Tinkerbell

Our 16 year old was one of the birthday girls at a shared "Sweet 16" party tonight. The party was held at her friend's house, so we supplied the cake and the pizza. Since the theme was Disney Characters, we chose a cake full of Disney Princesses.

Our Anna dressed as Tinkerbell. Imagine my surprise when Anna gave me my list this morning. She asked me to pick up: 1. Cake ( preordered) 2. Pantyhose 3. Wings (!!!) and 4. a gift card for her friend.

Happily, my local Walgreens stocks wings this time of year. Who knew?

Good News

The CT yesterday showed an "atypical hemangioma" in my liver. In English, that is a clump of blood vessels. I will need to go back in 6 months for another scan to see if it is "stable," but otherwise there is nothing to worry about.

Thank you Lord.

Annie Freeman's Fabulous Traveling Funeral

What a gift to have a fabulous read on such a stressful day. As I awaited my CT (1.5 hours of wait) and then later at the hospital while my father had surgery (he is recovering well) I was thoroughly engrossed in this wonderful novel by Kris Radish.

The story line is that an extraordinary woman dies and four of her closest friends are thrown together to spread her ashes far and wide on a trip that is completely preplanned by the deceased.

I have two notecards of quotes I loved...I always read with a pencil in hand, but since this book is from the library I wrote on notecards rather than in the margins!

A quote that seemed so appropriate for today is on page 148: "Annie's death on top of what happened with your mom, that's a lot.""What's a lot though?""Whatever you can or can't handle I suppose....Everyone has a different level of 'what's a lot.'"

Today was a lot: a lot of emotionally charged activity. But God got me through it. So many friends texted and emailed to say they were praying for me, and that's what got me through.

That and an amazing read.

CT Scan

Today I had an abdominal CT scan. I have no results yet.

This is what it looks like

First, fully gowned, they had me lay on the bed with pillows under my head and a wedge under my knees. It was very comfortable, and I was amazingly relaxed. (Thank you for the prayers!)Next they drew blood to check my kidney creatnine level. Thankfully it was well within normal range, so they could add the necessary "contrast" solution. Evidently the contrast is quite hard on the kidneys as they flush it from the system. In the same needle poke they inserted a small tube to use as an IV for the "contrast." Since I have terribly small veins, it took two pokes for the IV, but that is pretty good for me! (Needless to say I dread getting blood work...)

I layed on the bed, and eventually was asked to put my hands over my head. The bed moved back and forth, taking me in and out of the tube. A computerized voice told me when to breathe and when to hold my breath. Amazing.

One set of scans was taken without contrast. That took maybe 3 minutes total. The tech came and added the contrast through the IV in my arm, telling me I would feel warmth in my throat, and then throughout my abdomen. And wow - she was right on. I had no sooner said my throat felt warm than my groin was hot and everything else in between. The next set of scans was quickly taken, and minutes later I was sitting up and feeling normal. The flush of heat was over as fast as it came on.

And that was that. They are looking at the mass they found in my liver which was measured at 7 cm by 5cm by 3 cm. That's BIG! I've googled "liver mass" and read all kinds of options...I should know the results of my scan by tomorrow. Hopefully is it a hemangioma - a cluster of blood vessels. I'm pretty sure that would require no further action.

I do not know what the future holds, but I know Him who holds my future! I'm exhausted, but calm and ready for a good night's sleep.

The Silver Linings

I stayed in Wausau, WI last night, having driven up at 4 pm with my boss and a favorite coworker. Had a fancy schmancy meal, and was back in my hotel room by 10 pm to drift off to sleep in an amazing bed. The toiletries were Aveda, and the coffee bags for the four cup pot were Starbucks: those are both VERY good signs in a hotel.

At the restaurant I had to order carefully. Silver lining: I'm going to lose weight and feel better. Silver lining...I must remember that silver lining.

Why? Well, about 1.5 weeks ago I began to have some pretty serious stomach pain. Right under my rib cage on the left side. Four evenings in a row. The only relief was laying down. Sometimes the pain shot through to my back like a sword going right through me.

Off to the doctor I went. Blood work. Extensive ultrasounds.

My pancreas enzymes are slightly elevated. Although my pancreas and gallbladder look ok now, my symptoms most resemble pancreatitis. I've been told this is common in 40-something women. Perhaps I threw a gallstone. Don't know. But for now, no alcohol and no fatty food. Pancreatitis is nothing to play with, and my system needs to rest.

Hmmmm. Diabetes keeps me low carb. Now I'm low fat too. And no alcohol. Not even cough syrup. Yipes.

And so, a bit of the fun was stolen from the fancy restaurant as my choices were awfully limited. I chose hot mint decaf tea, and a pasta with chicken, broccoli and broiled tomatoes. Most of the dinner left my system before bed(SIGH) , and the tea woke me a few times as well. (I drank too much because I was feeling sorry for myself as my dinner companions had drinks and wine ...)

However, and this IS a silver lining, I felt good this morning. Less bloated. Cleaner. Clearer. Six to eight weeks of this will likely make a difference!

Another silver lining: they found an abnormality in my liver. Why would that be good? Well, if it's something about which to concern myself, it's amazing that they found it now, as it likely has nothing to do with my pain -- it just showed up by accident in the ultrasounds. Now there is a CT scheduled this week. The mass is likely a hemangioma - a benign clump of blood vessels. But in order to be sure they need the CAT scan.

I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself, but trying to remember the silver linings. And I am taking more couch time than usual. Right now I'm nestled with a stack of books and a quilt...a bit of pain, but mostly just feeling the need to be still and to rest my body.

I left my current read in my boss' car. Sigh. I was wrapped in a blanket in his back seat all the way home, reading Annie Freeman's Fabulous Traveling Funeral by Kris Radish. I am LOVING it - a story about the deep friendship of women.

The silver lining of leaving it behind? I blogged instead of reading the evening away...

Is Abortion an Important Issue?

I've heard the argument that abortion should not be the most important issue affecting a person's vote.

I just found this link to the candidate's stances, and after watching it, I find it hard to deny that Barack Obama finds it to be an important issue. Note the "Planned Parenthood" banners. Note his own words on his priority in the first day of office.

This is sobering.

This is not just an artificial issue drummed up by conservatives. This is obviously an important issue to both sides.

Watch this. Listen to the candidates' own words. Shut your eyes to the photos if you think they are too religious...just listen to the candidates' own words.

Trust

Our Thursday night study is studying Lord I Want to Know You by Kay Arthur. In Day 11's homework I found reference to this verse:

Psalm 9:10
And those who know Thy name will put their trust in Thee; For Thou, O LORD, hast not forsaken those who seek Thee.

What perfect encouragement to continue to seek to know Him more - to know Him by name. The word "trust" in the Hebrew is Strong's number 982: Batach. The Lexical Aid includes: "...to attach oneself, to trust, to confide in, feel safe, be confident, secure, to be careless; ...associated with firmness or solidity...The word expresses the sense of well being which results from knowing that the rug won't be pulled out from under you....Confident expectation...We can truly relax when we know WHO is in control."

Trust. I will admit that I struggle with trust. In the most tender areas of my life I must wonder if God really does have my best in mind...although intellectually I know He does. But I don't feel it. Trust. As I think on it, I struggle with His Sovereign will versus my poor choices. Trust.

In the simple things...like the economy or terrorism...those things don't cause me any lost sleep...I have full confidence that He is in control. And I have none. There's comfort in that!

Trust. I want to trust Him, confide in Him, feel safe with Him... Trust.

The Journey

This photo is of a path near our old home...a path Boomer and I walked hundreds of times. It reminds me of life's journey. While there is plenty of beauty and wonder in the here and now, we have positively no idea of what might be around the corner...
In the photo, for instance, the path leads to a man made lake - a treasure in the suburbs, and a walker's delight.

The G List - part 1

Some days I need to keep counting my blessings. And so a new category of blogs today: The G List. Good, Great, Grin-producing, Godly, Giggle-inducing, Gorgeous, Glamorous, ...and all other positive G words combined...

This week end's list:

-Meeting our 16 year old's first boyfriend. He looks so young and so innocent. (Thank God!)

-Buying cranberries at the grocery store, our 19 year old, Em, asked if they were for the Thanksgiving sauce. Yes was my reply. She lamented that she wished she could stay home and make the sauce with me. It's amazing how sentimental she has become.

-Em walking through the house on Friday evening, studying the details, and then settling into the familiar overstuffed leather couch. "I'm so glad you decorate for the seasons, " she said. (who IS this girl??)

-The new zinnias bravely pushing out petals in late October. They are healthy and happy and five feet tall. Each morning I look out the window to see if they made it through another chilly night. So far so good.

-My October Starbucks drink:

Grande
Nonfat
Pumpkin Spice Latte
2 pumps pumpkin
2 pumps sugar free vanilla
one shot of protein
with whip

Substituting half sugar free flavoring doesn't distract too much from the taste, and halves the grams of sugar. Although it's a mouthful to place my order, the result is worth it. Honestly, all is well with the world during those first few sips.

-Finding the New York Times Sunday edition on our steps for the first time. I ordered just the Sunday paper for 12 weeks at an intro price of $3.60 a week. (It's $5 at Starbucks) And during the 12 weeks I have access to the NYT crossword puzzles online, and the total archive of past puzzles are there to down load and/or print. Sunday afternoons are becoming cherished couch time with that silly NYT crossword. It's SO addicting.

-Singing in the quintet on Sunday. What a gift it is to make such music.

-Sitting in my spot on a rare Monday morning off work. Such simple luxury.

-Playing Scrabble with our 12 year old on Saturday night. We played for an hour and a half, and he did GREAT. I helped him a bit with strategy, and assisted when he was stuck, but overall he kept pace and made some awesome plays all on his own. I know that he has watched me and his 21 year old brother play, and this was a sort of rite of passage. It filled me up as well.

-Cooking five meals today. It feels right to prioritize that, and while I'm not sure I actually *grinned,* I am grinning now when I open my fridge and see them there. It takes the pressure off the week.

-Reading an article on writing memoirs in an Oprah magazine read at the hair salon. The article was so good, and the accompanying pages of memoirs so tempting, that I *borrowed* the magazine to finish it tonight. (August 2008 edition) Yes, I do plan to sneak it back into the salon. (although they'll likely be tossing August soon anyhow, no?)

-Sleeping under the quilt with 40 degree air coming in the window. Autumn. Mmmmmm.

Simple Sacrifice

To You I shall offer a sacrifice of thanksgiving,
And call upon the name of the Lord. Psalm 116:17

This morning in my quiet moments I read Psalm 116. The word "sacrifice" carries such difficult and unpleasant connotations, but here the sacrifice is thanksgiving combined with calling on the name of the Lord. Is that not a commentary on man? Just thanking God requires sacrifice: the sacrifice of time, of thought, of intention, and of giving up the urge to complain and whine.

I was reminded of another verse in Hebrews:

Through Him then, let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that give thanks to His name. Hebrews 13:15

Again, the sacrifice is so simple: the fruit of lips that give thanks to His name. The author commands it *continually.*

Continually? Is this true of me? Is this true of you?

Let's work on sacrifice today. Let's continually offer up thanks to God rather than offering grumbling to our fellow man. Could we do it for a whole day?

Sweet Sixteen

Our baby girl, third child of four, is sixteen today. Her oldest brother came home from college to lunch with us, along with my future daughter-in-law his girlfiend. We dined on grilled salmon with home made mashed potatoes and corn, all at the birthday girl's request. And she didn't want a cake...so...I made my late mother's famous brownie recipe. The brownies have a fudge glaze that is quite amazing! Juanita didn't bake a lot, but when she did have to take something to a party, everyone requested her brownies.


Juanita's Brownies

Cream together:
1/2 cup butter
1 cup sugar

and then beat in:
4 eggs

Add:
1- 16 oz can Hershey's syrup
1/2 cup chopped nuts
1 cup flour

Spray a jelly roll pan (flat pan with edges) and pour batter in.
Bake at 325 for 35 minutes

Fudge Glaze:

Mix in saucepan:
1 & 1/3 cup sugar
6 Tablespoons butter
6 Tablespoons milk

Bring to a boil and boil one minute.
Take off the heat and mix in

3/4 cup *real* chocolate chips
1/2 teaspoon vanilla

Stir and stir and stir until thickened but pourable. (I sit the saucepan in a frying pan of ice and water after the chips are melted and all is mixed...careful not to get even a drop of water in the glaze)

Pour over the brownies in the pan and smooth quickly with a spatula. Let glaze harden a bit before cutting, though you might want to score the glaze while it's still warm.

Sue

Everyone should have a Sue in their life. I am so blessed.

Only Sue would think to invite me to celebrate my 45 and a half birthday. On the day. With a sleepover and everything.

And only Sue would scribble welcome on her mirrors for me.

And only Sue would think to draw half a balloon and half a birthday cake on her back hallway chalkboard. (which is a closet door painted with chalkboard paint...such a great idea.)

And only Sue would make a word search with all words that she associates with me. Is that not incredible? She claims she had to really pare down her list in order to get the puzzle on a 11x17 piece of paper. She made me lots of copies.

Some words in the puzzle include: Basket Lover, Bath Soaker, Beach Fan, Bible Studier, Blackberry, (lol) Blessed, Blogger, Book Lover, Celebrates Moments, Decorator, Entertainer, Fresh Brewed Life, Hilarious, Honest, Mother, Organizer, Sanctuary, Searcher, Starbucks, Traditions, Walker, Wife, Word Magician... and more. I'm tearing up looking closely at this list. What an honor to read it.

We had pizza both nights (just because), we compared journal notes, swapped a few recipes, talked about our kids, shopped, drank tea, drank wine, cried a bit, laughed a lot.

I brought Sue a copy of The Grace Of Ordinary Days which I had bought at the senior living conference that week. I will describe that book in blog of its own. As we read pages to each other we sighed and we wept at the beauty of the words. The tears just flowed.

Sue is a gift from God to me. A pocket of joy. I've known her for over 25 years...that's amazing in and of itself. We met in college ,we lost years to busyness along the way, but then we reconnected and haven't lost each other again. We don't see each other as often as we'd like, for we both have incredibly rich and full lives. We don't agree on everything, yet we treasure one another, differences and all.

Thank you Sue! You are a rare gift and I love you!

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

Last week I was in Green Bay again, a week after the famous Favre gift. At this conference, mainly education devoted to the administrators of senior living facilities, they had an American Idol contest. Actually what it was was a demonstration of a sound system being marketed for the senior living environment. It was a glorified karaoke. (Vendors of services and products aimed at the senior population sponsor the whole conference. We were there as designers of senior living communities)

When someone sang Elvis, actual clips of The King were shown afterward, a few moments that truly would enamor the senior population. When a gentleman sang Frank Sinatra, he opted to sing along with Frank rather than solo with just instrumentation. The Chicken Dance was played complete with a video showing the movements, and Lawrence Welk himself showed up in a clip of another golden oldie. It was a cool system and a VERY large projection screen.

When I sang, I sang Judy Garland's Somewhere Over the Rainbow. No movie. No Dorothy. Just me. It was low, and it was s-l-o-w, but it went well, and I won $300 cash in second place. Another amazing gift.

The next day I had my moments of fame when people congratulated me. The best was during a morning session. Behind me sat a group of five nuns, one of whom tapped me on the shoulder. "We all thought you should have won," she said, "We prayed you would."

That cracked me up and still makes me smile. The Sisters liked me. What more do I need?

Micah

In studying for our Saturday morning Bible study group, I came upon these beautiful verses in Micah 5.

His [Jesus'] goings forth are from long ago,
From the days of eternity.

This One will be our peace.
(verses 2b and 5a)

What beautiful assurance that God is in control.

Have been emailing (futilely) back and forth with my oldest brother tonight. He is so rabidly pro-Obama, and cannot fathom that I would vote Pro-Life. I simply say...I think God would vote pro life. And then he explodes into a million topics and implies that I am naive in not spending hours researching every issue. (did I mention that he is retired?) And he is so angry about it all. I only have one vote. Do I matter that much to him?

I love the Word. I choose to spend those hours in the Truth. The only Truth. I don't have to worry about spin, about polls, about what is truth and what is not. Thy Word is Truth. John 17:17.

And those words in Micah just hit me as so complete, and so peaceful tonight. God has a time table. Verse 2b seems to be already history. Verse 5a is future in context. God's time. His ways are so much higher than ours.

He already is my Peace. No matter who gets elected.

Shoulda taken a picture...

So much to write. Another whirlwind week...and it's only Wednesday.

On Monday I was at a hospital in Illinois. We went to meet with new clients, and to take measurements of some shell space (built space with no drywall etc...just the *shell* built when the rest of the building was erected). The architectural firm where I work is going to design some medical suites to fill the space. (Many facilities plan in "shell space" when they build new buildings, and suite them out as space is needed)(There's your architectural lesson for today)

A few women were setting up a buffet of sorts as we stepped off the elevator on this nearly empty floor. They were taping some paper onto a gurney of sorts...those rolls of paper that you cover tables with at church dinners...well...that's what they were using. Evidently a staff luncheon was being held in this empty part of the facility. (Two conference rooms are finished, with thousands of feet of empty space behind closed doors) The *table* they were covering was a cross between a folding table and a hospital bed.

As we stepped out of the conference room and into the empty room, my boss leaned in to me and said...that was a morgue cart. Ewww. A morgue table to hold their buffet?

And yes, when we went back to the elevator, the Dominoe's pizza boxes were indeed open on the paper covered...morgue table. EWWWWWW. I guess it's just another flat surface to the nurses gathered there. I really wish I had snapped a photo of that particular moment in time. Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction.