Summary

Quick catch up for you avid readers...

• Just finished the book The History of Love by Nicole Krauss. Very very rarely do I read books twice, but I might read this one again. It was an endearing story of elderly male friendship, lost love, and a mysterious manuscript. Throughout the read I was confused but enthralled. In the last pages I started to put together who was who and how they were related. It's one of those books that you want to read with a paper and pencil so that you can track the cast of characters. Interesting read.
• Now reading Beautiful Boy: a father's journey through his son's addiction by David Sheff. This father wrote an article about the same subject for the NYTimes, won an award, and subsequently expanded it into this book. It's a page turner and a heart breaker. One of my closest friends has a nineteen year old daughter working to kick a heroine habit, and someone very close to me is addicted to crystal meth. And so while the reading is hard, I feel it is beneficial for me to know a close up and compassionate view of addiction. (btw...if anyone knows how to underline in blogger, do let me know...it's not on my toolbar...thus the book titles are not underlined)
• It's raining hard today. There's still melting snow. The sump pump is in overdrive and there are puddles in the basement. SIGH. We need some major landscape and patio work.
• Two of my three brothers were here for the week end. While it's always great to see them, it tends to be tiring as I cook and continually pick up behind everyone.
• I'm such a morning loner. When my brothers and husband were in my three favorite quiet time spots on Sunday morning, I did indeed pout. And then I found a new spot. This house has a lot of good nooks and crannies!
• My husband took a new job on Friday. He will be working for a huge company based in Milwaukee but flying around the country to check up on things. His title will be Compliance Manager (accounting) and he'll be traveling up to 35% of the time. We're excited about the frequent flyer miles!!
• Three overnight work trips in April will keep me busy. The first is tomorrow for two nights, then three nights beginning the 16th and finally four nights beginning the 28th. I love traveling on my own. I think it feels like such a LUXURY to have a hotel room to myself after so many years of sharing with my dear children and husband. (although we shared the tent more often than a hotel room)
• My 45th birthday came and went and was well celebrated.
• I'm currently beating my brother, who actually IS a brain surgeon, for the second game out of two in Scrabble. It's a riot. He is SO frustrated, SO competitive and is actually doing math to see who would have won if I wouldn't have had the "X "or whatever. GOOD GRIEF. It is a little sister (by 11 years!) dream come true. Hehe. The downside is I think we'll have to keep playing til he wins one.

That's it for the update. More on my Bible study at another time. For now I have to go work on it while I have an hour alone before picking up Jake for an orthodontist appointment. My brother is out with my dad, so I have the house to myself. YEAH.

PS Don't forget I love HELLOS in the comments. :)

a heart like His

My Precepts training homework pack came in the mail...I'm a junkie...can't wait to dive in.

And right off the bat I'm challenged by looking at 1 Samuel 13:14 and then defining what IS a man after God's own heart.

1Sa 13:14 "But now your kingdom shall not endure. The LORD has sought out for Himself a man after His own heart, and the LORD has appointed him as ruler over His people, because you have not kept what the LORD commanded you."

Obviously David was not perfection, so that's not what God was looking for. The study guide takes me to Acts 13:22

Ac 13:22 "After He had removed him, He raised up David to be their king, concerning whom He also testified and said, 'I HAVE FOUND DAVID the son of Jesse, A MAN AFTER MY HEART, who will do all My will.'

That's what I love about studying the Word Precepts style...the premise is to have the Word explain itself rather than to read what commentators have found. Honestly, it just really gets me going...

"Who will do all my will." That's what God is looking for.

All. In the Greek that means... ALL.

To have a heart like His may be to be so trusting that wanting to do other than God's will is foreign; the wisdom to know that anything other than God's will is inferior. To go against God's will is settling. I tend to be a perfectionist, so to "settle for less" irritates me. And yet. Whenever I willfully, or even automatically, choose my own path...am I not settling? Why would I do that? Deep down I must think I know better. Now isn't that ridiculous?

It's that trust issue again.

Back to studying... Even though the opening paragraph gave me enough to ponder for the day, I have three weeks of homework to complete before my Advanced Leader Training class on April 19th. I took today off work, and honestly, this is what I love doing more than anything else. Digging in.

I will be shopping with our 15 year old daughter later...she's on spring break...and that's what she chose for our mom/daughter activity. Our 12 year old son hasn't chosen his mom activity yet... which makes me nervous...

I'm off...Happy Wednesday to all.

Resignation

The one true way of dying to self is the way of patience, meekness, humility, and resignation to God.
-- Andrew Murray

Why is resignation to God so difficult?
I am aware that He loves me.
I am aware that He's smarter than me. And wiser.
I am aware that He knows all, and that He never makes a mistake.
I am aware that He can see a much larger picture than I can.
And yet
I don't quite trust Him.
Why is that?

The dentist

OK...I'm a dental wimp. I'll just admit it right up front.

Yesterday I was there for three hours...first the cleaning, and then the replacement of an old silver filling that evidently was wearing out.

As the very kind dentist brought the very noisy drill to my face, she told me to raise my left hand at any time if I felt discomfort or wanted her to stop. [I was tempted to raise it immediately, but I resisted] This was after having 4 rounds of needles stuck into my jaw and mouth to numb the back lower left jaw, but before prying my mouth open to get to the culprit...a worn filling in the very farthest tooth.

And so the drilling began. At first it was ok, but then...oh my...I felt it. I'm sure she didn't hit a nerve, but she did hit a non numb spot of some sort. I almost knocked her over with the speed of my left hand being raised. Back came the long needles of anesthesia... I felt every poke , which concerned her as I should have been numb. And so she added a few more shots just to be on the safe side.

As she began the drilling again, I was in a quandry. Of course I wanted to raise my left hand and make her stop. I wanted to close my poor jaw for a few moments just to rest it. But I knew that if I stopped her I was simply prolonging the inevitable. The filling was now half out, and there was no leaving until the job was complete. I was a basket case. Before you write me off as a complete wimp, please know that I delivered a ten pound baby without pain meds. But this was different. This was the dentist. The dentist is worse.

I lived through the ordeal, although my jaw is still aching today. And it took a really long time for my jaw to un-numb...

Today as I've been pondering Good Friday, I thought about the choice involved. Every other person who has ever endured flogging, beating or crucifixion has had no choice in the matter. There was no left hand to be raised for a break in the action. The torture was uncontrollable.

But Christ had options. I've never thought about that before. Not only could he have requested a stop, He could have had ten thousand angels wipe out His enemies and jet Him to heaven. His Godhood made choices possible. His manhood made the torture unbearable. And yet He remained, and submitted to the pain. He realized that salvation could not be provided without His atoning blood.

My dental visit was nothing. I know that. I was in a comfortable chair, with compassionate people, in a sterile environment for a simple procedure.

Christ's ordeal was unspeakable. There was nothing comfortable, nothing compassionate, nothing sterile, nothing simple. And yet He stayed on that cross. For me. For You.

Thank you, dear Savior, for enduring hell on my behalf.

Fill My Cup

My dear friend Margo once gave me a wire candle holder, maybe 10 inches tall, in the shape of a primitive human form holding a glass cup in the air. The cup holds the candle. She has one too, on her bedside table, to remind her to hold her cup up to the Lord.

Beth Moore’s Praying God’s Word reminded me of this. “We each have our unmet needs, and we carry them around all day long like an empty cup. In one way or another, we hold out that empty cup to the people in our lives and say, “Can somebody please fill this? Even a tablespoon would help!” Whether we seek to have our cup filled through approval, affirmation, control, success, or immediate gratification, we are miserable until something is in it. I have come to dearly love and appreciate Psalm 143:8: Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul. What a heavy yoke is shattered when we awaken in the morning, bring our hearts, minds, and souls and all their “needs” to the Great Soul-ologist, offer Him our empty cups and ask Him to fill them with Himself!” (page 91)

I’ve been humming an old song…a song that was popular in our church in the 70’s… "Fill My Cup Lord.”

Like the woman at the well I was seeking
For things that could not satisfy
And then I heard my Savior speaking
Come to the well that never will run dry
Fill my cup Lord, I lift it up Lord,
Come and quench this thirsting of my soul
Bread of heaven, feed me til I want no more
Fill my cup, fill it up and make me whole.

While Margo was not referring directly to Beth Moore’s chapter above, she recently described how she had come to see her situation. She said she realized she had been relying on certain people to fill her cup. She pictured herself asking them to fill her …people who were needy themselves and had nothing to offer. And while she wandered begging for a drop here and a drop there, she was missing God’s Niagara Falls all around her. What a word picture. Am I blind to what God offers to me? Psalm 143 shows the psalmist asking daily to be filled with the knowledge of God’s unfailing love. (the only unfailing love, no matter how many other sources I may hope will satisfy…)

Some of us are natural cup fillers: we have a lot of people coming to us to be filled. Perhaps we "fillers" have the deepest need of sitting close to Niagara daily, of seeking that quenching each morning. Sometimes my neediness surprises me since I am generally so strong. And yet I realize I’ve been holding my cup up to sources that cannot fill me when I need to hold it up to God alone. God will never disappoint. Never. His living water can satiate me, fill me to the point of not needing other people’s approval or affection. (those may come, but my fullness will not depend on it) His fullness will then overflow to the lives around me, and I won't end up emptied because I'll stay beneath the Source.

Living with a full cup sounds less disappointing, less vulnerable, and so much more fulfilled. It all starts with Him. Each day and every day. Of course. It really is so simple...

Back in Action!

It’s been a while since I’ve blogged. Three of you have recently written to ask if I’m ok, so here I am…nudged out of my silence. The silence is the result of working full time plus (rather than my usual 24 hours a week), water in our basement which is mostly an emotional strain (sigh) and just a general resurgence of health with the accompanying busyness.

The flu that changed everything.
As you’ve read, I had the flu. The flu to end all flus. But I’m actually thankful for it in retrospect, as I believe it changed my life.

I realized that my blood sugar numbers were out of control as my body fought the illness, and in actuality my poor body couldn’t fight both issues. And so I stayed sick. In my couch time I did a lot of reading on low carb diabetes solutions, and also talked to my doctor at length. I had been in diabetic denial way too long, and my metabolism was pretty messed up. Then when a diabetic is sick the body responds with increased sugar levels and ineffective insulin, so everything escalates. I was really sick. As a result…life changed. I’ve been low carb for about 4 or 5 weeks, and the results are amazing. I’ve lost 12 pounds…but that’s not even the best part. The best part is that I’m beginning to feel like *me* again. I am a high energy person, and for the last year (?) that energy has not been available. But I’m coming back! This morning as I fought to get out of bed I realized that my morning sugars are nearing normal so that I can doze and rest…while previously my high sugar count (always highest in the morning) had awakened me in jitters and unrest. My metabolism is not yet normal, may never be, but it is WAY better and I feel like a million bucks. That’s exciting. The food is getting a little dull… meats, cheese, nuts, salads, lots and lots of veggies and the occasional fruit. I indulge in a piece or two of dark chocolate every day, and Starbucks’ “tall skinny half caff cinnamon dolce latte” is the treat of choice. Also I’ve just discovered Mike’s Light Hard Cranberry Lemonade which is only 6 carbs and quite delish. So…I’ll live. My basic approach is based on South Beach diet, and really is quite balanced and healthy. I just miss the junk of junk food. !!

My work goes in streaks, and I’ve just finished a streak of three 40 plus hour weeks which is unusual for me. The office is 45 minutes away, so that makes for long days. Coming home to make dinner and run kids leaves very little blog time. I love my job – truly love it – so other than not having enough hours in any day, all is fine. It will slow again… maybe. I’m at that weird point in a career where I could majorly escalate in work and responsibility…and half of me wants to…

Let’s see. Reading: just finished Friday Night Knitting Club which was readable but so disappointing in writing quality. I kept getting stuck in non sentences. Maybe I’m an editor at heart! I’d read, and then reread to see what I missed, and indeed it was simply poorly written. I finished it though, once I got used to the style. Nice easy read… gets a 5 out of 10. I’m not sure what I’m going to pick up next… (stay tuned)

Gilmore Girls. I’m on season 7, disk 3…and season 7 is the end. I’m not sure *why* I love it so much, but it is mindless entertainment at its best. The characters are all odd, and all extreme…it’s just so incredibly relaxing to me. The mom has some real relational problems (!!!) but she is loveable and her antics make for good discussion. The girls are watching it as well, and my favorite part is that our 12 year old son appears on the loveseat with me when I’m watching…he’d never admit it but he’s hooked as well. He watches with whoever is watching, and in no particular order…he just enjoys the characters.

I rarely watch tv…almost never…so to get hooked on a series like this is most unusual for me. I sort laundry, play internet scrabble or knit while I watch…it’s just thoroughly relaxing. And time consuming.

Bible study. I just received an email that Precepts training is coming to a city nearby, so I’ll sign up tonight. Inductive Bible Study is one of my favorite pastimes, but I’ve not taught a class in about two years. It’s a bit intense, and the participants need to be ready to commit. I feel that both of my studies are ready for a short Precepts class, so we’ll do a 6 week study this summer. Honestly, I’m SO excited to go to the two day training class…and get the three weeks of pre class homework… Not sure *what* I’ll be studying…stay tuned on that as well.

Prayer. Prayer has never been my forte. I love to study. I’m not so good at being still and talking to my God. Well, God decided to put me into an intensive program. A dear friend lost her prayer partner of 15 years to a tragic Christmas night car accident, and she has replaced her with ME. Each Friday morning we connect by phone and pray for 1-1.5 hours. It’s amazing. We pray Scripture, we try to follow A*C*T*S (Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, and Supplication) and make it a time of worship not just ask ask ask. It’s really such a privilege, and it’s changing my life and my focus. I’m also still working through the book, “The Prayer that Changes Everything,” and our current Bible study focuses on developing a consistent prayer life. So, God has put me into the intensive program indeed. My spirits are lifting. I’m not sure what the *magic* is – but the combination of this renewed focus on praise along with changing the eating habits that were literally killing me – it’s been a real boost. I keep saying, “I feel like me again.” That is such an awesome thing. Now…if I could just get back to consistent exercise. That piece is still missing, but will return when I can walk outdoors.

So, there’s the long and the short of it. Life is full. And blessed. And challenging. I’ll try to get back into the blog habit! I can’t wait to get caught up on the ones I read, too! Hopefully I’ll be able to keep up WITHOUT another extended period of couch time.

The name of the Lord

The name of the LORD is a strong tower;
the righteous runs into it and is safe.
Psalm 18:10

El Roi is my favorite name for God. The God who sees. (from Genesis 16) I love that God has seen everything that has brought me to where I am and who I am today. No matter how much I confide in a friend, that person can never really understand. She can't really get it all -- because unless she has 44 years and my memory improves a lot, I can't tell her all. I'm so thankful for long term friends -- friends with whom I don't have to explain so much. I can tell of today and they are able to put my ranting or my raving into the context of who I am and how I've arrived here. That is a gift. But God is the ultimate friend. Not only does He know absolutely everything about me, he's heard every word spoken to me, seen every action around me, and felt what I've felt -- whether I perceived correctly or misinterpreted the circumstances -- He knows how and why I felt like I felt. I just love that.
Perhaps this means that I often feel misunderstood. Hmmmm...hadn't thought of that until this very moment. Hmmmm.
Yesterday I got the *bright* idea to write my own mantra. According to dictionary.com, a mantra is a word or formula, as from the Veda, chanted or sung as an incantation or prayer. I'm not sure what a Veda is (something Hindu...) but the rest works. It will be a stringing together of what I know to be true, something that I can remind myself of when I wake in the morning. This morning I sang "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, there's just something about that name..." in the shower. It's amazingly cleansing and clarifying to simply concentrate on who HE is. Once dried off, I went in mad search of Kay Arthur's book To Know Him By Name. I know that my statement, mantra, must contain El Roi, because I remember that being the name that brought me the most comfort when I studied her book, and I've clung to it ever since.

I'm going to close with Kay's words.

Knowing your God means everything. Everything.
It's the difference between victory and defeat.
It's the difference between rest and constant turmoil.
It's the difference between an abundant overflowing life and a life of barren emptiness.
It's the difference between deliverance and captivity.
It's the difference between finding a refuge and living as a fugitive.
It's the difference between life and death.
It's the difference between heaven and hell.

Kay Arthur believes that every problem in our lives can be traced back to an inadequate or incorrect understanding of who God is.

Some boast in chariots, and some in horses;
but we will boast in the name of the LORD, our God.
Psalm 20:7

Trite

There's a place for trite. I have a couple friends with whom I do not get to share a cup of coffee nearly often enough, and they have commented that they feel like we're having a catch up yak when I type away about the nothings on my blog. Those posts are labeled "ramblings." Just life.

I logged back on just now for a trite update. And something took me to Heather's recent post -- a back and forth discussion with an atheist. Heather is fighting brain cancer, and her daughter has a terminal disability.

This is an amazing post. Along with 90 comments. Wowza.

God can use the world of blog: to reunite friends, to keep contact in a busy world, and to spread the knowledge of Himself and His power.

If you need a break from my trite, read Heather's post. And then pray. Pray for Heather. Pray for the anonymous antangonists who are searching for the answers. Thank God for your blessings. And then make sure you'd know who to turn to if the bottom fell out of your world. God is waiting for you!

Monday's pile...

The pile on the couch is almost funny today. A woman of varied interests sits here.

Stayed up TOO late last night reading Zen and the Art of Knitting by Bernadette Murphy. Got it at the library but want to buy it as it is a sweet book on the calming effect of knitting. Of course there's more to it than that... Here's a quote... "When I knit I stop to look. I take the time to be still and know that God is God. I find in those moments the peace of mind necessary to see clearly the miracle of my own existence, the preciousness of those I love. I get a glimpse once again of the goodness found in daily life and the many, many ways my life is graced."

The thought of hand work is SO appealing to me. And yet there must be an inner struggle with my ADHD side. Start and stop, start and stop.

In junior high I ambitiously knit and finished two coat sweaters. What did we call them... eskimo knits, polar knits...I don't recall, but they had a definite name. They sold for hundreds of dollars even then...made with thick icelandic wool, in a beige with an accent color with which I knit in a pattern...aztec pattern... there WAS a name... Anyhow, my best friend Karla and I knit them... zipper front, no hood. I finished one for me, and then knit one for my sister which Karla blocked and assembled after we moved. At that point in life (15 years old) we moved from Vancouver, Canada to Madison, Wisconsin. (over 2000 miles) I left behind my older sister and brother as well as my sister's sweater and Karla. Sigh. Anyhow, neither of those sweaters are still in our possession (which is almost a crime), I still write to Karla at Christmas, and my sister is still in Canada -- we aren't overly close but we keep in touch. While there I also began a baby sweater...the opposite type of yarn -- almost thread. That project moved with me. The baby for which I began it has three children of his own now. I finally threw it out. I carried half a white baby cardigan with me for over 25 years though. :)

So...finishing, even staying interested, is my challenge. I REALLY want to have a hand craft though...something to work on at kids' doctor appointments, while waiting, while watching a movie, etc. Maybe this time it will stick. I also crave the calming effect, the soothing and healing in almost a meditative motion. Does anyone know what I mean? The product is great, but it's the journey of the creation that I'm also craving.

As I wrote previously, this latest urge began with the novel The Friday Night Knitting Club. I'm only on page 113 because I can only read for so long and then I want to KNIT. Next the trip to the library. Then yesterday a trip to the basement where I dug up a half knit scarf in the yummiest sagey/limey green swirly wool with touches of coral...it's amazing. The scarf was pathetic so I unwound it and started over. I flipped on PBS and watched the ending two hours of "Pride and Prejudice" -- the Masterpiece theatre version. Having watched "Becoming Jane" the night before, this was really a timely treat. Anyhow, the scarf is really gorgeous, and I'm half done, having finished one of the two balls of wool. Mindless but infinitely satisfying. My sister in law wears that limey green all the time...her birthday is March 8 -- I originally bought the wool with her in mind...did not have 2008 in mind at that point, but hey...it's back on my needles.

I also dug out a 3/4 done hat, knit in the round on one double pointed needle. And another 1/2 scarf knit with two strands...one strand of the wooly varigated and sumptuous cranberry of the hat, mixed with a brownish tinged cranberry wool. YUMMY. I'll likely unwind that scarf too as it has a *bump* -- not so good at counting stitches while watching TV I guess...

So, this morning I finished the hat. It's currently in the dryer for a shrink. Since I don't want my head to grow, I'm shrinking the hat. Stay tuned. Either way, it's done, and I'm proud to say that I can knit in the round. Gauge is the next thing to conquer. I knit way too loose, although my stitches are even and consistent. I just need to really MAKE that gauge square that every knitter is supposed to knit at the start of a project: a 4 inch by 4 inch test run of the pattern with the selected yarn and needles. Real knitters then adjust their needles according to the resulting measurement. I like to skip that part. I *used* to like to skip that part. I'm going to reform so that my next hat actually fits my head.

The result of all this is that the couch has a stack of knitting books, some from the library, and some from my collection. Let's see... six knitting books opened here. Plus my journal, my Bible, Stormie's praise book, and the Bible study work book. Plus the leftover hat wool, four double pointed needles on which I finished the hat, the original long double pointed needle on which most of the hat was knit, a pencil case of knitting accessories, my Blackberry, my laptop, two moleskine thin paper journals, one South Beach magazine, two pencils... cluttered as usual. A woman of varied interests. I'll leave it at that.

Time to hit the books. Bible study, praise and knitting. I think it all blends nicely on this grey Wisconsin day. Mondays off work are my very favorite days. Starting the week with a puttery day of laundry, spot cleaning, cooking and meal planning, reading, knitting, guitar and song ... it all adds up to a day of grace and blessing which really shapes my week.

Slowing down to the pace of knitting. That's what today is for. I need to check my gauge, stick with my planned pattern for the week...slow and steady... breathe in, breathe out.

Blessed Monday to you all!

Saturday

Lazing the day away. The dark blog template has turned light, in anticipation of spring. :) And the font is larger in anticipation of me turning 45. I think the eyes are beginning that fortyish thing...I may need readers soon. I'm holding out though. Mind over matter. (I know...a lot of you are laughing...I can hear you.) Many of my closest friends are older than I am, and I believe there is a lot of chortling ahead.
Our girls are yakking away in the foyer. That IS notable. I did not believe that I would ever see or hear the day when our daughters became friends. There have been some ugly exchanges over the years, and mom has been in tears many times wondering what on earth I did wrong to have daughters that hated each other. And now...chatting. Amazing. Emily is home from college for the week end, and she and Anna just went running. They came home babbling about movie night. I *think* I'm included in "Becoming Jane," "Gigi," and "Sleepless in Seattle." Sounds like a full evening. I have set up the quilt table and machine in our bedroom (we have a double room -- one side is set up with a love seat and entertainment center -- the sewing table is set up so that I can see and sew...) so I'll putter away at something. I've actually been working away at a new wallhanging, and continuing to buttonhole outline an old project. I'm loving having it set up and handy, and the Gilmore Girls have kept me mildly amused. I'm through season 5 and considering a trip to Target for the 6th and final 7th season. They are the rewatching type of DVD, full of silly lines and trivia. Chick flicks all the way.
Went to a new public library south of here. Large and LOVELY facility, with a big fireplace and lots of chairs. The books are spread out enough that the non fictions are by category on separate shelves rather than squashed together. And there are zillions of DVDs and books on tape. I had rolls rising (so domestic, eh?) so my trip was too short, but I did sit and go through quilt books (inspiring) and checked out a few knitting ones to bring home.
I'm currently reading The Friday Night Knitting Club by Kate Jacobs, so flipping through some knitting books sounds like an enjoyable few hours. I am simply highly impressionable-that's all there is to that. If I read about a fancy meal, I'll make one. A fancy scarf -- I'll knit one. Or at least half of one. :)
And so, Saturday is shaping up nicely. I've had some Sabbath rest. Still some really tough emotional issues to work through, but I take the time to do that too...another blog to describe that. I'm still enjoying the Stormie Omartian book, and hoping that this PRAISE emphasis is a new way of life. It's amazing how concentrated praise blows the storms out of my path. God really is amazing, and He's present, and He is indeed a wonderful counselor.
Well, back to my book. The rolls are on their second rise. Mini burgers tonight on homemade rolls. And mashed cauliflower. (I'm doing so well on low carb! YEAH!) (sigh...no rolls for me)
And then movie night with no popcorn. THAT will be by far the biggest no carb test of my day. Sigh. I miss popcorn. :(
All is well. Happy Saturday night to you all.

Fullness of Joy and Pleasures Forever.

Psalm 16:11 You will make known to me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; In Your right hand there are pleasures forever.

I just blogged for our college kids...I did in fact begin a blog just for them a few weeks ago. Our daughter has commented on it, but our son has been quiet thus far. I put a devotional there most days, and also the occasional news from home, and then I email them to check the blog. Hopefully reading mom's blog will become habit. My thinking is that if I emailed the daily news, then they'd never check the blog. We'll see. All we can do as moms is try...put the Word before them. If they choose to ignore it, that's their choice.

I like the thought that if one of them is having a *down* day they can go to the blog and read some advice from mom. I like that. This is a bit of a commitment on my part, but it's a ministry and I can't spend my time in a better direction, can I?

Psalm 16:11 is just so clear isn't it? God is where it's at. His way is THE way. The whole world is looking for joy and pleasure, but the satisfying kind is only found in doing things HIS way, and in spending time in HIS presence. He made me. He wrote the owner's manual. He knows how to fix my broken parts, and He directs me to seek Him for that healing.

It is SO simple. Sigh.

Not much new to report from Wisconsin. The sun is shining brightly today, and the current temperature is 5 above. Brrrrrr. But the sunshine is so uplifting and energizing, even in the cold.

In my devotional reading this morning I am reading of *confession.* The author made the comparison to sunlight. As a believer, my sins are always forgiven, yet unconfessed sin is a barrier to my fellowship with Christ. Just like the sun is always shining, but the cloud cover can keep me from enjoying it, unconfessed sin clouds my enjoyment of God. That's a simple and clear comparison on this bright and shiny morning.

Well, I'm off to work. And then to the Milwaukee Bucks game tonight with potential clients. That's my job...the schmoozing...dinners, sporting events, lunches, golfing. Yesterday I was invited to a corporate ski outing. (that's humorous) I have been blessed with the most incredible job. Yesterday was an 11 hour day as two of us drove half way to Minneapolis to meet with potential hospital clients for lunch and an afternoon of meetings. Today is the Bucks game, likely another 11 hour day, and tomorrow another road trip with another one of our principals. Most weeks aren't like this, but this one is full! Thankfully I can flex my time and spend an hour on the couch with the Word, the Bible study guide, my laptop and my journal this morning. Perched in the sun, seeking the Son. I am blessed.

Seeya.

zoe

John 11:21-27
Martha then said to Jesus, "Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died. "Even now I know that whatever You ask of God, God will give You." Jesus *said to her, "Your brother will rise again." Martha *said to Him, "I know that he will rise again in the resurrection on the last day." Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life; he who believes in Me will live even if he dies, and everyone who lives and believes in Me will never die. Do you believe this?"

This was today's blow drying verse.
Hmmm? That needs explanation?
Well, since blow drying my hair is something I do every day, I put a box of Scripture verses by the blowdryer and I try to read one while drying. Consistency takes ingenuity. I am a dumb sheep.

Anyhow, at Bible study this morning (7 of us meet at 7:30 am on Saturdays...yes, really...) we were introduced to the word "zoe" which is one of the Greek words for life. "One word, bios, describes mere existence -- to be alive. The other word, zoe, means the essence of life or the fullness of life. In Philippians 1:21 Paul relates, "for to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." And that "live" is implying the zoe life. The fullness of life. (How to develop a Quiet time, p 42)

So later, while blow drying, I read the John 11 passage copied above. I looked it up, and Christ says he is the resurrection and the life...zoe. I looked up zoe in the "lexical aids to the New Testament," and the definition is: "life, referring to the principle of life in the spirit and soul. Distinguished from bios, physical life, livelihood, of which zoe is the nobler word expressing all of the highest and best which Christ is and which He gives to the saints. The highest blessedness of the creature." The definition uses John 14:6 and 1 John 1:2 as examples.

SO... I want ZOE! John 10:10 has been an often prayer of mine: Lord...I want the life -- the abundant life of John 10:10. (I often *remind* God of His promises in prayer...not that HE needs the reminder...just the dumb sheep needs it!) And now that verse has richer meaning: ZOE life. The highest and best which Christ is and gives to the saints. The highest blessedness of the creature. That's what He came to give us!

There is a zoe shaped longing in each of us. We long for Eden, for that idyllic relationship with Christ. We just don't recognize it as such. So many times we try to satisfy that longing...looking for love in all the wrong places. We simply need to seek ZOE.

I am going to add ZOE to my prayer list -- for myself and others. It is literally ALL we need. We may have to die to a lot of things to live the Christian life, but if we end up with the "highest blessedness of the creature," will we ultimately miss any of the things we are called to deny ourselves? Maybe that's what it means in John 11: he who believes in Me shall live even if he dies.

Who is God? (1)

(Inspired by a listing in the book The Prayer That Changes Everything by Stormie Omartian.)

As you praise God (the prayer that changes everything) use these lists to praise WHO God is. Remember, He lives in the praises of His people. (See the first verse below…Psalm 22:3)

God is Holy
Psalm 22:3 Yet You are holy, O You who are enthroned upon the praises of Israel.

God is my encourager
Romans 15:5 Now may the God who gives perseverance and encouragement grant you to be of the same mind with one another according to Christ Jesus,

God is righteous and compassionate
Psalm 116:5 Gracious is the LORD, and righteous; Yes, our God is compassionate.

God is all that!
2 Samuel 22:2-4 The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer;
My God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold and my refuge; My savior, You save me from violence. I call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised, And I am saved from my enemies.

God is my overcomer
John 16:33 "These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world."

God is good
1 Chronicles 16:34 O give thanks to the LORD, for He is good; For His lovingkindness is everlasting.

God is great
Psalm 86:10 For You are great and do wondrous deeds; You alone are God.

God is love
1 John 4:16 We have come to know and have believed the love which God has for us. God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.

XM radio

One of the perks of my job is a company car equipped with many fun features including XM radio. Truthfully I didn't listen to XM that often except at Christmas when I loved flipping between the 5 stations that feature ad free holiday genre. But this week when the local Christian station went off the air their website listed other Christian stations. Consequently I found XM 170 Family Talk Radio. WOW! I have been so blessed with the snippets I've heard daily this week. My commute is at least 25 minutes (plus traffic delay) and I'm often in the car going to meet with clients. I've heard some great preaching!
So, if any of you have XM, you might want to try the station. I found most of the preadhing shows on the internet too, at oneplace.com. I even subscribed to a few podcasts this morning.
What a world!

Happy Valentine's Day!

What is love?

Love

in the storm

Luke 8:23 & 24But as they were sailing along He fell asleep; and a fierce gale of wind descended upon the lake, and they began to be swamped and to be in danger.And they came to Him and woke Him up, saying, "Master, Master, we are perishing!" And being aroused, He rebuked the wind and the surging waves, and they stopped, and it became calm.

I had never thought about how smart those disciples were in this circumstance. When they were in the trial of their lives, they called out to Jesus.

Good move!

7 random things...

Helen at a Work of Heart tagged me to list seven random facts about myself. Hmmmm.

1. Popcorn is my favorite food. (although I'm currently attempting Phase one of South Beach, so I'm on the wagon...)

2. Office supply stores and book stores are at the top of the my shopping pleasures. Pens and papers and journals and organizational gizmos and post it notes and patterned file folders and ...

3. I once sang a solo in the Notre Dame in Paris as well as in the Vatican on Easter Sunday. (just a little solo...I was there with a choir)

4. Zinnia are my favorite flowers. And lilacs.

5. I have this new fondness for Nescafe decaf instant coffee granules. That's wierd for a Starbucks girl...

6. I've taken a long nap in the back of a hearse -- on an air mattress on the marble slab -- while traveling back from out of state where I had attended the burial. Yes, really. (You're right...that WOULD make an interesting posting...)

7. I was going major in commercial art after high school. My dad talked me out of it, and now I am a CPA. Hmmmm.

I will tag Diane, Vickie, and Rachel Anne

The Rules:
-Once you are tagged, link back to the person who tagged you.

-Post the rules on your blog.

-Post 7 random facts about yourself on your blog.

-Tag 7 people and link to them.


-Comment on their blog to let them know they have been tagged.

Storms

Recently the midwinter blahs have collided with one of the worst viruses of my life, and that lovely combo has intersected with an emotionally charged time. The result has been ugly. Although I'm generally described as a positive person, the last few weeks I have been positively negative. Under attack. My little boat is sinking, and more rough water lies ahead. Oh...did I mention that I have a 12 and 15 year old? Throw the unconditional love and support of hormonal teens into the mix...and...let's just say it's truly been a rough spell.


Thankfully I eventually remember to cry out to God when I am down and blue. This down and blue period pushed a little deeper...I couldn't see the way out or an end to the issues. (Poor health decreases my ability to cope) But of course God was still there, and although I'm still in the boat, and the sea is still rough, He has given me an attitude adjustment: Praise.


Our new ladies Bible study begins tomorrow night -- the one on developing a quiet time. The second chapter is entitled "The Principle of Adoration," and contains seven days of learning to adore the Lord. (Week one was the "Principle of Pursuit.")


Let everything that has breath praise the Lord. Praise the Lord!" Psalm 150:6

Last week I felt well enough to begin puttering in our bedroom...it had definitely fallen into disarray, which just further discouraged me. The room is not quite "settled," and my books, especially, have not found their permanent spots. (I have a multiplying book problem, but that's fodder for another blog) In the chaos I came across the book, "The Prayer that Changes Everything" by Stormie O'Martian.

The book is about the power of praise. She relates that at times we go through hard seasons and we need ONLY to praise our Maker and think about Him and not ourselves. Just Him.

When God orchestrates things so that I get the same message from various directions I eventually stop and listen. Thus praise has become my lifeline. (That sounds so complete, but actually I've just begun to scratch the surface of the concept...)


Stormie's book is really blessing me. Let me share a little bit here:


The point was that God wanted me to take our relationship personally. I thought I had been doing that, but He wanted more. ... God wanted to have such free reign in my heart that I would allow Him to break it, pummel it, grind it into sand, and then make something new. That's because He wanted to do something new. ...When God has a hold of you, it's best to not resist.


She is so honest about her pain and the struggle she went through, even though she was strong in Christ even at the beginning of her dark days. The book contains 15 prayers for times "when praise is crucial," which are prayers of scripture woven together, as well as "15 Reasons to Praise God Now." I highly recommend the book...it's great to pray her prayers and look up the Scriptures for further meditation.


In addition to the study and the book, today at church our sermon was entitled "What to do in a storm." Isn't God incredible? It was my moment of Godlight for sure: Without a doubt God is caring for me and my pain from many directions. The storm is indeed here, but I'm not alone in the boat! (You can hear the sermon here along with other great sermons too from our pastor at New Day Church. )


Our worship team introduced a new song today. "Still" Here are the words:


VERSE 1:
Hide me now
Under Your wings
Cover me
Within Your mighty hand.

CHORUS:
When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father, You are King over the flood
I will be still and know You are God. I will be still and know You are God.

VERSE 2:
Find rest, my soul
In Christ alone
Know His power
In quietness and trust.


I'm starting to get the message. :) I'm a slow learner, but not totally hopeless.


Over a number of upcoming posts I will list some names and attributes of God, along with Scriptural references. It will be based on the list Stormie (what a name!) shares in her book.


And so, I go to bed encouraged. I've been reminded of the greatest love of all for this Valentine's week, and I'm going to not only pursue Him, I'm going to adore Him as well.