God and Gardens

As I prepare for teaching 1st to 4th grade Sunday School on Easter Sunday, I am rereading familiar texts.

John 18:2 ESV states, "Now Judas, who betrayed him, also knew the place, [the garden of Gethsemane] for Jesus often met there with his disciples."

Have never noticed that before - that this garden was one of their regular meeting places. In nature with Jesus. In the quiet and the still.

Reminds me of Genesis 3:8 where Adam and Eve "...heard the sound of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day..."

God placed mankind in a garden upon their creation.  And Jesus, when confronting his arrest and execution (John 18:4 tells us that Jesus knew all that would happen to Him) took his disciples to a beloved garden.  The beginning of mankind and the end of God's incarnation.

Matthew 26:36-46 is another account of Jesus' time in the garden at Gethsemane... a much more detailed account. Read it and weep. Jesus' two closest friends failed Him in his last hours of freedom.  He simply wanted them to be present for Him, and to pray...for their own frailty.   He took them to a peaceful spot...a known spot... their garden of choice.

Gardens.  Spring is barely here, and our garden is still brown and sad.  But soon!  A goldfinch just landed on our feeder as I'm writing - the first I've seen this year.  HOPE!  Can't wait to be out there in our own little patch of Eden, digging and assisting to create order and beauty.
Come watch and pray with me.  💚

our backyard bliss - summer 2017

Bleeding hearts in our front walkway - spring 2016

Morning Affirmation by Kenneth Boa

Something to copy and keep and use with your prayer time each morning.  ❤️ by Kenneth Boa.  

Powerful stuff.  Say it aloud and send the enemy fleeing! 😘

Morning Affirmations

 

1. SUBMITTING TO GOD

Because of all You have done for me, I present my body to You as a living sacrifice for this day. I want to be transformed by the renewing of my mind, affirming that Your will for me is good and acceptable and perfect. (Romans 12:1-2)

2. ADORATION AND THANKSGIVING

Offer a brief word of praise to God for one or more of His attributes (e.g., love and compassion, grace, mercy, holiness, goodness, omnipotence, omnipresence, omniscience, truthfulness, unchanging character, eternality) and/or works (e.g., creation, care, redemption, loving purposes, second coming).

Thank Him for the good things in your life.

3. EXAMINATION

Ask the Spirit to search your heart and reveal any areas of unconfessed sin. Acknowledge these to the Lord and thank Him for His forgiveness. (Psalm 139:23-24)

4. MY IDENTITY IN CHRIST

“I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me, and delivered Himself up for me.” (Galatians 2:20)

I have forgiveness from the penalty of sin because Christ died for me. (Romans 5:8; 1 Corinthians 15:3)

I have freedom from the power of sin because I died with Christ. (Colossians 2:11; 1 Peter 2:24)

I have fulfillment for this day because Christ lives in me. (Philippians 1:20-21)

By faith, I will allow Christ to manifest His life through me. (2 Corinthians 2:14)

5. FILLING OF THE SPIRIT

Ask the Spirit to control and fill you for this day.

I want to be filled with the Spirit. (Ephesians 5:18) When I walk by the Spirit, I will not carry out the desire of the flesh. (Galatians 5:16) If I live by the Spirit, I will also walk by the Spirit. (Galatians 5:25)

6. FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT

Pray on the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. (Galatians 5:22-23)

“Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

7. PURPOSE OF MY LIFE

I want to love the Lord my God with all my heart, and with all my soul, and with all my mind, and I want to love my neighbor as myself. (Matthew 22:37, 39) My purpose is to love God completely, love self correctly, and love others compassionately.

I will seek first Your kingdom and Your righteousness. (Matthew 6:33)

I have been called to follow Christ and to be a fisher of men. (Matthew 4:19)

I will be a witness to those who do not know Him and participate in the Great Commission to go and make disciples. (Matthew 28:19-20; Acts 1:8)

I want to glorify the Father by bearing much fruit, and so prove to be Christ’s disciple. (John 15:8)

8. CIRCUMSTANCES OF THE DAY

I will trust in the Lord with all my heart, and not lean on my own understanding. In all my ways I will acknowledge Him, and He will make my paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

“God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28; also see 8:29)

I acknowledge that You are in control of all things in my life, and that You have my best interests at heart. Because of this I will trust and obey You today.

Review and commit the events of this day into the hands of God.

9. PROTECTION IN THE WARFARE

**Against the World: Renew

I will set my mind on the things of the Spirit. (Romans 8:5)

Since I have been raised up with Christ, I will keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. I will set my mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. (Colossians 3:1-2; also see 3:3-4 and Hebrews 12:1-2)

I will be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving I will let my requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard my heart and my mind in Christ Jesus. Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, I will let my mind dwell on these things. (Philippians 4:6-8; also see 4:9)

**Against the Flesh: Reckon

I know that my old self was crucified with Christ, so that I am no longer a slave to sin, for he who has died is freed from sin. I will reckon myself as dead to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus. I will not present the members of my body to sin as instruments of unrighteousness, but I will present myself to God as one alive from the dead, and my members as instruments of righteousness to God. (Romans 6:6-7, 11, 13)

**Against the Devil: Resist

As I submit myself to God and resist the devil, he will flee from me. (James 4:7)

I will be of sober spirit and on the alert. My adversary, the devil, prowls about like a roaring lion, seeking someoneto devour. But I will resist him, firm in my faith. (1 Peter 5:8-9)

I will take up the full armor of God, that I may be able to resist and stand firm. I put on the belt of truth and the breastplate of righteousness; I put on my feet the preparation of the gospel of peace; and I take up the shield of faith with which I will be able to extinguish all the flaming missiles of the evil one. I take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. With all prayer and petition I will pray at all times in the Spirit and be on the alert with all perseverance and petition for all the saints. (Ephesians 6:13-18)

10. THE COMING OF CHRIST AND MY FUTURE WITH HIM

Your kingdom come, Your will be done. (Matthew 6:10)

You have said, “I am coming quickly.” Amen. Come, Lord Jesus. (Revelation 22:20)

I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to me. (Romans 8:18)

I will not lose heart, but though my outer man is decaying, yet my inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for me an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while I look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:16-18)

My citizenship is in heaven, from which also I eagerly wait for a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ. (Philippians 3:20)

(Also consider 2 Timothy 4:8; Hebrews 11:1, 6; 2 Peter 3:11-12; 1 John 2:28; 3:2-3.)

Be Holy

1 Peter 1:15 NLT
15 But now you must be holy in everything you do, just as God who chose you is holy.

This morning as I finish my time with God, I feel unease. I awoke early, feeling antsy. Went to my spot, and have spent time with God searching.

In First Peter I am sensing anew how we are called in gradual increments. And as I am honest before God, I feel He is calling me yet farther. More holy.

1 Peter 2:1. NLT
1 So get rid of all evil behavior. Be done with all deceit, hypocrisy, jealousy, and all unkind speech.

ALL. Kind of an inclusive word. That is the word I get hung up on this morning.

Do you ever feel like you have a long ways to go?

Perspective

I'm sick of being sick and tired of being tired. Blah blah blah. I am still couched unless I *have* to do something like work... Or sing. Worship time went well at NDC this morning - just me and Anna - but that was simply God taking over and me trusting. I was hacking up hairballs during practice, but the service went well. Before the service I was literally curled up in a seat...wanting to be back on the couch. This is the worst stage of sick because I don't look too sick, or sound sick, I am just...exhausted. Maybe it is a diabetes thing. All I know is that I am lethargic and blurry headed. Blah, blah, blah.

So, after a two hour nap, I decided to catch up on the blogs that I have listed over there to the right. And when I got to The Simple Wife my whining ground to a stop, and PERSPECTIVE was gained. Joanne is a writer, blogger, 38 year old mom of two young girls. She was a seminary student for a while. She has a ministry regarding marriage ups and downs. She and her husband share a blog too. She leads Bible studies. Although she is more together and more well known, I feel an affinity to her, and I enjoy her blog. I had not visited for a month or so, so I was shocked to read that a couple weeks ago she had a major stroke, and she is still fighting for her life. I just read many blog and Twitter updates, and shed more than a few tears. I am praying for a dear sister I have never met.

I gained some perspective. I am thanking God for the simple annoyance of a sinus infection and a few weeks on and off the couch.

Perspective. It's a good thing.

Whiter than Snow

Our back yard appears pure and beautiful after a snowfall.
What was mottled, muddy and dull just days ago is now alight and glistening.

Be gracious to me, O God, according to Your lovingkindness;

According to the greatness of Your compassion blot out my transgressions.

Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity

And cleanse me from my sin.

Behold, You desire truth in the innermost being,

And in the hidden part You will make me know wisdom.

Purify me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;

Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.

Psam 51: 1-2, 6-7 NASB

Do You Hear what I Hear?

A beloved memory of mine is my older brother Jon (13 years my elder) sitting me on the piano as a little girl. He would play and sing "Do you hear what I hear?" and I would be the echo.

My devotional reading today reminded me to listen during this wondrous season. Listen more, talk less. Sounds like a plan. Right now I hear the roar of the fire...a favorite sound. And I hear Boomer snoring...he is sprawled out near the heat of the flames. Cherished morning sounds. Tonight I will hear the symphony and symphony chorus perform The Messiah. I'm in tears thinking about it. That music, those words...it moves me.

Zephaniah 3:17

17 The Lord your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing.

My devotional asks, in reference to this verse, "Are you quiet enough to hear God singing over you?" What a timely question.

I'm going to listen more today.

More presence

This morning my Bible reading took me to another gem.

Psalms 31:20 NASB
20 You hide them in the secret place of Your presence from the conspiracies of man;
You keep them secretly in a shelter from the strife of tongues.

Did you see that phrase? "...the secret place of Your presence..." What a treasure! No matter what is swirling around us, what others may be saying or plotting, we can look away, breathe His name, and be swept under His wing to the place of secret presence.

Presence. I just can't get enough of it.

Presence

This morning as I studied in 1 Samuel 21:1-9, I came across the account of David eating the Bread of the Presence which was given to him by the priest.

Beth Moore had the following observation, "The everlasting covenant symbolized by the bread of the Presence was a reminder of the pledge of God's presence to His people. As he offered bread to David through Ahimelech the priest, I believe God pledged His presence to David throughout his exile and promised to be his complete sustainer." (p. 110 of David, 90 Days with a Heart Like His)

This resonates with me. Of all God's gifts, one of His greatest is presence. His presence. Here with me.

Emmanuel is one of my favorite words for Christ.

Matthew 1:23, "'...AND THEY SHALL CALL HIS NAME IMMANUEL, ' which translated means "GOD WITH US."

What a gift. What a sustenance. Christ is the bread of God's presence to and in us.

Recently in church I sang the song, "In the Presence of Jehovah," which has some of the most powerful words I've ever sung. It could be the theme song for any future speaking I might do. The lyrics so aptly describe what I find to be true.

In and out of situations

That tug-a-war in me

All day long I struggle

For answers that I need

Then I come into His presence

All my questions become clear

And for a sacred moment

No doubt can interfere.

In the presence of Jehovah

God Almighty Prince of Peace

Troubles vanish

hearts are mended

in the presence of the King

Through His love the Lord provided

A place for us to rest

A place to find the answers

In hours of distress

So now there’s never any reason

To give up in despair

Just look away and breathe His name

He will come and meet you there.

Presence. Nothing this world offers compares to experiencing the presence of the Almighty from moment to moment. As temptations and trials and worries press from every side, I truly need to "look away and breathe His name," and the situation becomes more bearable.

Presence. Emmanuel. Think upon these things.

Autumn

October 25. Two months until Christmas.

It's still 70 degrees here, so I expect we're all a bit unprepared, a bit un-adjusted. One day we could wake up to snow. This is Wisconsin, but even for here, this is bizarre weather. I did have a few fires on cool mornings, but overall... it's been warm.

It's time to change the photo on the top of the blog. The zinnias are about done. Not frozen yet, but I think they dried up. We've had a very dry fall.

The squirrels are in full preparation mode. I detest squirrels. They dig and bury items that sprout, and they eat all the bird seed. Rats with bushy tails. As I sit at my desk I see them all over the place in the trees.

The bird bath is the center of activity. I've never seen this before. There are quarrels at the bath as to which robin should flutter about in there first. Truly, there are a half dozen robins who are quite intent on cleaning up. They jump in and almost roll... fluffing their feathers every which way. And they're huge. Big fat robins. Are they readying to fly south?

Staring out the window is a huge temptation when your backyard is a woods. I love it. I feel my blood pressure lowering.

Yesterday a couple and their mid twenties daughter returned to church. Hadn't seen them for a while. Their thoughts were turned towards God last week when their 21 year old son, their baby, died of a drug overdose. Are there words to say? I hugged each of them tight.

As *problems* have arisen since then, the irritations of life, I've been comparing them mentally with what I *could* be coping with this morning. This is a healthy and timely reminder to me to count my blessings. And to GET OVER IT. This world ain't my home, I live here with a whole herd of imperfect people, and they're stuck with me. But I have health, relative wealth, safety, and four living breathing healthy children. Thank you Jesus.

Nothing much today. I'm just watching the robins and counting my blessings.

My own way

Precious morning time. Seated at the dining room table with my pumpkin coffee, my iPad Bible, our new Bible study book -Beth Moore's "David: 90 Days with a Heart Like His," my journal and my colored pens. And on this kinda sad, tired, slightly overwhelmed feeling morning, God sliced right through the centuries to speak right to me. 1 Samuel 8:1-22 is the text. Israel wants a king, which so saddens the prophet Samuel. They want their way, not God's way A couple of Beth's observations speak deeply to me.

"One lesson speaks of patience. God had already planned a king for the people. Their lack of patience was to cost them dearly. If they had waited for the Lord's choice instead of demanding their way, how different might the story have been?" (p. 47)

I had never thought about the fact that of course God already David picked out, the king in the lineage of Jesus. Patience. God has a plan. The best plan for all involved.

"Often when God does not readily give us what we want, it is because He knows what our desire would cost us. Faith sometimes means forgoing our desires because we trust Christ to have a better plan for our lives." (p. 47)

Yes, yes, of course. It's good to be reminded of the basics, isn't it?

I love this morning hour with God. My flexible job sometimes demands abbreviated Word time, abbreviated "journal sit and ponder time." Flexibility goes both positive and negative of course. But today, today I can get to work a bit later because I have to work bit tomorrow and Monday which are generally my days off. So today I am savoring, and pleading for an attitude adjustment in this blue spell.

Romans 5:3-5
3   And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; 4 and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; 5 and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

God always meets us when we slow to listen, and amazingly, He knows just what to say. :)

A decadent day

Hello from the Embassy Suites in Columbus, Ohio. Tonight is my fifth night here, and I am staying until Tuesday. I have an air conditioned-as-cold-as-I-want-it, two room sweet suite all

to myself, and I am soaking it up.

I attended a three credit class here at a Trinity extension: Xenos Christian Fellowship. [by the way, if you google that, you can get to pages and pages of downloadable teaching from years of great speakers] The class was entitled "Theology and Practice of the Spiritual Life." When I saw the description in our Trinity Evangelical Divinity School catalog, I knew I had to take this course. Then I discovered that it wrapped around a conference here with an emphasis on Bible study and Bible teaching. And the cherry on the top of this delightful treat? Kay Arthur was one of the featured speakers for the Summer Institute conference.

Meeting Kay Arthur is was on my bucket list.

We arrived Wednesday - about 25 of us in the class, and thousands for the conference which began that evening. To my surprise Kay Arthur was in the audience for the Thursday morning lectures. As soon as I saw her I made a bee line over to her, gave her a hug, told her I was a groupie and got my photo with her. I told her the story of how when Jake was a preschooler he would watch Barney on TV and then announce, "It's time for the lady!" He would play in the family room while I watched Kay for an hour and took copious notes while paging through my Bible. She ignited a passion for God's Word in me that has not and will not subside. She is one of my Spiritual mentors.

During her talk she told us she is 76 years old. Hmmmm. Would you ever ever guess that? You would not guess it from listening to and watching her, either. She was all over that stage, and her energy and passion were unparalleled. I will tell you that she is *very* photogenic. She looks a bit older up close and personal, but gosh... God is keeping her young and spry.

What a thrill for me. I bought a brand new leather Inductive Study Bible, and had her autograph it. She wrote,

"Grace dear ~

May this be your treasured tent of meeting with God - Exodus 33:7-14 and 2 Timothy 2: 1-7. Love, Kay July 23, 2010

It brings tears to my eyes to read that. I taught the pentateuch, and remember being so touched in Exodus with the tent of meeting, and how Moses lingered there. I remember teaching that each of us could enter the tent - that God awaits us.

The intense three days ended yesterday. Afterwards I was mentally numb, but managed to review some homework assignments, and organize my millions of notes. I shopped a bit - the puttery aimless kind of shopping that you only do on vacation. And then I slept. A lot.

Today I did one of my homework assignments. This is the description:

The observance of a three hour focused solitude. Find a time and a place that will provide for uninterrupted attention on the inner life. You should take a Bible and perhaps a journal but that is all. Prayerful meditation on Scripture and Spirit-led examination of the heart should occupy virtually the entire time of solitude. it will be important for you to be very intentional about how you will use this time. Don't be afraid to have something of a plan in place ahead of time. Be prepared to adjust your plans in response to the Spirit's direction but do not enter into the solitude with no sense of how you plan to use the time. The solitude should take place after we have discussed solitude in class. Write a one page report on this experience telling how the time got spent and what possibilities you see for the observance of similar solitudes in your future.

I find it hard to imagine a homework assignment that I'd prefer doing. My report is below.

So much to blog about. My blogging has petered out since Paris - so sorry. But I'll be back. Life is good and full and I am so blessed. Blessings to you all. -g

Preparation: Staying in Columbus for a few extra days allowed me needed conference decompress time, and an opportunity for the observance of this solitude. The night before my planned solitude I read from The Gospel Primer, noting on paper a list of verses to ponder. This included a few whole chapters, so I was secure that three hours would be filled. I am also newly convicted to use M’Cheyne’s method to get a broader sweep of Scripture. (I tend to take small bites and chew them long and hard!) This incredibly user friendly daily application was previously downloaded to my iPad but never started, so I wrote down the Day One chapters on my note pad. The morning of the solitude, I showered, ate, sorted notes, and cleaned up my room in preparation. I reread my notes on the lecture “Against the Flow.” I put my Blackberry and laptop in the front room of the hotel suite, and set up my supplies in the quieter back room. This included my (brand new) Inductive Study Bible, my colored pencils and pens, and some blank pages of notebook paper. I readied with a water bottle, tissues, and a sweater. I began. More days than not I spend an hour with the Lord in quiet solitude each morning at home, so I looked to this time with anticipation, and knew the time would fly.

Result: A blessed time. 11:02 to 11:18 a.m. was preparation. [Hebrews 11:6 to Mark 9:24 to James 4:7-10 to James 1:17.] 11:18 a.m. to 12:15 p.m. was confession. God had a lot to discuss with me! [2 Cor 10:5-7; James 1:17 (confessing that I really don’t trust that He knows what is *good* for me); and then all of James 4.] I found that most of the sins that God was bringing to mind were dealt with in James 4. I thought I was done and then asked Him again (and again) “What else Lord?” 12:15 to 1:40 p.m. was spent on M’Cheyne’s four readings. LOVED IT. Then I still had time so I went to Romans 5, because I had noted that Milton Vincent said that Romans 5 saved his life. (page 94) What a rich text. Preaching the Gospel to myself. I began to outline a teaching for an upcoming retreat on verses 3 to 5. Verse 5 brought tears as I realized how much I need to rehearse to myself that God loves me and pours His love into my heart. The retreat teaching took me to Deuteronomy 30 which God has given me as my life message. I had never used it attached to Romans 5:3-5 so I loved that. At 2:25 p.m. the Amen. I truly love being in His Word.

What I learned: I’m really practiced at the solitude, the journaling and the Bible intake. It is completely natural. Yet I realized that I read the Word with teaching in mind. I would like to have my guitar and a few songs to add to my worship in this time. Or perhaps Scriptures that go over the attributes of God. I need more worship and adoration. (How do I turn off the teacher in me?) I also realized that having my Blackberry OFF and the internet connection OFF is key. I realized that recently my daily morning hour with God has included dealing with some outside influences delivered through technology. I plan to incorporate M’Cheyne into my morning hour which will mean moving *lesson study* to another time. I will aim for a three hour solitude once a month, and put the next one in my date book each time. A full blown retreat like this luxurious six nights in this hotel once a year will also be my goal. I LOVED THIS ASSIGNMENT, and I learned a lot about my habits and how I can further sweeten my times with the Lord.

New Design...New Post

Wow. This new background template should wake us all up! Whew.

It's me! Yes, I'm alive and blogging. As usual there are about 50 blog posts in me, but let me start with observations on John 6. If only I had the time to sit and write and write...

As I am preparing to lead a study in John later this summer, I'm re-reading this Gospel in the New Living Translation. One morning recently I read John 6:16-21. The familiar story of Jesus calming the storm held some new realizations for me.

John 6:16-21 (NLT)
16 That evening Jesus’ disciples went down to the shore to wait for him.
17 But as darkness fell and Jesus still hadn’t come back, they got into the boat and headed across the lake toward Capernaum.
18 Soon a gale swept down upon them, and the sea grew very rough.
19 They had rowed three or four miles when suddenly they saw Jesus walking on the water toward the boat. They were terrified,
20 but he called out to them, “Don’t be afraid. I am here!”
21 Then they were eager to let him in the boat, and immediately they arrived at their destination!

The first thing I observed was that when the disciples went ahead without Jesus, a storm blew in. Isn't that just perfect? How many times do we bring on our own storms by leaving Jesus behind as we row into our own plans. You can pretty much count on the sea getting "very rough" when you leave Jesus behind.

What if the disciples had waited for Him? The darkness was falling, and they panicked. They came up with a plan B because they could not wait upon the Lord. Hmmm. Know anyone like that?

Next I noticed who initiated reconnection in the storm: Jesus. He did not forget about them or think that the storm served them right. He sought them out. He walked right out to them. Isn't it comforting to know that Jesus holds us, longs for us and reaches out to us when we fail?

I love how the disciples are described as EAGER to let him in the boat. Indeed! But we can learn from that too. How many times do we beat ourselves up, saying, "If only..." or "I don't deserve forgiveness." While it's true that our decisions bring consequences with them, it is also true that we serve a merciful Lord and that we need to learn to be EAGER to get Him back in our boat. Keep a short list of sins. When you blow it, repent, reconcile, and get Him back in the boat! The sooner the better!

Finally, once they had Jesus in the boat they immediately reached their destination. I've been thinking about this lately. I have this plan for my life, and my prayers often reflect the elements necessary to achieve MY plan. But really, what is the destination? For me it truly has become Peace with God. That's my destination. What could possibly be worth missing out on that? I need to keep concentrating on our relationship, and leave the steering to Him. If He's in my boat, I've already reached my destination. I need to relax into the journey.

God's Word is simple and complex. Simple enough to read and understand. Complex enough that with each perusal the nuances become clearer. I just love that.

Good night!

Enjoying the Journey

Today is day four of a four day week end. The "to do list" is partially conquered, but really, there's never an end. On top of that I'm a wee bit blue and feeling unmotivated. So, I'm gifting myself a gentle kind of day - puttering here and there without time pressure. I need to be gentler to myself at times.

I'm the current STOP of a traveling book, All the Way to Heaven by Elizabeth Sherrill. I have very little time to read anything other than class materials, and I tend to spend any time I do have on my Bible study. But I'm not ready to forward this book quite yet because it really is a gem.

These quotes have made me pause as I read them just now.

I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year, "Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown." And he replied, "Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the hand of God. That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way." ~Minnie Louise Haskins

"Our hand in his is of course a poet's way of expressing trust. And why should dark be better for our journey than daylight? Because, I've come to feel, holding our hand is God's delight."

"Getting there, even to some noble goal, is not as important to God, I suspect, as the journey in companionship with him. It's relationship, not achievement, that he wants."

"It's an hour by hour, minute by minute thing, Andrew [as in Brother Andrew] said. 'God doesn't set us a task and come back later to see how we've done. He goes with us every inch of the way.' And it's along the way that the important thing happens, the creature falling in step with the Creator."

Of course I know all this in my brain. But this speaks to my heart. My "to do list" heart with the mentality that often rates a day by its productivity.

Today is not overly productive, or at least not as productive as I'd like. But I am in relationship with the One who understands the blues, knows the causes and holds the solution. I'm leaning in. I want to bring him delight - the delight of my still hand in His, even for moments at a time, is a lovely picture indeed.

Grieving

Time moves on.

Little things make me sad, and the tears seem to come a bit more often these days. Of course now I am grieving the loss of the family structure as well. Our home has been the hub...but...no more.

I have finally finished the finances, and finished the *many* thank you's from the funeral and memorials, and now it's just odd little stuff:

• His clothes need to go to Goodwill.
• The photo albums need to be put back away - about 40 of them came out for my siblings to look through - my mom was the premiere scrapbooker. I emptied the bookshelf in the family room, and put them there. They are still there.
• The display photos that I kept in a big tub titled "Funeral" for the 5 years since my mom's death - what do I do with them now?
• The *big* portrait of the two of them that hung in his room...I can't throw that out, can I?
• I keep getting the mail...mostly advertisements... and ministry updates...mailed to his name at my address. I painstakingly write "deceased" and return to sender. Amazing how hard it is to write that 8 letter word.
• The banking is done. I closed our joint account. I remember opening it 8.5 years ago...it was so amazing to think that I was the keeper of my parent's funds. It was overwhelming, although not so large a job in reality. 3 years in assisted living and 5 years in skilled nursing took care of every penny. Both of them felt at home right until the end - they were in lovely facilities. Thank God.

Time moves on. While the work of the last 6 weeks is winding down, the emotions seem to be winding up.

Grief is an interesting path.

Hit "Pause"

Have you ever watched a movie so intense you needed to pause the movie, walk to the kitchen and simply get a grip on reality and the fact that the movie is just a movie? This has happened to me. Sometimes I close my eyes and remind myself...this is not real.

This morning I needed to "pause" life: to pull back, shut my eyes, recite what I know is true, and to review the blessings of the life I have been given. Most mornings I need to do just that - come away and let God open my eyes to the eternal and to what is really important. Reorder me. Re prioritize my thoughts and level my emotions.

I'm reading at the end of Matthew 3, where John the Baptist is baptising Jesus.

Matthew 3:16 (NASB95)

After being baptized, Jesus came up immediately from the water;

and behold, the heavens were opened,

and he saw the Spirit of God descending as a dove and lighting on Him,

Many commentators think that the "he" should be "He"...that Jesus looked up and saw heaven. Beth Moore describes it as "...the Father opened up the sky like a window, and showed Christ the vision through it." Isn't that an amazing word picture? I'm imagining a double hung - a piece of sky that blends right in, and suddenly God lifts it up and heaven is behind it. Or a big zipper - God unzips it and the Glory behind the sky is revealed.

Hebrews 11 recounts the giants of the faith and reveals how they viewed themselves:

Hebrews 11:13

All these died in faith, without receiving the promises,

but having seen them and having welcomed them from a distance,

and having confessed that they were strangers and exiles on the earth.

Some days I feel more like a stranger and an exile than on other days. It's comforting to know that that IS the reality for a Christian - we should not feel too comfortable here, and we should expect to be misunderstood just as Christ was. THAT is reality.

And so, we need to remember to "pause" the movie of our life, the here and now, the temporary, and look up - look for the stabilizing reality that this is not our eternal destination. I love that God reminded His Son of the prize - gave Him a peek of heaven, a reminder, as Jesus began His earthly ministry. And I love that God affirmed His Son as recorded in John 3:17 "This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased."

Lord, may I be still enough for Your Spirit to land as a dove on my shoulder,
May I look to You often enough to see a glimpse of the prize as revealed in Your Word,
and may I hear you whisper,
for any tiny victory over sin and self that I might manage,
"Grace, my beloved, in that I am well pleased."

Once my vision is aligned with His, I can press PLAY again - knowing that whatever scenes might unfold in this crazy mixed up blessed life journey - they can be paused again at any time for a heart to heart with the Director. As long as He's for me, who can stand against me? (Romans 8:31)

The Sound of Rushing Water

The sound of water is my favorite sound. When we were in Colorado last summer the mountains were magnificent, but it was the Colorado River and Clear Creek that drew me. And the waterfalls. That magnificent sound of rushing water.

The little noise machine by my bed, which I turn on when my husband stays up later than me or gets up earlier than me - the white noise - is the sound of waves hitting the shore. The magnificent sound of rushing water.

When I slept at the hospital with my dad when he was in intensive care, I needed white noise to overcome the continual hub bub of that department. Online I found white noise of ocean waves - it played in 3 hour increments. (I googled "white noise"...)

I've recently lamented to my husband, "I haven't heard the ocean since April of 2007..." We usually go to Florida for spring break, but it did not happen this year. The crashing waves soothe me.

Yesterday I found, in looking through old scrapbooks still laying about since the funeral, a poem my mother wrote about leaving the ocean when she moved from Vancouver, British Columbia to Madison, Wisconsin. I knew my love for words was inherited, but when I read that poem and imagined that grief...I felt a new bond.

This morning, taking extra time to snuggle in with my Savior, Beth Moore's study took me to Revelation 1 and this description of Jesus there:

Revelation 1:14-17 (NASB95)

14 His head and His hair were white like white wool, like snow; and His eyes were like a flame of fire.15 His feet were like burnished bronze, when it has been made to glow in a furnace, and His voice was like the sound of many waters.16 In His right hand He held seven stars, and out of His mouth came a sharp two-edged sword; and His face was like the sun shining in its strength.17 When I saw Him, I fell at His feet like a dead man. And He placed His right hand on me, saying, “Do not be afraid; I am the first and the last,

Beth quoted," Your voice is like the sound of cascading waters,..." - love that choice of words. The New Living Translation states, "...and his voice thundered like mighty ocean waves."

This God of ours is so amazing. John penned these words that God now used as a personal hug just for me today in this very moment. To think that the sound that most mesmerizes me on this whole incredible planet is the sound that describes His voice. Goosebumps.

This has been one of the hardest weeks of my life. One of my siblings, in his grief, has turned on me and is coming quite undone. My heart aches. The family is unravelling.

But Jesus is here, and His voice is flowing right to the tender spots. He is always Enough.

Quiet bliss

On Memorial Day I moved a chair from the screen porch into the sun right outside the porch. This has been a cool spring, and the mornings and evenings require a sweatshirt and a spot in the sun.
There's a lovely bench to hold the gear, and the chair swivels so I could put my feet up and stay a while.

The bottom two photos are what I could see from my vantage point.



Quiet time bliss.

The Journey

Still reading For the Tough Times by Max Lucado. Love these quotes:

The wolf cannot get to the sheep without the permission of the Shepherd, and the Shepherd will only permit the attack if, in the long term, the pain is worth the gain. (p.44)

Luke 22:31-32 (NASB95)

“Simon, Simon, behold, Satan has demanded permission to sift you like wheat; but I have prayed for you, that your faith may not fail;

and you, when once you have turned again, strengthen your brothers.”

The purpose of this test is to provide a testimony for the church. Jesus was allowing [Simon]Peter to experience a trial so he could encourage his brothers. Perhaps God is doing the same with you. God knows that the church needs living testimonies of his power. Your difficulty, your disease, your conflict are preparing you to be a voice of encouragement to your brothers. (p. 44)

1 Corinthians 10:13 (NASB95)

No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man;

and God is faithful,

who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able,

but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also,

so that you will be able to endure it.

I needed to read this today.

God Does Things Like That

Yesterday afternoon my mother-in-law called me at work in a panic. Her twin sister is failing, and the nursing home where she is in rehabilitation care had called to say my mother-in-law might want to come. I'm not sure of the initial diagnosis, but our 76 year old aunt has deteriorated since her hospitalization in November. She has moved from hospital to rehab and back a few times, and is unlikely to make it back home. She and my mother in law have severe asthma, and our aunt now appears to have pneumonia for the third time this year. She has MRSA, and no pancreas - lost that over 5 years ago when it filled with tumors, and honestly, I don't know what else she all has. Many battles. The loss of a pancreas makes her a brittle diabetic which complicates everything.

I took my mother-in-law to the nursing home. It's not the type of place I planned to be just one month after my dad's funeral. Our cousins were huddled discussing options and making phonecalls to other siblings. It was a bit too familiar. It's time to make the call of moving her back to a hospital setting for treatment or leaving her in palliative comfort care. Our aunt is not fully cognizant, the infection and the medications taking over her normally lucid mind. My mother-in-law sat at the end of the bed and tried to make conversation with her beloved sister. Our cousins sought my advice. It seemed too soon to discuss my weeks in intensive care and to recall all the difficult decisions. And yet my recent path made me a resource in their time of grief.

Today I bought a book for a sister in Christ who wrote to tell me she is struggling. I went to the Christian bookstore to pick up our new Bible study guide, and on the $5 deal table was Max Lucado's small book entitled, For the Tough Times: Reaching Toward Heaven for Hope.

Just now I was previewing it, and I came upon an interesting quote: "Or consider Moses, watching flocks in the wilderness. Is this what he intended to do with his life? His heart beats with Jewish blood. His passion is to lead the slaves, so why does God have him leading sheep?...Who would have thought that God was giving Moses forty years of wilderness training in the very desert through which he would lead the people?...God does things like that."

I thought I bought this book for a sister, but God is already speaking to me through it. God does things like that.

God has taken me through an 8.5 year desert journey with my parents - an experience that gives me the empathy and understanding to walk beside others on their similar paths. God does things like that.

I can't tell you the number of times I have been able to open the doors of opportunity at work because I could talk intelligently with senior living administrators about housing options, and tell them of my experience in trying to find the right housing options for my parents. I moved them half a dozen times in 2 years as they travelled rapidly through the stages of care, and now I work for an architecture firm that designs Senior Living spaces. God does things like that.

I'm in a significant desert still, with no oasis in sight. But God is still on His throne. I am not forgotten. This wilderness has a purpose too. I need to keep reminding myself.

Just yesterday I wrote in my journal: "If I was not experiencing xxx, I may not have pursued God as I have." Would I trade the path that has brought me to this place of intimacy with God? That is a very hard question. I'd like to think that I'm deep enough to wildly pursue God even in blessing, but I'm not sure... Are there any effective people of faith who have gotten there through a life of ease?

Psalm 11:3-4
"When all that is good falls apart,
what can good people do?"
The LORD is in his holy temple;
the LORD sits on his throne in heaven.

"His [David the psalmist's] point is unmistakable: God is unaltered by our storms. He is undeterred by our problems. He is unfrightened by these problems. He is in his holy temple. He is on his throne in heaven.
"Buildings may fall, careers may crumble, but God does not. Wreckage and rubble have have never discouraged him. God has always turned tragedy into triumph." -Max Lucado

Purpose Driven Connection

On Saturday I spent a good portion of the afternoon at Borders bookstore. I love to browse and wander and spend time skimming magazines and books rather than or before buying them. It was wonderful.

I picked up Rick Warren's new magazine, Purpose Driven Connection. It was on an end rack which is SO COOL - a Christian highlighted at Borders.

Now I know that there is a segment of the church that doesn't think Rick Warren teaches deep enough, and does not emphasize the cross enough. That's a good discussion...for another day. Stick with me here.

The magazine is $9.95. Not cheap. But inside is a DVD with a 6 part small group study! And a study guide. Quite intriguing. This is just a PART of this thick glossy publication - a first rate quality magazine.

This morning I am listening to the DVD series, session one. It is a joint effort of Rick Warren and Chuck Colson on "Framing Your Worldview."

It is superb.

I'm not an easy sell. I love love love the Word of God, and am quick to defend it. And so does Rick, and so does Chuck. I have listened to the first two segments of session one and there is not ONE word I take issue with. Not one.

One summary statement is: (from the study guide) Worldviews contradict each other and can't all be true; only the biblical worldview gives us a complete and true picture of the world as it really is.

They discuss compartmentalization - putting our religion in one compartment, our work in another, how we treat our body in another, how we handle money in another...all kinds of categories. But the goal is INTEGRITY which is based on the word INTEGER which means one and wholeness. I am ONE person. I can only live according to ONE world view, and when I accept everything (syncretism) I negate everything because different world views are in conflict with one another. I become fragmented, and that is not a firm foundation.

Chuck especially speaks to how the church needs to THINK more rather than rely on feelings. A quote from Chuck: "The most important thing we can do is ground ourselves in this.[holding up a Bible]"

WOO HOO. Push the Word. AMEN. Do it with technical excellence in a format that will appeal to the younger generation. AMEN. And then sell it through a secular venue...right there next to O Magazine and Newsweek. FABULOUS.

Christians, we need to FULLY SUPPORT the Bible being taught in the mainstream media. The church's worst enemy is the church - we shoot each other down ALL THE TIME. Before you criticize Rick Warren for being...Rick Warren...and thereby disqualify the new magazine, please read it. Let's USE OUR MINDS as Chuck Colson so challenges us, and let's OPEN UP to the Holy Spirit using new media and fresh faces and new ways to engage this POST CHRISTIAN world in which we live.

I would LOVE and WELCOME your comments as to what you disagree with in this magazine. My brain is in full gear. It is written by humans, so likely there will be some errors in judgment. But it points to the WORD. A respectful discussion is always a good thing - one where we don't label people, but rather use quotations as discussion starters. No person is perfect, and there are no writings on which to hang our hats except those authored by God. But God uses people, flawed though we are, to communicate to the world. Is it not obvious that Rick Warren is being used? He cannot be an instrument of anti Christ AND accuratey quoting Scripture and pointing people to it...that is NOT possible. He doesn't manipulate the Word, he urges people to study it for themselves.

I'm challenging you all: Get the magazine. Just try it. Watch the DVD series even if you don't have to agree with every emphasis. Of course we MUST stand up to heresy...but we shouldn't be assuming it, should we?

I am really conservative. But I'm growing to understand that God uses new ways to reach new generations, and that the biggest opposition to His work, historically, has been the established church. I so don't want to become dogmatic about form. It's ALL ABOUT the BIBLE, and pointing people to it.

Amen? Amen!