did the major clean up because truly, I would have been barfing in all the other directions. I had a bad case of the blue funk yesterday, and I don't think I even came to the kitchen. I comforted Jake, and my husband did the mess control. (Which was fine by him, by the way. He knows I am not lazy, and that my part would come...)

Today, after church, the thought of the germs, and what my husband calls clean compared to what I call clean (voila Mrs. Perfectionist) ...well...watch out. The tornado arrived.

The entire kitchen is bleached. I wiped down every cabinet. And then I put on a mega coat of Liquid Gold cleaner and preservative. The wood is gleaming. In fact, I don't think food *could* stick to my cabinets at the moment...it would slide right off. I bleached the knife block as that was hit DEAD ON in my son's eruption. I crawled under the sink and organized and cleaned all surfaces. For some odd reason I cleaned out the pantry, even though that is no where near the target zone. Like I said...tornado.

Do you know how long it took me? About 1.5 hours. I have fretted about those cabinets for 10 hours. I have begged and bribed my girls to do them for at least 2 hours. I have been bothered by them for days at a time. 1.5 hours.

Just do it. That's today's challenge. Find something that is bugging you, and, just DO it.

Oh...I also put out the valentine placemats on the sparkly clean glass table. Why? Cuz I'm the guardian of holidays and traditions...see above.

Pray for these Babies

Two bloggers have babies in dire need of prayer. No, I don't know either of them in real life. (IRL)

Brayden is here.

Harper is here. Evidently Harper's grandpa is a blogging pastor, and his blog is here.


The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much. James 5:16

Snug as a Bug

Quickie post...I'm studying in a quiet house. My hub left to take our oldest son back to college (80 miles) and our younger son went with them. Anna is in the lower level studying for finals, and getting her room set up for the semester. (She shares a large room with Emily, and Emily left a bit of a mess in her wake...)

I am snug as a bug at the desk. In a morning grocery run to a deep discount grocer (getting back to school groceries for Joe) I bought an oscillating ceramic heater (with auto shut off) and six red roses. So now I'm toasty warm, and there is natural beauty and aroma right here next to me. The heater also provides white noise, as Anna's room (and music) is directly below.

It's all the way up to 19 degrees today, but it's still nice to be toasty here in my quiet place.