Economic Stimulous Package

WELL...

since we received a check from the government in hopes of stimulating the economy, it seemed unAmerican to not turn around and spend it...

And since my husband and I could use some relationship time, as well as some exercise...

And since we live in an enclosed suburb where everything we need is within two or three miles...

We chose to spend most of our check on a kind of fun item.

Yep, that's a TREK tandem bike (who knew?) with a removable basket, a light, a bell and a tripometer. (my husband, the accountant, of course wants to log in miles and speeds...) We've taken it on a few test runs, and even those have reminded me of muscles long forgotten!

This is more relationally challenging than you might guess, for the person in the back has no brakes, no gears, and no steering. The person in the front has to communicate all intentions of turning, since the person in the back has to lean properly. Even coasting at the same time is a challenge.

This might indeed improve marital trust and communication!

Springtime in Wisconsin.

Hesed

Hosea 6:6 is an old testament summary of what is important to God:

Hosea 6:6 (NASB95) For I delight in loyalty rather than sacrifice, And in the knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings.

The word "loyalty" is an interesting translation of Strongs number 2617: Chesed. Hesed. "This aspect of God is one of several important features of His character: truth; faithfulness; mercy; steadfastness; justice; righteousness; goodness." (Complete Word Study Dictionary Old Testament)

Hesed: lovingkindness, mercy, love, and in the New Testament, grace.

I have begun marking this word in all its forms in my Bible. I color it over with a light blue cloud with a yellow outline, the same way that Precepts suggests marking the word "grace." Marking key words in my Bible helps me to concentrate, and it makes the words and the concepts pop off the page.

God's lovingkindness is at the base of who He is. Psalm 136 uses the word 26 times. Read it here and ponder anew what God's lovingkindness entails. Make a list. When you start to dig into it, the list might surprise you!

God delights in lovingkindness and in knowledge of Him. Do our priorities reflect a desire to delight Him?

" Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, For His lovingkindness is everlasting. Give thanks to the God of gods, For His lovingkindness is everlasting. Give thanks to the Lord of lords, For His lovingkindness is everlasting. To Him who alone does great wonders, For His lovingkindness is everlasting; To Him who made the heavens with skill, For His lovingkindness is everlasting; To Him who spread out the earth above the waters, For His lovingkindness is everlasting; To Him who made the great lights, For His lovingkindness is everlasting: The sun to rule by day, For His lovingkindness is everlasting, The moon and stars to rule by night, For His lovingkindness is everlasting. To Him who smote the Egyptians in their firstborn, For His lovingkindness is everlasting, And brought Israel out from their midst, For His lovingkindness is everlasting, With a strong hand and an outstretched arm, For His lovingkindness is everlasting. To Him who divided the Red Sea asunder, For His lovingkindness is everlasting, And made Israel pass through the midst of it, For His lovingkindness is everlasting; But He overthrew Pharaoh and his army in the Red Sea, For His lovingkindness is everlasting. To Him who led His people through the wilderness, For His lovingkindness is everlasting; To Him who smote great kings, For His lovingkindness is everlasting, And slew mighty kings, For His lovingkindness is everlasting: Sihon, king of the Amorites, For His lovingkindness is everlasting, And Og, king of Bashan, For His lovingkindness is everlasting, And gave their land as a heritage, For His lovingkindness is everlasting, Even a heritage to Israel His servant, For His lovingkindness is everlasting. Who remembered us in our low estate, For His lovingkindness is everlasting, And has rescued us from our adversaries, For His lovingkindness is everlasting; Who gives food to all flesh, For His lovingkindness is everlasting. Give thanks to the God of heaven, For His lovingkindness is everlasting." (Psalm 136, NASB95)

Mother's Day

Mother's Day brought many emotions as it always does.

My mother has been gone for four years...celebrating in heaven with Rachel, my sister who died at birth, 15 years before I was born. My mother was a very difficult person, haunted by her own childhood and also mental illness, so even when she was alive Mother's Day was difficult.

Frank's mother lives less than a block away, along with his father. She is a saint of a mother, and highly revered by her five children. Unfortunately, her idea of Mother's Day is to find a restaurant that will hold all 28 of us and sit in long rows for a buffet. She is the reigning matriarch, and I begrudge her nothing...it's her day. However, I really dislike the cattle like feeling of Mother's Day at a buffet. Yesterday I found a niece, Allison, age 9, to buddy with, and so that was fun. There are 16 grand children, ten of which are 9 and under. It's a bit of a zoo.

Joey, our oldest, had two final exams yesterday. There's something unamerican about an institution having finals on Mother's Day. I did awake to a "beep" on my Blackberry at 1 am Sunday with a Happy Mother's Day message from him. And he called after his exams, hoping we'd come and take him to dinner. We opted not to spend the 3 hours round trip in the car at that point. We'll visit him soon.

Emily, first daughter, had sent a card earlier in the week. She is very creative, and made the card with scrapbooking papers, sequins, and pudgy paint pens. I could imagine her and her buddies having a craft day. That so warms my heart because it is so...like me! :) Emily also called mid afternoon which was a lovely treat.

Jake, my baby (and always will be, though he's 5'6" at age 12) proudly presented me with a Starbucks gift card inscribed to me. That's my boy!

Anna, age 15, did nothing. I wrote in my journal in the afternoon that while that was disappointing, honestly, it is what is to be expected from age 15. Normal is good.

Frank and I had ventured to Home Depot's garden center on Saturday, and there I picked out a gerbera daisy in orange...potted with some grasses. The picture is above. For now it is on our kitchen table, but it will make the transition to outdoors for the summer. Gerbera daisies are the epitome of "happy" flower to me...they simply make me smile. I've never had much luck keeping them alive though. But...try, try, try again. Frank's gift of flowers (flowers are always a winner for me!) was supplemented by two cards on my pillow on Sunday morning, one being from a dog's perspective, from Boomer. That made me laugh.

And so Mother's Day was.

Once home from the herding buffet, the day was my own. I chose to spread out with laptop and Bible study, getting my lesson for the week organized while blogging and reading blogs. Purely delightful. Also enjoyed the Sunday Times. We shared a frozen pizza well into the evening -- we were all still full from the buffet.

At midnight I snuck into our room, and as I lay down my head encountered a book on my pillow. The night light revealed a small journal. Instant tears. This small book had been passed between Anna and I for a few years, starting when she was 7. There are maybe 2 dozen entries total...half hers and half mine. The last post had been June 19, 2003. That is until Anna added 3 pages yesterday: May 11, 2008.

I have no idea where she found it. So many keepsakes are still boxed from our move. I read the old entries...and wept. What a treasure. And then I read the three pages from yesterday.

Three pages from a 15 year old's heart. She apologized for a few hurts. She asked for my prayers. She related her excitement of prom this coming Friday. She thanked me. And then she wrote this:

Thank you again for everything. You a great mom. (sic) And even though sometimes I forget for selfish reasons, I want you to know that I wouldn't choose anyone other than you to be there for me. I'm sorry for all the times I have caused you pain (I know there has been a lot) and I'm sorry for all the times I may hurt you again (hopefully far less). I love you mom and happy mother's day. Love ya! Anna. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxox Oh! And here's a coupon for a cup of coffee and a girls outing on me! Use it wisely. :P

Well, let me tell you that this mother's heart drifted off to sleep quite contentedly. Beyond that. We have four children, age 12 to 20, and even in these difficult tween and teen years I am blessed to have open communication and good relations with each of them. What more could a mother's day hold?

The New York Times

For the second week in a row I've picked up the Sunday NY Times. Truth be known I get it for the crossword puzzle, but it's actually quite interesting to peruse.

"Book Review" is a great section, even if just to see the lists of Best Sellers and read short synopses of recent releases. I was surprised to see Friday Night Knitting Club as the number four paperback in "Trade Fiction." (don't know what "trade fiction" designates...) Loving Frank is number 9. In my humble opinion there is no comparison in the writing of these two books...Frank being one of the most beautifully written books I've ever read.

One review really irritates me. In fact the book title irritates me: The Ten-Year Nap. The premise appears to be that now that main character Amy has a ten year old, and since she has given up her career to stay home for ten years, she is at loose ends. The review describes the book as asking the question "...what is the proper role for a postindustrial, post second-wave-of-feminism woman at midlife?"

Hmmmm. The main character is 41 -- is there not plenty of time left for career? (she's a lawyer!) The child is ten -- does he not still need a lot of care and direction? And GOOD GRIEF...raising this son is described as a "nap?" That is so offensive that I'm blogging about a book I'll never read! A woman, Penelope Green, wrote the book. Does she have children? A nap? As in life is on hold while I rest up for ten years? A nap?!?!

Ok...whew...I'll move on...

I enjoyed receiving my NYTimes today: at the drive through window at Starbucks. Ha. It doesn't get lazier than that. Did you know the Sunday Times is 5 bucks? You better believe I'll look through ALL the sections...

Some *might* suggest that I have a purse obsession, (which actually would make a great blog post some day), but my bag investment looks like small potatoes when compared with those featured in the "The New York Times Magazine." (the same section that contains the Sunday crossword) The Dior bag in "Style" comes in at $8,990. whew. And I thought I was splurging on Coach...

The "Travel" section highlights Morocco today, a destination as likely for me as the Dior store...

"Sunday Styles" points us to a blog on "Mad Pride," "A movement about mental illness in the style of gay pride." Hmmmm. Is that not an offensive comparison? Hmmmm. "Just as gay-rights activists reclaimed the word queer as a badge of honor rather than a slur, these advocates proudly call themselves mad; they say their conditions do not preclude them from productive lives." Queer is a badge of honor? Who knew? "A Bonkersfest in London ...drew 3,000 participants." Wow. Just when I think I've heard it all...

Obama is featured on the front page, as well as in "Week in Review," with both sections featuring photos of him and him alone on the front cover. Hmmmmm.

So anyhow, you'll likely begin to notice that I'm becoming *much* more cultured and knowledgeable as I read the Sunday Times.

Actually, I really just like the crossword puzzle...

Loving Frank

Loving Frank by Nancy Horan

It is hard to overstate how compelling this book was for me to read. Loving Frank appealed to me on many levels, fascinated me, and shredded me. As it ends I am mourning.

The architectural accounts are moving. To read of Frank Lloyd Wright’s creativity, his drive, his ambition, and his consuming passions was to taste his genius. My appetite is whetted. I want to drive to Oak Park and to Taliesin to study his buildings, and also read his autobiography. His character and his work fascinate me though prior to the read I knew relatively little about the man.

The love story is nothing short of riveting. This affair was not about physical passion, but about soul mate love. Each had a love that pushed the other to greatness; a love where each became interested in that which fascinated the beloved. In this love each of the participants flourished, yet the story relates raw pain and gut wrenching truth as it reveals the collision of two passionate souls. It is not a romanticized tale: the fall out of their extramarital affair is great.

Mamah’s translations of feminist writings give voice to women’s issues. While I see flaws in the thinking, the flaws of that day’s society are also evident. When Mamah discovered the writings, as well as her own voice, her character grew. The translation work seemingly saved her from very dark days. It tore into my mother’s heart to read that her affair and her writing left two small children to find their own way. Her tender motherhood combined with her seemingly impossible situation brings both compassion and outrage. Part of me rejects her choices, and part of me understands.

The love of nature is a theme which resonates throughout the story. The details and the vivid accounts are breathtakingly beautiful.

The book details a love which breaks promises to both God and man. Yet it moves not to condemnation, but rather to compassion. It relates the story of the human condition. The affair takes Mamah quite by surprise – sweeps over her, and it’s as if her life can never be the same after meeting him. Life is changed. Her choices leave much about which to debate.

This is not a book for the faint hearted. It is well written, passionate, compelling and tragic. That this is the author’s first novel is astonishing. I read it with pencil in hand, underlining phrases and lines that gave me pause. I will go back to savor these words.

Finishing this book is like the end of a relationship. I miss Mamah. I miss their great love and synchronous genius. I miss reading of how the children are faring. I miss the fields, the fireplace, the house built into the rock. The story is gripping and haunting, and not soon to be forgotten. I am changed.

still kickin'

Such a long time between postings. April was simply a whirlwind.

Work took me in many directions, most notably my first visit to Ohio: Cleveland and Cincinnati. Other April Wisconsin destinations included Lacrosse, Madison, Tomah, Hudson, and last night Pewaukee overnight. Today I am putting my suitcase back under the bed where it belongs!

In the beginning of this blog I promised to look for "Pockets of Joy," and recently there have been many overflowing pockets. Although there are some major challenges in my life, God is liberally sprinkling blessing. I'm enjoying searching out those blessed moments.

In Cincinnati I was absolutely spent as I checked into the Hilton for a three day conference. I wearily asked the desk clerk if any upgrades were available. Due to my husband's frequent travel, we are Gold Honors members, and so I was upgraded. On the sixteenth floor I found myself in a double sized suite down the hall from the Belvidere Club...an exclusive club for Gold Honors members and higher. The room was dreamy, with a comfy club chair and ottoman, spacious desk area, two queen beds in fluffy cloud linens and an extra deep soaking tub. The Belvidere club was well stocked with fruit, coffee, soda, water bottles, hors d'eouvres and our own continental breakfasts. This club kitchenette was surrounded on two sides with a balcony and outdoor seating, and the club also had a business room complete with computers and printers plus a large lounge area with flat screen TVs, couches and chairs. I didn't know these clubs existed in hotel chains...whew was I spoiled. Since my room was just down the hall, I found myself going at all times day and night to refill my coffee and grab some fruit. What a treat.

I have blogged before about the delight this mom of four finds in a hotel room alone. To have a deluxe huge room was amazing. As I studied at my desk, I journaled many verses of thanksgiving, feeling pampered and spoiled by the King himself...it was a very personal feeling. I needed some balm, and the alone time and the spoiling was perfect. It was hard to check out of that room, even after three nights.

Last night I was only an hour from home, but a late night networking reception followed by early morning meetings afforded me a room. The only room left at my reservation time was the "Governor's Suite." WHEW. This hotel room had a HALLWAY. The bathroom was the size of a normal hotel room, anchored by a two person pedestal whirlpool bathtub in the center. A walk in shower filled a corner, and an enclosed commode took another. The other side was a wall of mirrors with a long marble double vanity. I could live in that bathroom. The living room and dining room (yes you read that right) were separated from the giant bedroom containing reading nook and king sized bed.

Once I checked in I began to doubt the necessity of that late night networking session... ha. Back in the room at midnight I filled that monster tub and soaked until I could no longer stay above water. (I did not, by the way, use the remote mounted next to the tub to turn on the flat screen TV on the wall in front of the tub. GOOD GRIEF! )

After I showered to wash my hair this morning, I took another hot swirling bath...I just couldn't help myself.

And so, yes, I've been quite spoiled in the month of April. But in spite of it all there is no place like home. Home is where I intend to spend the month of May, staying put to tidy up, garden, putter, study and blog. May will contain pockets of joy as well...right here at home.

Coffee Bar

We have a large foyer in our modest 2000 sf ranch home. Neither of our previous homes had a foyer of any kind -- the front door entered the living room -- so when we were looking for this, likely our final home, a "foyer" was on the list. We did indeed get a foyer - it might be the biggest room in the house!

And in that foyer we have a coffee bar. Really! I was just dusting it and putting away wintery mugs...and I felt blessed anew to have such a space. We love to have people over, and what better greeting than the smell of freshly brewed coffee as you walk in the door?

When we first looked at the house, the bar was...a bar. Photos of the "before," our daughter painting, and now the finished coffee bar are above. Complete with mugs, flavorings, teas, coffees, cocoas, add-ins, stir sticks and the beverage makers, it's a one stop shop. Come on over!

Precepts Training

Just home from two days at Precepts training. On Friday I took a free course entitled Biblical Prayer, and today I took the Advanced Leader Training. Life changing is the only way to describe it.

The mission of Precepts Ministries is "To Establish People in God's Word." Inductive Bible study is different in that the student does the digging. The student is encouraged to thoroughly study the Word on it's own, using context and cross references, before using any commentary. An inductive study Bible contains no commentary, no study notes. The student adds her own study notes, and also color coding.

For today's leader training, we had done three weeks of homework in advance. One week was on 1 Samuel 21-23, comparing the history to the emotion David recorded in Psalms 34, 56, 142, 52 and 54. One week was on Daniel 7, Old Testament Prophecy. And one week was on Matthew 5:1-4, the first two beatitudes. Varied homework to typify varied teaching methods.

The *best* was the insight into the Beatitudes. The meaning of blessed, poor in spirit and mourn.

Each of the words deserves it's own blog. I'll start with blessed.

The Greek word translated “blessed” is makárioi (3107), which means to be “fully satisfied.” This satisfaction is not the result of favorable circumstances in life. It comes only from being indwelt by Christ. Therefore, it would be wrong to translate makárioi “happy” because happy is connected with luck or favorable circumstances. (definition from Zodhiates, Spiros ; Baker, Warren: The Complete Word Study Bible : King James Version. electronic ed. Chattanooga : AMG Publishers, 2000, c1991, c1994)

Full satisfaction regardless of life circumstance; that is what the beatitudes are all about.

This is Christ's recipe for living the abundant life of John 10:10. It is a recipe containing the opposite of what our world wants to tell us will make us happy.

Blessed. We all want to be blessed. Christ tells us how.


Matthew 5:3-12
3 "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4 "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
5 "Blessed are the gentle, for they shall inherit the earth.
6 "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.
7 "Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.
8 "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.
9 "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.
10"Blessed are those who have been persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
11 "Blessed are you when people insult you and persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me.
12 "Rejoice and be glad, for your reward in heaven is great; for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.NASB95

The recipe for blessed. That's worth some study.

April 16

Out of town for work, I called our oldest daughter (second child) to go to dinner. My work convention is in the same town as her university.

Tonight was the night I have hoped for and dreamed of and many times thought I’d never see… my oldest daughter and I related as friends. I am teary just typing it.

When she was little I would sing “You are my Sunshine” to her, and she was. But somewhere in her early teens the stormclouds blew in, and in her defense I was so busy with all four of them that we lost connection. We had some rough years, some really bad verbal exchanges, and a few times I thought I had lost her. It's amazing how rough some of those teen age years can be. But tonight we turned a corner.

We got to Outback (her request…she knows that her older brother and I have "Outback Nights" when I visit him at college) and ordered. We started talking about boy X and then Boy Y, and it became obvious that she is not dating at the moment. She lamented “if I don’t meet my husband in college, where will I meet him?” She seemed to be struggling.

She shared that she is so organized and has all these lists…just like me. She asked if we could make a list of what she should look for in a man. I almost fell off my seat. Of course I said yes, and she got out a post it note and began. We went back and forth for the whole meal, choosing the list ingredients after much thought and agreement. She also told me she’d not consider dating someone I disapproved of. That was so amazing. I thanked her. I warned her that when you’re in love your brain falls out, so it was good to set the parameters ahead of time and to write them down.

About half way through I asked her to make me a copy of the list to put in my journal. And she did. I told her I might make it into a power point at her wedding and then rate her groom. (and indeed I will) She laughed but still made me a list, and then signed and dated it.

This is typed exactly as she wrote it…same order, punctuation, etc. [the bracketed explanations are my additions here]


“The List”

• hard worker
• “Christian”
• Communicator
• Tall
• Friends [he should have good friendships]
• Values Family
• Creative thinker
• adores me
• gentleman
• treats everyone nicely [I suggested she watch how he treats waiters in restaurants, does he hold the door for strangers, etc.]
• passionate but not obsessed [has interests, but they don’t run his life]
• makes me laugh!

Speaking as a co author, I’m thinking that’s a pretty good list.

Of course I assured her that she’d meet the right man, there is no rush, she’s 18 and smart and beautiful and the whole world is before her. The world is her oyster.

I fairly floated back to the hotel room. A corner has been turned. A new relationship has begun. A mother's heart is content.

I'm a 35

The Radisson has Sleep Number beds. Each side of this king sized bed can be adjusted by remote control to the perfect sleep number.
I'm a 35. In the words of the infamous Goldilocks...it's not too hard, and it's not too soft...it's just right.
I have the other side of the bed set to 70; I'm pretty sure I could sleep on that side too...

A king sized bed all to myself in a deluxe hotel room...dial whatever number you choose...it's all good!

Fiesta

The seven of us Saturday Morning Bible Study gals went out last week. Five of us were celebrating our birthdays, and received the singing waiter treatment complete with flan and sombreros. These are the times to remember.

Amuse bouche

More inspiration.
Picked up a magazine -- which is more like a coffee table book in quality and price -- titled Artful Blogging. Who knew that blogging was now featured in a periodical?

Having only scanned it thus far, it appears to be the second volume, and it features blog sites of artists: artists who blog to help market their craft. And my oh my do those artists know how to create beautiful sites.

I'm a blog novice, utilizing the free blogspot site. If anyone has a link to a great explanation on how to fancy up a site, or create a custom backdrop, let me know. My creative juices are flowing.

I'm purposefully savoring the magazine...one blogger's layout at a time is enough to fill my senses. One that immediately grabbed me is http://parisbreakfasts.blogspot.com/ I haven't actually gone to the site, I've just admired what's published in the magazine. (I'm afraid to go to the site -- more hours are needed...) Here's a sample paragraph:

I like to think of each blog post as a morning "amuse bouche" -- a small bite, full of Parisien flavor for readers to enjoy with their coffee. Most contain a watercolor, photos, and a story. Ideally, I want to bring back memories of Paris past or arouse desires to visit anew. It has to work for me. I have to be inspired too.

Amuse bouche. What a great phrase. What a great way to read a delicious magazine, to enjoy a garden, to eat a biscotti with my latte: une amuse bouche at a time...

Inspire

Thank you to BL whose belated birthday greeting I just received and read. In it she conveyed how much my blog has meant to her, like the reacquainting of an old friend. (she moved far far away!) And so, here I am. Inspired again.

Starbucks has the cutest new mugs. A little white one with a pink painted center and a pink simple flower on it's front is now in my sink. Beneath the bloom is the word "inspire." A friend in our Bible study gave it to me yesterday. What a lovely word. Inspire.

Diane inspired me on Sunday when she went to the lakefront with me, toting along a copy of Organizing from the Inside Out by Julie Morgenstern. Organization books intrigue me (I'm a freak -- well aware of it) and so since I had a birthday gift card to Borders I stopped today to pick it up. It's sitting here just waiting for me. Buying it and seeing it on my desk has inspired me...I'm cleaning our bedroom and once again trying to find a place for everything so that everything can be in its place. It's not hopeless, really. I just never quite get there...

Lest you think I'm a slob, it's actually not the case. My main rooms are generally in fabulous shape and ready for guests. Seasonal items are arranged and often updated. The rooms are lovely and comfortable and home.

However

My private space is another matter. Perhaps the problem is that I want to have EVERYTHING easily accessible. What is everything you ask? Well, to start with, as I look around me, I see:

journal; laptop; Bible; Organizing book; colored pencils; Precepts study; totebag; quilt in process; basket of sewing supplies; stationary, stationary and more stationary; birthday cards, well...a lot of many types of cards...organized in baskets, of course; a Longaberger basket of stickers (for envelopes); a rattan basket of electronic pieces and parts; a rattan basket of receipts; a basket of assorted post it notes (have I mentioned the pen and paper obsession?); books on knitting; actual knitting; inspiring quilt books; a few photos; a basket of tiny prayer books, lists and verses; tabs that need to go into my Precepts binder; two packs of neon filler paper (did I mention...oh...yes I see that I did...); a basket of pens...I think I'll stop now.

Considering that all of this is within arm's reach, my area looks pretty good. Baskets on shelves within an entertainment center with etched glass doors, as well as on a tall bookshelf on the other side of my desk/sewing table. The desk is in front of a narrow window with a view of our front yard pine tree. There's also a TV in the entertainment center, with a DVD and a VCR, and a love seat on this side of the bedroom. I've become quite attached to this whole end of the room, but it was looking a bit random, and there are a few piles. When cleaning all the other rooms of the house, if I don't know what to do with an item...I send it to my room. Thus today's focus.

I've interspersed the organizing with writing four cards, folding laundry, some closet organization, a bit of writing, and now the blog. It's a perfect rainy afternoon...puttering in my little world, bringing order and beauty while also accomplishing some nagging to do's.

Sigh. Only another 1.5 hours until it's time to prepare the tacos. (also on today's list...did I mention the "Tuesday off work" list?) Even with the mundane tasks taking up precious time, I am so thankful to have a flexible job with an occasional day off to get somewhat caught up.

And inspired.

Sunshine

Having found the "queen chair" (a folding sling back beach chair with just the right angles and a puffy pillow that just fits my neck when I lean way back...) and dragged it to the patio, I am lounging in the bright warm sun, drinking a cranberry lemonade and reading Mrs. Whaley and Her Charleston Garden by Emily Whaley. Actually, I'm holding the aforementioned book, but mostly just sitting with my head against the pillow and soaking in my old friend -- sunshine. I'm basking.

The first warm spring day in Wisconsin is something to experience. This year it is so long awaited that it has taken on almost a reverence. As I type I can still see pockets of snow in the woods, but soon the long four straight months of snowy white will be just a memory. A long long wet cold memory.

So, here's the quote that pried me in from my perch to log on and type:

Though there are other ways to finance your gardening, one successful way is to choose carefully whom you marry. A good and generous man is needed, one who knows how to make money and enjoys sharing it, one who is himself not interested in the actual pursuit of gardening but likes to be proud of the premises.

The book is written by an 82 year old opinionated, enthusiastic gardener in Charleston, South Carolina. Little life lessons are woven into a rambling narrative about her lush garden and outspoken joie de vivre.

Happy Spring!

Summary

Quick catch up for you avid readers...

• Just finished the book The History of Love by Nicole Krauss. Very very rarely do I read books twice, but I might read this one again. It was an endearing story of elderly male friendship, lost love, and a mysterious manuscript. Throughout the read I was confused but enthralled. In the last pages I started to put together who was who and how they were related. It's one of those books that you want to read with a paper and pencil so that you can track the cast of characters. Interesting read.
• Now reading Beautiful Boy: a father's journey through his son's addiction by David Sheff. This father wrote an article about the same subject for the NYTimes, won an award, and subsequently expanded it into this book. It's a page turner and a heart breaker. One of my closest friends has a nineteen year old daughter working to kick a heroine habit, and someone very close to me is addicted to crystal meth. And so while the reading is hard, I feel it is beneficial for me to know a close up and compassionate view of addiction. (btw...if anyone knows how to underline in blogger, do let me know...it's not on my toolbar...thus the book titles are not underlined)
• It's raining hard today. There's still melting snow. The sump pump is in overdrive and there are puddles in the basement. SIGH. We need some major landscape and patio work.
• Two of my three brothers were here for the week end. While it's always great to see them, it tends to be tiring as I cook and continually pick up behind everyone.
• I'm such a morning loner. When my brothers and husband were in my three favorite quiet time spots on Sunday morning, I did indeed pout. And then I found a new spot. This house has a lot of good nooks and crannies!
• My husband took a new job on Friday. He will be working for a huge company based in Milwaukee but flying around the country to check up on things. His title will be Compliance Manager (accounting) and he'll be traveling up to 35% of the time. We're excited about the frequent flyer miles!!
• Three overnight work trips in April will keep me busy. The first is tomorrow for two nights, then three nights beginning the 16th and finally four nights beginning the 28th. I love traveling on my own. I think it feels like such a LUXURY to have a hotel room to myself after so many years of sharing with my dear children and husband. (although we shared the tent more often than a hotel room)
• My 45th birthday came and went and was well celebrated.
• I'm currently beating my brother, who actually IS a brain surgeon, for the second game out of two in Scrabble. It's a riot. He is SO frustrated, SO competitive and is actually doing math to see who would have won if I wouldn't have had the "X "or whatever. GOOD GRIEF. It is a little sister (by 11 years!) dream come true. Hehe. The downside is I think we'll have to keep playing til he wins one.

That's it for the update. More on my Bible study at another time. For now I have to go work on it while I have an hour alone before picking up Jake for an orthodontist appointment. My brother is out with my dad, so I have the house to myself. YEAH.

PS Don't forget I love HELLOS in the comments. :)

a heart like His

My Precepts training homework pack came in the mail...I'm a junkie...can't wait to dive in.

And right off the bat I'm challenged by looking at 1 Samuel 13:14 and then defining what IS a man after God's own heart.

1Sa 13:14 "But now your kingdom shall not endure. The LORD has sought out for Himself a man after His own heart, and the LORD has appointed him as ruler over His people, because you have not kept what the LORD commanded you."

Obviously David was not perfection, so that's not what God was looking for. The study guide takes me to Acts 13:22

Ac 13:22 "After He had removed him, He raised up David to be their king, concerning whom He also testified and said, 'I HAVE FOUND DAVID the son of Jesse, A MAN AFTER MY HEART, who will do all My will.'

That's what I love about studying the Word Precepts style...the premise is to have the Word explain itself rather than to read what commentators have found. Honestly, it just really gets me going...

"Who will do all my will." That's what God is looking for.

All. In the Greek that means... ALL.

To have a heart like His may be to be so trusting that wanting to do other than God's will is foreign; the wisdom to know that anything other than God's will is inferior. To go against God's will is settling. I tend to be a perfectionist, so to "settle for less" irritates me. And yet. Whenever I willfully, or even automatically, choose my own path...am I not settling? Why would I do that? Deep down I must think I know better. Now isn't that ridiculous?

It's that trust issue again.

Back to studying... Even though the opening paragraph gave me enough to ponder for the day, I have three weeks of homework to complete before my Advanced Leader Training class on April 19th. I took today off work, and honestly, this is what I love doing more than anything else. Digging in.

I will be shopping with our 15 year old daughter later...she's on spring break...and that's what she chose for our mom/daughter activity. Our 12 year old son hasn't chosen his mom activity yet... which makes me nervous...

I'm off...Happy Wednesday to all.

Resignation

The one true way of dying to self is the way of patience, meekness, humility, and resignation to God.
-- Andrew Murray

Why is resignation to God so difficult?
I am aware that He loves me.
I am aware that He's smarter than me. And wiser.
I am aware that He knows all, and that He never makes a mistake.
I am aware that He can see a much larger picture than I can.
And yet
I don't quite trust Him.
Why is that?

The dentist

OK...I'm a dental wimp. I'll just admit it right up front.

Yesterday I was there for three hours...first the cleaning, and then the replacement of an old silver filling that evidently was wearing out.

As the very kind dentist brought the very noisy drill to my face, she told me to raise my left hand at any time if I felt discomfort or wanted her to stop. [I was tempted to raise it immediately, but I resisted] This was after having 4 rounds of needles stuck into my jaw and mouth to numb the back lower left jaw, but before prying my mouth open to get to the culprit...a worn filling in the very farthest tooth.

And so the drilling began. At first it was ok, but then...oh my...I felt it. I'm sure she didn't hit a nerve, but she did hit a non numb spot of some sort. I almost knocked her over with the speed of my left hand being raised. Back came the long needles of anesthesia... I felt every poke , which concerned her as I should have been numb. And so she added a few more shots just to be on the safe side.

As she began the drilling again, I was in a quandry. Of course I wanted to raise my left hand and make her stop. I wanted to close my poor jaw for a few moments just to rest it. But I knew that if I stopped her I was simply prolonging the inevitable. The filling was now half out, and there was no leaving until the job was complete. I was a basket case. Before you write me off as a complete wimp, please know that I delivered a ten pound baby without pain meds. But this was different. This was the dentist. The dentist is worse.

I lived through the ordeal, although my jaw is still aching today. And it took a really long time for my jaw to un-numb...

Today as I've been pondering Good Friday, I thought about the choice involved. Every other person who has ever endured flogging, beating or crucifixion has had no choice in the matter. There was no left hand to be raised for a break in the action. The torture was uncontrollable.

But Christ had options. I've never thought about that before. Not only could he have requested a stop, He could have had ten thousand angels wipe out His enemies and jet Him to heaven. His Godhood made choices possible. His manhood made the torture unbearable. And yet He remained, and submitted to the pain. He realized that salvation could not be provided without His atoning blood.

My dental visit was nothing. I know that. I was in a comfortable chair, with compassionate people, in a sterile environment for a simple procedure.

Christ's ordeal was unspeakable. There was nothing comfortable, nothing compassionate, nothing sterile, nothing simple. And yet He stayed on that cross. For me. For You.

Thank you, dear Savior, for enduring hell on my behalf.

Fill My Cup

My dear friend Margo once gave me a wire candle holder, maybe 10 inches tall, in the shape of a primitive human form holding a glass cup in the air. The cup holds the candle. She has one too, on her bedside table, to remind her to hold her cup up to the Lord.

Beth Moore’s Praying God’s Word reminded me of this. “We each have our unmet needs, and we carry them around all day long like an empty cup. In one way or another, we hold out that empty cup to the people in our lives and say, “Can somebody please fill this? Even a tablespoon would help!” Whether we seek to have our cup filled through approval, affirmation, control, success, or immediate gratification, we are miserable until something is in it. I have come to dearly love and appreciate Psalm 143:8: Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul. What a heavy yoke is shattered when we awaken in the morning, bring our hearts, minds, and souls and all their “needs” to the Great Soul-ologist, offer Him our empty cups and ask Him to fill them with Himself!” (page 91)

I’ve been humming an old song…a song that was popular in our church in the 70’s… "Fill My Cup Lord.”

Like the woman at the well I was seeking
For things that could not satisfy
And then I heard my Savior speaking
Come to the well that never will run dry
Fill my cup Lord, I lift it up Lord,
Come and quench this thirsting of my soul
Bread of heaven, feed me til I want no more
Fill my cup, fill it up and make me whole.

While Margo was not referring directly to Beth Moore’s chapter above, she recently described how she had come to see her situation. She said she realized she had been relying on certain people to fill her cup. She pictured herself asking them to fill her …people who were needy themselves and had nothing to offer. And while she wandered begging for a drop here and a drop there, she was missing God’s Niagara Falls all around her. What a word picture. Am I blind to what God offers to me? Psalm 143 shows the psalmist asking daily to be filled with the knowledge of God’s unfailing love. (the only unfailing love, no matter how many other sources I may hope will satisfy…)

Some of us are natural cup fillers: we have a lot of people coming to us to be filled. Perhaps we "fillers" have the deepest need of sitting close to Niagara daily, of seeking that quenching each morning. Sometimes my neediness surprises me since I am generally so strong. And yet I realize I’ve been holding my cup up to sources that cannot fill me when I need to hold it up to God alone. God will never disappoint. Never. His living water can satiate me, fill me to the point of not needing other people’s approval or affection. (those may come, but my fullness will not depend on it) His fullness will then overflow to the lives around me, and I won't end up emptied because I'll stay beneath the Source.

Living with a full cup sounds less disappointing, less vulnerable, and so much more fulfilled. It all starts with Him. Each day and every day. Of course. It really is so simple...