Humbled

Do you ever feel used? Or like no one really cares about you, but rather only what you can do for them?

Part of my homework is to read through the Gospel of Mark. So I've been struggling through it. It's a struggle because I am used to chewing on a verse at a time, or maybe a passage, but not on chapters upon chapters. This is very good for me - to see the context - to see it as a whole.

Anyhow, I was just *stung* by some verses in Mark 10. Jesus has chosen 12 disciples, and they have seen Him do amazing things, and He has taught them of God and of God's kingdom. They have the opportunity of the ages - they are walking with the Messiah. Three of them seem especially close to Jesus - James, John and Peter. They get the backstage passes to events like the healing of Jairus' daughter, (Mark 5:37) and the transfiguration. (Mark 9:2) They are the closest of the close. His inner circle.

So here in Chapter 10 Jesus shares with the twelve, as they walk towards Jerusalem, that He is about to be delivered, condemned, handed over, mocked, spit upon, scourged and killed. He must have been agonizing with each step. He was obeying to the point of death, and knowingly walking into the hands of the executioners.

In verse 35, James and John, two of the closest to Him, ask Jesus for a favor. This is DIRECTLY after He has shared His dread. He asks them what they want. And they ask to sit on each side of Him in heaven.

This hit me hard. It stings. Jesus has taught them painstakingly, showed them miracles, given them the power to throw out demons and heal, and now He has shared the sorrow of His heart. And what are they concerned about? Their positions. What's in it for me?!?

And of course, whenever we see stupidity modeled by humans in the Word, we can see how we ourselves might have done the same thing. It's so humbling, isn't it?

Sigh.