Sweet Sixteen

Our baby girl, third child of four, is sixteen today. Her oldest brother came home from college to lunch with us, along with my future daughter-in-law his girlfiend. We dined on grilled salmon with home made mashed potatoes and corn, all at the birthday girl's request. And she didn't want a cake...so...I made my late mother's famous brownie recipe. The brownies have a fudge glaze that is quite amazing! Juanita didn't bake a lot, but when she did have to take something to a party, everyone requested her brownies.


Juanita's Brownies

Cream together:
1/2 cup butter
1 cup sugar

and then beat in:
4 eggs

Add:
1- 16 oz can Hershey's syrup
1/2 cup chopped nuts
1 cup flour

Spray a jelly roll pan (flat pan with edges) and pour batter in.
Bake at 325 for 35 minutes

Fudge Glaze:

Mix in saucepan:
1 & 1/3 cup sugar
6 Tablespoons butter
6 Tablespoons milk

Bring to a boil and boil one minute.
Take off the heat and mix in

3/4 cup *real* chocolate chips
1/2 teaspoon vanilla

Stir and stir and stir until thickened but pourable. (I sit the saucepan in a frying pan of ice and water after the chips are melted and all is mixed...careful not to get even a drop of water in the glaze)

Pour over the brownies in the pan and smooth quickly with a spatula. Let glaze harden a bit before cutting, though you might want to score the glaze while it's still warm.

Sue

Everyone should have a Sue in their life. I am so blessed.

Only Sue would think to invite me to celebrate my 45 and a half birthday. On the day. With a sleepover and everything.

And only Sue would scribble welcome on her mirrors for me.

And only Sue would think to draw half a balloon and half a birthday cake on her back hallway chalkboard. (which is a closet door painted with chalkboard paint...such a great idea.)

And only Sue would make a word search with all words that she associates with me. Is that not incredible? She claims she had to really pare down her list in order to get the puzzle on a 11x17 piece of paper. She made me lots of copies.

Some words in the puzzle include: Basket Lover, Bath Soaker, Beach Fan, Bible Studier, Blackberry, (lol) Blessed, Blogger, Book Lover, Celebrates Moments, Decorator, Entertainer, Fresh Brewed Life, Hilarious, Honest, Mother, Organizer, Sanctuary, Searcher, Starbucks, Traditions, Walker, Wife, Word Magician... and more. I'm tearing up looking closely at this list. What an honor to read it.

We had pizza both nights (just because), we compared journal notes, swapped a few recipes, talked about our kids, shopped, drank tea, drank wine, cried a bit, laughed a lot.

I brought Sue a copy of The Grace Of Ordinary Days which I had bought at the senior living conference that week. I will describe that book in blog of its own. As we read pages to each other we sighed and we wept at the beauty of the words. The tears just flowed.

Sue is a gift from God to me. A pocket of joy. I've known her for over 25 years...that's amazing in and of itself. We met in college ,we lost years to busyness along the way, but then we reconnected and haven't lost each other again. We don't see each other as often as we'd like, for we both have incredibly rich and full lives. We don't agree on everything, yet we treasure one another, differences and all.

Thank you Sue! You are a rare gift and I love you!

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

Last week I was in Green Bay again, a week after the famous Favre gift. At this conference, mainly education devoted to the administrators of senior living facilities, they had an American Idol contest. Actually what it was was a demonstration of a sound system being marketed for the senior living environment. It was a glorified karaoke. (Vendors of services and products aimed at the senior population sponsor the whole conference. We were there as designers of senior living communities)

When someone sang Elvis, actual clips of The King were shown afterward, a few moments that truly would enamor the senior population. When a gentleman sang Frank Sinatra, he opted to sing along with Frank rather than solo with just instrumentation. The Chicken Dance was played complete with a video showing the movements, and Lawrence Welk himself showed up in a clip of another golden oldie. It was a cool system and a VERY large projection screen.

When I sang, I sang Judy Garland's Somewhere Over the Rainbow. No movie. No Dorothy. Just me. It was low, and it was s-l-o-w, but it went well, and I won $300 cash in second place. Another amazing gift.

The next day I had my moments of fame when people congratulated me. The best was during a morning session. Behind me sat a group of five nuns, one of whom tapped me on the shoulder. "We all thought you should have won," she said, "We prayed you would."

That cracked me up and still makes me smile. The Sisters liked me. What more do I need?

Micah

In studying for our Saturday morning Bible study group, I came upon these beautiful verses in Micah 5.

His [Jesus'] goings forth are from long ago,
From the days of eternity.

This One will be our peace.
(verses 2b and 5a)

What beautiful assurance that God is in control.

Have been emailing (futilely) back and forth with my oldest brother tonight. He is so rabidly pro-Obama, and cannot fathom that I would vote Pro-Life. I simply say...I think God would vote pro life. And then he explodes into a million topics and implies that I am naive in not spending hours researching every issue. (did I mention that he is retired?) And he is so angry about it all. I only have one vote. Do I matter that much to him?

I love the Word. I choose to spend those hours in the Truth. The only Truth. I don't have to worry about spin, about polls, about what is truth and what is not. Thy Word is Truth. John 17:17.

And those words in Micah just hit me as so complete, and so peaceful tonight. God has a time table. Verse 2b seems to be already history. Verse 5a is future in context. God's time. His ways are so much higher than ours.

He already is my Peace. No matter who gets elected.

Shoulda taken a picture...

So much to write. Another whirlwind week...and it's only Wednesday.

On Monday I was at a hospital in Illinois. We went to meet with new clients, and to take measurements of some shell space (built space with no drywall etc...just the *shell* built when the rest of the building was erected). The architectural firm where I work is going to design some medical suites to fill the space. (Many facilities plan in "shell space" when they build new buildings, and suite them out as space is needed)(There's your architectural lesson for today)

A few women were setting up a buffet of sorts as we stepped off the elevator on this nearly empty floor. They were taping some paper onto a gurney of sorts...those rolls of paper that you cover tables with at church dinners...well...that's what they were using. Evidently a staff luncheon was being held in this empty part of the facility. (Two conference rooms are finished, with thousands of feet of empty space behind closed doors) The *table* they were covering was a cross between a folding table and a hospital bed.

As we stepped out of the conference room and into the empty room, my boss leaned in to me and said...that was a morgue cart. Ewww. A morgue table to hold their buffet?

And yes, when we went back to the elevator, the Dominoe's pizza boxes were indeed open on the paper covered...morgue table. EWWWWWW. I guess it's just another flat surface to the nurses gathered there. I really wish I had snapped a photo of that particular moment in time. Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction.

Granted to Suffer

Philippians 1:29-30 NASB For to you it has been granted for Christ's sake, not only to believe in Him, but also to suffer for His sake, experiencing the same conflict which you saw in me, and now hear to be in me.

In my hotel room, on a break from schmoozing (my smile hurts) I am reading Philippians. These verses in Philippians caught me today, especially the word "granted." Looked up in the Greek, it is Strongs # 5483: Charizomai. Part of the definition from the Zodhiates Complete Word Study Dictionary New Testament includes: To show someone a favor, be kind to. To give or bestow a thing willingly; to be permitted or granted something.

And the word "granted" comes from the word "grace."

So, we, as followers of Christ, are permitted, and shown favor by being able to suffer for His sake.

That's tough to swallow, and yet reluctantly I already see the truth in it. It is the suffering that shapes me, molds me, and sifts me. Without suffering, we'd all be insufferable. (hmmm...that's a good play on words, eh?) We value things more when we work for them, sacrifice for them. We prove what is important to us. And so it must be with our faith. We learn to treasure it through the hard times. And we learn what a treasure it is when we can see the outcomes of God pleasing choices.

Suffering for HIS sake is so much different than suffering for my own stupidity...there must be a strict difference noted there. Suffering for HIS sake denotes making the right choice for the right reason but with undesired consequence.

It's granted. It's a gift. It's part of His grace.

And so perhaps my acceptance of the suffering can include a measure of pleasure - pleased that I am indeed called, and that with that call comes the inevitable. It's almost a badge of honor. A proof.

Which reminds me of one of the toughest verses in the Bible: Hebrews 5:8. Although He was a Son, He learned obedience from the things which He suffered.

If Christ had to suffer, and Paul had to suffer, then I am in very good company in the suffering which occurs in my life for His sake. Seeing commitments through, removing myself from certain situations, saying tough truth, not participating in "social sin," ...these are examples of choosing for His sake to suffer the loss of passing pleasure, or the loss of relationship. To be set apart in order to glorify His name, a name to which I am associated as a Christian. And while I have not been stoned or shipwrecked, and certainly not bound and crucified, the small choices granted to me are to test my choice to glorify Christ in my actions. Once in a while there is victory over the flesh, and then...I grow. And actually, as I mature in Him, as well as in years, the choices become clearer, and the victories more frequent.

Opportunities for this growth have been granted to me. To prove to myself, perhaps, what my faith is made of.

Les Fleurs

This photo was shot as the sun was setting in the west. It is the flower garden in front of our living room window - in the back yard. It is glorious...and this photo almost captures it. This photo is not retouched at all. The light was amazing.



The white clematis is new this year - Autumn Splendor. It is a breath of spring that blooms at the start of autumn. I'm loving it.



Lots of posts this week end! But now a bit of a break: I'm out of town (yes...more dinner and golf) for three nights this week, and then having a sleep over party at my dear friend Sue's to celebrate my 45 and a half birthday. (we missed my 45th so the belated celebration and the date was her idea)

See you next week!

The Evangelical Free Church

My husband and I were members of an E-Free church for 20 years. I was a member in various E-Frees for 34 years. Last year we changed churches, for personnel reasons, not doctrinal reasons, but we still receive their magazine, "EFCA Today." On the way to nine holes of golf today I skimmed the Fall 2008 issue while my husband drove.

A number of things popped out at me.

Page 6. Students live in a culture where there is no room or time to hear, encounter or know God. We won't be able to change the culture, but we can be part of a church/ministry that creates space to encounter God.

I love that phrase: Create space to encounter God. Isn't that so relevant? I am definitely noodling that phrase... We need to purpose to create that space in our jam packed lives.

"My Friend Prudence," is an article on page 8 which contains this thought provoking quote: "Too often Christians assume that those outside the Church reject their message because they are rejecting the truth of the gospel. I believe, however, that often these observers don't like us because we have failed to treat them with genuine Christian love." You can read this article on diversity here.

The side bar on page 30 has me beaming. It is the introduction to a ministry called ReachGlobal Agape Home in Thailand. It's the kind of ministry that I want to support and know more about so that when a liberal starts attacking my social values I can respond..."I support an orphanage in Thailand for HIV infected orphans with my money. And you?" The church is so active, but I am so ignorant of ministries like this!

The coordinator, Ellen Costrava, writes: Things die and things are left behind. Dreams die. Mommies die. Hope dies. But this is not he end of the story. Dreams can come alive again. I can be a mommy. Hope can be restored. God cares about lost things. And He cares about children who have been lost...lost in a political system, lost in the the shuffle, lost to someone's memory. I live to be a finder.

Read more about this ministry here.



The world is such a big place isn't it? It's easy for me to become entangled in my dailies, and to lose sight of the big picture. The ministries of the church are a great way to stay connected...I need to become more sacrificially involved. My time is spent on the local church, but my money can affect the global picture.

Gib's Request

A week ago tonight, Sunday, I was one tired puppy. (come to think of it, I'm slightly exhausted tonight as well...) Returning from two overnights at Camp TimberLee, and an emotionally charged week end retreat, I was ready for a relaxing Monday off. Or so I thought.

Smart me planned dinner at a local pizza place on Sunday night. There were 7 of us including my dad and my brother and his wife. We love Ricardos. Anyhow, silly me at one point asked my dear old dad, "What would you like for your birthday meal tomorrow? I'm off, and will cook whatever you like." Silly silly girl. After thinking for 5 minutes, he perked up and said," I've got it, but it's a lot of work." I said something totally inane like "the sky's the limit," and he answered with, "I'd like a full Thanksgiving dinner."

Gulp.

"Would a turkey breast do?" I asked. "No, I like dark meat." was the no nonsense reply.

A trip to a local upscale grocery ensued, with a search for a fresh turkey in September. Hmmmmm. The butcher showed me a whopping 9 pound fresh turkey breast, so that was the start. I followed him to the pieces and parts department, and we dug and came up with two whopper turkey thighs and two huge fresh drumsticks. I picked up a few other staples, and returned home.

I am the family Thanksgiving dinner preparer, and I've got it down to a science. My sons especially look forward to our annual November feast, and I do go all out with homemade rolls, homemade cranberry relish, 10 pounds of smashed potatoes and a very moist bird stuffed with celery, onion and craisin laden dressing. It is amazing. I cook my turkey, the biggest bird I can find - usually around 25 pounds - in a Reynold's cooking bag, and it is moist and delish.

With a tired chef and one day to plan and cook, I took a few shortcuts. Frozen bread rolls, Ocean Spray cranberry-orange sauce, and rice rather than potatoes. I did make the traditional stuffing, and put it in a glass casserole with the drumsticks laying on top. The breast and thighs went in the bag.

The result was quite excellent. I should have started it an hour sooner -- I was afraid that it would be so overcooked since it was in pieces...but that large dense breast could have used more time. I didn't get enough drippings for the gravy, so I did add some turkey gravy mix to the pan...no one seemed to notice. Jake was a little bummed about the rice in lieu of smashed potatoes... The rolls were great, but not "mine," (my butter rolls are legendary)(at least to my kids. Our 15 year old daughter and 12 year old son once each ate 6 at a dinner where we had guests. I couldn't believe we had run out of rolls...until they fessed up...) The pecan pie out of my freezer (no idea where or when I purchased it...) was good but not a homemade apple...



And so Gib had Thanksgiving in September. I'm not sure he'll make it til November 27, so I sure didn't have the heart to deny him his wishes. My sister-in-law calls me "Amazing Grace," thus I have a reputation to protect...

Life is so full. But would I want it any other way? I'll always remember the incredulous look on my sister-in-law's face when Gib made that request. It is a moment to remember. A memory to cherish.

This photo is of the birthday boy, Gilbert, now 83, with our youngest son, his namesake, Jacob Gilbert.

Thursday's Gift

So...on Wednesday I golfed in a golf outing for hospital executives and sponsors of the state's healthcare association. Our architectural firm designs primarily health care facilities, so we sponsor this event which also includes dinners, exhibitions, training, etc.

I was teamed up with two Directors of Nursing (DON)and one of their guests. The DON assigned to my cart had to decline at the last minute, so she sent her delightful husband. The other DON and her fiance were on our team, but in the other golf cart. I knew right away that he was going to be a tough nut to crack. He is a very big guy, an ex law enforcement agent, apparently a decent golfer, and not outgoingly friendly. This was going to be a challenge. Good thing I like challenges!

My golf game started out slow, and I'm betting he was rolling his eyes thinking...great...stuck with a non golfer. I small talked a bit, and concluded that he might just choose to remain grumpy

I asked him to help me with my chip shots for two reasons: I need help, and also I know that men like to be helpful to we damsels in distress. His help really did assist me...and he started cheering on my better shots. The beer cart arrived, and a round of beer helped to smooth the water as well. And then my driver woke up, and I began to hit 200 yard arrows. We used my drive (it was a best ball format) for five or six holes in a row. He was laughing and amazed, and asked how I golfed after TWO beers.

By the end of the round we were fast friends. Score.

He stopped by my exhibition table later, and told my boss how much he enjoyed golf and that I was REALLY good at engaging conversation. He said he met a lot of people in his line of work, and he could spot the genuine ones a mile away. He also guessed my age, in small talk, guessing 36. Well...that sealed it. He was now best friend material. Anyhow, when he stopped by the booth I gave him a dozen golf balls with our firm logo on them. He was gracious and appreciative and complimentary. And his fiancee was so friendly and chatty, as if a miracle had happened before her eyes.

Well...the next morning I was checking out of the hotel and he appeared. He told me he had a gift for me in the car. We walked out to his car, and he told me they had really enjoyed my company and that because I was such a "good kid" he wanted to give me a gift to reiprocate for the golf balls. And he handed me a bag. And inside was a brand new Brett Favre jersey complete with Brett's autograph. !!! He said he had a collection of Brett autographs from working for many years in the Green Bay area. I was incredulous and told him he HAD to be kidding. But he wasn't. He insisted that I keep it as a souvenir of our golf game. ANd not to tell where I got it, as he can't get autographs for every Tom, Dick and Harry... (so...shhhhhhh...this is our little secret)



I went back to our exhibition booth, and stunnedly relayed the story to my boss. He rolled his eyes, and asked me what kind of magic I did on a golf course. Ha.

And so, the most amazing gift. We'll have it framed and on the wall. Although I generally consider football to be a waste of precious time, I do like Brett. If I like any football player, it has to be Brett...he is an icon around here. (still!)

Pockets of Joy. Who could have ever guessed that THAT picture would be in my 2008 journal??

My sons and husband are all putting dibs on it... I'll give it as a wedding gift to our oldest someday...since then I won't have to decorate our family room around it for quite so many years...

The Fonz

We just had dinner on the River Walk, at the Rock Bottom Brewery. After dinner we walked on the River Walk a bit, and came upon Milwaukee's new statue of The Fonz. Henry Winkler is a little guy...the statue was only about 5 foot 7, and he is said to be smaller. Anyhow, Milwaukee had a bit of a tiz about it...the blue collar image or something...but...I kinda like it. Who doesn't want to remember Happy Days?

Gifts!

It's been a week of gifts.

The WELCOME sign was a gift from my brother and sister in law. They stayed for three nights last week end to celebrate our dad's 83rd. When I had visited them in Minneapolis, we had seen, in the window of a closed shop, similar signs. Each letter is a photograph of something that looks like the letter. The close up shows you that the "e" for example, is a stoplight seen from the side. Since I am quirky in my love of letters and words, these are right up my alley. My bro found this one here in my home town at a shop in the village. Imagine that.




Our foyer and hall are being painted today (WOO HOO) and the bright white ceiling really helps this sign to pop out. I love it. (Our daughter had painted the coffee bar and two walls red the week we moved in, but the ceiling and other walls are still a livable but rather dull taupish gray. In fact, the whole house is pretty much that color -- ceilings too.) I'm especially loving the BRIGHT white ceiling. The foyer/hallway/open stairway to the lower level are being painted "Blonde," a yummy golden creamy blend. And yes, I do love the name.

Back to gifts... there will be a posting on my golf course gift received on Thursday. That deserves a blog of it's own.

But this morning my Saturday Morning ladies surprised me with a thank you gift. Four of us have been together a decade, studying the Word together at my home at 7:30 am on Saturday mornings. There are currently 6 of us, and we have been as big as a dozen. They are my soul sisters.

A couple months ago I made pancakes for Jake, our 12 year old, while the ladies were lingering after study. I had a really pathetic fry pan, and since two of the ladies work at a local kitchen wares shop, today they remedied my pan situation. Way overboard. I am now the owner of a 10 piece Rachael Ray cookware collection in Cobalt Blue. And matching spatulas. And matching whisks. I was inspired to take their photo in the dish drainer...won't they just add some pizazz to our kitchen? They're really too pretty to use, don't you think?



I've been waffling on kitchen colors...we have dated country blue counters that are going to be around awhile yet...so...I need to work with those. The laundry room, attached to the kitchen, will also be Blonde, and the living room will be a darker brown color ...the foyer is Sherwin Williams "Blonde" and Benjamin Moore "Spanish Red." The family room and kitchen have not yet been decided... ANYHOW, blue is definitely the kitchen accent color...and will also be in family room since we have a blue leather sofa. All seem to work into a French Country sort of palatte.

So...I'm feeling QUITE spoiled. New pans, decor and paint all in one week. The two young painter men just left - the blonde is only on the edges thus far, but the ceiling is all sparkling white. It is SUCH an improvement...so much brighter. Our foyer is huge - the biggest room in the house, but also the darkest since it has no windows other than the side lights by the front door. But the foyer sets the tone for the whole house...I'm hoping the warm Blonde walls and the rich red coffee bar will shout out WELCOME. And, if they don't, there's always that sign...

15 months after moving in, we're finally settling in. And I'm overflowing with home happiness! If you want to read more about our parkway home, Diane once blogged about it here.

Happy Week end! I think I'm high on paint fumes...

(By the way, we've never hired painters before. It's quite decadent. Our schedules, my perfectionism and the two story walls of the open stairway seemed like enough reason to try hiring...and really...I'm loving it...)

1 Chronicles 4:9 &10

Jabez was more honorable than his brothers, and his mother named him Jabez saying, "Because I bore him with pain." Now Jabez called on the God of Israel, saying, "Oh that You would bless me indeed and enlarge my border, and that Your hand might be with me, and that You would keep me from harm that it may not pain me!" And God granted him what he requested.

I love these verses. They are written in the front of my journal, and highlighted in my Bible. This morning I'm reading The Prayer of Jabez for Women by Darlene Wilkerson. This line encouraged me: "I began to use the words of Jabez to express the deepest longings of my own heart. I pleaded with God for a better and bigger view of my life, one that would reveal what He had in mind for me." LONGINGS. There's that word again. 2008 is my year of thinking about the LONGINGS of my heart and what they mean.

On the retreat I wove the theme of LONGINGS into our look at Scripture. Instead of squashing our longings, we want to learn to give them to God to sort and purge. And the ones that remain...I have to believe that they are allowed by Him. Allowed to motivate us. Allowed to cause us to want more. To crave abundant life.

There are a few very tender longings very very close to the surface right now in my life. What does God have in mind? Over them all, I want to be blessed indeed. Life abundant is promised. (John 10:10) Yet the key to understanding, as always, is in the context. 1 Chronicles 4:9 tells us that Jabez was "more honorable." Hmmmmmm. And in John 10:9 Jesus tells us, "I am the door; if anyone enters through Me, he will be saved, and will go in and out and find pasture." That's the pretext to His promise of life abundant.

I wanna find pasture. The peace that passeth understanding. (Phil 4:7) Abundant life. Whew.

Bless Me Indeed

What a whirlwind. It's been a blessed week for sure, but gosh, I'm glad it's the 19th and not the 12th. I'll have to split the week into several blogs, but wanted to check in now and provide a brief overview.

Friday to Sunday, Sept 12-14, 2008: led my first women's retreat. The setting was Camp Timber Lee in East Troy, Wisconsin, a fabulous 700 acre celebration of the beauty of God's creation. Unless it rains. Which it did. Continually. It was still beautiful, but the wet did indeed damper our enjoyment of the outdoors. Still, the retreat was well received, and from the emails I've received, women were blessed. I'll entitle that blog RETREAT.

But even before that I was crazy happy because...drumroll please...the basement AND our bedroom are clean and organized. Yes, 15 swift months after moving here, the last box is unpacked and everything (I meant that - everything) is on a shelf in a sembalnce of order. I have not, ever, in three homes, had this feeling. And I don't think I ever realized how the disorder weighed on me, because this euphoric feeling of peace is quite amazing.

Our bedroom is truly in incredible order. As previously reported the sewing is outta there, but the entertainment center and small bookcase have been taken over by an eclectic stash of favorite books, papers and pens. It is a little piece of heaven. I'm finally settled on what is staying there, what is going to be stored in the small oak desk in the foyer, and what will remain in storage downstairs. This might be a yawner of a paragraph for you, but this is ecstatic to me. (I know...I'm weird) (did you ever notice how wired and wierd are so close in spelling? I'm wired weird...)

The basement still has detail work and sorting to do, but the main plan is in place, and I know where everything is. And it all makes sense. Everything. You gotta love that word.

Somehow, over the month of September, I was just overtaken with energy and the desire for HOME. I went to my job a bit less than usual, and I attacked our home with a vigor. And loved EVERY minute of it. The flower beds look great -- all is pruned with mums and pumpkins in place -- the basement is sorted with NOTHING on the floor (just in case) and our bedroom is a peaceful retreat. I even watched part of BBC's version of Sense and Sensibility recently, able to relax in our room with my feet up and a feeling of accomplished happiness. I have planned a number of scarves, and am well on my way to crocheting one whose pattern is entitled "Bohemian Scarf." It's funky. But I digress...the point is...creativity can be released when our home is in order. It's how I'm made. Order is required. [I'll try not to preach, but I believe since God is a God of order we all thrive in it...]

And, before the retreat, creativity errupted in a new way. I've been writing songs for my guitar and voice based on favorite Scripture passages. It's simply amazing. I wrote another one this morning. We sang a few on retreat, and they caught on...and were enjoyed...and it is SO invigorating for me...I'm amazed... That blog will be SONGWRITING.

By the time I returned my soggy self back home, my oldest brother and his wife were moved into our lower level to stay for three nights to celebrate my father's 83rd birthday. We had a great time, and that blog will detail a highlight: GIB'S REQUEST.

On Wednesday I went out of town for work for two LONG days of schmoozing (golf and dinner...I know, stop whining,...but it really is exhausting work...) and the highlight of the week occured on Thursday morning. I'll entitle that blog THE GIFT.

And here I am on a sunny Friday, bare feet up on a chair, sipping coffee, blogging and reading the Word on our screen porch. Sigh. Bliss.

Right now, this very second, I am blessed to overflowing. All is not perfect, there are some mighty waves and storms in my life still, but for the moment I am choosing to rejoice in the blessings, savor the moments and focus on the best.

Life abundant. Thank you Lord. You have blessed me indeed. (1 Chronicles 4:10)

Heaven

I think that I was so excited about the sign outside this store that I couldn't hold my hand still for the inside shot. That's my story on why that second photo is so blurry...

This little piece of heaven was on the road somewhere between Boulder Colorado and Winter Park Colorado. We stopped for coffee to go, and it's a good thing we were on a tight time schedule because otherwise I might have camped there for a very long time. What an enticing sign...books, coffee and ice cream. And a peek inside just got me salivating. Books from floor to ceiling, and little reading nooks here and there, all aglow with twinkle lights! What a delightful stop.

Monday Morning

Here I am on the couch again. So so spoiled to have another Monday off work. Every once in a while my flex time arrangement does indeed allow for...flex!

So, I'm here in sweats, nestled deep into the leather sofa, staring out into the parkway and watching the branches sway. To my left is Fresh Brewed Life and my Bible, and to my right is a cup of coffee and that crazy good creamer. My journal and retreat notes are on the ottoman by my feet, and my laptop is here on my lap. This has the makings of a very fine morning.

Here's a quote from FBL to ponder today. It is in the chapter entitled "Surrender to God," a chapter about not trying harder or doing more, but just leaning in to the creator.

There is only One who can tell us this: the Lord himself. And He wants to tell us. He has made us to know our reason for being and to be led by it. But it is a secret He will entrust to us only when we ask, and then in His own way and His own time. He will whisper it to us not in the mad rush and fever of our striving and our fierce determination to be someone, but rather when we are content to rest in Him, to put oursleves into His keeping, into His hands. Most delightfully of all, it is a secret He will tell us slowly and sweetly, when we are willing to spend time with Him: time with Him who is beyond all time.

Fresh Brewed Life

So, this coming week end I will fulfill a life goal...

For years I have said, somewhat facetiously, "When I grow up I want to be a retreat speaker." And this coming week end...I'm speaking at my first retreat. My debut. (I won't quit my day job...)

The theme for the week end is Psalm 119:105, "Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path."

On Friday night our pastor's wife will do a one hour Old Testament survey, and I'll do a 30 minute intro to who am I and what's my story.

Saturday morning she will do a 45 minute New Testament survey, and I'll have three sessions on Saturday: WHY study the Bible, HOW to study the Bible and LET'S study the Bible (where we'll study a passage together)

So as I'm finalizing my list of *why* study the Bible, I think to myself...I can't imagine life without reading the Bible regularly. How do women hold themselves together without that daily dose of Truth and encouragement? It is truly the glue that holds my fragile self together.

Most of the week end will be based on Psalm 119 , and two words which are often repeated there are "revive" (vs. 25, 37, 40,50,88,93,107, 154, 156,159) and "long" and/or "longing."(vs. 20,40,82,123,131, 174,) As I tried to succinctly express this in words, I remembered my favorite book of all time, "Fresh Brewed Life."

In this book which SO speaks to me (and makes me feel more *normal*), Nicole Johnson wrote an entire chapter entitled, "Listen to your Longings." I'll be reading a lot of it on Saturday morning.

Here's my favorite paragraph of the book: Are longings one big cosmic setup for frustration? Perhaps, if we view them as something to be overcome or eradicated. If we spend more time trying to get them "filled up." But if we lean in close, and put our ears to the chest of our soul and listen to our longings - they can teach us to understand God and ourselves in a way that would not happen if we were permitted to have everything we longed for. It's true, what we don't have shapes us more than what we have. We are like Swiss cheese, and the holes in us are actually supposed to be there. The holes are the places God has reserved in us for Himself! The longings identify our real hunger. A hunger that drives us to Him to be satisfied. If...big if...we listen. (p. 45)

Nicole says it so much more succinctly than I ever could. The longings of our hearts are there to bring us to God. And the psalmist agrees. He craves God's Word out of longing. The word "delight" is also plentiful in Psalm 119, as well as "revive." Why read God's Word? To be REVIVED.

I love that thought. I love that word: REVIVE!

If you're interested in the book, see my side bar, and link to the "Fresh Brewed Life" website.

This book spoke to me unlike anything else I have read, second only to the Bible. Truly. I must have read it just at the right time in life, just at the moment of most need. Reading it was like having coffee with a friend - a very close and intimate friend. It's the only book I own two of -- my copy and a lending copy. I love it THAT much!

"I need truth in stong doses like a great cup of coffee in the morning. I need to hear from God and be changed, every day." (p. x of the introduction)

"When we offer Him the whole-bean essence of ourselves and we submit to be finely ground, it will produce character in us." (p. 12)

Yes, the whole book is full of coffee analogy, and there are facts and recipes sprinkled throughout. It's a delicious read in more ways than one.

I'm going to curl up now, with a good cup of Nescafe Decaf and Coffee Mate Black Cherry Streusel creamer*, and reread this gem of a book. It's a book to read with journal in hand. And colored pencils, highlighters and post-it flags. (My copy is VERY colorful)

May the Lord *revive* you soon through His word as well! Ciao!

* This creamer may be the reason that 600 Starbucks stores are closing...it's THAT good!! Our Starbucks has definitely seen less of me since I discovered it! It is a limited release item....I'm stocking up!

Queen

You'd probably have to know me to realize the ridiculousness of this, but this scene actually just occurred:

Jake, the 12 year old, is in his 3rd year of electric guitar, and he's pretty darn good. He plays all the time. Anyhow, he is learning some Queen songs, just to please his dear old mom and his older brother Joe. (I *loved* Queen in high school...knew every word and would sing along...Joey, our firstborn, could not believe it when he *discovered* Queen and his mom knew all the words! He was about 15...he's 21 now)

So after dinner, Jake picks up my acoustic guitar and says, "Mom...sing along!" And he starts jamming "Crazy Little Thing called Love." And so I sang, and Jake played. Anna took a photo from the foyer and could hardly breathe she was laughing so hard. "this," she said, "is my family..."

Ha. That was an unusual mother/son moment. But I loved it.

No, no world tour date has been set. I'll keep you posted...

Mental Health Morning

I took the morning off. I am desperately in need of a mental health break, and the children are delightfully OUT OF THE HOUSE at school.
Does that sound harsh? I do love my kids, but this return of peace and quiet is so so delicious.
I just need to sit and sigh, journal and putter. I feel better already!

My father spent two sets of three days, a week apart, in the hospital. End stage renal failure. He decided to go ahead with kidney dialysis, and is doing much better. He'll spend most of his Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays getting ready for, transporting to, and having dialysis (3.5 hours each time), but in exchange for that he will feel much better and live to enjoy the other 4 days each week. He'll be 83 two weeks from today. I thought we were going to lose him this last time...he was so so sick...but he is one tough old guy! A retired pastor, he spends his days at a reading machine (diabetes has greatly diminished his eyesight) keeping up with the sports news and reading God's Word. He is such a student, even 60 years after graduating from seminary. God bless him!

Four teenagers have really worn me out -- much for which to be thankful, but emotionally wearing all the same. They are supposed to be spreading their wings -- I keep reminding myself of that -- I just need to keep moving out of the way so I don't get smacked by the feathers. I tried recently to explain to our 15 year old daughter that even though her remarks may not seem like much to her, when you add them to three other kid's remarks, it is too much for a mother's heart. She looked at me like I've finally lost it and rolled her eyes. So much for a tender moment...

Work has been so full. I do work flexible hours, but with a big promotion and raise, it's hard to keep balanced... I want them to get their money's worth, and I want to stay on top of things...and ....well...

And so, my mental health morning. As the old song goes, time keeps on slipping, slipping, slipping...into the future... It has been delicious though. I've purposefully not made a list, but have come upon small projects and conquered them, written a few emails, updated my journal, studied Isaiah 24 (read that to know why Global Climate Change is occuring...it's all in His plans), and puttered. I LOVE puttering. At home. Alone.

And to think I'm an extrovert...hmmmmmm...

Somebody's Quilting

Well, the sewing machine has moved again. Recently I came into the family room to discover that our 21 year old had moved the couch forward - closer to the tv- for better gaming. And of course he didn't move it back when he finally went to bed in the early morning.

So...I got to thinking...hmmmm...there's three feet of open space there... my sewing machine and its custom table are now behind the couch. With the screen porch behind (the french doors are usually open) and the tv directly in front of me, I just might...sew! You just never know. In the meantime the sewing machine is swung into its table, and a lovely desktop is here for my laptop. Newfound space. You just gotta love it. I'm blogging and watching the Republican Convention news...I so rarely sit near a TV that this is quite a treat!

Our 19 year old daughter was laid off for the last two weeks of summer, so she started cutting 6 inch squares out of old t-shirts, prom dresses, skirts, and added a lot of squares from her mom's fabric stashes. Within a week she had a twin sized quilt for her dorm bed. She put batting between the pieced top and a large expanse of yellow fleece, and tied it in the corners of each squares...very old fashioned and comfy. She put together a very unconventional mixture of fabric types, polyester batting and polar fleece, but it is eclectic, full of memories and VERY warm.

There's something to be said for *not* planning the colors, the pattern and the placement. For one thing, her quilt is done, and my *planned ones* are ...just well thought plans!

Bird Plantings

The birds have been gardening. I pulled a million starts out of the garden (before I got smart and started baking my bird seed - an hour at 300 degrees and the spilled seed won't sprout!) but I left a couple sunflowers to see how they'd grow. And grow they did! This lovely plant, in the front entry garden, has multiple blooms and is supported by the birdfeeder. The birdfeeder belonged to my mom.

Back of a Flower Shoppe -- faces the parking lot

State Fair 2008

Wisconsin State Fair is famous for its cream puffs. In fact, I read that 382,000 of them were sold during the eleven day fair which just ended on August 10th This year eight of the eleven days broke single-day-sales cream puff records.

And so, for those of you have not experienced the cream puff line, which winds through the cream puff building, I took some photos. The lines winds by windows where you watch the puffs get filled and powdered: the best marketing scheme available. By the time you reach the check out you're pretty sure you need a six pack... (yes...they do come in six packs...)

Enjoy the photos -- they are non fat and low carb.

Oh, and the 2009 fair is scheduled for August 6-16. Plan ahead!

Delicious

My hub went with daughter #3 to the Village Festival downtown. Daughter #2 is at work, and Son # 4 (well, child #4) is with buddies. Which left me, alas, home alone!

I have spent the whole two hours on the couch. The ceiling fan is on, the breezes are blowing through the open windows, Boomer is sprawled on the floor nearby, a quilt magazine and a novel have been picked up and laid down numerous times. Rather than read, I have lazily watched the birds feed; the grasses, flowers and trees sway; and the onset and delivery of a summer rain shower. (thank you Lord -- "saturate garden" is now off my evening to-do list) It's been that hazy existence between napping and fully conscious...in and out, here and not...

Ahhhhhh.

A delicious and rare August reprise. These are the views out my livingroom window as I lay on the couch...

Blue Skies

Words are rather important to me. (I hear you laughing, pianomom!) At worship practice this week we had a discussion on the lyrics to some of our worship songs. I find some hard to sing. For instance, we sing one that says "You're all I want, You're all I've ever needed..." Those words stall me. Can I honestly say to God, "You're all I want?" Really? He would beg to differ. If God were truly all I wanted, life would be a whole lot simpler. And so, I add a few words (when I'm in the audience, not on the team)..."You're all I want to want..."

Words matter.
Perhaps that is why I so love examining Scripture with women. I notice the words. Every jot and tittle. Wondrous, inspired words.

This week I am singing a solo at church. On our trip we used my ipod, and I rediscovered a song by Point of Grace (love that name - hee hee) entitled, "Blue Skies." This song hits home for me. I'm not sure why, but I seem to be in a constant discussion with myself about how good God is, and how blessed I am. It's natural for me to focus on what is missing, rather than on the blessings. But these words...whew. To practice, I listen to a song a hundred times in the car. Literally. And this week, I needed these words to be my mantra.

If you have itunes, I encourage you to go download the song. It will lift your day. Enjoy.

On days of gray
When doubt clouds my view
Its so hard to see past my tears

My strength seems to fade
And its all I can do
To hold on, till the light reappears.

Still, I believe though some rain's bound to fall
That You're here next to me And You're over it all.

CHORUS
Lord, the sky's still blue
For my hope is in You
You're my joy, You're the dream that’s still alive
Like the wind at my back
And the sun on my face
You are life, You're grace.
You are blue skies, You're my blue skies

When nights are long
Seems the dark has no end
Still we walk on in light of the truth
For waiting beyond, where the morning begins
Is the dawn, and Your mercy anew.

Oh, to believe we're alive in Your love
There is so much to see, if we keep looking up

Lord, the sky's still blue
For my hope is in You
You're my joy, You're the dream that’s still alive
Like the wind at my back
And the sun on my face
You are life, You're grace.
You are blue skies, You're my blue skies

You filled the heavens with hope and a higher love
A picture of promise for life.

Lord, the sky's still blue
For my hope is in You
You're my joy,
You're the dream that’s still alive
Like the wind at my back
And the sun on my face
You are life, You're grace.
You are blue skies, You're my blue skies

vacation

Sometimes I think I lose sight of me.


Today I am in the car (rented minivan if you must know) with the rare commodity of time on my hands. 19 hours from Winter Park, Colorado to home in Wisconsin. An early morning stop at Barnes & Noble in Denver equipped me with four things: the autumn 2008 issue of "Artful Blogging," the August edition of "cards : the hottest trend in card making," a top spiral journal/sketchpad, (unopened...will be used for an artsy prayer journal/verse list) and a book mark called "hold that thought" which is a clear plastic holder of neon flag post it notes.


Blissful hours later I have savored all of "cards" and it is happily highlighted and post-it-noted. I have read some favorite Psalms, and some of Isaiah (my current read), I have written pages of notes for a women's retreat I'm speaking at in September, I've caught up on sending a few emails via my Blackberry (amazing to send email at 70 mph)(no, I'm not driving!!) And now "artful blogging" is half savored and festively flagged.


As I get inspired I realize the joy I have in creativity. And the sad fact that creativity can be pushed so quickly off my to do list.


In reading a lot about mixed media art I'm close to salivating. The art blog photos are bringing my creative juices to the forefront, and greeting cards might be an attainable medium. (Small intimate hellos to cherished friends). I think of the row of old hymnbooks I have...what lovely backgounds those pages would make. And I have literally thousands of my father's hand written sermons. (He was an ordained minister for over 50 years). My mom's journal dated 1942 is on my dresser...and two redwork quilts are downstairs. (My great grandmother would trace product logos and then embroider them in red floss. Although the quilts have holes, certainly I can salvage some of her handwork.)


If I could find some more minutes for creativity, I'm thinking it would help me to sweat the small stuff a little less. It brings joy, true joy, just to read and savor...how much more to actually create?


Daylight hours are fading. I'm writing this blog as an email to myself...from somewhere east of Omaha...at 70 mph at 7:10 pm. Time to get back to reading "artful blogging" and writing in my moleskine as inspiration hits.


I need more of this.
Roadtrip anyone?

On Vacation

It must be vacation, because:

-I'm actually blogging! Sitting in one place and thinking enough to find something to write!

-My journal is overflowing. I'm writing the events, processing feelings that get brushed over in the busyness of life, taping in ticket stubs and bits of flyers...

-My body is aching (in a good way) from the increased physical activity

-I'm getting 8 or more hours of sleep each night

-I've read two, count that TWO novels in the last 5 days

-It's the middle of the day, and I'm finding myself enjoying cutting up celery, onion and cooked chicken for a chicken pasta salad to serve with dinner. I don't HAVE to, I'm not trying to squeeze it in...I just had the urge to make a salad for my family.

Our family is in Colorado, in Winter's Park. Our 21 year old is not with us, so there are 5 not 6. We have a 3 bedroom condo with 3 bathrooms...which is so incredibly luxurious compared to six in a hotel room or six in a tent!

The scenery is stunning, the pace is relaxed, and yet...

...vacation is a tender time for me. I think it is because my life is so full, and some of my pain is masked by busyness. I take time to be real with God each morning, but some of my aches and longings just get squashed beneath the to do list and the grocery list... there's never time to explore them. So many blog ideas come and go...there's not time to sit and record them. Correction: I don't take the time to sit and record them. (We all have 24 hours a day...)

But on vacation, the layers start to come off. Like an onion, I begin to shed skins. The skin of weariness peeled away after 20 hours of cat napping in the car and 10 hours of sleep our first night here. The skin of work began to shed as my Blackberry stayed on my bedside table instead of in my pocket. The skin of toughness is shed as I spend hour after hour with two teen age girls and one 12 year old boy. I wrote in my journal yesterday: is parenting teens supposed to be this painful? They seem to have an opposing opinion, a question or a remark for every facet of my life. "You're going to wear that? You're not going to curl your hair? You want us to do what? You'd actually buy that? I'll do it later. I'll get to it. I don't want to do that. Why should I set the table? It's vacation...why should I wash dishes? Why do I have to go check the laundry?" It just NEVER ENDS. And I seem more vulnerable...more susceptible...now that my layers are less. I'm not just reprimanding on the run...I'm feeling hurt by the lack of consideration. I'm missing adult interaction and cooperation. Nobody talks to me like this at work!

LATER: Well, I never got this posted...and now I'm back into the daily grind. Our vacation sped by, and was filled with much activity and much relaxation.

Interestingly, as I heard my 19 year old on the phone upon our return, her response was "Oh...we had a GREAT time..." She didn't mention once (at least not in my hearing) how hopeless her parents were... That's encouraging!

Balance

I'm blogging from my desk at work...while eating a salad...while a proposal prints behind me. Multi tasking is the word of the month, and what a month it has been.

Does my current age of 45 years have anything to do with the pace at which I live? It seems I should be, am, in my prime. Life is good, but wow is it full!

Today is a typical Monday. I'm supposed to be off on Mondays, and so I scheduled a vet visit for Boomer at 8:45 am. (a day "off" is an oxymoron) With a written proposal due Wednesday, work is a necessity today, so in I came after the vet visit (and $280 later...) But, backing up from that...I arose at 6 am, showered, and headed to the kitchen. While the coffee reheated in the microwave, I wiped the kitchen table, put away a few straggling groceries and a few dry dishes, walked through the living room and family room picking up and straightening. A load went into the wash and into the dryer. 15 minutes after my coffee had been hot I took it and my Bible and journal into the screen room and listened to the birds for a bit. Journaling and reading the Word help infuse "balance" into my life, as does the kitchen clean up routine each morning. Some might prefer the extra 1.5 hours of sleep, but for me this pre work routine is a necessity.

So, is that balance? Have I arrived? I still feel a bit harried, but what else would balance look like? I guess I wouldn't want to be sitting with nothing on the agenda (ok...I'll be glad to give that a try) and yet something does not feel quite relaxed enough.

Soaking in the Word does fill me up for the day. As does just sipping a good cup of Joe and staring at the beauty of God's creation. (Honestly I still can't believe I get to live here)

Once at work I dove right in, and also received text messages from Child # 3 and Child #4 who had awakened and read mom's "list" for the day. Some days I have the mother guilt of children home without me (age 12 and 15) but the reality is that when I'm home on the week end or on a Monday, they are either in bed or off and running. Do I need to be home for that?

And so, the quest for balance. Sustaining a life of physical, emotional, spiritual and mental growth and activity is stressful all in itself!

How do YOU measure balance? How do you know when you have arrived?

This too shall pass.

Yes, we are still alive in Milwaukee. But we're soggy!

What a long ten days this has been. The photo shows the morning of June 7. Our late blooming variety of lilacs were just opening, filling the screen porch with the fragrance of heaven. I snuck out early to catch the morning sun and the glorious blooms.

By Sunday morning the bush was pretty much flattened. Inches...7-9, depending on who's counting...of driving rain hit us like a freight train. It just continued and continued, not allowing the earth to gulp it in fast enough. And so...the rain sought low ground.

Our basement was flooded. We knew we had seepage problems on the long south wall, and we had moved some brown dirt to try to alleviate it...but seepage was nothing compared to what we experienced on June 7 and 8. Our sump pump ran continuously...no breaks...for hours on end. And at one point it just couldn't contain the water and the water seemingly flowed through the walls. Thankfully it was one fell swoop, and thankfully it was clean rain water. Many people experienced a mixture of rain and sewer back up.

And so we began the process of lifting all boxes, and all portable furniture, to higher ground. WHAT A JOB. The helplessness and loss of control is a bit overwhelming. It's a force with which to reckon, and there is no time to wallow in pity...it's all hands on deck.

Our daughters moved into the family room, as their lower level bedroom was soggy wet. Since they prefer storing their clothes on the floor rather than the dresser and closet, there were endless loads of laundry. Their belongings, and our belongings, were piled in the garage to dry, and stashed in nooks and crannies throughout the first floor. One word described it from my perspective: chaos.

Long (very long) story short, we fared quite well. Some homes in our village had feet of water in the basement. We had just a covering, and just in one short time span. A lot of shop vac-ing, and a lot of carpet steaming later, our basement is dry but for the corners. We were able to purchase a large industrial fan, and we have a brand new dehumidifier. They are running constantly. The lower bedroom double egress window allows much fresh air in. The drywall and baseboard appear fine, and the carpet is dry and clean.

The Bible verse that kept coming to me was Matthew 6:19:
Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal; for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

I learned a lot this last week.
I learned to treasure a *normal* day. The dull and the routine is quite lovely, actually.
I learned to cope in chaos, and that I need some semblance of order in order to cope well. I kept the living room -- my quiet time spot, and my view to the park -- clear of the piles. I needed one spot to which to escape and look out.
I learned compassion. Seeing a flood on the news will never again be simply cerebral. Been there. Done that.
And I learned, well, I'm learning, that stuff is just stuff. Simpler is better and less is more. Our basement will end up with less in it, I guarantee you!

And I remembered the saying in which my mother found much comfort: This too shall pass. And it has. They're calling it the storm of the century, the "100 year rain." We made it. We're safe and we're sound. This too has passed. Thank you, Father.

Economic Stimulous Package

WELL...

since we received a check from the government in hopes of stimulating the economy, it seemed unAmerican to not turn around and spend it...

And since my husband and I could use some relationship time, as well as some exercise...

And since we live in an enclosed suburb where everything we need is within two or three miles...

We chose to spend most of our check on a kind of fun item.

Yep, that's a TREK tandem bike (who knew?) with a removable basket, a light, a bell and a tripometer. (my husband, the accountant, of course wants to log in miles and speeds...) We've taken it on a few test runs, and even those have reminded me of muscles long forgotten!

This is more relationally challenging than you might guess, for the person in the back has no brakes, no gears, and no steering. The person in the front has to communicate all intentions of turning, since the person in the back has to lean properly. Even coasting at the same time is a challenge.

This might indeed improve marital trust and communication!

Springtime in Wisconsin.

Hesed

Hosea 6:6 is an old testament summary of what is important to God:

Hosea 6:6 (NASB95) For I delight in loyalty rather than sacrifice, And in the knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings.

The word "loyalty" is an interesting translation of Strongs number 2617: Chesed. Hesed. "This aspect of God is one of several important features of His character: truth; faithfulness; mercy; steadfastness; justice; righteousness; goodness." (Complete Word Study Dictionary Old Testament)

Hesed: lovingkindness, mercy, love, and in the New Testament, grace.

I have begun marking this word in all its forms in my Bible. I color it over with a light blue cloud with a yellow outline, the same way that Precepts suggests marking the word "grace." Marking key words in my Bible helps me to concentrate, and it makes the words and the concepts pop off the page.

God's lovingkindness is at the base of who He is. Psalm 136 uses the word 26 times. Read it here and ponder anew what God's lovingkindness entails. Make a list. When you start to dig into it, the list might surprise you!

God delights in lovingkindness and in knowledge of Him. Do our priorities reflect a desire to delight Him?

" Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, For His lovingkindness is everlasting. Give thanks to the God of gods, For His lovingkindness is everlasting. Give thanks to the Lord of lords, For His lovingkindness is everlasting. To Him who alone does great wonders, For His lovingkindness is everlasting; To Him who made the heavens with skill, For His lovingkindness is everlasting; To Him who spread out the earth above the waters, For His lovingkindness is everlasting; To Him who made the great lights, For His lovingkindness is everlasting: The sun to rule by day, For His lovingkindness is everlasting, The moon and stars to rule by night, For His lovingkindness is everlasting. To Him who smote the Egyptians in their firstborn, For His lovingkindness is everlasting, And brought Israel out from their midst, For His lovingkindness is everlasting, With a strong hand and an outstretched arm, For His lovingkindness is everlasting. To Him who divided the Red Sea asunder, For His lovingkindness is everlasting, And made Israel pass through the midst of it, For His lovingkindness is everlasting; But He overthrew Pharaoh and his army in the Red Sea, For His lovingkindness is everlasting. To Him who led His people through the wilderness, For His lovingkindness is everlasting; To Him who smote great kings, For His lovingkindness is everlasting, And slew mighty kings, For His lovingkindness is everlasting: Sihon, king of the Amorites, For His lovingkindness is everlasting, And Og, king of Bashan, For His lovingkindness is everlasting, And gave their land as a heritage, For His lovingkindness is everlasting, Even a heritage to Israel His servant, For His lovingkindness is everlasting. Who remembered us in our low estate, For His lovingkindness is everlasting, And has rescued us from our adversaries, For His lovingkindness is everlasting; Who gives food to all flesh, For His lovingkindness is everlasting. Give thanks to the God of heaven, For His lovingkindness is everlasting." (Psalm 136, NASB95)

Mother's Day

Mother's Day brought many emotions as it always does.

My mother has been gone for four years...celebrating in heaven with Rachel, my sister who died at birth, 15 years before I was born. My mother was a very difficult person, haunted by her own childhood and also mental illness, so even when she was alive Mother's Day was difficult.

Frank's mother lives less than a block away, along with his father. She is a saint of a mother, and highly revered by her five children. Unfortunately, her idea of Mother's Day is to find a restaurant that will hold all 28 of us and sit in long rows for a buffet. She is the reigning matriarch, and I begrudge her nothing...it's her day. However, I really dislike the cattle like feeling of Mother's Day at a buffet. Yesterday I found a niece, Allison, age 9, to buddy with, and so that was fun. There are 16 grand children, ten of which are 9 and under. It's a bit of a zoo.

Joey, our oldest, had two final exams yesterday. There's something unamerican about an institution having finals on Mother's Day. I did awake to a "beep" on my Blackberry at 1 am Sunday with a Happy Mother's Day message from him. And he called after his exams, hoping we'd come and take him to dinner. We opted not to spend the 3 hours round trip in the car at that point. We'll visit him soon.

Emily, first daughter, had sent a card earlier in the week. She is very creative, and made the card with scrapbooking papers, sequins, and pudgy paint pens. I could imagine her and her buddies having a craft day. That so warms my heart because it is so...like me! :) Emily also called mid afternoon which was a lovely treat.

Jake, my baby (and always will be, though he's 5'6" at age 12) proudly presented me with a Starbucks gift card inscribed to me. That's my boy!

Anna, age 15, did nothing. I wrote in my journal in the afternoon that while that was disappointing, honestly, it is what is to be expected from age 15. Normal is good.

Frank and I had ventured to Home Depot's garden center on Saturday, and there I picked out a gerbera daisy in orange...potted with some grasses. The picture is above. For now it is on our kitchen table, but it will make the transition to outdoors for the summer. Gerbera daisies are the epitome of "happy" flower to me...they simply make me smile. I've never had much luck keeping them alive though. But...try, try, try again. Frank's gift of flowers (flowers are always a winner for me!) was supplemented by two cards on my pillow on Sunday morning, one being from a dog's perspective, from Boomer. That made me laugh.

And so Mother's Day was.

Once home from the herding buffet, the day was my own. I chose to spread out with laptop and Bible study, getting my lesson for the week organized while blogging and reading blogs. Purely delightful. Also enjoyed the Sunday Times. We shared a frozen pizza well into the evening -- we were all still full from the buffet.

At midnight I snuck into our room, and as I lay down my head encountered a book on my pillow. The night light revealed a small journal. Instant tears. This small book had been passed between Anna and I for a few years, starting when she was 7. There are maybe 2 dozen entries total...half hers and half mine. The last post had been June 19, 2003. That is until Anna added 3 pages yesterday: May 11, 2008.

I have no idea where she found it. So many keepsakes are still boxed from our move. I read the old entries...and wept. What a treasure. And then I read the three pages from yesterday.

Three pages from a 15 year old's heart. She apologized for a few hurts. She asked for my prayers. She related her excitement of prom this coming Friday. She thanked me. And then she wrote this:

Thank you again for everything. You a great mom. (sic) And even though sometimes I forget for selfish reasons, I want you to know that I wouldn't choose anyone other than you to be there for me. I'm sorry for all the times I have caused you pain (I know there has been a lot) and I'm sorry for all the times I may hurt you again (hopefully far less). I love you mom and happy mother's day. Love ya! Anna. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxox Oh! And here's a coupon for a cup of coffee and a girls outing on me! Use it wisely. :P

Well, let me tell you that this mother's heart drifted off to sleep quite contentedly. Beyond that. We have four children, age 12 to 20, and even in these difficult tween and teen years I am blessed to have open communication and good relations with each of them. What more could a mother's day hold?

The New York Times

For the second week in a row I've picked up the Sunday NY Times. Truth be known I get it for the crossword puzzle, but it's actually quite interesting to peruse.

"Book Review" is a great section, even if just to see the lists of Best Sellers and read short synopses of recent releases. I was surprised to see Friday Night Knitting Club as the number four paperback in "Trade Fiction." (don't know what "trade fiction" designates...) Loving Frank is number 9. In my humble opinion there is no comparison in the writing of these two books...Frank being one of the most beautifully written books I've ever read.

One review really irritates me. In fact the book title irritates me: The Ten-Year Nap. The premise appears to be that now that main character Amy has a ten year old, and since she has given up her career to stay home for ten years, she is at loose ends. The review describes the book as asking the question "...what is the proper role for a postindustrial, post second-wave-of-feminism woman at midlife?"

Hmmmm. The main character is 41 -- is there not plenty of time left for career? (she's a lawyer!) The child is ten -- does he not still need a lot of care and direction? And GOOD GRIEF...raising this son is described as a "nap?" That is so offensive that I'm blogging about a book I'll never read! A woman, Penelope Green, wrote the book. Does she have children? A nap? As in life is on hold while I rest up for ten years? A nap?!?!

Ok...whew...I'll move on...

I enjoyed receiving my NYTimes today: at the drive through window at Starbucks. Ha. It doesn't get lazier than that. Did you know the Sunday Times is 5 bucks? You better believe I'll look through ALL the sections...

Some *might* suggest that I have a purse obsession, (which actually would make a great blog post some day), but my bag investment looks like small potatoes when compared with those featured in the "The New York Times Magazine." (the same section that contains the Sunday crossword) The Dior bag in "Style" comes in at $8,990. whew. And I thought I was splurging on Coach...

The "Travel" section highlights Morocco today, a destination as likely for me as the Dior store...

"Sunday Styles" points us to a blog on "Mad Pride," "A movement about mental illness in the style of gay pride." Hmmmm. Is that not an offensive comparison? Hmmmm. "Just as gay-rights activists reclaimed the word queer as a badge of honor rather than a slur, these advocates proudly call themselves mad; they say their conditions do not preclude them from productive lives." Queer is a badge of honor? Who knew? "A Bonkersfest in London ...drew 3,000 participants." Wow. Just when I think I've heard it all...

Obama is featured on the front page, as well as in "Week in Review," with both sections featuring photos of him and him alone on the front cover. Hmmmmm.

So anyhow, you'll likely begin to notice that I'm becoming *much* more cultured and knowledgeable as I read the Sunday Times.

Actually, I really just like the crossword puzzle...

Loving Frank

Loving Frank by Nancy Horan

It is hard to overstate how compelling this book was for me to read. Loving Frank appealed to me on many levels, fascinated me, and shredded me. As it ends I am mourning.

The architectural accounts are moving. To read of Frank Lloyd Wright’s creativity, his drive, his ambition, and his consuming passions was to taste his genius. My appetite is whetted. I want to drive to Oak Park and to Taliesin to study his buildings, and also read his autobiography. His character and his work fascinate me though prior to the read I knew relatively little about the man.

The love story is nothing short of riveting. This affair was not about physical passion, but about soul mate love. Each had a love that pushed the other to greatness; a love where each became interested in that which fascinated the beloved. In this love each of the participants flourished, yet the story relates raw pain and gut wrenching truth as it reveals the collision of two passionate souls. It is not a romanticized tale: the fall out of their extramarital affair is great.

Mamah’s translations of feminist writings give voice to women’s issues. While I see flaws in the thinking, the flaws of that day’s society are also evident. When Mamah discovered the writings, as well as her own voice, her character grew. The translation work seemingly saved her from very dark days. It tore into my mother’s heart to read that her affair and her writing left two small children to find their own way. Her tender motherhood combined with her seemingly impossible situation brings both compassion and outrage. Part of me rejects her choices, and part of me understands.

The love of nature is a theme which resonates throughout the story. The details and the vivid accounts are breathtakingly beautiful.

The book details a love which breaks promises to both God and man. Yet it moves not to condemnation, but rather to compassion. It relates the story of the human condition. The affair takes Mamah quite by surprise – sweeps over her, and it’s as if her life can never be the same after meeting him. Life is changed. Her choices leave much about which to debate.

This is not a book for the faint hearted. It is well written, passionate, compelling and tragic. That this is the author’s first novel is astonishing. I read it with pencil in hand, underlining phrases and lines that gave me pause. I will go back to savor these words.

Finishing this book is like the end of a relationship. I miss Mamah. I miss their great love and synchronous genius. I miss reading of how the children are faring. I miss the fields, the fireplace, the house built into the rock. The story is gripping and haunting, and not soon to be forgotten. I am changed.

still kickin'

Such a long time between postings. April was simply a whirlwind.

Work took me in many directions, most notably my first visit to Ohio: Cleveland and Cincinnati. Other April Wisconsin destinations included Lacrosse, Madison, Tomah, Hudson, and last night Pewaukee overnight. Today I am putting my suitcase back under the bed where it belongs!

In the beginning of this blog I promised to look for "Pockets of Joy," and recently there have been many overflowing pockets. Although there are some major challenges in my life, God is liberally sprinkling blessing. I'm enjoying searching out those blessed moments.

In Cincinnati I was absolutely spent as I checked into the Hilton for a three day conference. I wearily asked the desk clerk if any upgrades were available. Due to my husband's frequent travel, we are Gold Honors members, and so I was upgraded. On the sixteenth floor I found myself in a double sized suite down the hall from the Belvidere Club...an exclusive club for Gold Honors members and higher. The room was dreamy, with a comfy club chair and ottoman, spacious desk area, two queen beds in fluffy cloud linens and an extra deep soaking tub. The Belvidere club was well stocked with fruit, coffee, soda, water bottles, hors d'eouvres and our own continental breakfasts. This club kitchenette was surrounded on two sides with a balcony and outdoor seating, and the club also had a business room complete with computers and printers plus a large lounge area with flat screen TVs, couches and chairs. I didn't know these clubs existed in hotel chains...whew was I spoiled. Since my room was just down the hall, I found myself going at all times day and night to refill my coffee and grab some fruit. What a treat.

I have blogged before about the delight this mom of four finds in a hotel room alone. To have a deluxe huge room was amazing. As I studied at my desk, I journaled many verses of thanksgiving, feeling pampered and spoiled by the King himself...it was a very personal feeling. I needed some balm, and the alone time and the spoiling was perfect. It was hard to check out of that room, even after three nights.

Last night I was only an hour from home, but a late night networking reception followed by early morning meetings afforded me a room. The only room left at my reservation time was the "Governor's Suite." WHEW. This hotel room had a HALLWAY. The bathroom was the size of a normal hotel room, anchored by a two person pedestal whirlpool bathtub in the center. A walk in shower filled a corner, and an enclosed commode took another. The other side was a wall of mirrors with a long marble double vanity. I could live in that bathroom. The living room and dining room (yes you read that right) were separated from the giant bedroom containing reading nook and king sized bed.

Once I checked in I began to doubt the necessity of that late night networking session... ha. Back in the room at midnight I filled that monster tub and soaked until I could no longer stay above water. (I did not, by the way, use the remote mounted next to the tub to turn on the flat screen TV on the wall in front of the tub. GOOD GRIEF! )

After I showered to wash my hair this morning, I took another hot swirling bath...I just couldn't help myself.

And so, yes, I've been quite spoiled in the month of April. But in spite of it all there is no place like home. Home is where I intend to spend the month of May, staying put to tidy up, garden, putter, study and blog. May will contain pockets of joy as well...right here at home.