Psalms 4:4-5

Tremble, and do not sin;

Meditate in your heart upon your bed, and be still.

Selah.

Offer the sacrifices of righteousness,

And trust in the Lord.

Awoke with a heaviness of heart this morning, seeming mountains to traverse in very direction.  So I climbed back into bed and opened my Bible to Psalms.  It’s what I would advise a downhearted friend to do... so...time to take my own medicine.

Began at Psam 1 but was stopped by Psalm 4:4 and 5.  Seven little instructions popped out as a prescription for the Psalmist’s troubled spirit.  Perhaps for mine too.

a.  “Tremble.”   I guess that means I need to take the serious seriously.  Now is not the time to blow it off or put my head in the sand.  Tremble at the trouble.  Or tremble in His presence.  Or both.  Likely both.

b.  “Do not sin.”  Simple enough.  That is if I just stay in bed with the Bible on my lap.  Once I get out, sin is crouching everywhere.  It’s especially easy to sin when I feel down or stressed... my thoughts and/or words could erupt in sin.  My stress relief elixir could be sin. (food, beverage, distraction...). My gloomy disposition would be sin.  Angry responses, withdrawal, denial, distraction,  ruminating ... so many sinful choices when I’m trembling...

c.  “Mediate upon your bed.”  ✅

d.  “Be still.”  I’m wriggling even as I type it.  Be still.  Meditate in stillness.  This meditation business is the stuff of marinating, not microwaving.  What might be different in my life if instead of forging into action, instead of distracting myself with media or friends or materialism, instead of trying to outrun trouble,  I would simply... be still.  Sit with the heaviness.  Process it with God.

e.  “Selah”.  This is a unique Hebrew word used often in the Psalms.  May mean “to pause”.  May mean “to cast upwards”.  As in to God?  (Now humming... “I cast all my cares upon You... 🎶...”)

f.  “Offer the sacrifices of righteousness.”  Doing the right thing can be so hard.  The word “sacrifice” infers hard, doesn’t it?  Ugh.  The wrong response is so much easier, so much less... sacrificial.  The sacrifice of righteousness...  I think I need to stay in meditation for a bit...

g.  “And trust in the Lord.”  We like that part.  Yet it’s important to note that it doesn’t stand alone here.  Not a glib answer, but rather one of many imperatives... a list of commands.  I do my part: tremble, not sin, meditate, be still, do the hard thing, and then... let it go.  Trust in the Lord.

These two verses in one of 150 Psalms have laid out a roadmap today.  The Psalms are emotional journal entries recording real life moments by real live humans who turn to their only Hope.  As always... God met me there.

It’s a tough prescription to fill, but at least I know the next thing to do...

Morning Affirmation by Kenneth Boa

Something to copy and keep and use with your prayer time each morning.  ❤️ by Kenneth Boa.  

Powerful stuff.  Say it aloud and send the enemy fleeing! 😘

Morning Affirmations

 

1. SUBMITTING TO GOD

Because of all You have done for me, I present my body to You as a living sacrifice for this day. I want to be transformed by the renewing of my mind, affirming that Your will for me is good and acceptable and perfect. (Romans 12:1-2)

2. ADORATION AND THANKSGIVING

Offer a brief word of praise to God for one or more of His attributes (e.g., love and compassion, grace, mercy, holiness, goodness, omnipotence, omnipresence, omniscience, truthfulness, unchanging character, eternality) and/or works (e.g., creation, care, redemption, loving purposes, second coming).

Thank Him for the good things in your life.

3. EXAMINATION

Ask the Spirit to search your heart and reveal any areas of unconfessed sin. Acknowledge these to the Lord and thank Him for His forgiveness. (Psalm 139:23-24)

4. MY IDENTITY IN CHRIST

“I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me, and delivered Himself up for me.” (Galatians 2:20)

I have forgiveness from the penalty of sin because Christ died for me. (Romans 5:8; 1 Corinthians 15:3)

I have freedom from the power of sin because I died with Christ. (Colossians 2:11; 1 Peter 2:24)

I have fulfillment for this day because Christ lives in me. (Philippians 1:20-21)

By faith, I will allow Christ to manifest His life through me. (2 Corinthians 2:14)

5. FILLING OF THE SPIRIT

Ask the Spirit to control and fill you for this day.

I want to be filled with the Spirit. (Ephesians 5:18) When I walk by the Spirit, I will not carry out the desire of the flesh. (Galatians 5:16) If I live by the Spirit, I will also walk by the Spirit. (Galatians 5:25)

6. FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT

Pray on the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. (Galatians 5:22-23)

“Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

7. PURPOSE OF MY LIFE

I want to love the Lord my God with all my heart, and with all my soul, and with all my mind, and I want to love my neighbor as myself. (Matthew 22:37, 39) My purpose is to love God completely, love self correctly, and love others compassionately.

I will seek first Your kingdom and Your righteousness. (Matthew 6:33)

I have been called to follow Christ and to be a fisher of men. (Matthew 4:19)

I will be a witness to those who do not know Him and participate in the Great Commission to go and make disciples. (Matthew 28:19-20; Acts 1:8)

I want to glorify the Father by bearing much fruit, and so prove to be Christ’s disciple. (John 15:8)

8. CIRCUMSTANCES OF THE DAY

I will trust in the Lord with all my heart, and not lean on my own understanding. In all my ways I will acknowledge Him, and He will make my paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

“God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28; also see 8:29)

I acknowledge that You are in control of all things in my life, and that You have my best interests at heart. Because of this I will trust and obey You today.

Review and commit the events of this day into the hands of God.

9. PROTECTION IN THE WARFARE

**Against the World: Renew

I will set my mind on the things of the Spirit. (Romans 8:5)

Since I have been raised up with Christ, I will keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. I will set my mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. (Colossians 3:1-2; also see 3:3-4 and Hebrews 12:1-2)

I will be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving I will let my requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard my heart and my mind in Christ Jesus. Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, I will let my mind dwell on these things. (Philippians 4:6-8; also see 4:9)

**Against the Flesh: Reckon

I know that my old self was crucified with Christ, so that I am no longer a slave to sin, for he who has died is freed from sin. I will reckon myself as dead to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus. I will not present the members of my body to sin as instruments of unrighteousness, but I will present myself to God as one alive from the dead, and my members as instruments of righteousness to God. (Romans 6:6-7, 11, 13)

**Against the Devil: Resist

As I submit myself to God and resist the devil, he will flee from me. (James 4:7)

I will be of sober spirit and on the alert. My adversary, the devil, prowls about like a roaring lion, seeking someoneto devour. But I will resist him, firm in my faith. (1 Peter 5:8-9)

I will take up the full armor of God, that I may be able to resist and stand firm. I put on the belt of truth and the breastplate of righteousness; I put on my feet the preparation of the gospel of peace; and I take up the shield of faith with which I will be able to extinguish all the flaming missiles of the evil one. I take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. With all prayer and petition I will pray at all times in the Spirit and be on the alert with all perseverance and petition for all the saints. (Ephesians 6:13-18)

10. THE COMING OF CHRIST AND MY FUTURE WITH HIM

Your kingdom come, Your will be done. (Matthew 6:10)

You have said, “I am coming quickly.” Amen. Come, Lord Jesus. (Revelation 22:20)

I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to me. (Romans 8:18)

I will not lose heart, but though my outer man is decaying, yet my inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for me an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while I look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:16-18)

My citizenship is in heaven, from which also I eagerly wait for a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ. (Philippians 3:20)

(Also consider 2 Timothy 4:8; Hebrews 11:1, 6; 2 Peter 3:11-12; 1 John 2:28; 3:2-3.)

Mysterious ways

Sometimes, often, God's ways are not my ways. He answers my prayers ... creatively.

We have a big, once in a lifetime trip coming up. I've been praying. I'm not a worrier, but this has been looming for months, and I AM a planner for sure.

A couple months ago I prayed earnestly that God would assist us financially so that the usual *stuff* wouldn't accompany Frank and I to Paris. Frank is an accountant, and he thinks in terms of budgeting. Everything. Me, I work hard and then like to enjoy the moments with the cash on hand. I don't spend beyond what we have, but I count the cost of missed opportunities more than the budgetary consequence. We've learned how to deal with that difference, but it causes a few tense moments. Actually, we balance each other out. On my own, I'd be broke but smiling. He'd be rich and dull. So...anyhow, I want our time in Paris to be stress free.

This morning as I made breakfast for Jake for the first time in weeks, I reviewed the absolute CRAZY schedule I've been keeping. I generally work 24 hours a week, but now I'm on my fourth straight week of full time plus. Add that to finishing a graduate school class, and keeping up with a busy family, a lot of singing at Easter, blah blah blah... you get the picture. I've never had five work projects on my desk at one time, but I do now! I've been under enormous pressure, juggling them and trying to keep them straight and moving forward. My work is all about deadlines, and the clients set the timing. When the Request for Proposal arrives in the mail, I have a deadline.

But this morning God reminded me of my prayers. My last two checks have been larger than usual, and the one I get this Friday will be close to double my normal paycheck. Just in time. Thank you Lord. I would have preferred finding a wad of twenties, but, indeed, You did provide.

As a diabetic, my health is another concern when traveling - I don't get sick that often, but when I do, the diabetes makes it worse. Also, I have not been sick since my lung yuck which landed me in the hospital this last December, so I've been wondering if the next cold or flu would hit my lungs. Well, God allowed a sinus infection last week, which is not a surprise since sleep was sparse and stress was high. Working non stop and finishing up this semester's final paper, the last thing I needed was a sinus infection. I'm coming out of it now, and it was intense. But hey... no lung involvement (thank you Jesus) and now my resistance is up. I generally only get one illness per season...so...I should be good to go!

Add to that the unpredictable amazing volcanic ash situation, and you'll have a glimpse of my recent duress.

And so this morning, as I sip my coffee, I'm smiling. God and I handled this one a little better than usual. I've been praying a lot, listening to uplifting music, and purposefully turning my thoughts to Him in the moments when panic threatened. My ten page fully annotated paper on "sanctification" is turned in, the Monday night final quiz went well, three projects are out of my hands and under review. The fourth and largest (60 pages of type and photo) ( times six copies, bound etc.) goes into UPS this morning. One more project to tackle, and I will get it done in the remaining work week.

My sinuses, along with the air space over Europe, are clearing.

Trust. I'm learning to trust. And this time, amazingly, I saw real progress in my reactions and in my inner responses. There's nothing like the peace that passeth understanding.

"Dependence" by Jamie Slocum has been my Prozac song of the last few weeks - God has really ministered to me through it. I'm growing. I'm leaning in. Who knows what He's preparing me for...

Monday Monday

I love Mondays. Usually. Of late, Mondays have been spent at work. And when I don't have Monday in which to get my ducks in a row, a lot of things suffer... including my blog.

But today, today I am off work, bustling about with a to do list in my mind, thanking God for full energy and a day off in which to use it.

This morning during my Pause (trying to find a new name for my quiet time... do you like "pause"?)(something makes me think "menopause" which of course totally ruins the mind picture) I downloaded a new resource to my iPod - the Mosaic Bible. It is a New Living Translation Bible which has a "mosaic" of reference materials such as paintings, poetry, quotes from Christians throughout the centuries and from many continents ... a unique resource.

What I really *love* is the forward information.

"On our own we are little more than bits of stone and glass. Together we are the body of Christ."

"All too often we allow the here and now to dominate our lives and define who we are. But as Christians, we are each part of something much larger than simply the here and now. We are part of a mosaic - a patchwork of people, places, times, and cultures - that depicts one person: Jesus Christ.

The purpose of this Bible is to provide a way to encounter Christ on every continent and in every century of Christian history. Why? Because when this happens, God's profound and often unexpected work on behalf of his children becomes clear in new and exciting ways. It is important to see that the body of Christ is much bigger than the small piece we each experience in our everyday lives. ... It's not about the individual pieces, as important as they are. It is about the whole picture that emerges when all these pieces come together to form the beautiful mosaic that is God's church."

Such lovely thoughts. Makes my own little world less important and more important all at once. It is not all there is. And yet, my little world and influence are a part of how the world views Christ.

More information on the resource can be found at www.HolyBibleMosaic.com

Blessed

Blessed I am.

Snuggled under a down lap blanket, hot coffee to my right, windows before me with birds chirping happily at the feeder - I am in my favorite spot. In the bedroom, on the love seat facing the yard, reading, sipping, journaling, and working through my current Bible study workbook.

Having been away at a hotel for a few days, I'm cognizant of the blessing of being snugged back in. The natural beauty of our woods feeds me, even in these last grey brown muddy days as we anticipate the green of spring. This luxurious pace soothes me. I need to emerge and go walking soon, to get some exercise and fresh air; but for now...I am still.

Two children have left for school. Another is up and laughing at the TV while having breakfast. One has not yet emerged from her cocoon of sleep. Blessed.

Work awaits. I'm at an odd place in career - I sense that I could jump in with both feet and find success. For my job, and my industry, I have what it takes. It's there waiting for me. And yet... would I be fulfilled at such a pace? Money and status versus time and balance. There is no *right* answer - it is a personal journey that can be coached but not taught. There is a different solution for each of us.

Likely these thoughts are swirling because of my recent travel partner. This woman, who I came to know quite well over 48 straight hours of car travel, is immensely successful in her career. Her husband is the home base for their two teens. She is one of the most balanced highly successful women that I have met. She had many sweet calls with kids - the checking in kinds of calls. She went running from our hotel. She spoke of neighbors, of church, and of times of refreshment in the woods they call their yard. She enjoys late night swims.

She was intrigued with me and my pursuits, but I could tell she didn't quite *get it.* She told me she thought I undersold myself - that I could do *more.* She was very appreciative of my studies and pursuits, but I sensed that she didn't quite think that my flexible schedule would maximize my efforts.

Well, yes, I could push. I could be at work right now rather than here reading and writing. I could be at work 60 hours a week, and paid well for it. Yes, she's right. I could do more. I could have ignored the opportunity today for lunch with Emily before she heads back to school from her spring break. I could have worked this morning to avoid the possibility of a few hours of catch up in the office on Saturday. Or I could have worked both days!

Women are given so many options, aren't we? We are the keepers of the home, the keepers of the children, the keepers of our goals and dreams, the keepers of relationships, and the increasingly, the keepers of the workplace. A priority must be to be the keeper of balance in the very precious gift of 24 hours each day. Conscious choice. Choose where to invest my minutes.

I'm thankful for options. I realize that not everyone has them. But even as full time workers, or single moms, each woman still has the opportunity to balance the remaining time. We need to nurture all parts of us: physical, spiritual, intellectual, social... we each have 24 hours. With the options I have, I still struggle to find the right combination, and not *waste* any precious minutes. Sitting and staring at my bird feeder is not a waste. Sitting and staring at the internet - that might be. Balance. Choices. Moment by moment.

Well, now it's time for 20 more minutes in the Word. And then 30 minutes on the pavement walking and listening to the birds. Often I listen to a 30 minute podcast on my iPod while I walk, but today I might just listen to the birds - live and in person.

Enjoy your Friday. Take a minute, or ten, to put your feet up and stare out the window at the wonder of spring. Go for a walk around the block at lunch time. The pause that refreshes...thinking time...I highly recommend it!

The Principle of the Path

This morning I did something I've never done before. I went to Joyce Meyer's website and watched her TV show. I had noticed in a magazine that Andy Stanley was on her show on February 15th, and I wanted to see him. My husband has been receptive to his teaching at men's group, so my interest had been piqued.

The website it here. You go there and then scroll to February 15th on that horizontal strip of tv images below the big black box.

Andy Stanley is Charles Stanley's son. And a pastor. And an author.

The simplicity of the message of their discussion really hit me today. I took notes (of course) and the two quotes that resonated with me the most are here:

"Direction, not intention, determines destination." -Andy Stanley

"Make decisions today that you're going to be happy with tomorrow!" - Joyce Meyer

If you find yourself "stuck" in any area of life, I suggest you invest 25 minutes in this show. I also watched February 14th - fabulous guest speaker from the UK (handsome AND a great accent) speaking about living in the world. His message was that we need to have an interesting and well rounded life in order to be a part of non-christians' worlds too. No holy huddles. He makes a point of being interested in people's stories. Just like Jesus.

Good stuff. Wow there's a lot of good stuff on the web.

And now, in the spirit of doing something for which I'll be glad tomorrow, I'm going to [walk right past the doughnuts and] go to the health club! Happy Friday!

It's Never Hopeless.

My Bible study this morning is on the topic of generational sin. (Day 4 of Breaking Free week 4) The sinful habits that we observed in our parents or other close older relatives are so very easily incorporated into our lives. We grew up in this habit. It can become our normal, and effort is needed to live outside of that normal. Oh how well I know this.

Jeremiah 18: 1-6 combined with verse 12 have hit me hard this morning.

Jeremiah 18:1-6 (NASB95)

1 The word which came to Jeremiah from the Lord saying,

2 “Arise and go down to the potter’s house, and there I will announce My words to you.”

3 Then I went down to the potter’s house, and there he was, making something on the wheel.

4 But the vessel that he was making of clay was spoiled in the hand of the potter; so he remade it into another vessel, as it pleased the potter to make.

5 Then the word of the Lord came to me saying,

6 “Can I not, O house of Israel, deal with you as this potter does?” declares the Lord. “Behold, like the clay in the potter’s hand, so are you in My hand, O house of Israel.

12 “But they will say, ‘It’s hopeless! For we are going to follow our own plans, and each of us will act according to the stubbornness of his evil heart.’

How many times have I excused certain behaviors thinking "That's who I am ... that's what I observed and learned. It's hopeless, and it's a bummer. If only ... "

Verse 12 is so very telling. God is telling Jeremiah that even though He, the God of the Universe, is willing to remake His people into new vessels ... in fact verse 5 tells us it pleases Him to do so ... we just shrug our shoulders, say it's hopeless, and stay in our muck.

Wow. Read this passage over and over. Ask God to open your eyes. And then move on to Romans 8:37-39

Romans 8:37-39 (NASB95)

37 But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us.

38 For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers,

39 nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Did you notice the "how" of it? We are conquerers THROUGH HIM who loved us.

Luke 1:37 (NASB95)

37 “For nothing will be impossible with God.”

AMEN!

The real stuff

The "girls" just left. 8 of us have Bible study at our home every Saturday morning at 7:30 am. Today I took advantage of being the hostess and stayed in jammies, robe and slippers. After study half of them lingered and I made eggs and toast and coffee. An hour later one of the husbands showed up, needing a car. I made more eggs and toast.

These same girls, with spouses and one with a friend, were here last night for dinner. 12 of us were around the table for food, fellowship and a lot of laughter. My tender lungs hurt today...from laughter. This group has history. Years of tears and prayers and laughter. Years of meals and cleaning and painting and advice.

Jake is gone this week end, on a youth group retreat, but Anna helped me clean the house yesterday, and then when she came home after her activities she saw us around the table hilariously playing a game of Pit. It was total hysterical chaos - the kind that is good for our souls. Again this morning Anna wandered in to talk to us as we ate. (yes, we offered her some breakfast...)

As they drove away at 11 am I said to Anna, "You know, all that really matters in the end is your relationship with Christ and a few good friends. It's all you need."

That might have been one of the most profound mother comments I've ever made. It was a lovely mother daughter moment. My daughter, I pray that you develop a vibrant relationship with your Deliverer, and some true friends with whom to laugh and cry. That's the real stuff.

And then I added, " And you also need at least one real great kid." Anna smiled.

New Traditions

In my robe, sipping coffee, enjoying the relative peace and quiet and lack of schedule. My soul refreshment.

I picked up a book purchased years ago at a Family Life conference, Thanksgiving, A Time to Remember. A few hours have slipped by as I have read, stared out the window, journaled and reflected. A very good time of preparation.

The book is written for families to read at Thanksgiving, recalling the Pilgrims and their steadfast faith during rigorous hardship. Perhaps it is my Christian History class that has awakened an appreciation for remembering, but for whatever reason I am mesmerized by this book. The presentation is also lovely, with paintings and photos. The cover features a pumpkin pie and a glowing hearth.

As the Separatist church in Holland (having fled there from England) considered journeying to the New Land in order to have religious freedom, they had such incredible perspective. "William Bradford later wrote, 'They had a great hope and inward zeal of laying a good foundation, for the propagating and advancing of the kingdom of Christ in those remote parts of the world; yea though they should be but even as stepping stones unto others."

That last phrase catches me. ...yea though they should be but even as stepping stones unto others...

What a lovely perspective as I head into a busy five days of family gathering. It's easy to slip into the mode of wondering whyI have all the burden of planning and executing the holidays. But perhaps what I'm doing is attempting to be a stepping stone into future generations. I will persevere through a bit of resistance as I bring new thought and tradition into our day tomorrow. I've asked all the children to be sensitive - this is an extremely difficult transition for me. Thanksgiving has always been about my dad. He often brought a devotional, and he always had a long (emphasis on long- while the sliced turkey cooled) heartfelt prayer of Thanksgiving. His appreciation of good food cannot be overstated, and cooking for his pleasure really eased the workload. There was a natural Christian bent to our celebration, no matter who was gathered. Gib was a pastor and his love for his Lord shone through his readings and prayers.

And now he is gone. It doesn't seem as natural for me to pull in the Christian tradition. It's not the way Frank experienced Thanksgiving for most of his life... he is not sharing my utter sense of loss. So as I read and wait for God's leading, I am hopeful of new tradition and new ways to show thankfulness. A few coworkers may be joining us...yet I want our God focus to be as if it were just the six of us. No hiding.

And so that quote comforts me. We may not achieve the Hallmark Thankgiving scene this year. But new traditions can be begun, including reading from this lovely history of Thanksgiving. Stepping stones. I'm placing stepping stones into the future where our four children will have their own celebrations. Perhaps grandma grace will be the one who always prays to give thanks. What a lovely thought. I'd still rather have Gib...but...he's with his King...he's enjoying his reward with his wife and brother and others who have gone before. He's happy.

We here will celebrate the heritage we have been given, forge a new family bond for the six of us, and move on. A lot of celebration lies in the years ahead.

Delicious

Sitting in the family room, staring out a window to a garden of fall splendor, sipping Butter Toffee coffee, journaling, day dreaming, and reading in Luke. It's Friday morning, and I'm off until Monday. There is no quiz next week, no mid term exam, there are no out of town guests this week end, in fact... there's little on my calendar. What bliss.

Beth Moore's "90 Day" series are my favorite devotional studies *ever.* The book lover in me appreciates the sturdy hard cover presentation and especially the thick ivory pages with the rough uneven edges. The book itself is magnificent. The disciple in me loves how Beth probes into the text. And the woman in me identifies with the relational details upon which she focuses.


Currently I'm savoring this one on Jesus. In the past I did 90 Days with John, and David is waiting on my bookshelf. Savoring. Honestly, when I'm snuggled under the warm covers in the morning, what seduces me from bed is the thought of curling up with my coffee, my Bible and Beth. No exaggeration. It's my favorite part of the day.

I'm not racing through. The pages are filled with my notes. She set up the books as journals, with questions and space for answers, but I go well beyond that because her perspective draws me in. From the familiar stories she extracts details that add to the richness, add to my appreciation of Jesus' humanity and His divinity. It's a matter of falling in love.

This morning I continued to linger in Luke 10:38-42 - the story of Mary and Martha. I've never really been ashamed of being the Martha of the story, mainly because there is so much Mary in me as well. Martha makes the preparation, and she is the one who actually invites Jesus over in verse 38. We can all ooh and aah over Mary's devotion, but if Martha hadn't been practical enough to invite the guest, there would have been no feet in their house at which Mary could sit.

One thing Beth brings out is that the word "preparation" begins with "pre." Preparation is a good and necessary part of every gathering. Even my time with the Lord each morning involves preparation - likely more than necessary because I'm such a nut with my pens and books - but then when I sit down and open the Word I need to discipline myself to be in the moment and no longer gathering supplies or getting other household processes started. The prep allows the setting in which the relationship can grow, but the Martha in me needs to glue myself to the chair. Enough is enough. The time comes to enjoy the guest.

If Jesus were coming for dinner, you'd better believe I'd be a white tornado of activity all day, cleaning and preparing a warm and welcoming environment. But once He arrived, I hope I'd have the sense to sit as near as I could and just savor His presence. In a way that's what I'm doing as I sit here on this rainy Friday morning. As thoughts cross my mind I bring them to Him, we talk about them a bit, and then I return my attention to His Word.

It's a beautiful thing.

Power

This morning I am at my desk in our bedroom for my quiet time for two reasons: the kids are up and about which distracts me if I'm in my spot on the couch (my timing is off this morning...their routine is as always) and also my sciatic nerve is killing me. One too many boxes moved in the basement...I've been paying dearly for lifting one box in particular, and as a result must avoid the cushy furniture!

And so, since my laptop is also on the desk...who can resist? A wee note on today's study.

In Mark 9:14-18, directly following the transfiguration, Jesus comes back with Peter, James and John to find the other disciples in an argument with the scribes amidst a crowd of people.

One pattern I'm noticing as I step back and study the *whole* in my classes is that it was the established religious group that were so against the movement of God through Jesus. God had something new planned, which was, actually, the fulfillment of everything old. The establishment just kept clinging to the old, to tradition, to the known. The "religious" people were the ones who continually stirred up the trouble. Interesting.

The disciples had told a man that they could not heal his demon possessed son. In Luke 9:1, before the transfiguration recorded in Luke 9:28, Jesus had indeed given the disciples the power to heal. Jesus doesn't seem too pleased when in Mark 9: 19 He states, "O unbelieving generation, how long shall I be with you? How long shall I put up with you?" Was He unhappy with the clamoring crowd? Or with the bewildered disciples?

I find it interesting that the disciples had less faith than the boy's father. Likely they experienced fear, and perhaps intimidation. With Jesus and the favored three gone, the remaining 9 may have felt unqualified. Of course they were young in their faith...still learning, still grappling with just who this Jesus was, and what their role might be.

God's power was available to the 9 disciples left on their own, just as it is available to us, to me. With Christ within, I have the "surpassing greatness of His power toward us who believe," (Eph 2:19) available to me. The same power, Paul points out in Ephesians 2:20, that raised Christ from the dead.

Beth Moore points out in her devotional book Jesus, 90 Days with the One and Only that "...the worst conditions can often provide the best atmosphere to act in faith." And yet, like the nine, I can tend to wimp out and think "I can't." God, that is simply too big. This situation is too overwhelming. Lord, this feels impossible.

Jesus had given them the power to heal. 2 Peter 1:3 tells us

"For His divine power has bestowed upon us all things that [are requisite and suited] to life and godliness, through the [full, personal] knowledge of Him Who called us by and to His own glory and excellence (virtue)."

With Christ within, truly no situation in my life is impossible. Whenever I think of relational issues in particular, I need to think of God's resurrection power, and that He has ALREADY given me EVERYTHING pertaining to life and godliness. God not only can work in the situation, but He can work in me to make the situation bearable. Whether He changes me or the situation is likely not the point...

I won't judge those nine disciples and their lack of faith. Every day I need the same lesson as they did - that "With God, nothing is impossible." (Luke 1:37)

Out and About

A friend just sent me this photo which she snapped on the retreat. I was sneaking off to a gazebo in the woods to study when she spotted me and called my name...

I've been spending a lot of time in the woods lately. I love that. In fact, I've been blessed with a lot of travel - for fun and for work. In fact, I'm exhausted.

When we arrived home from Door County last night I had a melt down. It was aimed at no one in particular, but I just melted down. Anna had a busy week end herself, with Homecoming game Friday, Homecoming dance Saturday, and a Marching Band competition on Sunday. [Frank and I REALLY needed to reconnect, so, yes, we chose to miss all that when the neighbors invited us to a getaway at their DC home...] She and Jake had picked up Chinese food for Sunday dinner, and the remains were all over the table and counter. Jake had made macaroni at some point...those dishes were there too. The garbage was overflowing, the week end chores were not done, it was pouring rain as we unloaded the groceries we had stopped to buy, blah blah blah. Thus the melt down - reality was simply too much.

So, I went to bed. For those of you who have not learned this yet, going to sleep really DOES change the main thing: your perspective. 8 hours later I awoke to a new day and the energy to start to get it done, one item at a time.

Started on the couch. God sets my priorities.

Next I made the rotten undeserving children scrambled eggs, hot cinnamon rolls and slices of orchard fresh apples. They scarfed it down so quick that I decided that further cooking seemed necessary. I boiled chicken for soup and browned up a couple pounds of hamburger for spaghetti and chili later in the week. The deboned chicken is now in the crock pot, simmering away to yumminess along with sauteed onions, celery and garlic and a bag of shredded broccoli and carrots. When I get home from a couple hours of catch up time at work [can't take my normal Monday off due to travel tomorrow ] I'll make noodles. I'm going to get bread going in the bread machine too.

Cleaned all the dishes. Scraped the stove interior, and it is on the cleaning cycle now, right next to the humming dishwasher. Even went overboard and organized the Tupperware closet and rearranged in there. I had just had ENOUGH of living with "just enough" to keep the house going. Once in a while I simply implode, and what I really need then is a good fix of nesting. Beware of the white tornado.

Home truly is where my heart is. I'm starting to dream of age 50 plus... I hope to have my degree done, and the last one off to college... hoping to step out of the hamster wheel and into more ministry. More writing. More speaking. I'm just not a corporate America kinda gal, even with a PLUM flexible part time job. If only someone would pay me to stay home. Oh...and please throw in a company car.

I love that picture. I look pretty happy sneaking off with my bag of books to get caught up emotionally and spiritually. Thankfully I have been consistent with my hour each morning...I can't imagine life without that. More melt downs would definitely be occurring!

This has been an excellent Monday morning. Just in from a brisk walk with Boomer. A nap is sounding good... sigh. Hi ho, Hi ho, it's off to work I go, thanking God for the flexibility to take a half day in light of the occasional melt down.

Just part of being human I guess.

Quote of the Day

My *google* homepage is personalized, and one section is "Quote of the Day."

Today's quote:

Coming home from very lonely places, all of us go a little mad: whether from great personal success, or just an all-night drive, we are the sole survivors of a world no one else has ever seen.
- John le Carre

There is such truth to that, on a human level. But never forget for El Roi: the God who sees. He sees it all, He hears it all, He goes through every moment of every day right alongside each of us.

Comforting, isn't it?

Contemplative

I'm becoming more contemplative.

Maybe it's my age. Maybe it's because the people around me are all so busy talking that there's no point in adding to the noise. I'm pretty sure it's because having someone understand the deep stuff takes too much time. And who has that? Perhaps it's because I know that the Holy Spirit within is always present, always listening, always watching...and when I journal or pray, or just sit and think, I know that I am understood. Nudged to change, but understood. It is comforting to remember that I never have to explain myself to God. He knows already.

It's an odd place to be. An odd place to which to be gravitating. I've begun to give up on being fully understood. Is is lonely? Maybe, but actually...not really. There's sort of a wisdom in it. A freedom. Explaining yourself is exhausting. And disappointing. Frustrating. It's calmer to just...not even try. And to remember...God knows. That's all I need.

My favorite thought from Ephesians is in chapter one, verse 2. I love it in the Amplified Bible. In fact, the retreat was based in total on this concept in verse two:

May grace (God’s unmerited favor) and spiritual peace [which means peace with God and harmony, unity, and undisturbedness] be yours from God our Father and from the Lord Jesus Christ. Ephesians 1:2 (AMP)

There it is. UNDISTURBEDNESS. That word is just so magnetic. I am drawn to undisturbedness. Explaining myself, defending myself, spending time and energy to be understood...well...it can be disturbing. Which goes against this new goal of mine: living in undisturbedness.

Last night I curled up on the couch, listened to the rain and read The Story of Christianity by Justo L. Gonzalez. Great book. It is assigned reading yet so interesting. I've fallen behind, so I'm comparing my class notes as I read, and it's all coming together - the story line of history - His story.

Anyhow, it made me smile to read of Monasticism.

The very word "monk" derives from the Greek monachos, which means "solitary." One of the driving motivations for the early monks was the search for solitude. Society, with its noise and many activities, was seen as a temptation and a distraction from the monastic goal. p 138.

But then later I read that their wisdom made monks sought after - and they kept having to flee from people pursuing them. There's irony in that. But their wisdom also made some proud...and that temptation overtook them even as they overcame so many others. I've experienced this - the pride of some who think they've *arrived.* The feeling of being judged by them. (which can lead to explaining myself and well...the cycle begins...)

And so, here I sit, contemplating undisturbedness. What changes must occur to live there more? A lot have already occurred. I have much less interest in things and crowds. TV is something that truly holds NO interest to me - it's just too full of yuk that fills my brain and then requires the effort of purging it again. Don't worry, I'm still very interested in EXPERIENCES so I'm not quite a monk yet. Nature is such a huge part of my contentment - there's such peace in the rhythm of nature. God and I meet in the garden. I loved reading of how

some [monks] planted gardens, but most of them earned their living weaving baskets and mats that they then traded for bread and oil. Apart from the ready availability of reeds, this occupation had the advantage that while weaving one could pray, recite a psalm, or memorize a portion of Scripture. p 143 Love that.

Yesterday in my Bible reading I was reading of the woman who poured expensive perfume on Jesus and washed his feet with her hair and tears. In Luke 8:30 (AMP) Jesus tells her, "Your faith has saved you; go (enter) into peace [in freedom from all the distresses that are experienced as the result of sin.]"

That's another piece - a big piece - of the state of Undisturbedness. Freedom from the all the distresses that sin brings. All the nagging doubts, the tangled webs, the explaining, the justifying. Honestly, there is a whole lot of disturbedness served up in enticing packages, isn't there? And it's not all sin. Some is just encumbrance. Choosing the best over the good. Eliminating the extra baggage. The weight of stuff that bogs me down.

It's a rainy, cool Monday morning. The first day of fall. I'm contemplating the peace of undisturbedness even as I look at a week that includes overnight travel and lots of schmoozing at work events. Wow. Life is so full of choices, options, good things in varied packages. How to live a contemplative life in a clamoring world? This morning hour is a start. And after that I just need to buckle up and dive in. He will reveal what I need as we proceed into this day together. He already knows. And He understands me, and just what makes me purr. When I look at it from that perspective, it gives me reason to anticipate His solutions...and to walk confidently, as well as contemplatively, into my day.

The Bliss Zone

Three day week end with NO plans. Is there anything better?

Sitting in my spot surrounded by books to study for class and for the upcoming women's retreat. Twenty one of us will be in East Troy Wisconsin next week end to enjoy nature, enjoy one another and to grow closer to God.

The topic I've chosen is "unity." This stems from my almost desperate need of the support and friendship of Christian women. My observation is that some women don't enter in. While there are likely a myriad of reasons, one is insecurity. Feeling left out. Not included. Lonely. Perhaps hurt from prior poor encounters. And so we will talk about how to grow together as women - what we need from each other as far as trust, understanding, accountability, breathing space, and that key: the ability to allow one another to be different from ourselves. Grace. We need to extend grace to one another. Christian fellowship is such a gift from God. I'm passionate that every woman at least knows it is out there!

Frank went to Starbucks and got me the latest: Pumpkin Spice Nonfat Latte, using half pumpkin and half sugar free vanilla. (saves half the sugar) Venti. WHAT a treat.

Bliss. I'm savoring the bliss. I'm setting up the kind of day I love: Puttering. Studying. Snipping at the garden. Folding clothes. Planning food for the week. Breathing. Praying.

I'm almost in tears just writing it. August was a FABULOUSLY exhausting month, but I'm depleted to my core. Today is just what my God has ordered. Thank you to my Deliverer.

To Do

Today's to do list. [last day of vacation...took today off to get caught up] In no particular order, this is what I will pack into this Monday:

• quiet time with God (about to start...)
• balance checkbook
• order books for "History of Christianity" which begins on the 26th of August
• laundry (already in process)
• brown the hamburger, freeze some and also make chili
• make Thai curry chicken for dinner
• bake shortbread (learned from Nancy - english butter shortbread - yum)
• walk or go the health club and work out
• finalize outline for retreat for September 11 to 13
• clean our bedroom - at least 2 hours worth - get a good start
• buy birdseed and bake it
• Bible study for Thursday night - work on the hand out
• drive Joey to the bus for Madison (he's going for 2 days of move-in/partying)
• drive Jake to football
• clean the kitchen sink
• get ahold of Emily's friend Kyle - arrange to get my old lap top to him
• put my password list into my mac (it's only on my Blackberry and that makes me nervous)
• phone Annie whose mom died on the Friday I left for Vancouver :( I missed the funeral.

Kind of a long list, but I have all day and all night. It's raining out which GREATLY simplifies my plan - I don't need to water all the flowers, and it's not the day to deadhead and trim my gardens. (I like it when God handles the watering!)

I'm looking forward to puttering about at home. Home is where my heart is.

Home again

It's really really good to be in my spot. Still in my jammies. French vanilla coffee in my favorite cup. Boomer snoring contentedly beside me. The house is quiet. My world is all intact.

Be it ever so humble, there's no place like home.

Vancouver

Deliciously wrapped in a white terry robe courtesy of an executive suite in the Holiday Inn Downtown Vancouver. [There are advantages to my husband traveling so much and racking up hotel perks...]

Awoke at 5 am local time, sigh, and tried valiantly to go back to sleep. But it was 7 am at home, and my internal clock said it was time to get up. After 45 minutes of arguing I gave in and threw on some clothes. Down seven floors and across the street to Starbucks. But, ALAS, this Starbucks does not open until 7 am! (that would never be allowed in the US, would it?) So, after swallowing the tears I made it back to the hotel, showered, made a [surprisingly good] cup of coffee in my room, and here I am - snugged in the heavenly robe and studying Ephesians with my LOGOS Bible program.

I am purring. Room to myself, A/C on high [my family is always cold...so...this is a treat...], my laptop, my Bible, my study guide, good coffee, a plush robe, a desk, a club chair with ottoman, and time. Time stretches before me. I'll be at the hotel 3 nights total, and then 4 nights at my ex-sister in law's, and then one night in a hotel near the Seattle airport before my return trip. Long enough to really unwind. Study. Read. Pray. Blog. Journal. Write. Relax.

This is good. Thank you Father. I am ready to regroup.

Yes, I'm also reconnecting with my dear brother Jon - but that's a story for another post. And with my sister Sally - yet another story. But what is overwhelming me in this very moment in time is how deliciously decadent these early morning hours feel. Blessings.

Life

Loved this quote from Elizabeth Berg's The Art of Mending.

There are random moments – tossing a salad, coming up the driveway to the house, ironing the seams flat on a quilt square, standing at the kitchen window and looking out at the delphiniums, hearing a burst of laughter from one of my children’s rooms – when I feel a wavelike rush of joy. This is my true religion: arbitrary moments of nearly painful happiness for a life I feel privileged to lead. Think of the way you sometimes see a tiny shaft of sunlight burst though a gap between rocks, the way it then expands to illuminate a much larger space – it’s like that. And it’s like quilting, a thread surfacing and then disappearing into the fabric of ordinary days. It’s not always visible, but it’s what holds everything together. P 148

That's how life is, isn't it? Every once in a while moments hit you and you realize just how blessed you are.

Last night our 16 year old needed some mom time, and asked, repeatedly, to go to see "My Sister's Keeper." She and I both just finished the book. Even though I was thoroughly content on the couch reading Any Minute by Joyce Meyer, time with her is important, so off we went. It is a heartwrenchingly sad movie, the kind that gets me pondering the deeper issues of life.

We have four healthy, "normal" kids who have been relatively pain free from a parenting stand point. Do I thank God often enough? What a privilege. And right now, at this moment in time, all four of them get along unbelievingly well, and they each spend quality time talking to their parents. Thank you Father. Such a gift.

While I don't have much parenting pain to speak of, there is searing pain in my life. Life is hard. There are so many different types of "hard" - we could all be gentler, couldn't we? The mom of a child with leukemia could view anyone with healthy children as having everything. But the mom of the healthy child could have a traumatic childhood wound haunting her or a dying best friend. Financial struggles can overwhelm our perspective. Marriage woes. Responsibilities for aging parents. Strained relationships. Physical constraints and health issues. Life is hard, just as Jesus predicted in John 16:

³³"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

The blessing beyond blessings is that Jesus understands pain, and that He is our constant companion through the best and worst of times. He is all I need. There are days when that is simply fact to me - days where I have to remind myself of that truth over and over.

I wrote down this quote years ago, though I don't recall the source:

"Be kinder than necessary to everyone you meet, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle."

Funny how a movie can hit me just so and send me spinning into life evaluation...

Taking Down Christmas Decor...

Boxing Up Christmas

The wrappings are opened,

the cookies are gone,

the celebration has come to an end.

I'm here with my coffee,

my Bible, my pen

here to meet with my Friend.

He is not over

the Reason remains

He is born, He is risen, He's here.

We'll walk hand in hand

as we watch and we pray

and enter this sparkling New Year.