This too shall pass.

Yes, we are still alive in Milwaukee. But we're soggy!

What a long ten days this has been. The photo shows the morning of June 7. Our late blooming variety of lilacs were just opening, filling the screen porch with the fragrance of heaven. I snuck out early to catch the morning sun and the glorious blooms.

By Sunday morning the bush was pretty much flattened. Inches...7-9, depending on who's counting...of driving rain hit us like a freight train. It just continued and continued, not allowing the earth to gulp it in fast enough. And so...the rain sought low ground.

Our basement was flooded. We knew we had seepage problems on the long south wall, and we had moved some brown dirt to try to alleviate it...but seepage was nothing compared to what we experienced on June 7 and 8. Our sump pump ran continuously...no breaks...for hours on end. And at one point it just couldn't contain the water and the water seemingly flowed through the walls. Thankfully it was one fell swoop, and thankfully it was clean rain water. Many people experienced a mixture of rain and sewer back up.

And so we began the process of lifting all boxes, and all portable furniture, to higher ground. WHAT A JOB. The helplessness and loss of control is a bit overwhelming. It's a force with which to reckon, and there is no time to wallow in pity...it's all hands on deck.

Our daughters moved into the family room, as their lower level bedroom was soggy wet. Since they prefer storing their clothes on the floor rather than the dresser and closet, there were endless loads of laundry. Their belongings, and our belongings, were piled in the garage to dry, and stashed in nooks and crannies throughout the first floor. One word described it from my perspective: chaos.

Long (very long) story short, we fared quite well. Some homes in our village had feet of water in the basement. We had just a covering, and just in one short time span. A lot of shop vac-ing, and a lot of carpet steaming later, our basement is dry but for the corners. We were able to purchase a large industrial fan, and we have a brand new dehumidifier. They are running constantly. The lower bedroom double egress window allows much fresh air in. The drywall and baseboard appear fine, and the carpet is dry and clean.

The Bible verse that kept coming to me was Matthew 6:19:
Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal; for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

I learned a lot this last week.
I learned to treasure a *normal* day. The dull and the routine is quite lovely, actually.
I learned to cope in chaos, and that I need some semblance of order in order to cope well. I kept the living room -- my quiet time spot, and my view to the park -- clear of the piles. I needed one spot to which to escape and look out.
I learned compassion. Seeing a flood on the news will never again be simply cerebral. Been there. Done that.
And I learned, well, I'm learning, that stuff is just stuff. Simpler is better and less is more. Our basement will end up with less in it, I guarantee you!

And I remembered the saying in which my mother found much comfort: This too shall pass. And it has. They're calling it the storm of the century, the "100 year rain." We made it. We're safe and we're sound. This too has passed. Thank you, Father.

Economic Stimulous Package

WELL...

since we received a check from the government in hopes of stimulating the economy, it seemed unAmerican to not turn around and spend it...

And since my husband and I could use some relationship time, as well as some exercise...

And since we live in an enclosed suburb where everything we need is within two or three miles...

We chose to spend most of our check on a kind of fun item.

Yep, that's a TREK tandem bike (who knew?) with a removable basket, a light, a bell and a tripometer. (my husband, the accountant, of course wants to log in miles and speeds...) We've taken it on a few test runs, and even those have reminded me of muscles long forgotten!

This is more relationally challenging than you might guess, for the person in the back has no brakes, no gears, and no steering. The person in the front has to communicate all intentions of turning, since the person in the back has to lean properly. Even coasting at the same time is a challenge.

This might indeed improve marital trust and communication!

Springtime in Wisconsin.

Hesed

Hosea 6:6 is an old testament summary of what is important to God:

Hosea 6:6 (NASB95) For I delight in loyalty rather than sacrifice, And in the knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings.

The word "loyalty" is an interesting translation of Strongs number 2617: Chesed. Hesed. "This aspect of God is one of several important features of His character: truth; faithfulness; mercy; steadfastness; justice; righteousness; goodness." (Complete Word Study Dictionary Old Testament)

Hesed: lovingkindness, mercy, love, and in the New Testament, grace.

I have begun marking this word in all its forms in my Bible. I color it over with a light blue cloud with a yellow outline, the same way that Precepts suggests marking the word "grace." Marking key words in my Bible helps me to concentrate, and it makes the words and the concepts pop off the page.

God's lovingkindness is at the base of who He is. Psalm 136 uses the word 26 times. Read it here and ponder anew what God's lovingkindness entails. Make a list. When you start to dig into it, the list might surprise you!

God delights in lovingkindness and in knowledge of Him. Do our priorities reflect a desire to delight Him?

" Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, For His lovingkindness is everlasting. Give thanks to the God of gods, For His lovingkindness is everlasting. Give thanks to the Lord of lords, For His lovingkindness is everlasting. To Him who alone does great wonders, For His lovingkindness is everlasting; To Him who made the heavens with skill, For His lovingkindness is everlasting; To Him who spread out the earth above the waters, For His lovingkindness is everlasting; To Him who made the great lights, For His lovingkindness is everlasting: The sun to rule by day, For His lovingkindness is everlasting, The moon and stars to rule by night, For His lovingkindness is everlasting. To Him who smote the Egyptians in their firstborn, For His lovingkindness is everlasting, And brought Israel out from their midst, For His lovingkindness is everlasting, With a strong hand and an outstretched arm, For His lovingkindness is everlasting. To Him who divided the Red Sea asunder, For His lovingkindness is everlasting, And made Israel pass through the midst of it, For His lovingkindness is everlasting; But He overthrew Pharaoh and his army in the Red Sea, For His lovingkindness is everlasting. To Him who led His people through the wilderness, For His lovingkindness is everlasting; To Him who smote great kings, For His lovingkindness is everlasting, And slew mighty kings, For His lovingkindness is everlasting: Sihon, king of the Amorites, For His lovingkindness is everlasting, And Og, king of Bashan, For His lovingkindness is everlasting, And gave their land as a heritage, For His lovingkindness is everlasting, Even a heritage to Israel His servant, For His lovingkindness is everlasting. Who remembered us in our low estate, For His lovingkindness is everlasting, And has rescued us from our adversaries, For His lovingkindness is everlasting; Who gives food to all flesh, For His lovingkindness is everlasting. Give thanks to the God of heaven, For His lovingkindness is everlasting." (Psalm 136, NASB95)

Mother's Day

Mother's Day brought many emotions as it always does.

My mother has been gone for four years...celebrating in heaven with Rachel, my sister who died at birth, 15 years before I was born. My mother was a very difficult person, haunted by her own childhood and also mental illness, so even when she was alive Mother's Day was difficult.

Frank's mother lives less than a block away, along with his father. She is a saint of a mother, and highly revered by her five children. Unfortunately, her idea of Mother's Day is to find a restaurant that will hold all 28 of us and sit in long rows for a buffet. She is the reigning matriarch, and I begrudge her nothing...it's her day. However, I really dislike the cattle like feeling of Mother's Day at a buffet. Yesterday I found a niece, Allison, age 9, to buddy with, and so that was fun. There are 16 grand children, ten of which are 9 and under. It's a bit of a zoo.

Joey, our oldest, had two final exams yesterday. There's something unamerican about an institution having finals on Mother's Day. I did awake to a "beep" on my Blackberry at 1 am Sunday with a Happy Mother's Day message from him. And he called after his exams, hoping we'd come and take him to dinner. We opted not to spend the 3 hours round trip in the car at that point. We'll visit him soon.

Emily, first daughter, had sent a card earlier in the week. She is very creative, and made the card with scrapbooking papers, sequins, and pudgy paint pens. I could imagine her and her buddies having a craft day. That so warms my heart because it is so...like me! :) Emily also called mid afternoon which was a lovely treat.

Jake, my baby (and always will be, though he's 5'6" at age 12) proudly presented me with a Starbucks gift card inscribed to me. That's my boy!

Anna, age 15, did nothing. I wrote in my journal in the afternoon that while that was disappointing, honestly, it is what is to be expected from age 15. Normal is good.

Frank and I had ventured to Home Depot's garden center on Saturday, and there I picked out a gerbera daisy in orange...potted with some grasses. The picture is above. For now it is on our kitchen table, but it will make the transition to outdoors for the summer. Gerbera daisies are the epitome of "happy" flower to me...they simply make me smile. I've never had much luck keeping them alive though. But...try, try, try again. Frank's gift of flowers (flowers are always a winner for me!) was supplemented by two cards on my pillow on Sunday morning, one being from a dog's perspective, from Boomer. That made me laugh.

And so Mother's Day was.

Once home from the herding buffet, the day was my own. I chose to spread out with laptop and Bible study, getting my lesson for the week organized while blogging and reading blogs. Purely delightful. Also enjoyed the Sunday Times. We shared a frozen pizza well into the evening -- we were all still full from the buffet.

At midnight I snuck into our room, and as I lay down my head encountered a book on my pillow. The night light revealed a small journal. Instant tears. This small book had been passed between Anna and I for a few years, starting when she was 7. There are maybe 2 dozen entries total...half hers and half mine. The last post had been June 19, 2003. That is until Anna added 3 pages yesterday: May 11, 2008.

I have no idea where she found it. So many keepsakes are still boxed from our move. I read the old entries...and wept. What a treasure. And then I read the three pages from yesterday.

Three pages from a 15 year old's heart. She apologized for a few hurts. She asked for my prayers. She related her excitement of prom this coming Friday. She thanked me. And then she wrote this:

Thank you again for everything. You a great mom. (sic) And even though sometimes I forget for selfish reasons, I want you to know that I wouldn't choose anyone other than you to be there for me. I'm sorry for all the times I have caused you pain (I know there has been a lot) and I'm sorry for all the times I may hurt you again (hopefully far less). I love you mom and happy mother's day. Love ya! Anna. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxox Oh! And here's a coupon for a cup of coffee and a girls outing on me! Use it wisely. :P

Well, let me tell you that this mother's heart drifted off to sleep quite contentedly. Beyond that. We have four children, age 12 to 20, and even in these difficult tween and teen years I am blessed to have open communication and good relations with each of them. What more could a mother's day hold?

The New York Times

For the second week in a row I've picked up the Sunday NY Times. Truth be known I get it for the crossword puzzle, but it's actually quite interesting to peruse.

"Book Review" is a great section, even if just to see the lists of Best Sellers and read short synopses of recent releases. I was surprised to see Friday Night Knitting Club as the number four paperback in "Trade Fiction." (don't know what "trade fiction" designates...) Loving Frank is number 9. In my humble opinion there is no comparison in the writing of these two books...Frank being one of the most beautifully written books I've ever read.

One review really irritates me. In fact the book title irritates me: The Ten-Year Nap. The premise appears to be that now that main character Amy has a ten year old, and since she has given up her career to stay home for ten years, she is at loose ends. The review describes the book as asking the question "...what is the proper role for a postindustrial, post second-wave-of-feminism woman at midlife?"

Hmmmm. The main character is 41 -- is there not plenty of time left for career? (she's a lawyer!) The child is ten -- does he not still need a lot of care and direction? And GOOD GRIEF...raising this son is described as a "nap?" That is so offensive that I'm blogging about a book I'll never read! A woman, Penelope Green, wrote the book. Does she have children? A nap? As in life is on hold while I rest up for ten years? A nap?!?!

Ok...whew...I'll move on...

I enjoyed receiving my NYTimes today: at the drive through window at Starbucks. Ha. It doesn't get lazier than that. Did you know the Sunday Times is 5 bucks? You better believe I'll look through ALL the sections...

Some *might* suggest that I have a purse obsession, (which actually would make a great blog post some day), but my bag investment looks like small potatoes when compared with those featured in the "The New York Times Magazine." (the same section that contains the Sunday crossword) The Dior bag in "Style" comes in at $8,990. whew. And I thought I was splurging on Coach...

The "Travel" section highlights Morocco today, a destination as likely for me as the Dior store...

"Sunday Styles" points us to a blog on "Mad Pride," "A movement about mental illness in the style of gay pride." Hmmmm. Is that not an offensive comparison? Hmmmm. "Just as gay-rights activists reclaimed the word queer as a badge of honor rather than a slur, these advocates proudly call themselves mad; they say their conditions do not preclude them from productive lives." Queer is a badge of honor? Who knew? "A Bonkersfest in London ...drew 3,000 participants." Wow. Just when I think I've heard it all...

Obama is featured on the front page, as well as in "Week in Review," with both sections featuring photos of him and him alone on the front cover. Hmmmmm.

So anyhow, you'll likely begin to notice that I'm becoming *much* more cultured and knowledgeable as I read the Sunday Times.

Actually, I really just like the crossword puzzle...

Loving Frank

Loving Frank by Nancy Horan

It is hard to overstate how compelling this book was for me to read. Loving Frank appealed to me on many levels, fascinated me, and shredded me. As it ends I am mourning.

The architectural accounts are moving. To read of Frank Lloyd Wright’s creativity, his drive, his ambition, and his consuming passions was to taste his genius. My appetite is whetted. I want to drive to Oak Park and to Taliesin to study his buildings, and also read his autobiography. His character and his work fascinate me though prior to the read I knew relatively little about the man.

The love story is nothing short of riveting. This affair was not about physical passion, but about soul mate love. Each had a love that pushed the other to greatness; a love where each became interested in that which fascinated the beloved. In this love each of the participants flourished, yet the story relates raw pain and gut wrenching truth as it reveals the collision of two passionate souls. It is not a romanticized tale: the fall out of their extramarital affair is great.

Mamah’s translations of feminist writings give voice to women’s issues. While I see flaws in the thinking, the flaws of that day’s society are also evident. When Mamah discovered the writings, as well as her own voice, her character grew. The translation work seemingly saved her from very dark days. It tore into my mother’s heart to read that her affair and her writing left two small children to find their own way. Her tender motherhood combined with her seemingly impossible situation brings both compassion and outrage. Part of me rejects her choices, and part of me understands.

The love of nature is a theme which resonates throughout the story. The details and the vivid accounts are breathtakingly beautiful.

The book details a love which breaks promises to both God and man. Yet it moves not to condemnation, but rather to compassion. It relates the story of the human condition. The affair takes Mamah quite by surprise – sweeps over her, and it’s as if her life can never be the same after meeting him. Life is changed. Her choices leave much about which to debate.

This is not a book for the faint hearted. It is well written, passionate, compelling and tragic. That this is the author’s first novel is astonishing. I read it with pencil in hand, underlining phrases and lines that gave me pause. I will go back to savor these words.

Finishing this book is like the end of a relationship. I miss Mamah. I miss their great love and synchronous genius. I miss reading of how the children are faring. I miss the fields, the fireplace, the house built into the rock. The story is gripping and haunting, and not soon to be forgotten. I am changed.

still kickin'

Such a long time between postings. April was simply a whirlwind.

Work took me in many directions, most notably my first visit to Ohio: Cleveland and Cincinnati. Other April Wisconsin destinations included Lacrosse, Madison, Tomah, Hudson, and last night Pewaukee overnight. Today I am putting my suitcase back under the bed where it belongs!

In the beginning of this blog I promised to look for "Pockets of Joy," and recently there have been many overflowing pockets. Although there are some major challenges in my life, God is liberally sprinkling blessing. I'm enjoying searching out those blessed moments.

In Cincinnati I was absolutely spent as I checked into the Hilton for a three day conference. I wearily asked the desk clerk if any upgrades were available. Due to my husband's frequent travel, we are Gold Honors members, and so I was upgraded. On the sixteenth floor I found myself in a double sized suite down the hall from the Belvidere Club...an exclusive club for Gold Honors members and higher. The room was dreamy, with a comfy club chair and ottoman, spacious desk area, two queen beds in fluffy cloud linens and an extra deep soaking tub. The Belvidere club was well stocked with fruit, coffee, soda, water bottles, hors d'eouvres and our own continental breakfasts. This club kitchenette was surrounded on two sides with a balcony and outdoor seating, and the club also had a business room complete with computers and printers plus a large lounge area with flat screen TVs, couches and chairs. I didn't know these clubs existed in hotel chains...whew was I spoiled. Since my room was just down the hall, I found myself going at all times day and night to refill my coffee and grab some fruit. What a treat.

I have blogged before about the delight this mom of four finds in a hotel room alone. To have a deluxe huge room was amazing. As I studied at my desk, I journaled many verses of thanksgiving, feeling pampered and spoiled by the King himself...it was a very personal feeling. I needed some balm, and the alone time and the spoiling was perfect. It was hard to check out of that room, even after three nights.

Last night I was only an hour from home, but a late night networking reception followed by early morning meetings afforded me a room. The only room left at my reservation time was the "Governor's Suite." WHEW. This hotel room had a HALLWAY. The bathroom was the size of a normal hotel room, anchored by a two person pedestal whirlpool bathtub in the center. A walk in shower filled a corner, and an enclosed commode took another. The other side was a wall of mirrors with a long marble double vanity. I could live in that bathroom. The living room and dining room (yes you read that right) were separated from the giant bedroom containing reading nook and king sized bed.

Once I checked in I began to doubt the necessity of that late night networking session... ha. Back in the room at midnight I filled that monster tub and soaked until I could no longer stay above water. (I did not, by the way, use the remote mounted next to the tub to turn on the flat screen TV on the wall in front of the tub. GOOD GRIEF! )

After I showered to wash my hair this morning, I took another hot swirling bath...I just couldn't help myself.

And so, yes, I've been quite spoiled in the month of April. But in spite of it all there is no place like home. Home is where I intend to spend the month of May, staying put to tidy up, garden, putter, study and blog. May will contain pockets of joy as well...right here at home.

Coffee Bar

We have a large foyer in our modest 2000 sf ranch home. Neither of our previous homes had a foyer of any kind -- the front door entered the living room -- so when we were looking for this, likely our final home, a "foyer" was on the list. We did indeed get a foyer - it might be the biggest room in the house!

And in that foyer we have a coffee bar. Really! I was just dusting it and putting away wintery mugs...and I felt blessed anew to have such a space. We love to have people over, and what better greeting than the smell of freshly brewed coffee as you walk in the door?

When we first looked at the house, the bar was...a bar. Photos of the "before," our daughter painting, and now the finished coffee bar are above. Complete with mugs, flavorings, teas, coffees, cocoas, add-ins, stir sticks and the beverage makers, it's a one stop shop. Come on over!

Precepts Training

Just home from two days at Precepts training. On Friday I took a free course entitled Biblical Prayer, and today I took the Advanced Leader Training. Life changing is the only way to describe it.

The mission of Precepts Ministries is "To Establish People in God's Word." Inductive Bible study is different in that the student does the digging. The student is encouraged to thoroughly study the Word on it's own, using context and cross references, before using any commentary. An inductive study Bible contains no commentary, no study notes. The student adds her own study notes, and also color coding.

For today's leader training, we had done three weeks of homework in advance. One week was on 1 Samuel 21-23, comparing the history to the emotion David recorded in Psalms 34, 56, 142, 52 and 54. One week was on Daniel 7, Old Testament Prophecy. And one week was on Matthew 5:1-4, the first two beatitudes. Varied homework to typify varied teaching methods.

The *best* was the insight into the Beatitudes. The meaning of blessed, poor in spirit and mourn.

Each of the words deserves it's own blog. I'll start with blessed.

The Greek word translated “blessed” is makárioi (3107), which means to be “fully satisfied.” This satisfaction is not the result of favorable circumstances in life. It comes only from being indwelt by Christ. Therefore, it would be wrong to translate makárioi “happy” because happy is connected with luck or favorable circumstances. (definition from Zodhiates, Spiros ; Baker, Warren: The Complete Word Study Bible : King James Version. electronic ed. Chattanooga : AMG Publishers, 2000, c1991, c1994)

Full satisfaction regardless of life circumstance; that is what the beatitudes are all about.

This is Christ's recipe for living the abundant life of John 10:10. It is a recipe containing the opposite of what our world wants to tell us will make us happy.

Blessed. We all want to be blessed. Christ tells us how.


Matthew 5:3-12
3 "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4 "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
5 "Blessed are the gentle, for they shall inherit the earth.
6 "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.
7 "Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.
8 "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.
9 "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.
10"Blessed are those who have been persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
11 "Blessed are you when people insult you and persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me.
12 "Rejoice and be glad, for your reward in heaven is great; for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.NASB95

The recipe for blessed. That's worth some study.

April 16

Out of town for work, I called our oldest daughter (second child) to go to dinner. My work convention is in the same town as her university.

Tonight was the night I have hoped for and dreamed of and many times thought I’d never see… my oldest daughter and I related as friends. I am teary just typing it.

When she was little I would sing “You are my Sunshine” to her, and she was. But somewhere in her early teens the stormclouds blew in, and in her defense I was so busy with all four of them that we lost connection. We had some rough years, some really bad verbal exchanges, and a few times I thought I had lost her. It's amazing how rough some of those teen age years can be. But tonight we turned a corner.

We got to Outback (her request…she knows that her older brother and I have "Outback Nights" when I visit him at college) and ordered. We started talking about boy X and then Boy Y, and it became obvious that she is not dating at the moment. She lamented “if I don’t meet my husband in college, where will I meet him?” She seemed to be struggling.

She shared that she is so organized and has all these lists…just like me. She asked if we could make a list of what she should look for in a man. I almost fell off my seat. Of course I said yes, and she got out a post it note and began. We went back and forth for the whole meal, choosing the list ingredients after much thought and agreement. She also told me she’d not consider dating someone I disapproved of. That was so amazing. I thanked her. I warned her that when you’re in love your brain falls out, so it was good to set the parameters ahead of time and to write them down.

About half way through I asked her to make me a copy of the list to put in my journal. And she did. I told her I might make it into a power point at her wedding and then rate her groom. (and indeed I will) She laughed but still made me a list, and then signed and dated it.

This is typed exactly as she wrote it…same order, punctuation, etc. [the bracketed explanations are my additions here]


“The List”

• hard worker
• “Christian”
• Communicator
• Tall
• Friends [he should have good friendships]
• Values Family
• Creative thinker
• adores me
• gentleman
• treats everyone nicely [I suggested she watch how he treats waiters in restaurants, does he hold the door for strangers, etc.]
• passionate but not obsessed [has interests, but they don’t run his life]
• makes me laugh!

Speaking as a co author, I’m thinking that’s a pretty good list.

Of course I assured her that she’d meet the right man, there is no rush, she’s 18 and smart and beautiful and the whole world is before her. The world is her oyster.

I fairly floated back to the hotel room. A corner has been turned. A new relationship has begun. A mother's heart is content.

I'm a 35

The Radisson has Sleep Number beds. Each side of this king sized bed can be adjusted by remote control to the perfect sleep number.
I'm a 35. In the words of the infamous Goldilocks...it's not too hard, and it's not too soft...it's just right.
I have the other side of the bed set to 70; I'm pretty sure I could sleep on that side too...

A king sized bed all to myself in a deluxe hotel room...dial whatever number you choose...it's all good!

Fiesta

The seven of us Saturday Morning Bible Study gals went out last week. Five of us were celebrating our birthdays, and received the singing waiter treatment complete with flan and sombreros. These are the times to remember.

Amuse bouche

More inspiration.
Picked up a magazine -- which is more like a coffee table book in quality and price -- titled Artful Blogging. Who knew that blogging was now featured in a periodical?

Having only scanned it thus far, it appears to be the second volume, and it features blog sites of artists: artists who blog to help market their craft. And my oh my do those artists know how to create beautiful sites.

I'm a blog novice, utilizing the free blogspot site. If anyone has a link to a great explanation on how to fancy up a site, or create a custom backdrop, let me know. My creative juices are flowing.

I'm purposefully savoring the magazine...one blogger's layout at a time is enough to fill my senses. One that immediately grabbed me is http://parisbreakfasts.blogspot.com/ I haven't actually gone to the site, I've just admired what's published in the magazine. (I'm afraid to go to the site -- more hours are needed...) Here's a sample paragraph:

I like to think of each blog post as a morning "amuse bouche" -- a small bite, full of Parisien flavor for readers to enjoy with their coffee. Most contain a watercolor, photos, and a story. Ideally, I want to bring back memories of Paris past or arouse desires to visit anew. It has to work for me. I have to be inspired too.

Amuse bouche. What a great phrase. What a great way to read a delicious magazine, to enjoy a garden, to eat a biscotti with my latte: une amuse bouche at a time...

Inspire

Thank you to BL whose belated birthday greeting I just received and read. In it she conveyed how much my blog has meant to her, like the reacquainting of an old friend. (she moved far far away!) And so, here I am. Inspired again.

Starbucks has the cutest new mugs. A little white one with a pink painted center and a pink simple flower on it's front is now in my sink. Beneath the bloom is the word "inspire." A friend in our Bible study gave it to me yesterday. What a lovely word. Inspire.

Diane inspired me on Sunday when she went to the lakefront with me, toting along a copy of Organizing from the Inside Out by Julie Morgenstern. Organization books intrigue me (I'm a freak -- well aware of it) and so since I had a birthday gift card to Borders I stopped today to pick it up. It's sitting here just waiting for me. Buying it and seeing it on my desk has inspired me...I'm cleaning our bedroom and once again trying to find a place for everything so that everything can be in its place. It's not hopeless, really. I just never quite get there...

Lest you think I'm a slob, it's actually not the case. My main rooms are generally in fabulous shape and ready for guests. Seasonal items are arranged and often updated. The rooms are lovely and comfortable and home.

However

My private space is another matter. Perhaps the problem is that I want to have EVERYTHING easily accessible. What is everything you ask? Well, to start with, as I look around me, I see:

journal; laptop; Bible; Organizing book; colored pencils; Precepts study; totebag; quilt in process; basket of sewing supplies; stationary, stationary and more stationary; birthday cards, well...a lot of many types of cards...organized in baskets, of course; a Longaberger basket of stickers (for envelopes); a rattan basket of electronic pieces and parts; a rattan basket of receipts; a basket of assorted post it notes (have I mentioned the pen and paper obsession?); books on knitting; actual knitting; inspiring quilt books; a few photos; a basket of tiny prayer books, lists and verses; tabs that need to go into my Precepts binder; two packs of neon filler paper (did I mention...oh...yes I see that I did...); a basket of pens...I think I'll stop now.

Considering that all of this is within arm's reach, my area looks pretty good. Baskets on shelves within an entertainment center with etched glass doors, as well as on a tall bookshelf on the other side of my desk/sewing table. The desk is in front of a narrow window with a view of our front yard pine tree. There's also a TV in the entertainment center, with a DVD and a VCR, and a love seat on this side of the bedroom. I've become quite attached to this whole end of the room, but it was looking a bit random, and there are a few piles. When cleaning all the other rooms of the house, if I don't know what to do with an item...I send it to my room. Thus today's focus.

I've interspersed the organizing with writing four cards, folding laundry, some closet organization, a bit of writing, and now the blog. It's a perfect rainy afternoon...puttering in my little world, bringing order and beauty while also accomplishing some nagging to do's.

Sigh. Only another 1.5 hours until it's time to prepare the tacos. (also on today's list...did I mention the "Tuesday off work" list?) Even with the mundane tasks taking up precious time, I am so thankful to have a flexible job with an occasional day off to get somewhat caught up.

And inspired.

Sunshine

Having found the "queen chair" (a folding sling back beach chair with just the right angles and a puffy pillow that just fits my neck when I lean way back...) and dragged it to the patio, I am lounging in the bright warm sun, drinking a cranberry lemonade and reading Mrs. Whaley and Her Charleston Garden by Emily Whaley. Actually, I'm holding the aforementioned book, but mostly just sitting with my head against the pillow and soaking in my old friend -- sunshine. I'm basking.

The first warm spring day in Wisconsin is something to experience. This year it is so long awaited that it has taken on almost a reverence. As I type I can still see pockets of snow in the woods, but soon the long four straight months of snowy white will be just a memory. A long long wet cold memory.

So, here's the quote that pried me in from my perch to log on and type:

Though there are other ways to finance your gardening, one successful way is to choose carefully whom you marry. A good and generous man is needed, one who knows how to make money and enjoys sharing it, one who is himself not interested in the actual pursuit of gardening but likes to be proud of the premises.

The book is written by an 82 year old opinionated, enthusiastic gardener in Charleston, South Carolina. Little life lessons are woven into a rambling narrative about her lush garden and outspoken joie de vivre.

Happy Spring!

Summary

Quick catch up for you avid readers...

• Just finished the book The History of Love by Nicole Krauss. Very very rarely do I read books twice, but I might read this one again. It was an endearing story of elderly male friendship, lost love, and a mysterious manuscript. Throughout the read I was confused but enthralled. In the last pages I started to put together who was who and how they were related. It's one of those books that you want to read with a paper and pencil so that you can track the cast of characters. Interesting read.
• Now reading Beautiful Boy: a father's journey through his son's addiction by David Sheff. This father wrote an article about the same subject for the NYTimes, won an award, and subsequently expanded it into this book. It's a page turner and a heart breaker. One of my closest friends has a nineteen year old daughter working to kick a heroine habit, and someone very close to me is addicted to crystal meth. And so while the reading is hard, I feel it is beneficial for me to know a close up and compassionate view of addiction. (btw...if anyone knows how to underline in blogger, do let me know...it's not on my toolbar...thus the book titles are not underlined)
• It's raining hard today. There's still melting snow. The sump pump is in overdrive and there are puddles in the basement. SIGH. We need some major landscape and patio work.
• Two of my three brothers were here for the week end. While it's always great to see them, it tends to be tiring as I cook and continually pick up behind everyone.
• I'm such a morning loner. When my brothers and husband were in my three favorite quiet time spots on Sunday morning, I did indeed pout. And then I found a new spot. This house has a lot of good nooks and crannies!
• My husband took a new job on Friday. He will be working for a huge company based in Milwaukee but flying around the country to check up on things. His title will be Compliance Manager (accounting) and he'll be traveling up to 35% of the time. We're excited about the frequent flyer miles!!
• Three overnight work trips in April will keep me busy. The first is tomorrow for two nights, then three nights beginning the 16th and finally four nights beginning the 28th. I love traveling on my own. I think it feels like such a LUXURY to have a hotel room to myself after so many years of sharing with my dear children and husband. (although we shared the tent more often than a hotel room)
• My 45th birthday came and went and was well celebrated.
• I'm currently beating my brother, who actually IS a brain surgeon, for the second game out of two in Scrabble. It's a riot. He is SO frustrated, SO competitive and is actually doing math to see who would have won if I wouldn't have had the "X "or whatever. GOOD GRIEF. It is a little sister (by 11 years!) dream come true. Hehe. The downside is I think we'll have to keep playing til he wins one.

That's it for the update. More on my Bible study at another time. For now I have to go work on it while I have an hour alone before picking up Jake for an orthodontist appointment. My brother is out with my dad, so I have the house to myself. YEAH.

PS Don't forget I love HELLOS in the comments. :)

a heart like His

My Precepts training homework pack came in the mail...I'm a junkie...can't wait to dive in.

And right off the bat I'm challenged by looking at 1 Samuel 13:14 and then defining what IS a man after God's own heart.

1Sa 13:14 "But now your kingdom shall not endure. The LORD has sought out for Himself a man after His own heart, and the LORD has appointed him as ruler over His people, because you have not kept what the LORD commanded you."

Obviously David was not perfection, so that's not what God was looking for. The study guide takes me to Acts 13:22

Ac 13:22 "After He had removed him, He raised up David to be their king, concerning whom He also testified and said, 'I HAVE FOUND DAVID the son of Jesse, A MAN AFTER MY HEART, who will do all My will.'

That's what I love about studying the Word Precepts style...the premise is to have the Word explain itself rather than to read what commentators have found. Honestly, it just really gets me going...

"Who will do all my will." That's what God is looking for.

All. In the Greek that means... ALL.

To have a heart like His may be to be so trusting that wanting to do other than God's will is foreign; the wisdom to know that anything other than God's will is inferior. To go against God's will is settling. I tend to be a perfectionist, so to "settle for less" irritates me. And yet. Whenever I willfully, or even automatically, choose my own path...am I not settling? Why would I do that? Deep down I must think I know better. Now isn't that ridiculous?

It's that trust issue again.

Back to studying... Even though the opening paragraph gave me enough to ponder for the day, I have three weeks of homework to complete before my Advanced Leader Training class on April 19th. I took today off work, and honestly, this is what I love doing more than anything else. Digging in.

I will be shopping with our 15 year old daughter later...she's on spring break...and that's what she chose for our mom/daughter activity. Our 12 year old son hasn't chosen his mom activity yet... which makes me nervous...

I'm off...Happy Wednesday to all.

Resignation

The one true way of dying to self is the way of patience, meekness, humility, and resignation to God.
-- Andrew Murray

Why is resignation to God so difficult?
I am aware that He loves me.
I am aware that He's smarter than me. And wiser.
I am aware that He knows all, and that He never makes a mistake.
I am aware that He can see a much larger picture than I can.
And yet
I don't quite trust Him.
Why is that?

The dentist

OK...I'm a dental wimp. I'll just admit it right up front.

Yesterday I was there for three hours...first the cleaning, and then the replacement of an old silver filling that evidently was wearing out.

As the very kind dentist brought the very noisy drill to my face, she told me to raise my left hand at any time if I felt discomfort or wanted her to stop. [I was tempted to raise it immediately, but I resisted] This was after having 4 rounds of needles stuck into my jaw and mouth to numb the back lower left jaw, but before prying my mouth open to get to the culprit...a worn filling in the very farthest tooth.

And so the drilling began. At first it was ok, but then...oh my...I felt it. I'm sure she didn't hit a nerve, but she did hit a non numb spot of some sort. I almost knocked her over with the speed of my left hand being raised. Back came the long needles of anesthesia... I felt every poke , which concerned her as I should have been numb. And so she added a few more shots just to be on the safe side.

As she began the drilling again, I was in a quandry. Of course I wanted to raise my left hand and make her stop. I wanted to close my poor jaw for a few moments just to rest it. But I knew that if I stopped her I was simply prolonging the inevitable. The filling was now half out, and there was no leaving until the job was complete. I was a basket case. Before you write me off as a complete wimp, please know that I delivered a ten pound baby without pain meds. But this was different. This was the dentist. The dentist is worse.

I lived through the ordeal, although my jaw is still aching today. And it took a really long time for my jaw to un-numb...

Today as I've been pondering Good Friday, I thought about the choice involved. Every other person who has ever endured flogging, beating or crucifixion has had no choice in the matter. There was no left hand to be raised for a break in the action. The torture was uncontrollable.

But Christ had options. I've never thought about that before. Not only could he have requested a stop, He could have had ten thousand angels wipe out His enemies and jet Him to heaven. His Godhood made choices possible. His manhood made the torture unbearable. And yet He remained, and submitted to the pain. He realized that salvation could not be provided without His atoning blood.

My dental visit was nothing. I know that. I was in a comfortable chair, with compassionate people, in a sterile environment for a simple procedure.

Christ's ordeal was unspeakable. There was nothing comfortable, nothing compassionate, nothing sterile, nothing simple. And yet He stayed on that cross. For me. For You.

Thank you, dear Savior, for enduring hell on my behalf.

Fill My Cup

My dear friend Margo once gave me a wire candle holder, maybe 10 inches tall, in the shape of a primitive human form holding a glass cup in the air. The cup holds the candle. She has one too, on her bedside table, to remind her to hold her cup up to the Lord.

Beth Moore’s Praying God’s Word reminded me of this. “We each have our unmet needs, and we carry them around all day long like an empty cup. In one way or another, we hold out that empty cup to the people in our lives and say, “Can somebody please fill this? Even a tablespoon would help!” Whether we seek to have our cup filled through approval, affirmation, control, success, or immediate gratification, we are miserable until something is in it. I have come to dearly love and appreciate Psalm 143:8: Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul. What a heavy yoke is shattered when we awaken in the morning, bring our hearts, minds, and souls and all their “needs” to the Great Soul-ologist, offer Him our empty cups and ask Him to fill them with Himself!” (page 91)

I’ve been humming an old song…a song that was popular in our church in the 70’s… "Fill My Cup Lord.”

Like the woman at the well I was seeking
For things that could not satisfy
And then I heard my Savior speaking
Come to the well that never will run dry
Fill my cup Lord, I lift it up Lord,
Come and quench this thirsting of my soul
Bread of heaven, feed me til I want no more
Fill my cup, fill it up and make me whole.

While Margo was not referring directly to Beth Moore’s chapter above, she recently described how she had come to see her situation. She said she realized she had been relying on certain people to fill her cup. She pictured herself asking them to fill her …people who were needy themselves and had nothing to offer. And while she wandered begging for a drop here and a drop there, she was missing God’s Niagara Falls all around her. What a word picture. Am I blind to what God offers to me? Psalm 143 shows the psalmist asking daily to be filled with the knowledge of God’s unfailing love. (the only unfailing love, no matter how many other sources I may hope will satisfy…)

Some of us are natural cup fillers: we have a lot of people coming to us to be filled. Perhaps we "fillers" have the deepest need of sitting close to Niagara daily, of seeking that quenching each morning. Sometimes my neediness surprises me since I am generally so strong. And yet I realize I’ve been holding my cup up to sources that cannot fill me when I need to hold it up to God alone. God will never disappoint. Never. His living water can satiate me, fill me to the point of not needing other people’s approval or affection. (those may come, but my fullness will not depend on it) His fullness will then overflow to the lives around me, and I won't end up emptied because I'll stay beneath the Source.

Living with a full cup sounds less disappointing, less vulnerable, and so much more fulfilled. It all starts with Him. Each day and every day. Of course. It really is so simple...

Back in Action!

It’s been a while since I’ve blogged. Three of you have recently written to ask if I’m ok, so here I am…nudged out of my silence. The silence is the result of working full time plus (rather than my usual 24 hours a week), water in our basement which is mostly an emotional strain (sigh) and just a general resurgence of health with the accompanying busyness.

The flu that changed everything.
As you’ve read, I had the flu. The flu to end all flus. But I’m actually thankful for it in retrospect, as I believe it changed my life.

I realized that my blood sugar numbers were out of control as my body fought the illness, and in actuality my poor body couldn’t fight both issues. And so I stayed sick. In my couch time I did a lot of reading on low carb diabetes solutions, and also talked to my doctor at length. I had been in diabetic denial way too long, and my metabolism was pretty messed up. Then when a diabetic is sick the body responds with increased sugar levels and ineffective insulin, so everything escalates. I was really sick. As a result…life changed. I’ve been low carb for about 4 or 5 weeks, and the results are amazing. I’ve lost 12 pounds…but that’s not even the best part. The best part is that I’m beginning to feel like *me* again. I am a high energy person, and for the last year (?) that energy has not been available. But I’m coming back! This morning as I fought to get out of bed I realized that my morning sugars are nearing normal so that I can doze and rest…while previously my high sugar count (always highest in the morning) had awakened me in jitters and unrest. My metabolism is not yet normal, may never be, but it is WAY better and I feel like a million bucks. That’s exciting. The food is getting a little dull… meats, cheese, nuts, salads, lots and lots of veggies and the occasional fruit. I indulge in a piece or two of dark chocolate every day, and Starbucks’ “tall skinny half caff cinnamon dolce latte” is the treat of choice. Also I’ve just discovered Mike’s Light Hard Cranberry Lemonade which is only 6 carbs and quite delish. So…I’ll live. My basic approach is based on South Beach diet, and really is quite balanced and healthy. I just miss the junk of junk food. !!

My work goes in streaks, and I’ve just finished a streak of three 40 plus hour weeks which is unusual for me. The office is 45 minutes away, so that makes for long days. Coming home to make dinner and run kids leaves very little blog time. I love my job – truly love it – so other than not having enough hours in any day, all is fine. It will slow again… maybe. I’m at that weird point in a career where I could majorly escalate in work and responsibility…and half of me wants to…

Let’s see. Reading: just finished Friday Night Knitting Club which was readable but so disappointing in writing quality. I kept getting stuck in non sentences. Maybe I’m an editor at heart! I’d read, and then reread to see what I missed, and indeed it was simply poorly written. I finished it though, once I got used to the style. Nice easy read… gets a 5 out of 10. I’m not sure what I’m going to pick up next… (stay tuned)

Gilmore Girls. I’m on season 7, disk 3…and season 7 is the end. I’m not sure *why* I love it so much, but it is mindless entertainment at its best. The characters are all odd, and all extreme…it’s just so incredibly relaxing to me. The mom has some real relational problems (!!!) but she is loveable and her antics make for good discussion. The girls are watching it as well, and my favorite part is that our 12 year old son appears on the loveseat with me when I’m watching…he’d never admit it but he’s hooked as well. He watches with whoever is watching, and in no particular order…he just enjoys the characters.

I rarely watch tv…almost never…so to get hooked on a series like this is most unusual for me. I sort laundry, play internet scrabble or knit while I watch…it’s just thoroughly relaxing. And time consuming.

Bible study. I just received an email that Precepts training is coming to a city nearby, so I’ll sign up tonight. Inductive Bible Study is one of my favorite pastimes, but I’ve not taught a class in about two years. It’s a bit intense, and the participants need to be ready to commit. I feel that both of my studies are ready for a short Precepts class, so we’ll do a 6 week study this summer. Honestly, I’m SO excited to go to the two day training class…and get the three weeks of pre class homework… Not sure *what* I’ll be studying…stay tuned on that as well.

Prayer. Prayer has never been my forte. I love to study. I’m not so good at being still and talking to my God. Well, God decided to put me into an intensive program. A dear friend lost her prayer partner of 15 years to a tragic Christmas night car accident, and she has replaced her with ME. Each Friday morning we connect by phone and pray for 1-1.5 hours. It’s amazing. We pray Scripture, we try to follow A*C*T*S (Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, and Supplication) and make it a time of worship not just ask ask ask. It’s really such a privilege, and it’s changing my life and my focus. I’m also still working through the book, “The Prayer that Changes Everything,” and our current Bible study focuses on developing a consistent prayer life. So, God has put me into the intensive program indeed. My spirits are lifting. I’m not sure what the *magic* is – but the combination of this renewed focus on praise along with changing the eating habits that were literally killing me – it’s been a real boost. I keep saying, “I feel like me again.” That is such an awesome thing. Now…if I could just get back to consistent exercise. That piece is still missing, but will return when I can walk outdoors.

So, there’s the long and the short of it. Life is full. And blessed. And challenging. I’ll try to get back into the blog habit! I can’t wait to get caught up on the ones I read, too! Hopefully I’ll be able to keep up WITHOUT another extended period of couch time.

The name of the Lord

The name of the LORD is a strong tower;
the righteous runs into it and is safe.
Psalm 18:10

El Roi is my favorite name for God. The God who sees. (from Genesis 16) I love that God has seen everything that has brought me to where I am and who I am today. No matter how much I confide in a friend, that person can never really understand. She can't really get it all -- because unless she has 44 years and my memory improves a lot, I can't tell her all. I'm so thankful for long term friends -- friends with whom I don't have to explain so much. I can tell of today and they are able to put my ranting or my raving into the context of who I am and how I've arrived here. That is a gift. But God is the ultimate friend. Not only does He know absolutely everything about me, he's heard every word spoken to me, seen every action around me, and felt what I've felt -- whether I perceived correctly or misinterpreted the circumstances -- He knows how and why I felt like I felt. I just love that.
Perhaps this means that I often feel misunderstood. Hmmmm...hadn't thought of that until this very moment. Hmmmm.
Yesterday I got the *bright* idea to write my own mantra. According to dictionary.com, a mantra is a word or formula, as from the Veda, chanted or sung as an incantation or prayer. I'm not sure what a Veda is (something Hindu...) but the rest works. It will be a stringing together of what I know to be true, something that I can remind myself of when I wake in the morning. This morning I sang "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, there's just something about that name..." in the shower. It's amazingly cleansing and clarifying to simply concentrate on who HE is. Once dried off, I went in mad search of Kay Arthur's book To Know Him By Name. I know that my statement, mantra, must contain El Roi, because I remember that being the name that brought me the most comfort when I studied her book, and I've clung to it ever since.

I'm going to close with Kay's words.

Knowing your God means everything. Everything.
It's the difference between victory and defeat.
It's the difference between rest and constant turmoil.
It's the difference between an abundant overflowing life and a life of barren emptiness.
It's the difference between deliverance and captivity.
It's the difference between finding a refuge and living as a fugitive.
It's the difference between life and death.
It's the difference between heaven and hell.

Kay Arthur believes that every problem in our lives can be traced back to an inadequate or incorrect understanding of who God is.

Some boast in chariots, and some in horses;
but we will boast in the name of the LORD, our God.
Psalm 20:7

Trite

There's a place for trite. I have a couple friends with whom I do not get to share a cup of coffee nearly often enough, and they have commented that they feel like we're having a catch up yak when I type away about the nothings on my blog. Those posts are labeled "ramblings." Just life.

I logged back on just now for a trite update. And something took me to Heather's recent post -- a back and forth discussion with an atheist. Heather is fighting brain cancer, and her daughter has a terminal disability.

This is an amazing post. Along with 90 comments. Wowza.

God can use the world of blog: to reunite friends, to keep contact in a busy world, and to spread the knowledge of Himself and His power.

If you need a break from my trite, read Heather's post. And then pray. Pray for Heather. Pray for the anonymous antangonists who are searching for the answers. Thank God for your blessings. And then make sure you'd know who to turn to if the bottom fell out of your world. God is waiting for you!

Monday's pile...

The pile on the couch is almost funny today. A woman of varied interests sits here.

Stayed up TOO late last night reading Zen and the Art of Knitting by Bernadette Murphy. Got it at the library but want to buy it as it is a sweet book on the calming effect of knitting. Of course there's more to it than that... Here's a quote... "When I knit I stop to look. I take the time to be still and know that God is God. I find in those moments the peace of mind necessary to see clearly the miracle of my own existence, the preciousness of those I love. I get a glimpse once again of the goodness found in daily life and the many, many ways my life is graced."

The thought of hand work is SO appealing to me. And yet there must be an inner struggle with my ADHD side. Start and stop, start and stop.

In junior high I ambitiously knit and finished two coat sweaters. What did we call them... eskimo knits, polar knits...I don't recall, but they had a definite name. They sold for hundreds of dollars even then...made with thick icelandic wool, in a beige with an accent color with which I knit in a pattern...aztec pattern... there WAS a name... Anyhow, my best friend Karla and I knit them... zipper front, no hood. I finished one for me, and then knit one for my sister which Karla blocked and assembled after we moved. At that point in life (15 years old) we moved from Vancouver, Canada to Madison, Wisconsin. (over 2000 miles) I left behind my older sister and brother as well as my sister's sweater and Karla. Sigh. Anyhow, neither of those sweaters are still in our possession (which is almost a crime), I still write to Karla at Christmas, and my sister is still in Canada -- we aren't overly close but we keep in touch. While there I also began a baby sweater...the opposite type of yarn -- almost thread. That project moved with me. The baby for which I began it has three children of his own now. I finally threw it out. I carried half a white baby cardigan with me for over 25 years though. :)

So...finishing, even staying interested, is my challenge. I REALLY want to have a hand craft though...something to work on at kids' doctor appointments, while waiting, while watching a movie, etc. Maybe this time it will stick. I also crave the calming effect, the soothing and healing in almost a meditative motion. Does anyone know what I mean? The product is great, but it's the journey of the creation that I'm also craving.

As I wrote previously, this latest urge began with the novel The Friday Night Knitting Club. I'm only on page 113 because I can only read for so long and then I want to KNIT. Next the trip to the library. Then yesterday a trip to the basement where I dug up a half knit scarf in the yummiest sagey/limey green swirly wool with touches of coral...it's amazing. The scarf was pathetic so I unwound it and started over. I flipped on PBS and watched the ending two hours of "Pride and Prejudice" -- the Masterpiece theatre version. Having watched "Becoming Jane" the night before, this was really a timely treat. Anyhow, the scarf is really gorgeous, and I'm half done, having finished one of the two balls of wool. Mindless but infinitely satisfying. My sister in law wears that limey green all the time...her birthday is March 8 -- I originally bought the wool with her in mind...did not have 2008 in mind at that point, but hey...it's back on my needles.

I also dug out a 3/4 done hat, knit in the round on one double pointed needle. And another 1/2 scarf knit with two strands...one strand of the wooly varigated and sumptuous cranberry of the hat, mixed with a brownish tinged cranberry wool. YUMMY. I'll likely unwind that scarf too as it has a *bump* -- not so good at counting stitches while watching TV I guess...

So, this morning I finished the hat. It's currently in the dryer for a shrink. Since I don't want my head to grow, I'm shrinking the hat. Stay tuned. Either way, it's done, and I'm proud to say that I can knit in the round. Gauge is the next thing to conquer. I knit way too loose, although my stitches are even and consistent. I just need to really MAKE that gauge square that every knitter is supposed to knit at the start of a project: a 4 inch by 4 inch test run of the pattern with the selected yarn and needles. Real knitters then adjust their needles according to the resulting measurement. I like to skip that part. I *used* to like to skip that part. I'm going to reform so that my next hat actually fits my head.

The result of all this is that the couch has a stack of knitting books, some from the library, and some from my collection. Let's see... six knitting books opened here. Plus my journal, my Bible, Stormie's praise book, and the Bible study work book. Plus the leftover hat wool, four double pointed needles on which I finished the hat, the original long double pointed needle on which most of the hat was knit, a pencil case of knitting accessories, my Blackberry, my laptop, two moleskine thin paper journals, one South Beach magazine, two pencils... cluttered as usual. A woman of varied interests. I'll leave it at that.

Time to hit the books. Bible study, praise and knitting. I think it all blends nicely on this grey Wisconsin day. Mondays off work are my very favorite days. Starting the week with a puttery day of laundry, spot cleaning, cooking and meal planning, reading, knitting, guitar and song ... it all adds up to a day of grace and blessing which really shapes my week.

Slowing down to the pace of knitting. That's what today is for. I need to check my gauge, stick with my planned pattern for the week...slow and steady... breathe in, breathe out.

Blessed Monday to you all!

Saturday

Lazing the day away. The dark blog template has turned light, in anticipation of spring. :) And the font is larger in anticipation of me turning 45. I think the eyes are beginning that fortyish thing...I may need readers soon. I'm holding out though. Mind over matter. (I know...a lot of you are laughing...I can hear you.) Many of my closest friends are older than I am, and I believe there is a lot of chortling ahead.
Our girls are yakking away in the foyer. That IS notable. I did not believe that I would ever see or hear the day when our daughters became friends. There have been some ugly exchanges over the years, and mom has been in tears many times wondering what on earth I did wrong to have daughters that hated each other. And now...chatting. Amazing. Emily is home from college for the week end, and she and Anna just went running. They came home babbling about movie night. I *think* I'm included in "Becoming Jane," "Gigi," and "Sleepless in Seattle." Sounds like a full evening. I have set up the quilt table and machine in our bedroom (we have a double room -- one side is set up with a love seat and entertainment center -- the sewing table is set up so that I can see and sew...) so I'll putter away at something. I've actually been working away at a new wallhanging, and continuing to buttonhole outline an old project. I'm loving having it set up and handy, and the Gilmore Girls have kept me mildly amused. I'm through season 5 and considering a trip to Target for the 6th and final 7th season. They are the rewatching type of DVD, full of silly lines and trivia. Chick flicks all the way.
Went to a new public library south of here. Large and LOVELY facility, with a big fireplace and lots of chairs. The books are spread out enough that the non fictions are by category on separate shelves rather than squashed together. And there are zillions of DVDs and books on tape. I had rolls rising (so domestic, eh?) so my trip was too short, but I did sit and go through quilt books (inspiring) and checked out a few knitting ones to bring home.
I'm currently reading The Friday Night Knitting Club by Kate Jacobs, so flipping through some knitting books sounds like an enjoyable few hours. I am simply highly impressionable-that's all there is to that. If I read about a fancy meal, I'll make one. A fancy scarf -- I'll knit one. Or at least half of one. :)
And so, Saturday is shaping up nicely. I've had some Sabbath rest. Still some really tough emotional issues to work through, but I take the time to do that too...another blog to describe that. I'm still enjoying the Stormie Omartian book, and hoping that this PRAISE emphasis is a new way of life. It's amazing how concentrated praise blows the storms out of my path. God really is amazing, and He's present, and He is indeed a wonderful counselor.
Well, back to my book. The rolls are on their second rise. Mini burgers tonight on homemade rolls. And mashed cauliflower. (I'm doing so well on low carb! YEAH!) (sigh...no rolls for me)
And then movie night with no popcorn. THAT will be by far the biggest no carb test of my day. Sigh. I miss popcorn. :(
All is well. Happy Saturday night to you all.

Fullness of Joy and Pleasures Forever.

Psalm 16:11 You will make known to me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; In Your right hand there are pleasures forever.

I just blogged for our college kids...I did in fact begin a blog just for them a few weeks ago. Our daughter has commented on it, but our son has been quiet thus far. I put a devotional there most days, and also the occasional news from home, and then I email them to check the blog. Hopefully reading mom's blog will become habit. My thinking is that if I emailed the daily news, then they'd never check the blog. We'll see. All we can do as moms is try...put the Word before them. If they choose to ignore it, that's their choice.

I like the thought that if one of them is having a *down* day they can go to the blog and read some advice from mom. I like that. This is a bit of a commitment on my part, but it's a ministry and I can't spend my time in a better direction, can I?

Psalm 16:11 is just so clear isn't it? God is where it's at. His way is THE way. The whole world is looking for joy and pleasure, but the satisfying kind is only found in doing things HIS way, and in spending time in HIS presence. He made me. He wrote the owner's manual. He knows how to fix my broken parts, and He directs me to seek Him for that healing.

It is SO simple. Sigh.

Not much new to report from Wisconsin. The sun is shining brightly today, and the current temperature is 5 above. Brrrrrr. But the sunshine is so uplifting and energizing, even in the cold.

In my devotional reading this morning I am reading of *confession.* The author made the comparison to sunlight. As a believer, my sins are always forgiven, yet unconfessed sin is a barrier to my fellowship with Christ. Just like the sun is always shining, but the cloud cover can keep me from enjoying it, unconfessed sin clouds my enjoyment of God. That's a simple and clear comparison on this bright and shiny morning.

Well, I'm off to work. And then to the Milwaukee Bucks game tonight with potential clients. That's my job...the schmoozing...dinners, sporting events, lunches, golfing. Yesterday I was invited to a corporate ski outing. (that's humorous) I have been blessed with the most incredible job. Yesterday was an 11 hour day as two of us drove half way to Minneapolis to meet with potential hospital clients for lunch and an afternoon of meetings. Today is the Bucks game, likely another 11 hour day, and tomorrow another road trip with another one of our principals. Most weeks aren't like this, but this one is full! Thankfully I can flex my time and spend an hour on the couch with the Word, the Bible study guide, my laptop and my journal this morning. Perched in the sun, seeking the Son. I am blessed.

Seeya.

zoe

John 11:21-27
Martha then said to Jesus, "Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died. "Even now I know that whatever You ask of God, God will give You." Jesus *said to her, "Your brother will rise again." Martha *said to Him, "I know that he will rise again in the resurrection on the last day." Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life; he who believes in Me will live even if he dies, and everyone who lives and believes in Me will never die. Do you believe this?"

This was today's blow drying verse.
Hmmm? That needs explanation?
Well, since blow drying my hair is something I do every day, I put a box of Scripture verses by the blowdryer and I try to read one while drying. Consistency takes ingenuity. I am a dumb sheep.

Anyhow, at Bible study this morning (7 of us meet at 7:30 am on Saturdays...yes, really...) we were introduced to the word "zoe" which is one of the Greek words for life. "One word, bios, describes mere existence -- to be alive. The other word, zoe, means the essence of life or the fullness of life. In Philippians 1:21 Paul relates, "for to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." And that "live" is implying the zoe life. The fullness of life. (How to develop a Quiet time, p 42)

So later, while blow drying, I read the John 11 passage copied above. I looked it up, and Christ says he is the resurrection and the life...zoe. I looked up zoe in the "lexical aids to the New Testament," and the definition is: "life, referring to the principle of life in the spirit and soul. Distinguished from bios, physical life, livelihood, of which zoe is the nobler word expressing all of the highest and best which Christ is and which He gives to the saints. The highest blessedness of the creature." The definition uses John 14:6 and 1 John 1:2 as examples.

SO... I want ZOE! John 10:10 has been an often prayer of mine: Lord...I want the life -- the abundant life of John 10:10. (I often *remind* God of His promises in prayer...not that HE needs the reminder...just the dumb sheep needs it!) And now that verse has richer meaning: ZOE life. The highest and best which Christ is and gives to the saints. The highest blessedness of the creature. That's what He came to give us!

There is a zoe shaped longing in each of us. We long for Eden, for that idyllic relationship with Christ. We just don't recognize it as such. So many times we try to satisfy that longing...looking for love in all the wrong places. We simply need to seek ZOE.

I am going to add ZOE to my prayer list -- for myself and others. It is literally ALL we need. We may have to die to a lot of things to live the Christian life, but if we end up with the "highest blessedness of the creature," will we ultimately miss any of the things we are called to deny ourselves? Maybe that's what it means in John 11: he who believes in Me shall live even if he dies.

Who is God? (1)

(Inspired by a listing in the book The Prayer That Changes Everything by Stormie Omartian.)

As you praise God (the prayer that changes everything) use these lists to praise WHO God is. Remember, He lives in the praises of His people. (See the first verse below…Psalm 22:3)

God is Holy
Psalm 22:3 Yet You are holy, O You who are enthroned upon the praises of Israel.

God is my encourager
Romans 15:5 Now may the God who gives perseverance and encouragement grant you to be of the same mind with one another according to Christ Jesus,

God is righteous and compassionate
Psalm 116:5 Gracious is the LORD, and righteous; Yes, our God is compassionate.

God is all that!
2 Samuel 22:2-4 The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer;
My God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold and my refuge; My savior, You save me from violence. I call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised, And I am saved from my enemies.

God is my overcomer
John 16:33 "These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world."

God is good
1 Chronicles 16:34 O give thanks to the LORD, for He is good; For His lovingkindness is everlasting.

God is great
Psalm 86:10 For You are great and do wondrous deeds; You alone are God.

God is love
1 John 4:16 We have come to know and have believed the love which God has for us. God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.

XM radio

One of the perks of my job is a company car equipped with many fun features including XM radio. Truthfully I didn't listen to XM that often except at Christmas when I loved flipping between the 5 stations that feature ad free holiday genre. But this week when the local Christian station went off the air their website listed other Christian stations. Consequently I found XM 170 Family Talk Radio. WOW! I have been so blessed with the snippets I've heard daily this week. My commute is at least 25 minutes (plus traffic delay) and I'm often in the car going to meet with clients. I've heard some great preaching!
So, if any of you have XM, you might want to try the station. I found most of the preadhing shows on the internet too, at oneplace.com. I even subscribed to a few podcasts this morning.
What a world!

Happy Valentine's Day!

What is love?

Love

in the storm

Luke 8:23 & 24But as they were sailing along He fell asleep; and a fierce gale of wind descended upon the lake, and they began to be swamped and to be in danger.And they came to Him and woke Him up, saying, "Master, Master, we are perishing!" And being aroused, He rebuked the wind and the surging waves, and they stopped, and it became calm.

I had never thought about how smart those disciples were in this circumstance. When they were in the trial of their lives, they called out to Jesus.

Good move!

7 random things...

Helen at a Work of Heart tagged me to list seven random facts about myself. Hmmmm.

1. Popcorn is my favorite food. (although I'm currently attempting Phase one of South Beach, so I'm on the wagon...)

2. Office supply stores and book stores are at the top of the my shopping pleasures. Pens and papers and journals and organizational gizmos and post it notes and patterned file folders and ...

3. I once sang a solo in the Notre Dame in Paris as well as in the Vatican on Easter Sunday. (just a little solo...I was there with a choir)

4. Zinnia are my favorite flowers. And lilacs.

5. I have this new fondness for Nescafe decaf instant coffee granules. That's wierd for a Starbucks girl...

6. I've taken a long nap in the back of a hearse -- on an air mattress on the marble slab -- while traveling back from out of state where I had attended the burial. Yes, really. (You're right...that WOULD make an interesting posting...)

7. I was going major in commercial art after high school. My dad talked me out of it, and now I am a CPA. Hmmmm.

I will tag Diane, Vickie, and Rachel Anne

The Rules:
-Once you are tagged, link back to the person who tagged you.

-Post the rules on your blog.

-Post 7 random facts about yourself on your blog.

-Tag 7 people and link to them.


-Comment on their blog to let them know they have been tagged.

Storms

Recently the midwinter blahs have collided with one of the worst viruses of my life, and that lovely combo has intersected with an emotionally charged time. The result has been ugly. Although I'm generally described as a positive person, the last few weeks I have been positively negative. Under attack. My little boat is sinking, and more rough water lies ahead. Oh...did I mention that I have a 12 and 15 year old? Throw the unconditional love and support of hormonal teens into the mix...and...let's just say it's truly been a rough spell.


Thankfully I eventually remember to cry out to God when I am down and blue. This down and blue period pushed a little deeper...I couldn't see the way out or an end to the issues. (Poor health decreases my ability to cope) But of course God was still there, and although I'm still in the boat, and the sea is still rough, He has given me an attitude adjustment: Praise.


Our new ladies Bible study begins tomorrow night -- the one on developing a quiet time. The second chapter is entitled "The Principle of Adoration," and contains seven days of learning to adore the Lord. (Week one was the "Principle of Pursuit.")


Let everything that has breath praise the Lord. Praise the Lord!" Psalm 150:6

Last week I felt well enough to begin puttering in our bedroom...it had definitely fallen into disarray, which just further discouraged me. The room is not quite "settled," and my books, especially, have not found their permanent spots. (I have a multiplying book problem, but that's fodder for another blog) In the chaos I came across the book, "The Prayer that Changes Everything" by Stormie O'Martian.

The book is about the power of praise. She relates that at times we go through hard seasons and we need ONLY to praise our Maker and think about Him and not ourselves. Just Him.

When God orchestrates things so that I get the same message from various directions I eventually stop and listen. Thus praise has become my lifeline. (That sounds so complete, but actually I've just begun to scratch the surface of the concept...)


Stormie's book is really blessing me. Let me share a little bit here:


The point was that God wanted me to take our relationship personally. I thought I had been doing that, but He wanted more. ... God wanted to have such free reign in my heart that I would allow Him to break it, pummel it, grind it into sand, and then make something new. That's because He wanted to do something new. ...When God has a hold of you, it's best to not resist.


She is so honest about her pain and the struggle she went through, even though she was strong in Christ even at the beginning of her dark days. The book contains 15 prayers for times "when praise is crucial," which are prayers of scripture woven together, as well as "15 Reasons to Praise God Now." I highly recommend the book...it's great to pray her prayers and look up the Scriptures for further meditation.


In addition to the study and the book, today at church our sermon was entitled "What to do in a storm." Isn't God incredible? It was my moment of Godlight for sure: Without a doubt God is caring for me and my pain from many directions. The storm is indeed here, but I'm not alone in the boat! (You can hear the sermon here along with other great sermons too from our pastor at New Day Church. )


Our worship team introduced a new song today. "Still" Here are the words:


VERSE 1:
Hide me now
Under Your wings
Cover me
Within Your mighty hand.

CHORUS:
When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father, You are King over the flood
I will be still and know You are God. I will be still and know You are God.

VERSE 2:
Find rest, my soul
In Christ alone
Know His power
In quietness and trust.


I'm starting to get the message. :) I'm a slow learner, but not totally hopeless.


Over a number of upcoming posts I will list some names and attributes of God, along with Scriptural references. It will be based on the list Stormie (what a name!) shares in her book.


And so, I go to bed encouraged. I've been reminded of the greatest love of all for this Valentine's week, and I'm going to not only pursue Him, I'm going to adore Him as well.

Scroll Down!

I'm new at this blog stuff...forgive me.
The only way I can get my slideshow to actually fit in the space allowed (without major unplanned cropping) is to have it way way down at the bottom. So, please go look! The winter scenes inspired me to review the summertime ones...of our glorious garden outside the living room window. There's also a shot of our oldest, Joe, with his 20th birthday cake, another with he and his gal on our screen porch, our girls last August, and our youngest, Jake, on his first day of school. Look CLOSELY at the bird feeder in that last one...caught a chipmunk in the act! Enjoy the kick back to summer...

Whiteout

New Every Morning

Spending time with the Lord is truly one of the joys of my life. At first I had to discipline myself to spend time daily in His Word, but now I crave it. I'm not trying to sound godly...it's just a fact.
The leather couch and loveseat (with two oversized ottomans) create a corner looking out the windows, with a view of our lovely yard and the woods. No civilization in sight -- a blessing I hope I never get over. Even with a low table in the corner between the couches, I just can't have enough supplies on hand in this, my spot. Right now I am surrounded by six books; my laptop; a medium sized basket holding pens, greeting cards, index cards, stickers, a scissors, and tape; a roll of toilet paper (still sick); a cup of decaf; a cold drink that I started before the decaf called me; a basket for garbage; my Bible; and a pad of note paper. (There's also a box from the new Print Shop Deluxe Software I just installed...but that's just cuz I didn't figure out where to store the box and disks...) It's ridiculous. I do have a large Longaberger picnic basket next to the end table...I stack the piles into there when I'm done. There just seems to be so much *stuff* needed. I journal, read the Word, read a few paragraphs in the current Christian read (The Life You've Always Wanted byJohn Ortberg), read and fill in a day of my current Bible study guide, write a note or two to people on my mind, write out Scripture on index cards (fun colorful ones) , start a blog... I use it all. And it's my favorite part of the day. And my home. And the world! With the snow day today I've been lazing here...mostly playing with Print Shop. (cards are created and printed for all the birthdays through April!) The snow is blowing and drifting and piling up right outside the window, and it's pretty much a perfect winter afternoon.

Anyhow, here are today's verses of choice:

Lamentations 3:21-26

This I recall to my mind, Therefore I have hope.
The LORD'S lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, For His compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; Great is Thy faithfulness.
"The LORD is my portion," says my soul, "Therefore I have hope in Him."
The LORD is good to those who wait for Him, To the person who seeks Him.
It is good that he waits silently For the salvation of the LORD.

What stunning verses. The study guide, How to develop a Quiet time -- a forty day journey by Eddie Rasnake emphasizes the "they are new every morning." His reflection is that if God reveals something *new* every morning, then I will permanently MISS today's revelation if I skip our time together. Now I must say, that as many times as I have read and pondered this verse, I had never thought of the implications of "new every morning." The author's words are: If the Lord' loving kindness and compassions are new every morning and I let other commitments and choices squeeze out time with God on a given day, then that is a part of God that I will never see this side of heaven -- a missed opportunity for growth, encouragement, hope, grasping more fully the greatness of God's love.

I don't want to miss any of God's revelations. Do you?

There are a few challenges in my life right now. I feel like a failure on two specific fronts in particular. As I journal and ask God *why* and *when,* I wonder what my life would be like if I was battling these areas on my own. I truly can't imagine. And yet I feel that I'm missing something...life can be too painful, and honestly, I don't see anything changing soon.

So although I logged on to write about "new every morning," the Lord just pointed out "The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, To the person who seeks Him. It is good that he waits silently for the salvation of the LORD." Waiting. Seeking. Silently. Whew. I'm not so good at silent. I like to share the pain. I'm going to write that part in BIG letters in my prayer journal..wait silently for the salvation of the LORD.

Back to my reading, writing, and arithmetic pondering. In silence. Thank you for this fresh perspective on familiar words.

Breathing

Funny how you can take things for granted. Take breathing for example. I've always taken that totally for granted. Until today that is.
Since I was still not feeling right today, I went for a recheck at the doctor. Lack of energy and this constricted chest feeling -- like a belt around me. Well, I failed the breathing test. I had to blow in this thing, and I failed the test. I have never had a chest/lung problem...my illnesses are always the strep and sinus variety. The nurse had to give me inhaler lessons, and I have the inhaler twice a day for two weeks. I am having "bronchial spasms!" Who'd have known? I've gone to this doctor for 20 plus years -- he knows me -- and he warned me that my bronchial tubes might not fully recuperate for a couple months. Wowza. That took the little breath I had right out of me.
Tonight I feel like a caged cat. Is that from the inhaler? I'm now conscious of the lack of breath, and I just can't sit still.
Be still and know that I am God. (Psalm 46:10) Hmmmmm...You talking to me Lord?

Back to work...

Quick update...it's past my bedtime.
After an entire week on the couch, I went back in to work today. I was mostly told that I still looked quite ill. (yes...that did make me feel so much better...I just wasn't up to eye make up, and since I'm blond that means there's no lashes, and, well...I guess I looked like I felt!)

I just did something I've been wanting to do for a long time. I wrote to my college babies and told them how I was praying for them, and gave them a verse. No, that's not earth shattering, but it has not been consistent, and I want it to be consistent. In fact, I might start a blog just for my kids to read. Do you think they'd do it? Just a mini devotional. Sentences. Quick and to the point.

An old friend dropped in tonight. She and I met when I was four months pg with Joe and her Ryan was just 4 months old. They grew up together, and now they are in college together. She shared her mom's heart with me, and I with her. She also told me of a close friend of hers' loss -- her 18 year old son committed suicide this past week end. She and I cried as we talked about our college boys...and how thankful we are to have them.

You know...there's just too much to pray about.
So...it inspired my prayer,
and my email to my college babies.

I have to keep getting healthy...there's so much work to do...on my knees.