New book alert. This one's not a novel though -- it's a self helper. oh oh...here we go. The Life You've Always Wanted by John Ortberg. Subtitle: (I'm truly a sucker for sub titles) spiritual disciplines for ordinary people.
I'm about 5 pages into it. Ha. But I'm already writing away in the margins...
I am called to become the person God had in mind when he originally designed me. That is what is behind Kierkegaard's wonderful prayer, "And now Lord, with your help I shall become myself." This book is about spiritual growth...We are called by God to live as our uniquely created selves--our temperament, our gene pool, our history. But to grow spiritually means to live increasingly as Jesus would in our unique place -- to perceive what Jesus would perceive if he looked through our eyes, to think what he would think, to feel what he would feel, and therefore to do what he would do. So far so good, eh? And it sounds SO like the quote from eat pray love that I quoted on 1.14.08. Such different sources, and yet the themes are oddly connected.
It's snowing again. Truly lovely out there. Except the neighbor's dog is loose, so Hank keeps trudging by...so there are pathways all through the loveliness. (that's ok...we love Hank and Georgine -- a very pleasant addition to the list of things we love about our new home) Boomer is next to me snoring on his sheepskin atop an ottoman. Jake is downstairs JAMMIN on his electric guitar. In a stroke of genius I asked him if he'd like to set up a guitar *studio* in Joey's room while Joey's at school (Joey leaves nothing in the room except a futon) and Jake jumped at it. Now the jammin' is downstairs. [I've learned a few tricks from the first three kids, eh? ] Anna is on the computer down there, likely instant messaging with the whole freshman class. Emily is out at John's house, who she insists is JUST A FRIEND. Hmmmm. Frank is snowed in in Fond du Lac...decided not to try the "1.5 hour on a good day commute " tonight...which was wise as we might get 7 inches. And so...I'm a blogging, reading, and finishing a glass of sirah. Soon, very soon, I will become wonder woman and put away the soup, rice, load the dishwasher, put the whites in the dryer and the darks in the washer, and then go downstairs to the *dreadmill* for 30 minutes while I watch Gilmore Girls. (I'm about half way through season two. Delightfully light, perfect for the dreadmill kinda chick flick dvd's) Then a shower and I'll be in bed with colin cowie. Don't worry, I'm thinking he's gay. (for those of you who didn't read yesterday's blog...he wrote a book on home and life management...)
By the way, colin did inspire me to empty my walk in closet, buy some hanging canvas sweater and shoe shelves, and spend 4 hours putting it all back together on Saturday. We each have a walk in closet in the master *suite* (oooooo...doesn't that sound decadent?) and while I've loved and adored mine since day one, I had not really "gracied" it. Now it is ready for photos. The clothes poles and the one permanent stack of shelving were already there, but I added clear boxes to organize and divide the shelves, and the new canvas shelves, and it is so divine now. The one drawer has a blue velvet divided jewelry storage unit...so even my jewelry is organized. The closet is big enough to dress in (and I do) and now it is so "colin cowie chic" (CCC) I might have to add a chair so I can just sit in there and admire it. Oh...and I took a large, very large, overflowing box of clothes to Goodwill on Sunday. (dance of joy) Even some purses. (I collect purses...that's a nice way to describe my addiction) Anyhow, colin is a good inspiring man, even if he did write a chapter on hiring household help which left me feel underprivileged and overworked...
Enough rambling. Off to clean up the kitchen. Oh...by the way...the four butter sticks are soft now. I haven't made the chocolate chip cookies yet...but I will...
1.21.2008
Blog Blogging away...
It's Diane's fault. I start on her blog, and then I click on one she reads, and then I might click on that blogger's list and soon I'm ten degrees of separation away from my blog and carried away...
Just now I just found Pioneer Woman. For those of you who got all excited about People Magazine's losing weight thing (yesterday's blog) BACK AWAY from the computer. Because if you connect to Pioneer Woman, you're gonna be salivating. Not only do her recipes SOUND delicious, they LOOK delicious -- she photographs every step. WHAT A WOMAN. So, if you're thin, and need to gain some weight, or if you have REALLY good willpower, click here.
I know...you're gonna blame me, aren't you?
Just now I just found Pioneer Woman. For those of you who got all excited about People Magazine's losing weight thing (yesterday's blog) BACK AWAY from the computer. Because if you connect to Pioneer Woman, you're gonna be salivating. Not only do her recipes SOUND delicious, they LOOK delicious -- she photographs every step. WHAT A WOMAN. So, if you're thin, and need to gain some weight, or if you have REALLY good willpower, click here.
I know...you're gonna blame me, aren't you?
1.20.2008
more glimmers of grace
God knows the whole story of your life because He is the Author of your biography. He knows the last chapter, and He thinks you are wonderful. ~~Jan Silvious
glimmers of grace
People magazine had an interesting cover last week, so I bought it to read on the plane."Half their Size" is the title, and the issue highlights 15 success stories of no surgery weight loss. I've been sitting here reading it...pretty good reading. In addition to the 15, they review stories from previous years, and also have a first ever weight loss contest with 8 people in Mississippi. My favorite story, though, is one entitled "Bloggin away 166 lbs." HA. Now THAT has me interested. I had no idea that typing burned so many calories! "Lynn Bering tracked her three-year weight-loss journey online, from her first Thanksgiving on a diet to finally being able to wear a sleeveless top." She had reached 296 pounds and now she is 130. WHEW. Way to go Lynn! She did it through the Weight Watchers online program. Her story is here. And from there you can link her blog which is truly interesting because now she is famous and on CNN and meeting Oprah...all due to being newly thin. And she's a new grandma, and that's good reading too. You know, on a cold day (a *really* cold day --4 degrees currently, with windchill in the negative twenties) in Wisconsin, this blogging world could really keep me happily reading right here snuggled up on the couch. It's fascinating to get into an ordinary person's life and read the mundane and especially to see the humor one can find in a plain old day...
Two other books have joined me on the couch, just in case my eyes get tired of the screen. colin cowie chic was found in Saratoga Springs at Borders, but I just bought it yesterday, partly because I wanted to use a 30% coupon, and partly because I didn't want to haul one more thing on the plane. The book is by one of the most "sought after event planners in the world." The subtitle is "the guide to life as it should be" which grabbed me. I loved the introduction, which includes, "Whether I'm at home, in the office, or traveling, I always go that extra mile to treat myself and the people around me with the same amount of generosity, courtesy, and mindfulness that I'd like to receive from them. Style is all about being conscious: of yourself, of your surroundings, and especially of the people in your life, both friends and strangers." The hard cover book is full of lists, pictures, hints, on how to have a less stressful life, from how to host a dinner party, how to pack a carry on bag, what to stock in your bar, etc. Just interesting reading. I have quite a selection of "nesting" books as I call them. I love organization, I love home, I love the thought of a personal style, which, actually, I think I have a good start on... anyhow, books like this encourage me to tackle a mess, and then there's one less mess tomorrow... In fact, I'm going to go get butter out to soften, because (a) the kids will love homemade chocolate chip cookies in their lunches, and (b) the kitchen sink area is grimy, and while the cookies bake I'll get some graciered styling going in there. Ha. Scrubbed, things in place, and functional beauty...that's my style. (with a lot of leather, quilts, plants, books and baskets thrown in along the way...) Now, the trick is to combine baking chocolate chip cookies with the willpower to lose some weight (no, I don't need to lose enough that I'll qualify to meet Oprah -- thank you Jesus!)
Also at Borders yesterday I found glimmers of grace: sparkling reminders to encourage you. Since I love my name and love to collect "grace" things, I had to pick that up too. Plus it's a Women of Faith gift book, and promises to contain some lovely thoughts. One blurb on the back states. "Given or received, grace is an act of generosity, a thoughtful note, a kind word. Most of all , grace is God's gift of love to us and, in turn, one of the nicest gifts we can give to others."
So, that's what I'm up to on this frigid Sunday afternoon/evening. This afternoon the couch was splashed with sun (glorious wall of southern exposure windows in the living room) so I napped in a sun puddle, very toasty warm. Very decadent and luscious. Now it's quiet, the tea will soon be brewed, and while the butter softens I'll putter in my world of reading.
Two other books have joined me on the couch, just in case my eyes get tired of the screen. colin cowie chic was found in Saratoga Springs at Borders, but I just bought it yesterday, partly because I wanted to use a 30% coupon, and partly because I didn't want to haul one more thing on the plane. The book is by one of the most "sought after event planners in the world." The subtitle is "the guide to life as it should be" which grabbed me. I loved the introduction, which includes, "Whether I'm at home, in the office, or traveling, I always go that extra mile to treat myself and the people around me with the same amount of generosity, courtesy, and mindfulness that I'd like to receive from them. Style is all about being conscious: of yourself, of your surroundings, and especially of the people in your life, both friends and strangers." The hard cover book is full of lists, pictures, hints, on how to have a less stressful life, from how to host a dinner party, how to pack a carry on bag, what to stock in your bar, etc. Just interesting reading. I have quite a selection of "nesting" books as I call them. I love organization, I love home, I love the thought of a personal style, which, actually, I think I have a good start on... anyhow, books like this encourage me to tackle a mess, and then there's one less mess tomorrow... In fact, I'm going to go get butter out to soften, because (a) the kids will love homemade chocolate chip cookies in their lunches, and (b) the kitchen sink area is grimy, and while the cookies bake I'll get some graciered styling going in there. Ha. Scrubbed, things in place, and functional beauty...that's my style. (with a lot of leather, quilts, plants, books and baskets thrown in along the way...) Now, the trick is to combine baking chocolate chip cookies with the willpower to lose some weight (no, I don't need to lose enough that I'll qualify to meet Oprah -- thank you Jesus!)
Also at Borders yesterday I found glimmers of grace: sparkling reminders to encourage you. Since I love my name and love to collect "grace" things, I had to pick that up too. Plus it's a Women of Faith gift book, and promises to contain some lovely thoughts. One blurb on the back states. "Given or received, grace is an act of generosity, a thoughtful note, a kind word. Most of all , grace is God's gift of love to us and, in turn, one of the nicest gifts we can give to others."
So, that's what I'm up to on this frigid Sunday afternoon/evening. This afternoon the couch was splashed with sun (glorious wall of southern exposure windows in the living room) so I napped in a sun puddle, very toasty warm. Very decadent and luscious. Now it's quiet, the tea will soon be brewed, and while the butter softens I'll putter in my world of reading.
Go [away] Packers
The house is quiet. Very quiet. Frank is watching the game at a friend's house (I found him a Packer party), the two youngest are at the church youth Packer Party, Joey is back in Madison, and Emily is in the family room...I can see her laptop aglow through the French doors...
The football frenzy bugs me. It bugs me more all the time. It's cultish to me. Idolatrous. I'm too lazy to consult the thesaurus, so I'll leave it at that. Is it really that important that these ridiculously paid men in tights have been better and luckier than those ridiculously paid men in tights? I saw a figure in the paper this week of how much money business in the state loses if each employee spends one unproductive hour a week talking Packers. I will personally attest to the fact that my employer has lost money. The somewhat normal guys I work with have been replaying the year, the decade, the whole history of Packerhood. Packer ties have appeared. Blah blah blah. Ok...I'll stop.
It's quiet in the house, and for that I am thankful.
I do hope they win. Why? Because somehow my employer, a charming sort, has ME as the Super Bowl hostess in two weeks. His mansion is hostess-less, and I am his event coordinator. We'll be catered, and there will be about 25 of us in the 8000 sf house, and the three 50 odd inch tvs will all be centered on the game. I'll find an empty room and curl up with a book...that will be ok too. I love my coworkers, and my boss, and I'll be the hostess with the mostess...the mostess room between me and the game. I doubt anyone will notice.
The football frenzy bugs me. It bugs me more all the time. It's cultish to me. Idolatrous. I'm too lazy to consult the thesaurus, so I'll leave it at that. Is it really that important that these ridiculously paid men in tights have been better and luckier than those ridiculously paid men in tights? I saw a figure in the paper this week of how much money business in the state loses if each employee spends one unproductive hour a week talking Packers. I will personally attest to the fact that my employer has lost money. The somewhat normal guys I work with have been replaying the year, the decade, the whole history of Packerhood. Packer ties have appeared. Blah blah blah. Ok...I'll stop.
It's quiet in the house, and for that I am thankful.
I do hope they win. Why? Because somehow my employer, a charming sort, has ME as the Super Bowl hostess in two weeks. His mansion is hostess-less, and I am his event coordinator. We'll be catered, and there will be about 25 of us in the 8000 sf house, and the three 50 odd inch tvs will all be centered on the game. I'll find an empty room and curl up with a book...that will be ok too. I love my coworkers, and my boss, and I'll be the hostess with the mostess...the mostess room between me and the game. I doubt anyone will notice.
1.18.2008
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right place but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. - Dorothy Nevill
1.17.2008
it's snowing...
Snow has never mesmerized me like it has this year. Perhaps I'm becoming a winter person. January is such a relief as a "breather" month. The busyness of the holidays is abruptly over, there's not a lot going on socially, and the yard and garden aren't demanding any of my time. This year I am perched in a new spot in the world, in our new home, just in time to enjoy the snow on the trees. At work today the huge white flakes were falling again, and while others were moaning, I couldn't wait to get home to soak in the beauty. One night I was out in my robe at midnight taking photos as the snow fell. (this photo is what you see out the livingroom window...little twinkle lights on the picket fence and shrubbery, with the dark expanse of the woods further out) It's weird to suddenly love snow. Cross country skiing might be fun, as I could take off right out our kitchen patio door...I'm currently sitting right next to a roaring (though gas) fire. Our fireplace is next to the dining room table, so I'm on the floor, back up against a leather ottoman that has been dragged from the living room. The arrangement is my fault. This end of the room used to be the living room, and the dining room was the southern end with its wall of windows. I couldn't imagine not sitting and staring out, so we put a ceiling fan where the chandelier had been, and had the electrician cut in a chandelier for the new dining room. (both are in one long rectangular room) So...I sit on the floor by the fire. Or at the dining room table, which is often my morning spot. Fire versus view of nature is my daily dilemma. I am blessed. But tonight my spot on the couch was too cold, even with a blanket and Boomer, so here I am.
I just finished eat pray love. I loved 2/3 of the book. I had the hardest time with "love" which is set in Bali. It got a little too crass for me, and also just lost some of its interest. But overall, I loved the book. The beginning chronicles the end of a horrible marriage, followed by the author eating her way through Italy (and gaining 24 pounds...at least it's honest!), followed by 4 months in an Indian Ashram studying with a guru, and then finally to Bali to experience ...laziness I guess. She just lounges about. She does fall in love with prince charming, who is 17 years older than her and Brazilian, (sigh), and the postlude says the next book, due out in 2009, will chronicle their intercontinental courtship and marriage. Traveling vicariously is great: I learned a ton about other cultures and religions. I also appreciated her chatty narrative. Let's see...maybe a 3.5 out of 5. A week ago it would have been a 4.9...oh well.
So...now I've finished "24 " (season one) and the book...WHEW. Life may resume as normal. :)
Normal? What's that? I have no idea! Ha. I am off for the next 3.5 days, so I'm hoping that a burst of energy hits me and I whip things back into order. (my disorder is never so bad, but it still feels like disorder to me!)
And so, good night. Without the distraction of a never ending TV series or a great read, I might actually get a good night's sleep. That is, if I can pull myself away from the fire...
Calling on the Name of the Lord
As I await a new *semester* of teaching, I am working on a workbook entitled "Praying God's Way." (yes, this goes along with resolution # 3) So far, so amazing.
The last couple days must have been my monthly hormonal abyss days. Yesterday as I lay in bed contemplating not getting up (6 am) I decided to call upon the name of the Lord. A card from Colleen hangs in my walk in closet, so I grabbed it, and came back to bed. On it are some of the names of the LORD. And so I began.
Psalm 105 began my time:
Oh give thanks to the LORD, call upon His name; [the theme of the early chapters of my study--call upon His name]
Make known His deeds among the peoples,
Sing to Him, sing praises to Him;
Speak of all His wonders. [ this blog is my obedience to that part!]
Glory in His holy name; [this part is worth some meditative time soon--what does that mean?!]
Let the heart of those who seek the LORD be glad [amen!]
Seek the LORD and His strength [love that part -- HIS strength]
See His face continually. [continually is another word to ponder...]
The card lists the following names, and I called out to each one:
Jehovah-Jireh : Provider (Genesis 22:14)
Jehovah-Nissi : Battle Fighter (Exodus 17:15)
Jehovah-Shalom : Giver of Peace (Judges 6:24)
Jehovah-Rophe : Healer (Exodus 15:26)
Jehovah-Tsidkenu : Our Righteousness (Jeremiah 23:6)
Jehovah-Shammah : Ever Present One (Ezekiel 48:35)
Jehovah-Rohi : Good Shepherd (Psalm 23:1)
I thought back to the lines I typed before:..."discovered that to call on His name means to connect with all that He is."
For me to describe the turn around that took place within me is impossible. Honestly. I was lifted up and out of the gloom, and carried through the day. I have a couple long term to dos, dealing with my dad's insurance issues, that truly weigh on me (the continual care of all his details weighs on me) and later, at work, I made the calls and got the ball rolling on both issues. I tackled some lagging details at work, and checked them off the list. I remember a phrase that Gwen Shamblin used in the Weigh Down workshop: rise above. I was able to rise above a lot of circumstances and plow through the day. It was truly miraculous. God created such a big "pocket of joy" that I was able to climb right inside!
And so, today, I come to the couch full of anticipation. I'm late for work already -- Joe just went back to college, so I had to be here to send him off. I wrote him a four page mom to son letter and tucked it in his things, along with cookies, some coffee, some cash...all the "c's" that he loves. But, late or not, (actually, I don't have a "late" unless there's a meeting...my job is completely flex time...I am SO blessed) I'll do another page, read another passage, and continue in my understanding of calling upon the name of the Lord. It is the secret. It is the treasure. And it is so simple.
Next time I have a grumpy blog...send me back to my own words, k?
The last couple days must have been my monthly hormonal abyss days. Yesterday as I lay in bed contemplating not getting up (6 am) I decided to call upon the name of the Lord. A card from Colleen hangs in my walk in closet, so I grabbed it, and came back to bed. On it are some of the names of the LORD. And so I began.
Psalm 105 began my time:
Oh give thanks to the LORD, call upon His name; [the theme of the early chapters of my study--call upon His name]
Make known His deeds among the peoples,
Sing to Him, sing praises to Him;
Speak of all His wonders. [ this blog is my obedience to that part!]
Glory in His holy name; [this part is worth some meditative time soon--what does that mean?!]
Let the heart of those who seek the LORD be glad [amen!]
Seek the LORD and His strength [love that part -- HIS strength]
See His face continually. [continually is another word to ponder...]
The card lists the following names, and I called out to each one:
Jehovah-Jireh : Provider (Genesis 22:14)
Jehovah-Nissi : Battle Fighter (Exodus 17:15)
Jehovah-Shalom : Giver of Peace (Judges 6:24)
Jehovah-Rophe : Healer (Exodus 15:26)
Jehovah-Tsidkenu : Our Righteousness (Jeremiah 23:6)
Jehovah-Shammah : Ever Present One (Ezekiel 48:35)
Jehovah-Rohi : Good Shepherd (Psalm 23:1)
I thought back to the lines I typed before:..."discovered that to call on His name means to connect with all that He is."
For me to describe the turn around that took place within me is impossible. Honestly. I was lifted up and out of the gloom, and carried through the day. I have a couple long term to dos, dealing with my dad's insurance issues, that truly weigh on me (the continual care of all his details weighs on me) and later, at work, I made the calls and got the ball rolling on both issues. I tackled some lagging details at work, and checked them off the list. I remember a phrase that Gwen Shamblin used in the Weigh Down workshop: rise above. I was able to rise above a lot of circumstances and plow through the day. It was truly miraculous. God created such a big "pocket of joy" that I was able to climb right inside!
And so, today, I come to the couch full of anticipation. I'm late for work already -- Joe just went back to college, so I had to be here to send him off. I wrote him a four page mom to son letter and tucked it in his things, along with cookies, some coffee, some cash...all the "c's" that he loves. But, late or not, (actually, I don't have a "late" unless there's a meeting...my job is completely flex time...I am SO blessed) I'll do another page, read another passage, and continue in my understanding of calling upon the name of the Lord. It is the secret. It is the treasure. And it is so simple.
Next time I have a grumpy blog...send me back to my own words, k?
1.16.2008
1.14.2008
Do the Next Thing
Be it ever so humble, there's no place like home. Frank had spent a lot of time preparing for my homecoming, having the place cleaner than I left it, with the Christmas tree down. (I had not been ready to take it down...it was so beautiful...but I'm thankful to have it done)
The washer is humming, Boomer and I are here on the couch, and I am contemplating what to do first and how to tackle the day. There are days where the to-do list appears unending, and overwhelmed is the best description...today's one of those. But, in the words of my early mentor, Elisabeth Elliott, just "do the next thing." Those are great words of advice. Perhaps it is a hormonal thing for a woman...some days the list seems longer, even though in reality it isn't.
Where to begin the blog is another dilemma. I have so many words to share.
What did I come home with? Renewed determination to make some changes. Inputs to this thought cycle include a few books I leisurely browsed through at Saratoga Springs Borders, (waking to 3 pm Sunday were close to perfection...more on that later), a lot of thoughts from eat pray love, the impact of the funeral and the reality of the death of a 51 year old wife and mother, thinking about the gift of good health, and wondering why I am so easily distracted and prone to do stupid things like stay up late watching "24" rather than sleeping. (!!) (certainly lack of sleep contributes to overwhelmed!) A great old hymn includes the words, "prone to wander, Lord I feel it..." Indeed!
And so, I will make a to do list, on the computer, with long term, mid term and daily goals, and see if getting it all off my mind at least helps! And it will, because that's how I'm wired. And the biggest help, as always, will be to dive in and do something! 1. Unpack my suitcase. 2. Begin to put away the heap of ornaments currently on the dining room table...
I'll close with a quote from eat pray love, a book which is shooting quickly to the top of my list, and a book that could fuel a month of blogging...
God dwells within you, as you.
If there is one holy truth of the Yoga, that line encapsulates it. God dwells within you as you yourself, exactly the way you are. God isn't interested in watching you enact some performance of personality in order to comply with some crackpot notion you have about how a spiritual person looks or behaves. We all seem to get this idea that, in order to be sacred, we have to make some massive, dramatic change of character, that we have to renounce our individuality....To know God, you need only to renounce one thing - your sense of division from God. Otherwise, just stay as you were made, within your natural character....The reality is it's a little sad for me to admit that I will never be ...these wraith-like, delicate souls. Always wanted to be the quiet girl. Probably precisely because I'm not. It's the same reason I think that thick, dark hair is so beautiful -- precisely because I don't have it, because I can't have it. But at some point you have to make peace with what you were given and if God wanted me to be a shy girl with thick, dark hair, He would have made me that way, but He didn't. Useful then, might be to accept how I was made and embody myself fully therein. (emphasis mine) (pages 191-192)
Inner struggles. This fascinating book is about one woman's passionate quest to quiet some of her internal struggles. Some far out theology as she seeks God in India, but actually I'm surprised at how many of her conclusions line up with Evangelical Christianity. The human condition is the human condition. We long to know God, and we long to make peace with ourselves and the life we've been given. Elizabeth Gilbert put her quest into words to which this fine-haired blonde not quiet person can relate . I'm savoring this book. I'm processing the funeral. I'm looking at my life and realizing that there are a few struggles that I need to give up, a few positive changes that I have to force myself to make, and so many blessings to count.
Stay tuned!
The washer is humming, Boomer and I are here on the couch, and I am contemplating what to do first and how to tackle the day. There are days where the to-do list appears unending, and overwhelmed is the best description...today's one of those. But, in the words of my early mentor, Elisabeth Elliott, just "do the next thing." Those are great words of advice. Perhaps it is a hormonal thing for a woman...some days the list seems longer, even though in reality it isn't.
Where to begin the blog is another dilemma. I have so many words to share.
What did I come home with? Renewed determination to make some changes. Inputs to this thought cycle include a few books I leisurely browsed through at Saratoga Springs Borders, (waking to 3 pm Sunday were close to perfection...more on that later), a lot of thoughts from eat pray love, the impact of the funeral and the reality of the death of a 51 year old wife and mother, thinking about the gift of good health, and wondering why I am so easily distracted and prone to do stupid things like stay up late watching "24" rather than sleeping. (!!) (certainly lack of sleep contributes to overwhelmed!) A great old hymn includes the words, "prone to wander, Lord I feel it..." Indeed!
And so, I will make a to do list, on the computer, with long term, mid term and daily goals, and see if getting it all off my mind at least helps! And it will, because that's how I'm wired. And the biggest help, as always, will be to dive in and do something! 1. Unpack my suitcase. 2. Begin to put away the heap of ornaments currently on the dining room table...
I'll close with a quote from eat pray love, a book which is shooting quickly to the top of my list, and a book that could fuel a month of blogging...
God dwells within you, as you.
If there is one holy truth of the Yoga, that line encapsulates it. God dwells within you as you yourself, exactly the way you are. God isn't interested in watching you enact some performance of personality in order to comply with some crackpot notion you have about how a spiritual person looks or behaves. We all seem to get this idea that, in order to be sacred, we have to make some massive, dramatic change of character, that we have to renounce our individuality....To know God, you need only to renounce one thing - your sense of division from God. Otherwise, just stay as you were made, within your natural character....The reality is it's a little sad for me to admit that I will never be ...these wraith-like, delicate souls. Always wanted to be the quiet girl. Probably precisely because I'm not. It's the same reason I think that thick, dark hair is so beautiful -- precisely because I don't have it, because I can't have it. But at some point you have to make peace with what you were given and if God wanted me to be a shy girl with thick, dark hair, He would have made me that way, but He didn't. Useful then, might be to accept how I was made and embody myself fully therein. (emphasis mine) (pages 191-192)
Inner struggles. This fascinating book is about one woman's passionate quest to quiet some of her internal struggles. Some far out theology as she seeks God in India, but actually I'm surprised at how many of her conclusions line up with Evangelical Christianity. The human condition is the human condition. We long to know God, and we long to make peace with ourselves and the life we've been given. Elizabeth Gilbert put her quest into words to which this fine-haired blonde not quiet person can relate . I'm savoring this book. I'm processing the funeral. I'm looking at my life and realizing that there are a few struggles that I need to give up, a few positive changes that I have to force myself to make, and so many blessings to count.
Stay tuned!
1.11.2008
Saratoga Springs
I'm finally here. And within minutes of arriving at the Hilton, my red jammied/black slippered self was at the computer blogging, sipping decaf and listening to the bathtub fill. To a forty something mom of four, it is magical to consider a hotel room to myself. Whew.
I have so many blogs to write I don't know where to start! So, since I've been on the road or practicing or at the wake for 13 hours straight, I'm just going to whet the blog appetite with subjects on which to expound. It's been an amazing day.
Video: "24" My boss loaned me season one, and I'm through hour 4...what an addicting show! I watched "3 am to 4 am" in the Milwaukee airport, on my laptop. Whew.
Book: Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert I read this on the plane, and on the layover, and I'll be reading it again soon amid the bubbles. A kindred spirit gave it to me for Christmas, saying she couldn't wait to discuss it. WHAT a book. I want to eat it up, and yet never have it end. Hmmmm. I actually read it with a pencil in my hand, and there are exclamation points, smiley faces and stars all through the margins. I'm done with Eat, (Italy) and I'm currently reading of Pray (set in India). While I am a conservative Christian through and through, I am LOVING reading about the yoga, the meditation, the guru, the Ashram... I will blog and blog...it is just such readable writing, like I'm sitting with Elizabeth and she is breathlessly recounting her story. Sue, WHEN will we have our book review?? Let's have it in Italy...
Family: Each time I met a family member (the widower has 3 siblings) there were tears. I'm a little incredulous as to the impact of my singing at the widower's parents' funerals. Another whew. I've been adopted right in. I was met in Albany by Carol, who had also just flown in from Wisconsin, and she and her husband (Frank!) drove to the train station where we picked up their son, daughter in law and granddaughter; and their daughter and her boyfriend. We all packed into a mini van, with our luggage, and yakked all the way to Saratoga Springs. There was mention of a wedding in Austria (the daughter in law is from Austria, but they only had a civil wedding, quite recently, and they want a ceremony in Austria) They asked if I'd be willing to fly THERE to sing, and I said "I'm in!" Whew. (there were a lot of whews today)(And no, I don't really think they'll fly me to Austria...)
Music: I'll have to blog about walking into the nondescript church and hearing the viola (Oberlin School of Music) and the cello (Julliard) practicing Pachelbel's Canon. WWHHEEWW.
Lynn: My accompaniest is from near NYCity, speaks with a Brooklyn accent, has mounds of dark curly hair, and is in every way stereotypical New York. We were immediately fast friends, and ate together, went to the wake together, and then to Dunkin Donuts for our decafs while we discussed how we hope we're young enough to stay awake to actually enjoy the decadence of rooms at the Hilton to ourselves. Ha.
The bubbles are popping, the water is cooling, my feet are aching, and my book is calling. So, good night for now.
Hey...someone leave a comment. I know some of you are reading, since you've told me, but I'd love it if you just said "hi" now and then! You don't have to log in...when you're in the comments area, scroll down and use the "anonymous" button. Are there other tricks? One friend said it didn't work...
Sweet dreams!
1.09.2008
The Messiah
My new car, an Acura RDX, has a state of the art sound system in 10 speaker surround sound. (There is a new type of disc on the market called DVD-Audio, which actually remixes the sound beyond stereo into 5.1 channel surround sound. I only have the sampler disc that came with the car, but the sound is unreal -- like you're at the concert, surrounded by the music.) ANYHOW, I'm enjoying my plain old stereo CDs on this incredible system.Since receiving the car in December I've listened almost exclusively to a two disc recording of Handel's Messiah, listening to the words, all Scripture, over and over along with the miraculous music. What hit me recently were the words: His yoke is easy and His burden is light.
That familiar verse , Matthew 11:30, hit me like a 2 by 4 in the car the other day. If that is true (and all Scripture is true) then why does life feel so heavy at times? What am I missing?
Yesterday I began to preview two new Bible studies. I'll soon be leading a 40 day study on "How to develop a Quiet time," so I skimmed that workbook, and began another workbook entitled "Praying God's Way" as well. In that study another verse flew out at me, from Genesis 4:26 where it states Then men began to call upon the name of the LORD.
To quote the author of the study, The name of the LORD is not just a label or identifcation tag. The "name" of the LORD refers to all He is, His character, His person, who He is and what He can do...to call on His name means to connect with all that He is... [Rick Shepherd, Following God Discipleship Series, Praying God's Way, page 4]
How often do I consciously connect with all that He is. Have I ever? This is God to whom I am yoked, and yet I'm feeling that my burden is heavy? Obviously I'm pulling in the wrong direction, wasting my energies trying to steer the team, when I could be relaxing into our path and marveling at the blessing of being yoked with "all that He is." But...I argue...this part of the path isn't where I want to be... Hmmmmm....the yoke is feeling heavier as I pull and struggle.
God created me highly independent, with a sharp mind and a lot of capability. I am blessed, and I thank Him for it. I am discovering, though, that none of those characteristics are so helpful in a yoke. At least not when the independent fast thinking and capable ox has a plan of her own. Putting my capablities to use for HIS plan is very rewarding.
And so, I'm wondering, if when I feel the "heaviness" of certain situations, and my impulse is to ignore, avoid or flee, I should instead lean into the yoke and call out to my yoke mate. If I cry out to all that He is, leaning in rather than pulling away, perhaps this silly stubborn ox would have a lot less chafing and exhaustion!
Just a thought. And now it's time to head off for work.
Who knows what I'll learn on the 2o minute commute with my Messiah...
1.06.2008
Verdant and Unction
I am singing one of my very favorite songs next Saturday at the funeral: The King of Love My Shepherd Is by Harry Rowe Shelley, written in 5 flats. I've sung it many times, often as a duet with my oldest brother. In fact, we sang it at our mother's funeral.
Sometimes when a song is too familiar we can glaze over the words. As the widower in New York pondered music choices this week, I took the time to type out the words to this classical piece, and email it to him. The words are stunning.
Two of the words needed clarification: verdant and unction.
Verdant: green with vegetation
Unction: something soothing or comforting. (Loved this, as the phrase is "unction grace.")
Here are the words in total. I haven't figured out how to sing a blog, but please know that the music is haunting.
The King of love my Shepherd is, Whose goodness faileth never;
I nothing lack if I am His, and He is mine forever.
Where streams of living water flow, my ransomed soul He leadeth
And where the verdant pastures grow, with food celestial feedeth.
Perverse and foolish oft I strayed, but yet in love He sought me
And on His shoulder gently laid, and home rejoicing brought me
Perverse I strayed But yet in love He sought me,
And on His shoulder gently laid,
And home rejoicing brought me.
In death’s dark vale I fear no ill, with Thee, dear Lord, beside me
Thy rod and staff my comfort still, Thy Cross before to guide me.
Thou spread’st a table in my sight, Thy unction grace bestoweth,
And O, the transport of delight, with which my cup overfloweth
And so through all the length of days, Thy goodness faileth never,
Good Shepherd, may I sing Thy praise within Thy house forever!
And so through all the length of days, Thy goodness faileth never,
Good Shepherd, may I sing Thy praise within Thy house for ever!
Amen!
Sometimes when a song is too familiar we can glaze over the words. As the widower in New York pondered music choices this week, I took the time to type out the words to this classical piece, and email it to him. The words are stunning.
Two of the words needed clarification: verdant and unction.
Verdant: green with vegetation
Unction: something soothing or comforting. (Loved this, as the phrase is "unction grace.")
Here are the words in total. I haven't figured out how to sing a blog, but please know that the music is haunting.
The King of love my Shepherd is, Whose goodness faileth never;
I nothing lack if I am His, and He is mine forever.
Where streams of living water flow, my ransomed soul He leadeth
And where the verdant pastures grow, with food celestial feedeth.
Perverse and foolish oft I strayed, but yet in love He sought me
And on His shoulder gently laid, and home rejoicing brought me
Perverse I strayed But yet in love He sought me,
And on His shoulder gently laid,
And home rejoicing brought me.
In death’s dark vale I fear no ill, with Thee, dear Lord, beside me
Thy rod and staff my comfort still, Thy Cross before to guide me.
Thou spread’st a table in my sight, Thy unction grace bestoweth,
And O, the transport of delight, with which my cup overfloweth
And so through all the length of days, Thy goodness faileth never,
Good Shepherd, may I sing Thy praise within Thy house forever!
And so through all the length of days, Thy goodness faileth never,
Good Shepherd, may I sing Thy praise within Thy house for ever!
Amen!
1.03.2008
Take down the tree?
It's likely time to take down the tree. Taking it down is never as fun as putting it up. :(It's our first *real* tree in many years. The prelit *thinsized* one we had purchased for our old living room did not look so good this year -- half the lights had konked out. I was secretly glad that it had chosen to retire, as I envisioned a real tree in our new home...
Anyhow, it's sad to think that December with its trees and lights is behind us once again. We'll enjoy the tree until Saturday...and then...sigh...good bye.
ps If you click on the photo, you get to see it close up! And yes, there really are hundreds of ornaments...most came as gifts, each with a story...for another blog some day...
1.02.2008
January 2nd... resolution check list
Having just finished 35 minutes on the treadmill (resolution #5), I am going to spend some time blogging (#7) and then read a chapter or two of Holly Springs, (#6) while I gently eat an orange(#4). I bought nothing today (#9), and I kept things neat (#8) (although didn't really make any progress on that one...) I had a quiet time with the fabulous Preparing My Heart for Advent devotional (it goes through January 6) this morning, so #2 was definitely covered. That leaves #3 -- prayer, and #1 --identifying Godlight. # 10 will have to be put off until tomorrow morning when I'll send an e card to dear Sue on her birthday. (It must be a bummer to have a birthday near the holidays...)
I'll begin my prayer journal after I blog -- it's a red Moleskin weekly date book, 5" x 7", with a slot for each day on the left and a blank page on the right -- just enough for prayer notes and lists. (I use a black daily dated Moleskin for my journal...this is my third year, and I carry a small Moleskin in my purse to jot notes...) (I should add Moleskin to my list of favorite things!)
So...
That leaves the Godlight.
Today's Godlight is that I'm alive and healthy.
About a week ago I had emailed the woman who called me about singing and asked her how her sister in law had died, if she had had children, etc. I felt it important to know something about this woman before spending 2 days with her relatives. Today a wonderfully descripive email arrived.
She was 51 years old, and fought breast cancer for 9 years. She has a 15 year old daughter (so do I!) and a 21 year old son (my oldest is 20). She was described as "Martha Stewart," a fabulous cook, a talented artist, a nurse, and a "sweet and caring person, devoted to her family."
Wow. We likely would have been fast friends, had we had the chance to know one another.
And so, my patch of Godlight, my pocket of joy, is that I am alive and healthy. My problems are quite small in comparison to breast cancer. Nine years of fighting it...incredible. Those years were likely filled with many thoughts of "this could be my last..." I'll bet she was noticing the Godlight. How open her eyes must have been as she struggled with her own mortality.
Chances are I'll live past age 51. But it's not guaranteed. Wouldn't it be wonderful if I could live as if each encounter might be the last one... each holiday, each celebration? Oh, if only I could recognize the small stuff as small stuff, consistently, and celebrate the moments.
I am alive, and I am healthy. Thank you, Father.
I'll begin my prayer journal after I blog -- it's a red Moleskin weekly date book, 5" x 7", with a slot for each day on the left and a blank page on the right -- just enough for prayer notes and lists. (I use a black daily dated Moleskin for my journal...this is my third year, and I carry a small Moleskin in my purse to jot notes...) (I should add Moleskin to my list of favorite things!)
So...
That leaves the Godlight.
Today's Godlight is that I'm alive and healthy.
About a week ago I had emailed the woman who called me about singing and asked her how her sister in law had died, if she had had children, etc. I felt it important to know something about this woman before spending 2 days with her relatives. Today a wonderfully descripive email arrived.
She was 51 years old, and fought breast cancer for 9 years. She has a 15 year old daughter (so do I!) and a 21 year old son (my oldest is 20). She was described as "Martha Stewart," a fabulous cook, a talented artist, a nurse, and a "sweet and caring person, devoted to her family."
Wow. We likely would have been fast friends, had we had the chance to know one another.
And so, my patch of Godlight, my pocket of joy, is that I am alive and healthy. My problems are quite small in comparison to breast cancer. Nine years of fighting it...incredible. Those years were likely filled with many thoughts of "this could be my last..." I'll bet she was noticing the Godlight. How open her eyes must have been as she struggled with her own mortality.
Chances are I'll live past age 51. But it's not guaranteed. Wouldn't it be wonderful if I could live as if each encounter might be the last one... each holiday, each celebration? Oh, if only I could recognize the small stuff as small stuff, consistently, and celebrate the moments.
I am alive, and I am healthy. Thank you, Father.
Peeping Doe
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Recently I awoke to a peeping doe! She was literally 4 feet from me, separated only by the window. (I was sitting on the edge of the bed, opened my eyes and there she was!) I had been wondering how on earth the squirrels had conquered my squirrel proof feeder... turns out that doe-a-deer has been snacking at my window quite regularly. It is VERY lovely to have her around in the snow...but...I'm thinking she might view my tender spring plants as salad. Time to move the feeder...
1.01.2008
Singing
Believe it or not, I have spent two plus hours reading Diane's blog. I'm a junkie. I'm almost afraid to hit one of the long list of links...I'm thinking those are all bloggers that she reads too. Whew. Who knew this was all out there? (Diane is listed as one of my Favorite Reads...look left...)
I'm to live expectantly, and look for pockets of joy and patches of Godlight.
So...I just had to write about the most incredible phone call...
A woman called and identified herself as the daughter of H and D, both of whom have gone to heaven, and reminded me that I had sung at their funerals...did I remember? Of course. They were a dear couple.
Well, it turns out that H & D have a son, and his wife just passed away. His sister, the caller, was seeing if I might be willing to sing at her funeral. Of course. That is always an honor. The funeral is January 11th...ok...I'll make it work. Oh...one more thing...the funeral is in New York.
Grace was quiet. (That is rare, so it is worth noting).
Tim is glad to fly you out, she continued, and pay for your hotel and expenses, if you'd consider singing.
Wow.
And so, a week from Friday, I am being flown to Albany, NY where I'll be driven to Saratoga Springs (which, by the way, was mentioned in the latest Oprah magazine...some retreat center is there...) and then, on Saturday, I'll take a van with their family members north to Lake Placid, where I'll sing at the Chapel of the Adirondacks. He has arranged for a cello, a viola and a piano as well. WHEW. Two songs will be sung, including, Amazing Grace. (ha!)
2008 is beginning with a very lovely gift. I truly hope that my songs are a gift to the bereaved as well, and offer some form of comfort. The family is in my prayers.
And, just between you and me, I'm praying for a snowstorm. Snowed in at Lake Placid sounds like a perfect blog posting, doesn't it?
I'm to live expectantly, and look for pockets of joy and patches of Godlight.
So...I just had to write about the most incredible phone call...
A woman called and identified herself as the daughter of H and D, both of whom have gone to heaven, and reminded me that I had sung at their funerals...did I remember? Of course. They were a dear couple.
Well, it turns out that H & D have a son, and his wife just passed away. His sister, the caller, was seeing if I might be willing to sing at her funeral. Of course. That is always an honor. The funeral is January 11th...ok...I'll make it work. Oh...one more thing...the funeral is in New York.
Grace was quiet. (That is rare, so it is worth noting).
Tim is glad to fly you out, she continued, and pay for your hotel and expenses, if you'd consider singing.
Wow.
And so, a week from Friday, I am being flown to Albany, NY where I'll be driven to Saratoga Springs (which, by the way, was mentioned in the latest Oprah magazine...some retreat center is there...) and then, on Saturday, I'll take a van with their family members north to Lake Placid, where I'll sing at the Chapel of the Adirondacks. He has arranged for a cello, a viola and a piano as well. WHEW. Two songs will be sung, including, Amazing Grace. (ha!)
2008 is beginning with a very lovely gift. I truly hope that my songs are a gift to the bereaved as well, and offer some form of comfort. The family is in my prayers.
And, just between you and me, I'm praying for a snowstorm. Snowed in at Lake Placid sounds like a perfect blog posting, doesn't it?
Am-I-Dumb.com
This is Diane's fault...I was simply reading her blog, and the next thing I know I'm being quizzed on geography...
Am-I-Dumb.com - Dumb Test
Am-I-Dumb.com - Dumb Test
Happy New Year!
The new journal is begun! :) Who knows what 2008 will hold!?
Joey called at midnight and said he was "the happiest man in the world," because Michelle had called and invited him to Appleton. Sigh. Young love. (he has been moping for a week and a half, ever since she had suggested that they take a "break" on their month off...) Emily welcomed the new year with friends, and Anna and Jake were here with us. We had a group of 14 adults and 8 kids for dinner and games...Bunco was the hit of the night...the first Bunco in our new home.
The sky is bright, the snow is gorgeous out our living room window, the Starbucks is brewed, and all is quiet and well in my world.
Once I get home from the ribbon cutting ceremony for a newly designed clinic in Kenosha, (sigh!) it will be a couch day: knitting, reading, writing, planning, resting...I can't wait! I'm about half way through Home to Holly Springs by Jan Karon. Father Tim (the main character of the Mitford series) goes back to his roots to make peace with the world he left behind. It's slow moving, but an enjoyable winter read -- the kind of book you can read a chapter at a time...
2008 is well begun. May God pour His richest blessings on us all this year, and may we purpose to becoming more like Him.
Joey called at midnight and said he was "the happiest man in the world," because Michelle had called and invited him to Appleton. Sigh. Young love. (he has been moping for a week and a half, ever since she had suggested that they take a "break" on their month off...) Emily welcomed the new year with friends, and Anna and Jake were here with us. We had a group of 14 adults and 8 kids for dinner and games...Bunco was the hit of the night...the first Bunco in our new home.
The sky is bright, the snow is gorgeous out our living room window, the Starbucks is brewed, and all is quiet and well in my world.
Once I get home from the ribbon cutting ceremony for a newly designed clinic in Kenosha, (sigh!) it will be a couch day: knitting, reading, writing, planning, resting...I can't wait! I'm about half way through Home to Holly Springs by Jan Karon. Father Tim (the main character of the Mitford series) goes back to his roots to make peace with the world he left behind. It's slow moving, but an enjoyable winter read -- the kind of book you can read a chapter at a time...
2008 is well begun. May God pour His richest blessings on us all this year, and may we purpose to becoming more like Him.
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