April 16

Out of town for work, I called our oldest daughter (second child) to go to dinner. My work convention is in the same town as her university.

Tonight was the night I have hoped for and dreamed of and many times thought I’d never see… my oldest daughter and I related as friends. I am teary just typing it.

When she was little I would sing “You are my Sunshine” to her, and she was. But somewhere in her early teens the stormclouds blew in, and in her defense I was so busy with all four of them that we lost connection. We had some rough years, some really bad verbal exchanges, and a few times I thought I had lost her. It's amazing how rough some of those teen age years can be. But tonight we turned a corner.

We got to Outback (her request…she knows that her older brother and I have "Outback Nights" when I visit him at college) and ordered. We started talking about boy X and then Boy Y, and it became obvious that she is not dating at the moment. She lamented “if I don’t meet my husband in college, where will I meet him?” She seemed to be struggling.

She shared that she is so organized and has all these lists…just like me. She asked if we could make a list of what she should look for in a man. I almost fell off my seat. Of course I said yes, and she got out a post it note and began. We went back and forth for the whole meal, choosing the list ingredients after much thought and agreement. She also told me she’d not consider dating someone I disapproved of. That was so amazing. I thanked her. I warned her that when you’re in love your brain falls out, so it was good to set the parameters ahead of time and to write them down.

About half way through I asked her to make me a copy of the list to put in my journal. And she did. I told her I might make it into a power point at her wedding and then rate her groom. (and indeed I will) She laughed but still made me a list, and then signed and dated it.

This is typed exactly as she wrote it…same order, punctuation, etc. [the bracketed explanations are my additions here]


“The List”

• hard worker
• “Christian”
• Communicator
• Tall
• Friends [he should have good friendships]
• Values Family
• Creative thinker
• adores me
• gentleman
• treats everyone nicely [I suggested she watch how he treats waiters in restaurants, does he hold the door for strangers, etc.]
• passionate but not obsessed [has interests, but they don’t run his life]
• makes me laugh!

Speaking as a co author, I’m thinking that’s a pretty good list.

Of course I assured her that she’d meet the right man, there is no rush, she’s 18 and smart and beautiful and the whole world is before her. The world is her oyster.

I fairly floated back to the hotel room. A corner has been turned. A new relationship has begun. A mother's heart is content.